Dont try this one in the pub...It went very quiet when I did....
Whats the only downside about having sex with a six year old?


Having to strangle her afterwards


>sorry<
(frightfullybored, Thu 8 Dec 2005, 16:34, Reply)

what's the difference between...
7/7 and a packet of smarties? Smarties don't melt in the tube.
( shift spendips make me sad inside, Thu 8 Dec 2005, 16:33, Reply)

Hobbs went into a butchers, pondered upon what he fancied then asked the butcher for 1lb of salami, the butcher takes the salami, weighs is, then takes it to the slicing machine. Hobbs shouts "WOW WOW WOW buddy hold on a minute, what do you think I am a fucking slot machine?"
(site_history_log, Thu 8 Dec 2005, 16:31, Reply)

poor
Why did the retard die?

Because when its owner wasn't looking, it drove its wheelchair into a really hot fire.
(muyk, Thu 8 Dec 2005, 16:28, Reply)

hobbs malik thought he had pube, until he pissed out of it.

(Bill Stickers, Thu 8 Dec 2005, 16:28, Reply)

Q, how do homosexuals wank?
A, Shit in there hand first.

this one is for you hobbs
(Bill Stickers, Thu 8 Dec 2005, 16:26, Reply)

Q. What's the hardest thing about eating a vegetable?

A. Getting her out of the wheelchair!
(Bill Stickers, Thu 8 Dec 2005, 16:18, Reply)

Another Dead Baby....
Cant believe this hadnt been said in the first fifteen pages at least....


How do you make a dead baby float?

Two scoops of ice cream and one scoop of dead baby.
(gristy Twice as a rabbit, but oh, how a reputation sticks, Thu 8 Dec 2005, 15:58, Reply)

Bit crap, sorry...
What was the last thing to go through Ayrton Senna's (*) mind before he died?

The steering column. Arf arf.

(*) insert name of relevant famous person killed in car crash here. Or not. Ho hum...
(Rakky, Thu 8 Dec 2005, 15:53, Reply)

Why did Hobbs Malik cross the road?
Because he couldn't get his penis out the chickens ass.
(Bill Stickers, Thu 8 Dec 2005, 15:53, Reply)

one to try on a friend
Hobbs says to Tim "if you had grass stains on your knees and a condom hanging out of your ass would you tell anyone"

Tim Replies "NO!"

To which Hobbs replies "would you like to go camping next weekend"

Badum Tsh
(Bill Stickers, Thu 8 Dec 2005, 15:47, Reply)

Why do german men grow moustaches?
So they can look like their mothers.
(Bertie Dastard Wax on, wax off, Thu 8 Dec 2005, 15:43, Reply)

my apologies
This man pulls up in his Merc beside a little boy.

He opens the door, holds out a brown paper bag of sweets and says, "Hey kid, if I give you a sweetie, will you come in my car."

To which the kid replies, "Gimme the bag and I'll come in your mouth!"
(Bill Stickers, Thu 8 Dec 2005, 15:39, Reply)

Ahem
What's 30ft long and smells of piss and cabbage?
A conga line in an old people's home.
(Sirbacker, Thu 8 Dec 2005, 15:39, Reply)

Not sick but…at least it’s not about Gary Glitter, blue coats or dead babies
A man was driving along a country road, the rain was pelting down, it was cold and it was the middle of the night. All of a sudden his car broke down. As he stood looking into the bonnet wondering what to do, a light caught his eye.

“Aha, a house” thinks the man.

So with that, he wanders across a muddy field to the house. Upon reaching the house he stepped onto the mat, which he noticed was made of gold. “Odd” thinks the man, “it’s not very often you see a door mat made out of gold”.

The man knocked on the door using a gold door knocker. “Hmm, perhaps they’ve just very well off”.

A short while later a little old lady comes to the door and asks him what he wants, to which the man explains that his car has broken down. The old woman suggests that he stays the night.

Upon entering the house, the man notices more gold things in the house – a gold TV, gold table and chairs, gold sofa, lots of gold trinkets dotted around, gold carpet, gold stairs and gold windows.

The woman shows the man to his room, and upon opening the gold door, the man is greeted with a fantastic bedroom – everything made of gold.

Stick with it…

He settles down into the gold bed, covers himself with the gold covers and lays his head on the gold pillow. The woman tells him breakfast is served at 8.00am sharp. So the man sets the gold clock on his gold bedside table to wake him at 7.30.

After a brilliant nights sleep the man awakes, and takes a bath – of course made of gold. He gets dressed and goes down the gold stairs, opens the gold door to the kitchen, and is greeting by two other men sitting at the gold table and on gold chairs.

They both explain that they are staying here too.

The woman appears and asks them what they all want for breakfast. “Cornflakes” says one man. “I’ll take the kippers” says the other, whilst our man plumps for cornflakes too.

The lady serves them their breakfasts, of course in gold bowls, with gold tea and coffee cups, gold cutlery, gold napkins, milk from the gold fridge and on gold trays.

Nearly there now…

After breakfast, the men all pack their things never to be seen again.

The moral of the story…
Two out of three people prefer cornflakes.

*shrugs*
(Bertie Dastard Wax on, wax off, Thu 8 Dec 2005, 15:38, Reply)

What kind of a file make a half in hole into a 3 and a half inch hole?
a Paedophile
(site_history_log, Thu 8 Dec 2005, 15:32, Reply)

what do you call an ethiopian with syphilis?
a quarter pounder with cheese

har har!
(murungu, Thu 8 Dec 2005, 15:30, Reply)

Why will the secret police never be invited to the police pool tournament again?
Because it took 7 shots for them to pot a black.
(MrWorry, Thu 8 Dec 2005, 15:24, Reply)

Tasty Treat, but not a joke
There was an old whore from the Azores,
Who's cunt was so covered with sores,
That the dogs in the street,
Wouldn't eat the green meat,
That hung from festoons in her drawers.
(Bill Stickers, Thu 8 Dec 2005, 15:11, Reply)

Man goes to the doctor and says "I've got a huge hole in my ass"
The doctors says "drop your pants, bend over and let have a look". "Fuck me!!" says the doctor " what could have made a hole as big as that?"
Patient replies I've been fucked by an elephant".
The doctor says "An elephants penis is long and thin, this hole is enormous".
Patient replies "He fingered me first".
(Bill Stickers, Thu 8 Dec 2005, 15:08, Reply)

Mommy, Mommy! I don't like tomato soup!

Shut up, we only have it once a month.
(Bill Stickers, Thu 8 Dec 2005, 15:03, Reply)

-
What's 3 foot tall and sits at the end of 7 year old girls' beds?

Gary Glitter's boots.
(LunarJim, Thu 8 Dec 2005, 14:42, Reply)

New joke, never head before
Did you hear about the one where Gary Glitter puts a nigger baby in a blender with no arms or legs, so he can etch-a-sketch AIDS and thalidomide with a jew in an ashtray and will thus be able to hang him with George Best in Vietnam?

Because there's 20 of them in my lucky blue coat.

Never heard anything like it before!
(wonderbrawl was pronounced dead on, Thu 8 Dec 2005, 13:48, Reply)

Not that sick George Bush joke
George Bush dies and is sent to hell.

Satan explains to George Bush that hell is overcrowded and that he needs to evict someone else to make room.

"i'll give you a choice" says Satan, and George is shown 3 rooms.

In the first room is J.F.K. being stretched on a rack.
"If you choose this room" says Satan, "you will be tortured on the rack forever.

"Don't fancy that" says George, and he is shown the second room.
Behind the next door is Richard Nixon who is being savaged by rabid baboons.
"If you choose this room" says Satan, "you will be mutilated by rabid baboons forever"

"that doesn't appeal either" says George and Satan opens the final door.

George Bush jumps for joy as he sees Bill Clinton being blown off by Monica Lewinsky----forever.
"I'll take this one!" says George "this one!"
Satan shrugs and says

"OK Monica, you can go...."
(Nick_Toznost, Thu 8 Dec 2005, 13:47, Reply)

A man goes into a brothel
and says he's looking for something a bit unusual, but he's only got 50p. So the madam takes him to a room at the back and says, "For 50p, you can have an hour with this chicken which has been trained to give blow jobs."

It's not quite what he had in mind, but he decides, hey, everything should be tried once except folk dancing and incest, so he spends the next hour attempting to persuade this chicken to suck his cock, eventually coming to the conclusion that the chicken has received absolutely no blow job training whatsoever.

However, a week later he decides it was nevertheless an interesting experience, and so he goes back.

This time, the madam leads him into a dingy cinema where a group of men are watching a woman cavorting with a goat. "This is amazing," says the man, "I've never seen anything like this before!" Whereupon the man sitting next to him says, "You should have been here last week and seen the guy with the chicken!"
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Thu 8 Dec 2005, 13:38, Reply)

What's worse than finding a slug in your salad?
Having no arms or legs.
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Thu 8 Dec 2005, 13:28, Reply)

What's the best way to reason with a racist?
shoot the fucker
( The Beast can't help looking at womens breasts on the tube, Thu 8 Dec 2005, 13:27, Reply)

What's the definition of stupid?
a racist in a 'I hate Pakis' t-shirt walking along Bradford High Street.
( The Beast can't help looking at womens breasts on the tube, Thu 8 Dec 2005, 13:25, Reply)

why is it wrong to kill a racist?
because who'd be left to kill the niggers?
( The Beast can't help looking at womens breasts on the tube, Thu 8 Dec 2005, 13:23, Reply)