Don't announce to the world what you're doing
when your dad has a myspace page.
Especially when you're underage and are planning on getting "drunk as fuck" and "having hot horny sex" with your boyfriend.
And then lying to your dad about where you are.
And then being surprised when dad asks you how the "hot horny sex" is going!

I'm still laughing at the look on her face when she came home.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Tue 16 Sep 2008, 16:22, 9 replies)

fucking women
first post. be nice :).


kind of a gaffe but ill let thee decide.

Met a lass at a music fest, flirted, got on well, nothing came out of it. didnt lose too much sleep over it.

I, however, did add her on the old facebook (not in the stalker way like usual).

.........2 weeks later


im in the local, enter she, looking radiant. proceeds to invite me outside for a chat. we talk, flirt, everyhing is good. then the ex turns up. I am good friends with him and still am. But the problem is she drops the bomb of moving in for the game of tonsil tennis. I panic, and feel guilty for the ex and do not return her serve. Not awkward after that really just talked for ages until she went home.

All i can think about is her for the next week, i send her a facebook message and recieve no reply. Profile stalk abit. pine for a while. And before you know it the weekend has arrived. Surprise surprise i see her. we have a brief talk before she invited her girl-mate outside. hmmmmmmm. Then blanks me for the remainder of the longest evening of my life.

wtf. what should i do to woo her???

Length? she didn't even get to find out :(
(haroweld, Tue 16 Sep 2008, 15:43, 17 replies)

My brother again.
Why is it when my brother posts pictures on Facebook, you can safely bet that most of the pictures will be 'me and my girlfriend' pictures. You know, the ones where you put your arm around your missus and take a pic with the camera at arm's length.

It looks ridiculous, out of about 100 pics, at least 50 will be him with his idiot grin on his face, face all twisted towards the camera with his girly next to him, heads pressed together, so in love. Ahhh.

I think I'm going to be sick.

Why does he think all his friends want to see him and his girlfriend on almost all his pictures? It's slightly interesting seeing where he's been, but surely no one wants to see his ugly mug in closeup all the time?

Then his missus will post exactly the same pics on her Facebook.

DOUBLE VOMIT!

Fucking morons.
(Strangechap I look normal on the outside..., Tue 16 Sep 2008, 14:52, 8 replies)

I think I made a real-life gaffe this morning...
This morning as I came to work I noticed a minivan being driven in that had a plate that says "MERE DE 3". I saw the driver to be our payroll woman, who happens to be married to a Frenchman.

As she was bringing in paychecks I asked, "I take it your husband dislikes your minivan?"

She looked puzzled. "No, why?"

"I noticed your license plate. Congrats on getting a naughty word through DMV."

She looked annoyed. "I've gotten that before. It means 'mother of three'." And she stalked off.

Mother Of Three, Shit Three... the distinction is a fine one, I admit.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 16 Sep 2008, 14:39, 21 replies)

Clever Students
Lurked for ages but thought I'd share this story.

I lecture at a well known Uni in Oxford and a couple of years ago
a group of us started using facebook. So far so dull really, that was until I typed the name of my subject in to the search box. Up came a load of my students, once again not that interesting. But what made it great fun was the fact a large number of them had joined the "Certain Lecturer is a really really boring man! A support group for survivors of 'Certain Lecturer's' teaching". This chap is a lovely bloke but could bore for a living. After carefully screen capturing the whole group for my own, and colleagues amusement, I sent a short e-mail to the group pointing out that they had broken the Uni's rules and I would be taking the matter further (not that I was ever going to or more importantly could be bothered). Several of them arrived in tears professing abject regret and apologising and asking not to be thrown out (again not really the plan). Upshot was a lot of scared students and some very amused lecturers.
(ergaster, Tue 16 Sep 2008, 14:18, 15 replies)

Gumtree
Not sure if this counts.

My missus read in one of her "wimmin's" mags about how some rough old slapper gets regular deep-dick action by advertising where she'll be on business and when she'll be available for a piping. I pointed out this would only work for a woman. The wife disagrees.

And so the experiment started. We placed adverts on Gumtree - one "woman seeks man"; one "man seeks woman" and one "couple seeks other", just for shits and giggles - each one stating "picture garuntees response". We then waited for the replies to roll in.

Though we didn't have to wait long. The "woman seeks man" advert got four responses within 20 minutes, which I thought was slightly strange considering we posted the advert a little before midnight on December 30th. By the morning, the inbox of the fake email address we used was stuffed with cocks, hundreds of the things. Plus some of the pictures of said love-lengths showed them being used in slightly unusual ways.

After a few minutes of checking out the weird replies, I felt more than a little sick. Not least by my wife looking at one picture and uttering the phrase "you wouldn't shag him, he's got crap wallpaper".

I was right, though. The "man seeking woman" only got "are you sure you're after a woman?" type replies. And more pictures of cocks.
(ScousersPet, Tue 16 Sep 2008, 13:42, 6 replies)

Beware clients on Facebook
So I "friended" a client, who I provide with consultancy services related to branding.

And then I was doing research on them, and visited pages which ranted about them. And then joined the group, because some of the Guardian-addled ill-educated drivel some of the buggers were coming up with pissed me off, and I had to join to respond with my SWORD OF JUSTICE AND SHIELD OF LOGIC.

Sadly, this was nothing compared to how pissed off my client was when they got a "Prince Igor has joined ......." update in their newsfeed.

Oh, and any pseudo-intellectual self-righteous cunts who like to look down on people who are "DIFFRUNT" and like to do things they don't, please find a very very tall building, go to the top, and then stab yourself repeatedly with a coathanger. It'll be the most interesting thing you ever do. Remember kids, Noam Chomsky is a loon, and Johann Hari should only be read for amusement.
( prince-igor si tacuisses, philosophus mansisses, Tue 16 Sep 2008, 13:34, 4 replies)

myspace
A couple of years ago I used to be a member of MySpace, I'm not really sure why as I didn't like it from the start, but I figured all the kids are doing it, why shouldn't I?
As I have noticed already this kind of story has been done before, but I feel I should add my own, just because!

So there I am out with my friends on a Friday, getting drunk like most Friday nights, but this one wasn't quite my normal Friday night, fuck knows what got into me, but I was as horny as a dog with two dicks, and my behaviour was erratic to say the least.

Having not been successful with the ladies up town I proceeded to venture onto MySpace upon arriving home deciding it is time to find a lady who can help with my situation (note to self: use a porn site next time and relieve the hornyness manually). That was the last thing I remember that night.

The next morning I am awoken by a text from my sister: "bit to drink last night?! (name removed) mite take u up on that! lol"
Memory starts to leak back and panic washes over me...what in all fuckery have I done now?!

Turns out I have utterly spammed one of my sisters best friends profiles with requests to spend, well, a polite term would be a "duvet day" together.
( MonkeyOfCode is your favourite waste of time, Tue 16 Sep 2008, 13:34, 2 replies)

My first girlfriend was a bit of a weirdo
in that, she'd never want to talk to me when we were together in person, I'd just be left delivering her a monologue in a hopeless attempt to shroud the awkwardness.

However, she was the most talkative person ever when on the internet. I put this down to the fact she was a full-blown emo - scars and all (that's a story for another day)- and complete social isolation at her own school.

In order to get to know her a little better I joined a Social Networking site. I should've turned back when I noticed the forum background was pink, but I was too concerned for my first relationship. Soon I was emersed in this strange society, full of girly-girls and gay guys, poor, text message inspired illiteracy and topics about teenage pregnancy and who's hottest in Big Brother.

It was not my scene at all, but I stayed in order to communicate with my girlfriend - with occasional chav-bashing trolling thrown in.

So I'd made my mistake... and then this is where it hit me.

I found out, via her online messages she'd been cheating on me... with someone she'd met on the internet. And by "met on the internet", I mean met ONLY on the internet. Never in real life.

I could've dumped her there: risen above it all just left. But no. That would be too mature for my whining, adolescent conscience. Cue a good month of online arguing, which I am now deeply ashamed of. Innocent, mindless threads about which celebrity's dog is fitter turned into hideous torrents of hate, which made me the bad guy.

Then I found b3ta...
( Butters and his titanium codsocket, Tue 16 Sep 2008, 13:31, Reply)

Facebook made me that crazy ex for a short while....
After breaking up with someone I shall refer to as 'the boy' we decided to remain friends, this was going fairly well, until something HE said triggered a series of events which still make my ears blush.....

The boy told me that he stalker checked my profile to find out what I was up to because we didn't see as much of each other as before, this popped into my mind when I was checking my own facebook so I decieded to have a look at his profile and discovered he was flirting with this girl, who was also quite a looker (damn her)...

I seethed quietly for a whole 2 minutes before before firing off my usual chatty email but for the last sentence....Which basically inferred that I'd seen the firting and I was none too pleased about it....5 minutes later I could no longer see his wall...10 minutes later we were no longer facebook friends....If he'd been standing nearby I would have probably been throttling him with his own intestines.

This does have a happy ending, I knew even as I sent the email I was being irrational and after a week of me ignoring his apologies (uneccessary ones at that) we have an even better friendship than before though we are still not Facebook friends....

Facebook is bad, people. My ears are glowing with shame. And worst of all, I am far too old for e-jealousy!
(GirlOfTheWorld, Tue 16 Sep 2008, 13:29, 2 replies)

the portal
I have lurked on this site for many a month, so I thought seemed suitable to break my silence with a confession.

Facebook can't be all bad - aside from someone you haven't spoken to since you were five adding you as a friend, it was actually someone's facebook status that led me to b3ta. Possibly during some technical faults?!

Curious as to what it could possibly be, I googled my way here and the rest is history. The gaffe? Probably on my own back in the many happy time-wasting hours provided since, when I know I should have been doing something more productive.
(treaclebriggs, Tue 16 Sep 2008, 13:17, Reply)

Shameless Self Promotion
I, like many of the posters on this board, get quite offended when people announce in their statuses that they are "bored", "eating a twix", "cutting their toenails" or similar uninspired facts.

Early on I decided to do my best to upset the status quotes by making mine as irreverent or indeed offensive as possible.

The reverse happened.

In fact, I receive so many favourable comments about them, and even more requests when they're not updated that I feel it is time to put them into a "Little Book of Calm" type publication for everybody's pleasure.

So I have started a group to help find me a publisher which I encourage you to join:

www.new.facebook.com/group.php?gid=34392342921

Length? Long enough to blow my own trumpet...
(kingnutter, Tue 16 Sep 2008, 13:09, 1 reply)

Not sure where to start with this one so I’ll just blurt it out….

I found my natural mother via Friends Reunited.

The story, (in case you’re interested but a much shortened down version)

I was adopted by my Mum and Dad (who I class as my real parents) from birth and have had a great life to tell the truth.

My Mum and Dad have never kept it from me that they weren’t my ‘Natural’ parents and they always supported me every time I showed and interest in tracing my natural mother, this only happened a few times during my life though but they even tried to help me whenever possible, in fact they even gave me all the paperwork that they had from when they adopted me, so I knew real details like my natural mothers name.

Anyway to cut to the chase, I was messing around on friends reunited and typed her name in and well, bugger me it came up! I knew it was her because there were certain details that matched like age, school, hoped profession.

So I sat there (at work) on some shitty Windows Millennium Pc staring at it thinking ‘Well Fuck Me!’ I never expected that to come up.

So I did what any normal person would do and typed her a message (after joining the site so I could send one).

I wanted to respect the fact that her life would have changed a lot so I kept it as vague as possible in case someone else read it. Something along the lines of:

‘Hi, I last saw you about 26 years ago at ****** hospital, how’s things, bit about me etc etc… hope this get to you ok and feel free to message me back when you pick yourself up off the floor’

I figured this would be obvious to her who I was but no-one else.

But I couldn’t send it, I had the mouse over the send button but my hand wasn’t on it, not that it needed to be because one of the lads at work ‘Gareth’ pressed it for me! Cheers mate!

Well I got a reply within 24 hrs saying she was shocked and happy and all mixed up, so was I!

Anyway short version as promised – we met up, and I found out that I have 2 other Sisters and a Brother along with Nieces, Nephews, Aunties, Uncles and Cousins I suppose things have been going well over the past 7/8 years, we sort of keep in touch after the initial whirlwind of meeting everyone.

I’ve never asked about my natural Father, never really bothered me meeting him although the older I get (34 in 3 weeks), the more of an urge I get to trace him, maybe it’s me wanting to know if I’ll go bald or the big ‘C’ or something??!

I know his name and age, so if anyone has any good ways to trace then Gaz me.

Through all this my Mum and Dad have stood by me and supported me going through some very strange emotions guilt being a good one! and I’d like to thank them for that (well, I already have)

Well there you go really, that’s it.

Thanks, Friends Reunited.

(Sorry for length)


(Kip, Tue 16 Sep 2008, 13:09, 9 replies)

My Gaff?
I blocked Facebook at work yesterday, as despite many warnings some members of my team are constantly playing on the games (cricket and bowling seem to be popular) or chatting with others, and the quality of work is suffering.

So far I've had to deal with two verbal and three written (e-mailed to me) complaints from those who think it's unfair. Luckily my manager is behind me on this, so I can ignore them, tell them to quit whining and get back to work.

Who'd have thought such a little thing could provoke so much whining? This is work, surely people can go 8 hours without seeing exactly that their mates are eating? But it seems that I am now the leading hate figure in the office and will be for some time.

So, like social networking sites themselves, this post has no point. But that's definatly my social networking gaff,
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Tue 16 Sep 2008, 13:00, 8 replies)

WTF?
Best friends girlfriend sent me a comment asking why I only have 68 friends on myspace... Checked her page and she has +5k friends. All my friends I see weekly aside from 3 people, they all live in different parts of the country/world like my favorite D.J., Sarah C. who lives in Leeds. Bah I go make stabby with the banana!
(seshmarls, Tue 16 Sep 2008, 12:27, 2 replies)

I told my mate about this question...
...and he said his biggest social networking gaffe was helping his wife sign up for Facebook.

She's now addicted to it and can't leave it alone, she'll get up to make a cup of tea and be gone for an hour. 'Just checking my Facebook dear' she says.

He's a 'Facebook Widower' now.

Mind you, he sees less of his wife now, and in my book, sometimes that's not a bad thing.
(Strangechap I look normal on the outside..., Tue 16 Sep 2008, 12:02, 1 reply)

Everyone's round my house all the time.
I think they think it's just some sort of fucking social networking gaff.
(JohabMorelli is spenging merrily away, Tue 16 Sep 2008, 11:41, Reply)

I would like to see something similar to Facebook....
...but instead of catering for us, it could cater for our pets. We could stick up a site for cats, dogs, all teh fluff imaginable and organise groups for them; "Coronation Street Themetune Barking Commitee", "Cars or Sticks?" "Dealing with cat-dribble".
My idea is that if this is done, people would actually have something to fucking talk about on the site to each other, other than randomly poking each other for months on end.

It doesn't have to be about pets, could even be about kids toys for example; Optimus Prime, owned by Shaun, played with 18 times. Interests include protecting the Matrix, upholding justice and rolling out, missing left hand and gun.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Tue 16 Sep 2008, 10:51, 6 replies)

Has anyone posted this yet?
Love it.



Howies.. I Salute you.
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Tue 16 Sep 2008, 10:50, 4 replies)

I once signed up to MyFace, and
‮̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊ ̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎ ̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̕̕̕̕̕̕ ̋̌̍̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊ ̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎ ̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̕̕̕̕̕̕ ̋̌̍̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊ ̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎ ̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̕̕̕̕̕̕ ̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̕̕̕ ̌̍̎̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊ ̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎ ̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̕̕̕̕̕̕ ̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̕̕̕ ̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̕̕̕ ̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̕̕̕ ̐̑̊̋̌̍̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̕̕ ̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̕ ̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̕̕̕ ̑ ̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̕ ̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̕̕̕̕̕ ̍̎ ̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̊̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̕̕̕̕̕̕ ̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̕̕̕ ̐̑̊̋̌̍̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̕̕ ̊̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̕ ̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎ ̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̕̕̕̕̕̕ ̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̕ ̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎ ̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̕̕̕̕̕̕ ̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̕̕̕ ̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̕̕̕ ̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̕̕̕ ̐̑̊̋̌̍̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̕̕ ̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̕ ̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̕̕̕ ̑ ̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̕ ̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̕̕̕̕̕ ̍̎ ̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̊̊̋̕̕̕̕̕ ̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̕̕̕ ̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̕̕̕ ̐̑̊̋̌̍̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̕̕ ̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̕ ̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̕̕̕ ̑ ̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̕ ̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̕̕̕̕̕ ̍̎ ̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̕̕̕ ̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎ ̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̕̕̕̕̕̕ ̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̕̕̕ ̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̕̕̕ ̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̕̕̕ ̐̑̊̋̌̍̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̕̕ ̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̕ ̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̕̕̕ ̑ ̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̕ ̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̕̕̕̕̕ ̍̎ ̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̊̋̌̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̕̕̕ ̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̕̕̕ ̑ ̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̕ ̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̕̕̕̕̕ ̍̎ ̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̊̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̕̕̕̕̕̕ ̌̍̎̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊ ̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎ ̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̕̕̕̕̕̕ ̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏‮̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊ ̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎ ̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̕̕̕̕̕̕ ̋̌̍̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊ ̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎ ̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̕̕̕̕̕̕ ̋̌̍̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊ ̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎ ̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̕̕̕̕̕̕ ̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̕̕̕ ̌̍̎̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊ ̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎ ̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̕̕̕̕̕̕ ̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̕̕̕ ̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̕̕̕ ̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̕̕̕ ̐̑̊̋̌̍̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̕̕ ̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̕ ̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̕̕̕ ̑ ̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̕ ̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̕̕̕̕̕ ̍̎ ̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̊̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̕̕̕̕̕̕ ̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̕̕̕ ̐̑̊̋̌̍̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̕̕ ̊̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̕ ̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎ ̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̕̕̕̕̕̕ ̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̕ ̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎ ̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̕̕̕̕̕̕ ̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̕̕̕ ̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̕̕̕ ̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̕̕̕ ̐̑̊̋̌̍̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̕̕ ̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̕ ̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̕̕̕ ̑ ̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̕ ̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̕̕̕̕̕ ̍̎ ̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̊̊̋̕̕̕̕̕ ̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̕̕̕ ̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̕̕̕ ̐̑̊̋̌̍̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̕̕ ̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̕ ̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̕̕̕ ̑ ̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̕ ̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̕̕̕̕̕ ̍̎ ̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̕̕̕ ̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎ ̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̕̕̕̕̕̕ ̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̕̕̕ ̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̕̕̕ ̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̕̕̕ ̐̑̊̋̌̍̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̕̕ ̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̕ ̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̕̕̕ ̑ ̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̕ ̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̕̕̕̕̕ ̍̎ ̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̊̋̌̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̕̕̕ ̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̕̕̕ ̑ ̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̕ ̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̕̕̕̕̕ ̍̎ ̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̊̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̕̕̕̕̕̕ ̌̍̎̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊ ̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎ ̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̕̕̕̕̕̕ ̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̕̕̕ ̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̕̕̕ ̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̕̕̕ ̐̑̊̋̌̍̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̕̕ ̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̕ ̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̕̕̕ ̑ ̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̕ ̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̊̋̌̍̎̏̕̕̕̕̕&#x
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Tue 16 Sep 2008, 5:33, 7 replies)

The Flaw of Hotmail...
I have a friend called Alex who when he isn't shagging every bird he can get his shropshire mits on, travels the world on a cruise ship for his course placement experience.

A lovely lad he is, keeping in touch with numerous emails and photographs of 'mint beaches' and 'well-up-for-it-fanny'... needless to say, his mails are a refreshing change from Amazon's deal of the week and the latest breakthrough from CheapErecto.com.

This boy's address book is lengthy, and with every week's mattress conquests- extends by a few extra names and emails.

Now hotmail has a handy feature in the address book- allowing Nicknames for each email to be saved to aid with the name/mail matching up- Unfortunately for Alex he was unaware that his handy little 'reminder names' appeared at the top of the email - readily available for each recipient to see...

Highlights included "Kirsty Bus-Face", "Sand", "Up the bum" and "Mintest Fanny in the world".
( the dalai farmer always likes tea, but especially on, Tue 16 Sep 2008, 1:59, Reply)

i signed up
yes its true
(waterglasof produce of italy, Tue 16 Sep 2008, 1:31, 2 replies)

Facebook + Alcohol = Shame
Noone likes to wake up, and vaugley remember drunkenly posting on a pretty young lady's wall...

the feeling of dread as you open her profile page...

your stomach sinking as you scroll down to the wall...

the confusion when you see the following sentence...

'I'd realllyesa likeafe to tagieaohne youajotpa ninha, iwoppa mopawgni dinner, aowithang beautiful face aoinga pink slit awnds, no lube, geaino dark matter opawjtg, credit crunch woinegs, hold me.'

and finally the shame when you can no longer view her photos as you have to add her as a friend again first...
(the_biochem_ninja can resist everything except temptation, Tue 16 Sep 2008, 0:41, 4 replies)

Social networking gaffes?
Jesus...

I am the only person still living in the real world speaking to people face to face?! Stop spending all your free time at home wanking, eating pizza and staring at down the top photos of teenage girls!

(says the sad b3ta addict cnut)
(chrisdood Why yes, I am the shizzle, Mon 15 Sep 2008, 23:53, 4 replies)

As expected
I've just found out my marriage is over.

She's met someone else. I was planning on leaving anyway.

Right, now that call to my parents to ask if I can stop with them for a bit.

Not funny I know, but why not announce this to a world of strangers and hope everyone else understands?

My Nan is gonna be mortified.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 15 Sep 2008, 22:30, 20 replies)

strippers
my now ex boyfriend told me he was going to play poker with the lads, unfortunatly the next day his mate wrote on the wall to say "good night last night weren't those strippers amazing." this message showed up on my newsfeed much sulking ensued. to be fair if he told me he was going to a lap dancing club i wouldn't have been too bothered i just didnt appreciate him being a big fat liar.
(ms.twister, Mon 15 Sep 2008, 21:22, 4 replies)

Pictoral evidence of the common social gaffes that are dating profiles
Following on from my list of rules over the page, I made this!

A ghastly and bewildering parade of How Not To Do It


Worthy of a post in its own right, I feel.

Stay til the end, I saved the best til last :)

(There's about 24 pics... more where that came from but enough's enough).

EDIT: enough isn't enough. Part 2 now here, with added goodness
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Mon 15 Sep 2008, 20:38, 22 replies)

Did you know
Some women actually have a penis .

I didn't .. fuckin myspace
(shake'n'bake Tally Ho, Biatch!, Mon 15 Sep 2008, 20:36, 2 replies)