Serious question.
If they made RealDolls that looked like kids and let paedophiles have them, would that help them not reoffend?
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:13, 18 replies)

The difference between kinky and insane
Back in the early 1990s, I worked in public health research. I was also a regular clubber. One night at a club in Glasgow, I met Ken for the first time (he's still a dear friend to this day). I was only 23 at the time and still a little naive when it came to all things sexual - despite working in the HIV field. Ken was the first out-and-proud gay man I'd ever met. At the club this night, he'd appear on the dance floor then suddenly disappear for ten minutes. This happened a couple of times. I asked him where he'd been.

'Out on the fire escape giving some guy a blowjob', was his reply. I was slightly shocked but rather curious. The nerd researcher in me felt compelled to ask. 'Do you practise safe sex?'

'Oh God no,' he said 'The riskier the better, if I can get away with it'.

I asked him what was the unsafest sex he'd ever had. He paused for a moment then said, 'Unsafest sex? Hmmm, that's a good one. Let me think.'

Now, I was expecting him to say something like a ten-man bareback orgy, or some risky outdoor encounter where there was a good chance of him being caught. I have to admit I was rather taken aback by his actual response:

'It would have to be that time I had a loaded double-barreled shotgun shoved up my arse.'
( ThisCaledonianClown has left it far too late, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:11, 2 replies)

Not so much a story more of a question...
If any gentlemans art movie connoisseurs have seen the 1980 film, Rockin' with Seka, starring 'big' John Holmes, they would be aware of the sex machine in that.
I always wanted a male version and this QOTW has reminded me of said dream for one. So, does one exist?
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Fri 18 May 2012, 12:46, 1 reply)

"pulled her flesh into the mechanism"
Hello!

I work for that there aforementioned Lovehoney. We let folks review the toys they buy, and publish, good or bad. This one makes me wince

www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=17045&reviewid=24662#customer_reviews
(mattycurry, Fri 18 May 2012, 12:37, 3 replies)

Akihabara District, Tokyo.
Decided to check out a sex shop on the 4th floor in one of the many stores to be found in Electric City, just to see how the Japanese do things.

Two years on and my mind still refuses to recall what I saw there.
(ParaSitius is an Optimistic Pessimist, Fri 18 May 2012, 12:34, 3 replies)

Sex
I've toyed with the idea. Decided to go fuck myself instead.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Fri 18 May 2012, 12:26, Reply)

How to make me flustered.

What you should do, right, is if you are a super hot saleswoman at a shop in Brighton, when I am paying for a vibrator for the other half, say to me with a smile and a wink 'Oh, that's a fantastic choice, I assure you'. I walked into the fucking door frame and knocked my glasses off on the way out of the shop I was so distracted by the thought.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 18 May 2012, 11:03, 9 replies)

Shower head
Apparently the ladies swear by them. My friend tells me that she has never bothered with a vibrator because of this badboy.

As if the idea of a naked lady showering wasn't sexy enough.
(Mr Fudge It shouldn't be illegal to have sex with an eagle, Fri 18 May 2012, 10:18, 7 replies)

The biggest and best I ever came across
was called Sharon
(Redemption blamed it on the Bossa Nova since, Fri 18 May 2012, 10:04, 2 replies)

My friend had one of those dolls that you have sex with and it talks
but the only thing it talked about was murder.


(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:37, 6 replies)

I know a woman who bought a vibrator.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 18 May 2012, 8:16, 9 replies)

The thing that's really annoying about this site is how cliquey it is.
I'm actually a blonde female 18yo bisexual dancer with a really keen interest in sex toys, and have loads of stories, but I have to pose as a late 30s straight male office drone here in order to get people to read my stuff.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 18 May 2012, 8:00, 8 replies)

Game over on account of lost Broome Pearls.
When I were a lot younger.
I became enamored with a young Japanese lass who lived locally. She was very pretty, her parents were rich and as I was to find out she was fairly adventurous for a young lass brought up in a fairly strict household.

Anyhoo.

1 evening after her parents had gone out we were "fooling around" as the septics like to say and she suggested we incorporate something into our loveplay. "Umm, ok" says I throbbing from ear to ear. She disappears upstairs and returns with a string of pearls.
Now a little background quickly - both her parents were Eurasian with strong connections to the Japanese Pearl Diving community in Broome, Western Australia. She had been born & raised in Japan by her mother's family. The pearls were a family heirloom picked off the bottom of the ocean up north by 1 of her distant ancestors. And aside from being very expensive (apparently about AUD$12000) they were effectively priceless. She was (secretly) on the pill so no protection was used.

She gently wrapped said pearls (unbeknownst to me their sentimental or fiscal value) around my cock & balls (no euphemism) and then proceeded to shove the rest of the string into her front bottom. Then followed a good quarter of an hour of penis-to-vagina intercourse type thrusting. Much of it fairly vigorous.
I would just like to say here that she had been well accommodated for with a fairly hefty bout of cunnilingus and digital excitement prior to the oysters sputum making it's debut.

Eventually. (Looking for a new "anyhoo")

Things came to their natural conclusion and upon my withdrawal I discovered that the string had broken and my sated partner was spilling pearls out of her love-bud.
That's when she told me about them and we panicked.
Que her pushing pearls slowly out of her love muscle while I had turns fishing them out with my fingers and other utensils.
It cost us equally about $200 to get them properly restrung, neither of us knew whether we had got them all or not and about 3 months later (just a few weeks prior to our amicable breakup) we couldn't stop pissing ourselves when her mum wore the pearls out to a fancy dinner at a function.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Fri 18 May 2012, 7:17, 6 replies)

Ohh..
This is my kind of QOTW! Haha, lets see what I can do to beat my homemade porn answer...
( Bathory, Fri 18 May 2012, 6:08, 2 replies)

I was dating a 'nice Jewish girl'
so nice, in fact, that her father was a rabbi. I sent her a filthy text, only to get a reply from her father who was apparently borrowing the phone. It was a huge sext oy.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 18 May 2012, 4:28, 17 replies)

"If she throws out all her sex toys, you know you're good"
I think that's a quote from here, actually...
( MatJ LOOK, Fri 18 May 2012, 1:49, 1 reply)

I once tried to fuck one of those pots of jelly.
The ones like a pot of yoghurt, but jelly. On the first thrust, the jelly shot out all over the bed. I didn't really think it through. I was staying in a hotel at the time. Not sure what the maid must have thought.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Thu 17 May 2012, 23:32, 4 replies)

It seems you don't have to spend much money
on a sex toy. Your local grocer should do you fine.
According to friends of mine in the medical field, who are all entirely genuine.
Take for example the elderly gentleman who came into A&E not being able to poo for over a week.
He had been 'enjoying' a corn on the cob, and lost his grip and then found himself unable to eject it from his backside, hence causing a very painful blockage. They of course had to extract it, and apparently the smell was a thick as gravy and the poor fella cried. Along with most of the staff.
Or the lovely gay guy who decided to tempt his lover on his return to their flat by offering his erect cock as a romantic vase complete with a single stem Gerbera inserted, sitting up proudly as he lay temptingly on the sofa waiting for his lovers return.
Unfortunately Gerberas have a very hairy stem, it went in OK, but pulling it out was another matter.
A very painful visit to A&E sorted him out but I very much doubt it ended up very sexy for them. Then you never know...
( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Thu 17 May 2012, 23:00, 1 reply)

I fucked an action man helicopter once

(Cabbages. Knickers. It's not got a beak, Thu 17 May 2012, 22:53, Reply)

Lovehoney.co.uk
I'm sure the connoisseurs amongst you are already well aware of the site, but if you've been hesitating over going sex toy shopping I can heartily recommend LH. They're cheap, the wrapping is discreet, reviews are genuine and there's a ton of guides on what to buy and why.
( Bats, Thu 17 May 2012, 21:36, 10 replies)

If you fantasise about sex with a film star...
Do what I did. Buy a rubber sex doll and turn it inside out. It'll be exactly like shagging an impressively erect Yul Brynner.
(judgetheobscure used to sweep in butchers' shops., Thu 17 May 2012, 21:36, Reply)

Here's a little number I tossed off recently in the Caribbean.
Kind of on topic...
Rampant Rabbit
From my other interweb persona, redhotpig
nothing to do with horses, honest
(SigourneysBeaver took off and nuked the entire site from orbit on, Thu 17 May 2012, 21:24, Reply)

Surprise!
I bought my missus a vibrator for Christmas when she'd been dropping hints about designer perfume, bags etc.

"What the fucking hell do you think this is?" she yelled.

Naturally, I told her where to shove it.
(psd eats stuff. Often., Thu 17 May 2012, 21:17, 1 reply)

I was reading a thread the other day on the discussion of vibrators.
ALOT of woman claiming that they had to bin their vibrators as it was the only thing that could make them orgasm. Which was quite sad really...some of them where really upset about it.
(shezam slouching towards nirvana., Thu 17 May 2012, 20:38, 12 replies)

It was in bangkok, I dialed strap-on services etc
They said, "only ladyboys". So I was amazed at the throb a penis gives.
( The Scrunt Wants a Dozen Pints, Thu 17 May 2012, 20:25, Reply)

Offer declined.
I once asked my domineering girlfriend if she'd like a sex toy.

She said "Then what would I need you for? Keep licking, fuckmeat"
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Thu 17 May 2012, 19:10, 2 replies)

Impromptu lube
My friend's gay flatmate (yea, I know, friend of a friend) said when in the shower with your fella, shower gel can make a good lube for spur of the moment sex. However, don't use Original Source Mint shower gel...

No, it wasn't me. But it is a ring stinger when a hot curry has left you tender. Especially the black mint.
(Wize, Thu 17 May 2012, 18:56, 8 replies)

Dangerous Doug
My mate Doug was explaining what a 'Danger Wank' was, telling everyone of a friend of a friend who gets his thrills. The chap would, when in mid wank, would shout on his mum or granny while they are down stairs and the rule was you have to finish off and tidy up your mess before they come into the room.

Then I pointed out, most 'friend of a friend' stories were really about the person telling the story. he just smiled and didn't offer any reply. Since then he has had the nickname Dangerous Doug.
(Wize, Thu 17 May 2012, 18:52, 2 replies)

A bit of pearoast
Next time you get one of those brochures through the post. You know the ones, with all the implausible gadgets, bird-feeders, foot-spas etc - check out the 'Shoulder Massager' ;-) Just sayin.
(Nitrous Nitrous, Thu 17 May 2012, 18:50, Reply)