School Teacher
I was a pretty keen computing student during my A-Levels and I had one almightily incompetant teacher, on the plus side though he let me do anything I wanted to. Eventually some of the class complained that he wasn't actually teaching them, so my head of year had a chat with me asking about this. I of course, not wanting to lose out on the good thing I had going(I was by then excused lessons), stood up for him. The next week he tried to ridicule me and another lad who was in the same situation in front of the class.

As a result my friend and I waged a small campain against him until we left. To start with I tried the obvious one; put a trojan on his computer, this required the use of his password. This was achieved by the addition of a second mouse into his computer and cicking back into the username box as he presses tab. A subtle use of sellotape over his yale lock enabled access to his office. From there I proceeded to print off all of the class's UCAS references and place them in locations about the school as well as more conventional trojan nuisances. Problem was being a bit of a monkey he never noticed.

Step 2, the blatent. Requiring a more obvious vengeance my mate determined to cellophane his car and I mean with lots of cellophane. Never being one to be outdone I cordoned of his entire block with black plastic sheeting over every door/window, police tape wrapped around it and biohazard signs on the doors. This had the desired effect but only made us thirsty for more.

A number of attempts followed with mixed success:
1) The room was rearranged to be upside down, mirrored and backwards on numerous occasions.
2) The power would randomly go off in the entire room (easy access to the breaker, tut tut)
3) The doors were removed during a lesson and then returned just before the caretakers arrived(This nearly didn't happen as somebody tried to take revenge on me and nick the screws)
4) The power buttons were moved to the keyboards, each key reading around the room:
"mr*******haslostit"
5)His mobile number, which he had given us, was posted around school.
6)Various computer kit mysteriously stopped working and then components started turning up in the wrong places including the cctv camera installed to stop it, you should always check the cabling of the security system.
7) The locks on his door seemed to change randomly, actually there were two locks in the room, the first on the main door and the second on his office and they were regularly switched over and then replaced by maintainance
8) Tennis balls in his exhaust ( a volvo 440 mk1 glt), various other stuff on his car.
9) Plus a few more I can't remember including the obvious verbal abuse.

As the term drew to a close and we realised that we were running out of time my friend decided to push the boundaries and stalk his daughter, who was "too good for us". I didn't support this but I have to confess to a great deal of mirth, especially when the daughter by all accounts seemed pleased by it.

In return my teacher couldn't extract revenge my normal means, by this time I was more credible in the school than him and he resorted to marking down my coursework (involving a 40,000 word report) which was then moderated up to 100% externally giving everyone more marks and by not giving me the sixth form prize for computing, shock horror :-), my electronics teacher did the same.

He is currently still teaching and my brother is at the school and still working hard to torment him. I am still not entirely sure why, he was great one day and the next day he stepped accross the teacher-pupil relationship line by taking the mick and he was done for.

Ironically the only thing that anyone was actually done for was a muppet who accidentally threw an old monitor down the flight of stars narrowly missing the teacher.
(ElecBlondie, Sun 16 May 2004, 0:28, Reply)

Revenge Part 2
Introducing the Loser

This is not really my story but that of my best mate Simon, but I was involved in a lot of it.

Simon found himself sharing a house with his girlfriend and the brother of her best friend from school. His name is Shaun. Twenty-something and still a virgin, loves morris dancing and wets the bed when drunk.

One day Shaun and Simon are asleep, camped out in Shaun's van after a heavy boozing session, neither sober enough to drive. Middle of the night, Shaun gets up for a piss, all over Simon's sleeping bag, well the feet end anyway. Simon vows revenge.

The small "acts" of revenge are too numerous to list but some of the best:

· finding Shaun's car keys one evening and unlocking the car before lifting the rear mats and pissing on the carpet. Locked car, replaced keys.

· pissing on his razor and toothbrush regularly.

· putting loads of porn mags in his room when his mum (the landlady) was coming round to change the beds

· writing the words "fag smuggler" in the dirt on his car when he went to France to buy some cheap smokes to sell to his mates.

· pissing in the air intake on his car.

· supergluing his bedroom door shut while he was in it, having locked the window and hidden the key.

He eventually moved house, so the attacks have become less frequent, but Simon's brother has pissed through his letterbox on at least one occasion.

Revenge is best served warm and steaming!
( Amos E Wolfe makes vinyl signs and things like that, Sat 15 May 2004, 23:32, Reply)

My ex...
My ex left me for my best mate...so i took a pick axe to her while she was shagging him.
(Genghis_kahn, Sat 15 May 2004, 23:30, Reply)

Revenge part 1


Tesco Cashier:

About two days ago I was getting some shopping in Tesco's, just a few "bits" on the way home from work, including a case of beer. I checked and double-checked the time to make sure I could get to the checkout before 11pm (licencing hours), and got there at 10:50 - plenty of time, or so I thought. The dozy cow at the till, one of only TWO which were open, spent ages serving the other customers, not by being slow but by spending more time talking than actually working.

When I got to the checkout she told me in a matter-of-fact voice that it was 11:01 and she could no longer sell me the beer. Cue call for Manager, who was very sympathetic, but of course could do nothing.

I paid for the rest of my shopping with my usual debit card, but instead of signing my real name, I signed "Mickey Mouse" in my best cursive script. Said cashier returns my card with only a cursory glance at signature and off I go, back to see the manager. He was very interested and took notes from my receipt, and promised to have words...

If you're reading this, lady from Till 28 - give me my beer or else!

Autocorrect

I have also used the Autocorrect function in MS Word on one of the computers at work. A member of staff who uses it frequently has a surname which is one letter different from a mildly rude word, well not any more. If he types his name it is automatically replaced. I cannot reveal more in case he checks the history (cannot be deleted, thanks IT dept.) and finds b3ta in there...

Longer part 2 to follow...
( Amos E Wolfe makes vinyl signs and things like that, Sat 15 May 2004, 23:07, Reply)

This isn't a witty or clever revenge...
This lad in sixth form bursts into the room and immediately starts being a nob and pushing me around in his playfull matey manner. However it was early in the morning and we'll have less. Later that day I got hold of a haki sack. Said person was sitting in the same room about 10 metres away. I threw it with all my might in his general direction. I honestly didn't expect to hit him, my aimings poor at the best of times and it was pretty light. But it flew through the air in a blur and hit him smack in the nose. The look on his face was one of utter pain...I felt pretty bad about it after, especially when his nose started bleeding. Teach him to be a cunt tho.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Sat 15 May 2004, 22:43, Reply)

Tills
I used to work for a nasty retail chain in Scotland, the managers there always adopted the "I am much too important for this" attitude when dealing with the staff, and working conditions there were hell. I had handed in my notice (I was fed up with the abuse from managers and customers) and on my last day, a few minutes before the end of my shift, I decided to get my revenge on those evil managers. Every receipt printed there has a promotional message on it, usually some shit about special offers and such, I logged into a terminal (only one username and passsword, everyone used) and accessed this data, I changed it so that every receipt had the words "The managers in ***** are fucking wankers" It was hilarious, as apparently it took them three days to notice it, and hundereds of reciepts had been printed, revenge is sweet!

Sorry about the length.
( Squiggy Alloria makes theme parks., Sat 15 May 2004, 22:32, Reply)

BIOWEAPONRY!!!
There was a teacher at school who had a healthy disprespect for anything that moved. I was a Vice Captain at my school and on very good terms with most of the senior staff soi was pretty much untouchable.Anyway, this twunt got a bit pissed off with me because i was seen being affectioncate towards my girlfriend. so i pissed on his desk, and the 3 piles of essays on it. Also through an extraordinary feat of sphincter control, saved a bit back and peed in his coat pocket in the prep room next door. But it doesnt end there.

As I was a keen biologist (and he was an extra big cock), for about 25% of my final advanced bio grade i had to do a project on biotechnology. So I cultured some bacteria, and put it on the end of all his pens (he was an avid pen chewer as well as a cunt). He wasnt very well for a few weeks after that. Should probably mention that the bacteria in queston was E. coli...

Could have cried with joy when he nearly shat himself in class as a result.
(Rushy, Sat 15 May 2004, 21:18, Reply)

Dirty fag smokers
i was at a party outside in the garden and this girl who i had never known to smoke had just sparked one up, i told her smoking was bad but she just blew smoke in my face. as revenge i ended up stealing the fag she was smoking and putting it out on my hand (i was quite pissed), i then later stole all her fags and put them in my back pocket where they got nicely mashed.
( BusinessCat has a can of beans, a can of beans has he, Sat 15 May 2004, 21:12, Reply)

Kiwi Forums
i recently signed up for Kiwi Forums, and made a thread asking which was people's favourite Final Fantasy game. I didn't know that the same post had been made a few weeks before, as i had just joined, so some idiots decided to harass me for it. I eventually got annoyed and told them i hoped they would die from cancer and/or AIDS. the forum admin then banned me, so i signed up with several accounts and set about slandering all the posters who had harassed me, making the admin ban me again, but have to also ban Hotmail addresses, making it so that anyone with a hotmail address couldn't sign in! All that within a day, and i got IP banned, meaning anyone in Darlington, where i live, with a hotmail address on Kiwi forums, can't sign in! And i don't regret a thing
(cloudstrife, Sat 15 May 2004, 20:39, Reply)

Kicking bags
We had a physics teacher called Mr Clough who used to walk through the science block giving any bags left on the floor a hefty kick (regardless of what may have ben inside). One day someone left a Tesco carrier bag on the floor. With a brick inside it. He was still limping when he came into class.
(rogerzilla, Sat 15 May 2004, 20:38, Reply)

Forum revenge
I was on a forum that I go on every 10 mins. A month or so back some twunt from a site claming to be internet terrorists (wtfn00b) blackmailled the webmaster to put "This site fucking sucks, go vist a good site like wtfn00b.com" otherwise the site would have a 100gig of bandwidth pinged (Whatever that means) Anyway, 1 hour later they make a page saying that the site they blackmailed is shit and should join them, in the background was a picture of one of wtfn00b (supposedly) with a clenched fist in the air with his mouth open (looking like a retard) One of my m8s edited this pic making it look like he was holding a cumming cock into his mouth. I make a fake account on wtfn00b and post this pic on there forums as revenge. Hillarity ensured as back on the victims forum a lot of 'rotfl' posts and topics about the matter were made. The next day I see im banned from the victim site because of my actions claiming that I "Stooped to there level" It was only for 3 days and in that time I couldnt stop laughing
**Sorry for the length**
(WaSSoW, Sat 15 May 2004, 20:28, Reply)

More Cadets
Another cadet story. A few years ago I was on a leadership course and we had a mascot(a fluffy teddy) and my flight was tasked with looking after it. Of course somebody from another flight managed to get hold of it and boot it firmly into a rather large patch of nettles, as a result I had to go and fetch it. Later that night members of my flight sneaked up to the corridor this flight occupied, on the second floor and retrieved this toerag carefully so as not to wake him. Apparently members of his on flight didn't care for him much either as no resistance was put up. He was then placed in the identical room on the ground floor, being an air force course personal items were not allowed to be on display. In the morning we came in just before revaille and picked him up and carried him to the window, just as he saw my face we through him out. Thinking he was being thrown out of a second floor window he can't have been amused.

This had seemed like a great idea at the time but counter revenge soon took hold, the next day we were out in the field, one of our exercises was to build a raft and cross a lake, having been given only half enough stuff and being under awkward conditions the raft sank. Upon swimming back to the bank, I discovered that someone had nicked not only my dry clothes but also my sleeping bag. That night we were in bivvies and I was wearing wet clothes with no sleeping bag, fortunately somebody rescued me at about 4 in the morning and I spent the next day in the medical centre recovering from the onset of hypothermia.

Apparently something was done by my flight to him in another bout of revenge, all I ever found out was that it involved a bridge and a river but in response he acted against me, fair enough.

On the last night of the course I went to bed completely shattered and I got pulled out of bed at about 2 in the morning by said bloke and a couple of other guys, I didn't wake up until I was halfway down the corridor but was to tired to do anything anyway I got pulled into the bathroom and got unceremoniously dumped into a bath of cold water and got pushed under water. In my efforts to escape I managed to grab one of their collars and pull. Unexpectedly I didn't rise but the guy I was holding's head dropped smartly and connected with some force into the tap. After much cursing they departed and I realised I was lying in a cold bath wearing just my boxers and soaked in this guys blood.

The next morning at our final parade he was wearing a make shift bandage around his head. Some guy asked him about this afterwards and he shouted at me saying I was a "f***ing nutter", I think maybe the single pull I had imagined might have been quite a few, considering the quantity of blood.

There were actually quite a few stories of revenge on that course including a few more by me. I suspect I came off better on that story, although another revenge by somebody different for something else was a different case. I think it is sufficive to say that I made a comment about him and it resulted in bricks meeting my knee caps.

Sorry about the length of the post, but you do get several for the price of one.
(ElecBlondie, Sat 15 May 2004, 19:38, Reply)

Mr Wells
I used to work at a shithole transport company, and the office manager was a guy called Mr Wells, he was a right arse, thought he was oh so important when all he really did was make sure Tesco got enough frozen chips off the back of one of his shitty wagons. I handed in me notice, and was working my last week when one day I was alone in the office. I changed all the passwords (I'd got the admin passes and they were all twunts who knew less than nothing about computers apart from how to switch them on) and changed the startup wav to the song from the Fast Show that goes 'Mr Wells you sad old boring wanker...etc'

I've been left from that job for over 12 months and apparantley it's still the startup wav, but the computers don't have speakers anymore cos Mr Wells removed 'em.

Heh
(Finn's NIN Mini, Sat 15 May 2004, 19:28, Reply)

I had nothing to do with this, but it amuses me
My little four year old half-sister is a rising mistress of revenge. When my dad pisses her off she either a. hides some crucial item, such as all his underwear or his shoes or food that will spoil or b. lets curse words fly in front of company or c. pushes any one of his buttons, all of which she's already figured out. Neat thing is, this is kind of karmic (is that a word?) revenge for him leaving us and mama and marrying some woman he met on the internet... my brother and I were NEVER that conniving and we get to sit and laugh at her while my dad is totally befuddled as to how to discipline this blonde-haired blue-eyed imp.

Needless to say, she looooooves her grown-up sis cos I always stick up for her and spoil her every chance I get... a trip to McDonald's goes a long way in four year old land, tee heeeeeee :-D
(lilpunkbabygrrl, Sat 15 May 2004, 18:44, Reply)

Oh, yes
This one time, my friend, whom I shall call Vincent, somehow managed to con me out of two gameboy games and a tenner. It took me a few months to work out what he'd done. So I knew he liked this girl, I found out her e-mail, and I downloaded an e-mail faking tool, and wrote a fake e-mail supposedly from her about how she really liked him and wanted to get to know him better.

While I don't know the full story of this, I do know that he now refuses to acknowledge her existence. I think I'm going to Hell for this one though.
( Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Sat 15 May 2004, 16:53, Reply)

last day at school
last day of school we decided to get revenge on the caretaker aka grounds keeper willy. (because he was a genreal annoying twunk)

This was done by sneaking a rather large amount of industrial weed killer into school and at lunch break proceeding to pour this week killer all over the field. But being the intelligent students we were, it wasn't just poured any old way, oh no, it was poured to great precise and accuracy. in short we managed to get the outline of a 20m long cock stained into the field.
(Fort, Sat 15 May 2004, 16:44, Reply)

My ex-best-friend put ketchup in my coat as the result of an argument
So I gave him a shove and slapped him over his bald head. He punched me in the face three times, pulled my hair and kicked me in the shins.

My vengeance sucks :(
( Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Sat 15 May 2004, 16:40, Reply)

This was evil
Over 5 years ago when I was doing work experiance at a primary school, I caught bloomin head lice. Whem my sister found out she kept yellying out loud about it and making fun out of me.

So just before I used my hair treatment, i used her hairbrish and planted loads of the litle bastards in it as well as droping one on her head.... hehehehe
( Blobcat Less Jaffacakes this year, Sat 15 May 2004, 16:31, Reply)

Cress, cress, lovely cress
Forgive me if similar has been posted further down the board, it has been done by many I'm sure...
A friend of mine was breaking up with her boyfriend, let's call him Pikey Wanker, and whilst she was moving her stuff out of their flat he had arranged to go away for a few days, cueing a bout of revenge.
Armed with several packets of cress seeds and a couple of watering cans my mate & I went about the task of planting cress in the living room carpet.
When Pikey Wanker returned the following week he had a lucious field of green in his front room. Egg n' cress sarnie anyone?
(If destroyed still true, Sat 15 May 2004, 16:09, Reply)

Autocomplete
A fun thing to do to someone who you don't like is to open up Autocomplete on Word, and add a couple of new entries.

For instance, one guy found out that his name was now "Sir Pisslethwaite", while another person was rather confused after I changed every "e" into "ibbi". It was vibbirry intibbiribbisting to ribbiad aftibbirwards.

And, with spreadsheets, try typing something insulting into cell IV65536. If they're using headers and footers, it means they print out (if they don't stop it and they have an endless supply of paper) about 40000 pages, with their incriminating names on the top of each blank page.
( Chrico is a bounder and a cad, Sat 15 May 2004, 15:14, Reply)

This was fun to do...
A few years ago my workmates and I were in the pub, post-work-Friday drinks. We were having a nice time chatting / getting some work issues resolved etc, when this pissed-up bloke began annoying us. This went on for a few hours, in spite of repeated requests for him to bugger off. He kept tying to kiss me and kept grabbing my hand. Eventually, one of his mates dragged him away, realising that he was being a twunt. Parting gift from him was his business card. So, over the next week we sent emails, we rang his mobile, his work landline saying "Thanks, darling, for Friday, you were a TIGER!" A couple of my mates went on holidays and sent postcards to that effect, too... It turns out was friends with one of his colleagues - apparently he was so confused and upset at not remembering. We did this for a few months.
( Strangey is present at, Sat 15 May 2004, 14:47, Reply)

e-mail
One of my friends was sending me loads of anoying e-mails and i told him to stop, but he didn't. I decided to make a computer program that would send him loads of e-mails, 10,000 e-mails to be precise. I filled his 30mb inbox and he downloaded them all over 56k with outlook expres. it must have taken hours for him to delete them all.
(as1232004, Sat 15 May 2004, 14:13, Reply)

on ebay this week
nothing to do with me :)
but this is funny.
i'd like to know why the auction ended early actually!

tinyurl.com/29zgg
(otherdemons, Sat 15 May 2004, 13:42, Reply)

welll i knew a prick of a male once....
...and we fell out once, so in my brilliant teenage mind, i managed to find a picture of his penis and posted many leaflets.

me and meine freunds then posted them up everywhere with the help of drawing pins. my how we laughed :-)
(lucys_a_genius, Sat 15 May 2004, 12:46, Reply)

I really didn't get on with my sister when i was young.....
so i went into her condom drawer, armed with a sowing needle. I carefully put the pin in at the side of the wrappers, and poked about in it for a few seconds. On every fucking condom in the drawer.

My niece is a lovely girl though.....
( Steak the weegie: I though I had gone?!?!?!?!?!, Sat 15 May 2004, 12:43, Reply)

Revenge.
Some old Greek twunt down the street bought the house next to ours... built units on it, and cut down all OUR trees within a foot or so of the fenceline while we were out.

We pissed in the airvents of his car (an expensive Mercedes), and chucked eggs and stuff down there, too.

Every weekend for two years.

It wasn't clever, but it was damned effective.
(AlphaDog, Sat 15 May 2004, 11:14, Reply)

Cadets
When I was 14 I was a very dedicated air force cadet and wanted to become an air force pilot. In my cadet force there was an award for the best cadet and in this particular year I won it, I think fairly, more likely only because my family has military history.
Anyway I used to live in Germany and I returned around the time Germany played England in Euro '96, so I was considered to be German/Nazi scum.
A fellow cadet who rather considered the award to be rightfully his, decided to take it upon himself to steal the rather large trophy, he then replaced the airforce emblem on it with a carved in swastika. The trophy was then presented to me on parade in front of 70 odd sniggering cadets.
(ElecBlondie, Sat 15 May 2004, 10:43, Reply)

The Fat Controller
*** sorry about the length ***

We used to work with a fat bastard that always had his computer volume turned right up and sound effects assigned to EVERY event. We also were aware that he used our slow company internet connection to download bucketloads of very dodgy (alt.binaries.erotica.japan.loose.socks I think it was) porn.

This got really annoying, and being a programmer I decided to teach him a lesson. I wrote a trojan and installed it on his machine at work. It would listen on a port on his machine waiting for a telnet connection from me (or anyone else that knew about it) to issue commands.

At first it only messed with the volume (connect and type "setvol vol%" and I'd turn his sound down), and it also supported an update command so I could update the program remotely - this was awesome as I'd gradually lower the sound, and he'd turn his speakers up a bit, so I'd lower it again. As soon as his speakers were at max, I'd turn the volume up to max too and wait for the next sound :p

Anyway, I used to sit at my desk and snigger constantly, so I had to let the other programmers in on the secret. The program was dubbed "The Fat Controller" and it got expanded rapidly with 3 of us working on it.

Here's a list of commands in the final version :-

login (obviously a login command to stop just anyone using it)

update [filename] (updates the program with the new program - you lose your current connection)

setvol [volume %] (sets the volume to the specified level)

holdvol [volume%] (sets and holds the volume at the specified level - this uses a callback so you can't physically move the volume slider)

-basic file commands
del, copy, rename, dir, cd

munge [filename, munge%] (this overwites the specified file with munge% random data - hehehe, we used this on his porn download files)

window (showed all window titles currently open)

dump [filename] (saves a screenshot do the network)

kill [windowname] (kills the application with that window name, takes wildcards - we used this all the time to kill his newsgroup downloader program)

mouse [x, y] (moves the mouse pointer to this position - great when you phone him and keep issuing this command)

error [message] (throws up a dialog box with the specified message on it - my favorite was "warning! your are running low on dynamic handles", then follow it a few mins later with "Warning! Out of dynamic handles, please reboot" - and he did)

mci [string] (issues an MCI string on his machine, we used this to eject his cd drive, play wavs & video etc)

start [program, commandline] (used to cause all kinds of mischief, especially launching IE with some gay website while the boss was approaching).

After I left the company (in England), I found I could even mess with him from the US - hehehe.

He never found out about it, but got convinced that he had a virus, and formated his hard drive :( Game over.
(JaffaMused local in the So.Cal, Sat 15 May 2004, 7:42, Reply)

Manager of a Radioshack near my house
is a real asshat, following me around the store and telling me and friends not to touch anything.
Decided to set the Internet Explorer homepage on all the computers in the store to Tubgirl.
After it was done, i attempted to calmly walk out of the store without laughing as a mom with her 3 ten year old kids runs in and starts playing on those same computers.
( cheesemaster a screaming naked asian man driving a semi, Sat 15 May 2004, 7:13, Reply)

doctor revenge
There's a doc at our hospital all the nurses loathe. He's rude to us, mean to the patients (he dislocated someone's hip one time because he was too impatient to get her out of the stirrups before he moved her) and an all around asshole. He once said, "That makes me want to go home and get my .45" when we didn't wake him in time. I told him it was a good thing I wasn't working that shift because I'd have called 911 on his ass. Needless to say we don't care for one another.

He would never get properly suited up, but would come in to deliver babies in his street clothes, which is highly unsanitary. This day he came in wearing his new Italian leather loafers "they cost 250 bucks!" without socks and a nice suit. My friend Dina and I were assisting and right after the baby was born, we whipped the catch pan out and stuffed it under the bed. The placenta came out and fell right on to his shoes. He screamed in anguish and we bent down to "help" him. I shoved one shoulder into the back of his knee and pulled his shoe off. Then Dina did the same on the other side, forcing Mad Ivan's bare foot down into the placenta. Squish!

It was great. We exclaimed, "Oh, we're so sorry, Dr. Ivanovich!" and wiped at his bare feet and trousers, smearing placenta all over him from the knees down. He danced around in the blood and ick for a bit and finally stopped kicking at us long enough for the junior doc to help clean him up. Hee, hee. Don't piss off the nurse, ever.
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Sat 15 May 2004, 3:55, Reply)