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Home » Question of the Week » Inflated Self-Importance » Post 1842871 | Search
This is a question Inflated Self-Importance

Amorous Badger asks: Tell us tales of people who have a high opinion of themselves. Jumped-up officials, the mad old bloke who runs the Neighbourhood Watch like it's a military operation, Colonel Blimps, pompous bastards and people stuck up their own arse.

(, Thu 24 Jan 2013, 12:22)
Pages: Popular, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

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A temp job I had was in the post room of a car-park fine firm.
We had four trays: £30 cheques, £60 cheques, cash (call the manager) and other.

Our job was to open the post, sort it.

We got some sights - the one that cleared the room was the cheque someone had quite literally wiped their arse on, the little old lady who sent in a £5 note with a sincere apology that she couldn't afford it in one hit on her pension and a request to pay in installments with that as the start, the cheque someone had stapled a hundred times to the ticket, rending it void, etc, but by far my favourite was a simple note attached to the ticket and cheque, saying "Seriously, who the fuck are you? Tony Blair's personal fucking monkey?"

The ticket read "Time & Date Of Issue: 0901 01-01-00"
(, Sun 27 Jan 2013, 11:54, 85 replies)
Dance Monkey Boy
Dance for The Man.
(, Sun 27 Jan 2013, 12:36, closed)

So you are saying that you were actively complicit in the legitimised financial raping of peoples pockets?
Stressing that it was a temp position is not going to water down your crime.
Your penance would have to be seriously harsh.
(, Sun 27 Jan 2013, 13:39, closed)
Well at least you didn't just compare a fee levied for stationing a motor vehicle to something genuinely serious like rape.
Because that would have made you look like a proper fucking dick.
(, Sun 27 Jan 2013, 14:20, closed)
I'm not sure but I think he might be parodying you

(, Sun 27 Jan 2013, 17:10, closed)
Ummm ... when have I ever trivialised rape?
Just because I take the piss out of the feeble-witted cry-babies on here doesn't mean you can accuse me of something morally repugnant. Prick.
(, Sun 27 Jan 2013, 18:46, closed)
Hmm.
Taking the moral high-ground...


How does that feel shambo?
(, Sun 27 Jan 2013, 19:32, closed)
Are you admitting to being a rapist here?

(, Sun 27 Jan 2013, 19:57, closed)
Of course he is - implicit defence is as good as outright admission.

(, Sun 27 Jan 2013, 20:00, closed)
No.
Are you suggesting I am?
(, Sun 27 Jan 2013, 20:38, closed)
lol

(, Sun 27 Jan 2013, 21:11, closed)

I'm sorry, I didn't realise how confusing my reply was I will try to be a little clearer for you in future
I used the word rape carefully to compare the disgusting legal state approved blackmail and financial violation of motorists against abhorrent forceful sexual gratification through the violation of another human being as its a perfect analogy.
The government/ local authority using a hired clamping goon to forcefully insert its hand into my pocket with the threat of the legal system if I didn't lay there and take it.

Condemn me however you wish, I find it breathtakingly amusing that some clown with more faces than a town hall clock has the temerity to put on his well used troll costume and have a go from a moralistic standpoint.
(, Sun 27 Jan 2013, 17:33, closed)
This is why you are still a virgin.
In case you were wondering.
(, Sun 27 Jan 2013, 18:45, closed)

And thats your reply is it? calling me a virgin
What witty schoolyard rejoinder awaits me next I wonder, smelly perhaps or a spaz even?
Go and play with something poisonous you malignant bollock tumour.
(, Sun 27 Jan 2013, 20:29, closed)
There's no need for such aggressive trolling.

(, Sun 27 Jan 2013, 20:37, closed)

I wasnt being aggresive, it was merely irritable disdain for people with inflated self importance
(, Sun 27 Jan 2013, 20:59, closed)
you smelly smelly spaz spaz.
No returns.
(, Sun 27 Jan 2013, 20:40, closed)

Too late I had my feet off ground
(, Sun 27 Jan 2013, 20:43, closed)
no you didn't.
YOU'RE GAY!!!!!!!
(, Sun 27 Jan 2013, 20:48, closed)

I'm flattered but I dont bat for your team, I think you need your gaydar recalibrating.
(, Sun 27 Jan 2013, 21:02, closed)
Nah mate, you are being a bit of a disgusting prick here.

(, Sun 27 Jan 2013, 19:14, closed)
So in summary: you're a smartarse who hates all women and should be locked up for the good of society.

(, Sun 27 Jan 2013, 19:19, closed)

Wow its fascist amateur psychiatry night. Thats a lot of supposition you have determined from one angry reply. Smart arse? Women hater? locked up?
Are you externalising something of your own psyche upon me because I might have touched a nerve or challenged your ego in some manner.
(, Sun 27 Jan 2013, 20:41, closed)
Don't try to be clever. It doesn't suit you.
And it may be used as evidence against you.
(, Sun 27 Jan 2013, 20:44, closed)

I'll swap you not being clever for your not trying to morally censure my sense of humour by a revolting accusation of mysogyny because you and others assumed I was genuinely ripping on the OP for working where he did instead of the rough building site piss take humour that it was.
Jeezuz, this whole thing is full of moralistic two faced bollocks than the stupid cash begging emails the BNP wont stop sending me.
(, Sun 27 Jan 2013, 21:13, closed)
NO U

(, Sun 27 Jan 2013, 22:02, closed)
You'd make things a lot easier for yourself if you stop acting like a keyboard warrior, take a bit of responsibility and just admit that you're in the wrong.

(, Sun 27 Jan 2013, 22:32, closed)

So I'm in the wrong for pointing out double standards? or are you just another fanboy bravely going with the flow
(, Sun 27 Jan 2013, 23:25, closed)
You're in the wrong because you expressed an opinion out of line and because you started waging a campaign of belligerent trolling instead of admitting your error, knowing your place and keeping your mouth shut.
You should try being more tolerant and less reactionary, it'll do you a world of good.
(, Sun 27 Jan 2013, 23:51, closed)

Ahh, i'm afraid I missed the rule regarding not being allowed to have an opinion that differs to you and your little circle of intellectual bullies, as for belligerant trolling, I dont see you saying anything to anyone else who jumped on me straight after my original post which I have already stated was a good natured leg pulling of the original OP and nothing else.
Perhaps you should admit your error, know your place and keep your mouth shut as well as being tolerant and less reactionary.
You patronising wanker
(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 1:12, closed)
Trivialising rape isn't stating an opinion
it is being a complete tool.

hth
(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 18:15, closed)
You're being a bit self important here, just saying.

(, Sun 27 Jan 2013, 21:10, closed)
Yes, because being fined a few quid for being too dim to pay attention to parking notices is exactly like rape.

(, Sun 27 Jan 2013, 19:26, closed)
Shambo did it better
copy cat.
(, Sun 27 Jan 2013, 19:31, closed)
Yeah, but that's because he's proper clever.

(, Sun 27 Jan 2013, 19:58, closed)
oh man
My arse got served a notice to pay a punitive cash sum for being parked illegally. Thing is though, it was delivered via the medium of a cock.

There was no lube, violence was used and now I have to go through the traumatic process of having blood tests.

Financial arse rape is a terrible thing.
(, Sun 27 Jan 2013, 19:35, closed)
Speaking as a survivor, I find this analogy inexcusable.
Please tell me how paying a small fine is the same as the hell that we go through on a daily basis?
(, Sun 27 Jan 2013, 21:27, closed)

And i should feel guilty for using certain terminology for comedic purpose because?
(, Sun 27 Jan 2013, 23:19, closed)
Oh man, this is indignant internet self-important upsettery at its finest.
Go on, tell us about how you can say what you like because of free speech even though that's not what it means.
(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 10:57, closed)
Because you aren't actually being funny.
You used a very lazy analogy without thinking it through. That's not actually 'comedic', that's being an ignorant cunt.

Most people with a brain cell would now look at their life, look at their choices and realise that they've just told a rape victim that they don't feel guilty for trivialising possibly the most traumatic thing that can happen to a human being.

If you make a joke about rape (and I think that it is possble), then make sure it is actually FUNNY. Otherwise leave it the hell alone.
(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 12:17, closed)
Yeah, Finster
How dare you casually joke about rape on a comedy forum...you'd have to be a total cunt to do that

www.b3ta.com/questions/footinmouthtwo/post1709518
b3ta.com/questions/houseguests/post1032283
www.b3ta.com/questions/professions/post737416
www.b3ta.com/questions/oldpeoplespeaktruths/post183295
(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 12:32, closed)
No lazy analogies there I'm afraid...
and taken out of context, they are all offensive . Taken in context the vast majority raised a grin, but one of them is really fucking stupid. He knows my views.

Well done for trying though. It would have been more effective if you'd found a post from me that trivialises it, because then you would have actually managed to prove me a hypocrite. As it is, all you really managed to do is make yourself look a bit weird by being obsessed by my husband whilst white knighting for a twat.

No really, well done.
(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 12:55, closed)
Let me see if I've got this right, 'cause, you know, misunderstanding and that
Some internet random describes being subject to parking fines (abstractly) as being 'financially raped' and you get your tent-sized knickers in a twist, but your husband repeatedly jokes about raping children on exactly the same messageboard and that's fine because of, you know, context.

Have I accurately summed up the situation?
(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 14:34, closed)
No you've not.
Three out of the four posts you linked were taken out of context - and in context they are mildly amusing comments on the actions and utter lack of self-awareness made by the OPs in question - and they are not lazy analogies. They are not analogies at all.

The fourth one (the one you refer to) is fucking stupid. I think I was quite clear about that. He's sat in the room - I'm not going to have a domestic online just so you can have a little powerwank over it.

My point to the OP was that he didn't actually make a joke. It wasn't a joke. It was an off the cuff analogy that could have been made in a way that didn't include rape. It was lazy.

As I have said, if you want to prove me a hypocrite, provide evidence that I've used 'rape' as an analogy. I'd like to hope that I haven't. I've joked about my rape in the past, because that's how I dealt with the shit I went through. Without the humour, I'd still be a victim. However, I will go on record as saying that when it is done for a cheap laugh, it cheapens everyone involved. I'm not going to stop anyone from doing it, but I will say something when it is brought to my attention. Because I think the message bears repeating, especially considering the way society as a whole approaches the topic of rape and sexual assault. I'd like to think that nobody on here is thick enough to think that rape is ok - seriously, with the exception of a very, very small minority on here, I think most people agree that rape is Not A Good Thing.

There is a culture on b3ta, however - and the internet as a whole - where we lazily use the term 'rape'. People claiming that their facebook status has been 'fraped' is one of them. People on youtube who say they want to 'rape that girl's tits', or the insults that get thrown at online gamers (and it's mainly at women, it has to be said) where 11 year old kids tell you that they are going to hunt you down and gang rape you. It lessens the shock of something utterly, utterly inhumane - something that I wouldn't wish on anyone, ever.

At best it's lazy. At it's worst, it is something that can trigger traumatic flashbacks. I'm not saying it's impossible to make the subject of rape into a joke, it's just fucking difficult - and when a rape survivor tells you that he/she does not find the joke funny, then you need to examine the joke itself and ask yourself if there is a better way to make people laugh.

I'm sorry that you are so eager to have a dig at Badger that you miss the actual point being made, and thought it better to carry on with the playground bromance you and Badger have going on. As for my 'tent sized' knickers being in a twist...I wouldn't worry about that. I rarely wear any.
(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 19:19, closed)
I'm struggling to see the point being made
See, I did the same search I did on Badger on myself. I found that I referred to the "click for bigger" on an image I did in 2007 as "omg emvee raped my monitor sized" (it's sadly offline now but in my defence it was very, very big). There's one which you could totally take out of context should you want:
www.b3ta.com/questions/adverts/post700912

Other than that? There's one where I replied to Badger when he'd gone off on a tangent about raping postboxes, because that's a humorous analogy, obviously. There's one where I echoed back WaspBox's words after he joked about the laws of the Old Testament including not raping your neighbour's ass. There's one where I replied to some idiot who has "Its not rape if she cums first" as his signature and there's one where I'm literally describing the (disturbing) image posted. You could probably find more if you dig deeper, but in each case I limited myself to the first page of results.

Badger had a bunch of offhand references to raping children and babies. Just saying. That's not even including the phrases "Rob fingers kids" and "ringofyre fucks eight year olds", both of which he's fond of. If you think b3ta has a culture of rape humour that's unacceptable, then I'm not going to argue with you because it's not really a well that I plumb that often.

I just think that it's odd that you don't mind your husband joking about rape as in an actual "raping the kids" rape analogy on this messageboard on a weekly basis yet you take exception to someone using the word in a financial sense because as a rape survivor to you that's "unacceptable"?

I'm genuinely curious where you draw the line?
(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 21:29, closed)
I must say I'm quite enjoying your increasingly frantic attempts to pretend to actually ignore the people you have on ignore.
b3ta.com/questions/selfimportant/post1844689
(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 21:34, closed)
Yeah ... I don't think link bingo is going to help you defend this prat.
Oh looksie ... first google ... www.b3ta.com/questions/adverts/post700912

The post in question is not a rape joke so a debate about the excusability of rape humour is entirely besides the point. The post is offensive because it hijacks the word "rape" - in its entirely conventional sense of a violent sexual violation - to exaggerate the seriousness of something trivial. It is using rape purely to sound edgy. It is utterly dickish and reprehensible.

I hope the only reason you've decided to wade in is because you're still butthurt by a few of the people who are attacking the poster rather than through any ridiculously misplaced belief that his post is worthy of being defended.
(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 20:30, closed)

I do apologise.
In future, I promise to have a flexible moral stance towards what constitutes acceptable humourous content to fit in with whatever the in crowd are saying.
(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 21:50, closed)
You're all right fella
She's just trying to throw her weight around
(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 21:54, closed)
If I did that, you'd be dead by now.
You see, it's funny because I'm fat.
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 18:21, closed)
loath as I am to stick my head above the parapet....
there does seem to be a bit of a double standard going on between what is 'morally repugnant' and what is 'you're upset lol it's a comedy website I can say what I like kill yourself lol'.

Jus' sayin' like.
(, Sun 27 Jan 2013, 22:33, closed)
It's called 'irony'.
You wouldn't understand it, so you're best off just keeping your mouth shut and believing what you're told.
(, Sun 27 Jan 2013, 23:17, closed)
It's horrible trolling of the trolls like this
that's killing QOTW.
(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 0:21, closed)
All of this upset on the internet
over the sub-division of land in Sussex?
(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 0:31, closed)
So they issued parking tickets
on public holidays, with no 5 minutes period of grace?
(, Sun 27 Jan 2013, 13:46, closed)
Sounds more like private parking tickets
which are unsolicited invoices issued by con artists.
(, Sun 27 Jan 2013, 18:47, closed)
I think round my way the pay and display hours are 8am to 6pm, so he could have been there an hour.
The point about the bank holiday is a good one though.
(, Sun 27 Jan 2013, 21:12, closed)
Cock.

(, Sun 27 Jan 2013, 19:35, closed)
Hey Vag.
That guy up there called you a rapist. I wouldn't stand for it mate.
(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 8:21, closed)
Nice one, Vag
judging by the number of replies I can actually see, you must have got a full house here :)
(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 10:09, closed)
Some bellend is getting all indignant because everyone is calling him a prick for trivialising rape.

(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 10:55, closed)
Ah, the queasily sanctimonious brigade have arrived then?

(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 11:10, closed)
Not really. I just prefer any jokes about rape to be funny enough
to stop me getting annoyed about it.
(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 12:22, closed)
I've posted some hilarious examples above

(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 12:33, closed)
they are rather amusing, thanks

(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 12:57, closed)

Plenty of bellends getting all indignant over the usage of a word for which variations of "plunder" and "despoil" are given as alternative definitions in almost every reputable dictionary. Its usage is not, whatever the remedial section would have you believe, restricted to 'penis inserted into vagina without invitation'.
(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 14:06, closed)
"Man rapes entire village."
"Man plunders entire village."

Can you see a difference there?
(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 18:20, closed)

Yes, I can, thanks - but it's not my comprehension at issue, is it? Do you honestly believe that when people talk about the rape of the rain forests, or oceans, that they're imagining the world's most prolific sexpest poking his johnson into every tree and monkey, or every fish and marine mammal*? Or would you think more along the lines of the term being used to imply some form of plunder? Such as might occur, for example, when money is extracted from a wallet?


* Clue: this is not normal. Most people do not do this.
(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 18:57, closed)
I think most people know that if they liken the damage we cause to the rainforests and oceans
to rape, that they are going to cause a PR fucking DISASTER, hence why only the fucking idiots at PETA do it.
(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 19:22, closed)

It's not that they're likening said devastation to a particularly abhorrent sexual assault - they're legitimately using 'rape' to convey a different meaning altogether (fairly frequently, too, according to Google). Dictionary.com - for what it's worth - offers,

...an act of plunder, violent seizure, or abuse; despoliation; violation: the rape of the countryside.

Most dictionaries (including the OED) mention something along similar lines. One word, multiple - distinct - meanings, the use of which should not belittle or trivialise the horror of its primary meaning. That said, I would probably avoid using it in the presence of someone who found the term uncomfortable.
(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 19:52, closed)
Hence why Johnny Depp (and Krtisten Stuart) had to apologise for using the term 'raped' in that context.
It rarely ends well.
(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 19:59, closed)

No-one should feel obliged to apologise for other people's ignorance; if they used the word correctly - ie, in a manner which is supported by decent, heavyweight dictionaries, as the entirely nonsexual plunder/despoil definition is - they really did nothing wrong.

Look, I'm not suggesting people go around actively forcing 'rape' into sentences purely to seem offensive whilst technically not being offensive - see 'niggardly' and 'the boy president' in relation to Obama - but people who use its secondary/tertiary/whatever meaning aren't necessarily doing it just to be assholes.
(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 22:04, closed)
And there's more
Oh I do hope it's Monty, getting all cross at not being able to understand stuff.
(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 22:47, closed)
Idiots...the lot of you.
If you receive a parking fine from any entity other than a local council, TfL, a police force or any other state run organisation - YOU DO NOT HAVE TO PAY IT.

Private parking firms (the one's who patrol store car-parks and 'private' land') have zero authority to collect fines from you. They may scare you with threatening letters etc - but the truth of the matter is as follows:

A fine issued by a private parking company is simply an 'invoice', based on your alleged breaching of their 'terms and conditions of parking' - which you'll see on the car park's signage. These companies can only inform the registered keeper of the vehicle of the alleged outstanding amount. However, in contract law, the basis of offer and acceptance is based on individual acceptance of a set of terms. So, to get out of ALL parking fines issued by private companies, simply state:

"Dear Rip-off Cunt Merchant (who prey on the feeble-minded and ignorant),

I have received a request for payment today but I have to inform you that your information is incorrect. I was not the driver of the vehicle in question at the time of the alleged breach, nor am I under any legal obligation to inform you of who the driver was.

I do not accept your invoice and I will not be paying. Please refrain from writing to me again and any further attempts to extort monies from me will be reported to the relevant authorities as harassment

Yours etc."

These people are powerless to locate the driver (unlike the police who you have to declare the driver to, and unlike councils who can issue state-sanctioned fines against to registered keeper), therefore they cannot then prosecute. If they threaten with court action, then encourage them. They'll have to take you to court AND win their case (which is highly unlikely), before they can legally recover any monies. And as the cost of initiating court action falls on them (and is far higher than the fine they're chasing), they literally will not bother.

Now that clamping and towing from private land has been banned - these companies can't clamp or remove and demand payment before your vehicle is released. So their main revenue stream has been stopped. Who to thank for this new law to stop the daylight robbery that was private clamping firms? The Daily Mail and your friendly Conservative Govenment.

tldr? You're an ignorant, shit-scared moron if you pay any private parking company any money.
(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 15:19, closed)
I was young and poor, and instead of spending your taxes, opted for employment.
I couldn't give a fuck if idiots are getting fined left right and centre; no one in London other than traders and emergency staff have any need to drive in the city. Fuck all of them. I needed the cash and the cash I got.

You're welcome.
(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 17:20, closed)
Or you could just ignore it like an adult.
Although I suppose then you wouldn't be able to do a stream of nerdsatisfied nose-laughs while typing out a hilarious letter.
(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 18:02, closed)
Hilarious letter?
No. It just covers the salient points of law and allows me to park with impunity wherever I like.
(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 21:45, closed)
Shut up, autism.

(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 21:52, closed)
lol...autism

(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 9:23, closed)
I'm pretty sure you have to pay it if they've towed your car away...
Whether they're legally allowed to do that or not, sometimes they do.

(By "you have to pay it", I mean of course that you do if you want your car back)
(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 23:12, closed)
I like how a fairly innocuous story about parking fines
has led to everyone getting upset (online).
(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 19:48, closed)
It's just a fine example of me trolling the trollington trolls with the Legless gambit about sheds.
Or whatever.
(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 20:19, closed)
Cheers.

(, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 20:39, closed)
I've always wanted
to wipe my arse with a cheque and mail it to someone, but like, wouldn't it have your name on it?
(, Tue 29 Jan 2013, 13:02, closed)
Why would one of your cheques have Vagabond's name on it?

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 12:41, closed)
Do I win the number of responses this week?

(, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 9:21, closed)

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