This one caused a bit of moral outrage last time I posted it......
Weigh everything as onions (or as I've found out since, carrots).
Those self service tills in the supermarket. You know the ones, you do the scanning and packing for the place so's they don't have to pay staff to do it for you. Then they charge you full fucking price.
Next time you're there, just weigh it all as cheap vegetables. Fillet steak, that'll be 35 pence please.
Also, buy expensive wine along with a bottle of cheap plonk, scan the cheap one and bag expensive ones.
Work out what prepackaged things weigh the same but cost a shit load less. Fray bentos pie, about the same as a tin of value cat food. 2 litres of coke or 2 litres of value mineral water.
Voila! Your weekly shop for the cost of a big bag of veg and a couple of tins of value crap

Edit: anyone would think I've just come round and bum raped your kittens and given them the bad aids from the replies. Do b3tans all own supermarkets and are therefore appalled by the idea of them losing a little bit of their profits?
( monkeyboyalpha jumping on the bandwagon since, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 9:57, 117 replies)

Well,
why are you surprised about people disagreeing with you?

Wouldn't it be quicker and easier to just stuff it down your jacket and walk out with it?
(username failed moderation, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:01, closed)

I like to make some kind of contribution for my purchases, not just steal them like some common thief
( monkeyboyalpha jumping on the bandwagon since, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:11, closed)

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 12:52, closed)

JMG WINS AGAIN.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 12:58, closed)

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:01, closed)

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:09, closed)

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:13, closed)

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:16, closed)

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:19, closed)

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:23, closed)

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:26, closed)

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:27, closed)

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:27, closed)

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:30, closed)

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:31, closed)

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:33, closed)

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:35, closed)

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:37, closed)

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:38, closed)

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:41, closed)

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:42, closed)

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:43, closed)

I'd love to have come around my place. I'd feel real comfortable while I left you alone and went for a pee.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:05, closed)

I'm sure you can come around your place almost any time
( monkeyboyalpha jumping on the bandwagon since, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:11, closed)

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 12:53, closed)

There are, apparently, no limits to where a b3tan will go
Why don't you pop into my office to discuss this.
( Another_tragic_case wished he hadn't eaten all the cake, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:11, closed)

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:06, closed)

1) you can't just grab chunks of meat from the butcher counter - they'll have weighed it and added a barcode before handing it over.
2) why would you want a Fray Bentos pie? Eating the catfood would be preferable.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:17, closed)

Fray Bentos pies! Manna from heaven
( monkeyboyalpha jumping on the bandwagon since, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:27, closed)

You are wrong,
in every conceivable way.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:37, closed)

not the first time I've been told that
( monkeyboyalpha jumping on the bandwagon since, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:48, closed)

Parents can be so cruel.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:50, closed)

I know! I blame them for my Bentos addiction. Even though they smell of warm dog food, I just can't help myself

Edit: that's the pies that smell, not my parents
( monkeyboyalpha jumping on the bandwagon since, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:57, closed)

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 12:54, closed)

So, you're still stealing then?

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 11:02, closed)

nope. Just paying what I feel is the correct amount.
( monkeyboyalpha jumping on the bandwagon since, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 11:16, closed)

An unassailable defence!
You could use it on a TWOC-ing charge:
"No, m'lud, I didn't steal the car but, under the current economic conditions, it had depreciated in value to near zero, so I wasn't required to pay for it."

Would it work against rape charges, too?
"No, yer'honor, I didn't rape the victim, I was just having as much sex as I believed I was entitled to."
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 11:29, closed)

I seem to have hit a nerve with you MM. Please don't forget the unwritten disclaimer to all QotW answers:
"This answer may contain references to massive drugs, sex, heroic acts, humuorous retorts and criminal acts that have been exagerrated or fabricated for the purposes of humous"
( monkeyboyalpha jumping on the bandwagon since, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 11:55, closed)

You are indeed pushing my buttons. I really don't like thieves.
It's made worse by your claim that you're not stealing.

Anyway, upset on the internet, and what have you, I suppose.

Your love of crap pies, will be your downfall.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 12:30, closed)

I think that's what will irk alot of people about this.
The flat denial of a blatant crime not being a crime. If people want to commit a crime then that's their choice, just don't kid yourself about what you are doing.
( Pig Bodine., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 12:58, closed)

Quite.
But I do really (really, really) hate thieves.

And Fray Bentos pies. This is internet outrage catnip, to me.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:07, closed)

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:15, closed)

well then your only excuse is that your story is a lie.

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 12:50, closed)

shock horror! Untruths on question of the week!
( monkeyboyalpha jumping on the bandwagon since, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 12:53, closed)

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 12:55, closed)

HAHAHAHAHA!

( likeajackhammer, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 12:56, closed)

so it is a lie then?
and you're just feigning moral immaturity? Really you know full well why what you have described is stealing and wrong, you just thought it would be funny to pretend otherwise?

Well that's alright then.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 12:56, closed)

feigning moral immaturity?
you're kidding, right?
( real i'm not happy 'til you're not happy, Tue 15 Nov 2011, 1:02, closed)

Oh Christ, it's the Albert Marshmallow School Of Trolling again.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:02, closed)

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:03, closed)

This weapons-grade stupidity makes me want to reach down the interpipes and stab you

( Frisbee OG wanker, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 12:47, closed)

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:15, closed)

Your supermarket allows booze to be run through the self service tills unsupervised? Oh dear, I guess they'll be feeling the effects of a police "underage purchasing" sting soon enough...
(Nicklock, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 11:06, closed)

Nope, someone just comes along and verifies you're over 18 just before you pay.
( monkeyboyalpha jumping on the bandwagon since, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 11:16, closed)

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:00, closed)

there's saving money and there's theft
this is the latter - not that I have a huge moral issue with how you behave, I have no personal love of supermarkets and think they are shits and but I worry you'll get caught.

And once caught they'll not treat this as anything different to shoplifting. Be careful out there.
( rob, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 12:14, closed)

Our ginger fuhrer has spoken. As have the police as to the legality.
Whereas the church has declared this kind of thing ok (ok, not the whole church and not without caveats)
Me, I just object to paying a small fortune for shallots, weighed them as onions and saw the opportunity for some scurrilous people to take advantage of the system. I also then exagerated my use of this loop hole, which just compounded my moral decline.
( monkeyboyalpha jumping on the bandwagon since, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 12:47, closed)

if you object to paying a small fortune for something other than a necessity...
then, and read this slowly... several times in fact...

DO NOT BUY IT!
( likeajackhammer, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 12:48, closed)

not always. Sometimes it's laziness. I can't be bothered to scroll through all the veg options so I press carrots because you don't have to scroll through lots of screens.
( monkeyboyalpha jumping on the bandwagon since, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 12:55, closed)

this is like an pick your own adventure book...
go to page 52

PAGE 52:
GO TO A CHECKOUT (THEY WILL SCAN IT ALL FOR YOU AT NO EXTRA COST)
( likeajackhammer, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 12:56, closed)

I always go to the checkout,
I'm not doing their job for them for free. This is how I get what I feel I'm entitled to out of the system.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:00, closed)

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 12:57, closed)

these are priceless

( likeajackhammer, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 12:59, closed)

This is all because of shallots?
You fucking ponce.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 12:51, closed)

c'mon now...
it's my inimitable human right to steal shallots!
( likeajackhammer, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 12:55, closed)

right...
so your justification for theft is "AT LEAST IT'S NOT RAPE!"?????!!!

you utter cretin
( likeajackhammer, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 12:42, closed)

did I mention rape? I'm sure I would have noticed that.
( monkeyboyalpha jumping on the bandwagon since, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 12:47, closed)

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 12:57, closed)

You are a thief.
Nothing more, nothing less.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 12:46, closed)

"just a little over, is that ok?"

( likeajackhammer, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 12:47, closed)

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:13, closed)

this attitude is why the global economic crisis is happening.

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 12:46, closed)

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:20, closed)

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 12:46, closed)

YOUR FAULT!

( likeajackhammer, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 12:47, closed)

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 12:49, closed)

Genuine officelols with tears in my eyes :D

( Pig Bodine., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:04, closed)

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:11, closed)

Once again, you've saved the internet.
Had I any, my ovaries would be yours to pillage.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:15, closed)

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:17, closed)

I'm lucky I'm at home
I'm howling!
( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:14, closed)

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:16, closed)

Yeah man we abandoned the barter system
Sorry to tell you
( Theoban What of it, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 12:47, closed)

I still use it quite frequently. Most people running pubs do. Booze for services
( monkeyboyalpha jumping on the bandwagon since, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 12:52, closed)

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 12:59, closed)

Sucking off the barman for a WKD,
hadly seems worth it.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:00, closed)

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:18, closed)

Oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god you are a bellend.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 12:49, closed)

we've had a "stop taking the internet so seriously reply"
Are we to have a legless "trolling you" defence also?
Maybe even a delete?
Buhhhm buhm buhhhhhhhh*dramatic reverb*
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 12:56, closed)

b3ta.com/questions/savingmoney/post1427671
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:03, closed)

excellent.
Let's push for the delete, JMG is internetting up a storm.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:05, closed)

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:07, closed)

JMG has hands down won the internet with this thread.
He'll be on the New Year Honours list.
( Pig Bodine., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:07, closed)

*pig fives*

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:09, closed)

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:22, closed)

Cheers

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 12:54, closed)

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:04, closed)

proper lol

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:08, closed)

Christ, can we please just have one week where QOTW doesn't get filled up with pictures of Steve McDonald? Please?

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:10, closed)

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:12, closed)

I AM FURIOUS RIGHT NOW.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:13, closed)

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:23, closed)

I've never seen this before
It's making me proper LOL.
(username failed moderation, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:14, closed)

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:31, closed)

Sorry but
This is theft, pure and simple.
Oh dear, the little supermarkets lose a little profit. Well if you don't like capitalism go live in north korea

You twunt
( ogwen69 has returned from Reddit, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:14, closed)

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:21, closed)

this is my favourite

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 13:31, closed)

In all the times I have used the self service checkout
(3) I have found money in the change bucket, £20, £5 and 50p. I kept them all but never put shallots through as onions, that's low man.
(Bababoon, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 14:20, closed)

£20?
lucky bugger, most I've ever found is a quid
(cs192 is sucking on a Koala at, Tue 15 Nov 2011, 13:04, closed)

Ah yes. Thought one of these would pop up somewhere.
The classic 'Stealing is fine as long as you steal from a big company' gambit.

No, it isn't.

I'm in favour of supermarkets losing a little more profit to the exchequer, but not to common criminals.

Which is what you are.
(anvil, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 14:44, closed)

Sorry if this has already been said, 108 replies is too many to read, but when a company loses out through theft, who is punished? It's a combination of honest paying customers and the employees who make the smallest wage, as they'll be first to go. Nice work, dickhead.
(daveegee, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 16:08, closed)

I'll get me another flaming for this, but...
Surely the self service tills have caused more redundancies than the theft of half a pound of posh onions.
8 tills being run by one person surely isn't increasing the numbers of employees at the store.
And I appologise to all of Tesco's customers, to whose bills my theft has added less than 0.00000000004p per pound on their shopping bills.
And I know I'm not helping my case here, but where the chuffing hell did all this Daily Fail style moral outrage come from on b3ta?
( monkeyboyalpha jumping on the bandwagon since, Tue 15 Nov 2011, 14:56, closed)

well i think
that this is a thoroughly splendid idea.
Save money on sunglasses by waiting till dark, finding an unlocked car and robbing a pair.
(Joe Guevara is well known for stealing your biscuits, Sat 12 Nov 2011, 20:35, closed)

i think most of the replies have been posted by the morality sheep
if the first few posts had been "ha, ha! why hadn't i thought that" none of these nonces would've started jumping up and down.

my advice though, be careful, you'll single handedly bring down the neo capitalist system with this kind of behaviour and as we all know, it'll be the workers that'll be shot first.
( real i'm not happy 'til you're not happy, Tue 15 Nov 2011, 1:16, closed)