Skipping
This is the most ridiculous talent and I don't know where it came from.

On a sports day in school the kid doing the skipping race felt ill so the teacher plucked me out of the bunch of kids attempting to hide and demanded I take his place. I won.

I was then entered into the regional competition against my will, tripped over at the start and still won. I was given some comical medal for my achievement.

It's the most embarrassing and useless talent. Some girl described one of my performances as 'the most naturally gifted skipper I've ever seen!'.

This shit is not on my cv. Why couldn't I actually be good at something that I could win an Olympic medal for as opposed to a wedgie?

n.b. I couldn't resist entering the parent's skipping race at my nephew's sports day. I've still got it.
( Regger, Thu 18 Nov 2010, 15:35, Reply)

I have one
no matter how hard I try, I can never come up with an amusing anecdote for qotw, or anything interesting to say at all.
( Sextant goes to him is emotionally erect, on this day, Thu 18 Nov 2010, 15:29, 2 replies)

Using a vacuum cleaner
and a bit of 50mm bore pipe I can make myself ejaculate in under 20 seconds.

I simply don't have time for a 5 minute pick-me-up.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 18 Nov 2010, 15:28, 3 replies)

Streetlights
Turn off when I walk by. I know, I'm just one of those paranoid weirdos like I'm sure you have seen on the interwebs, but it does happen with a freakishly high frequency.

Is there a rational explanation yet? Just a bit of loose wiring under the pavement maybe?
(Galahad is out of his gourd on yellow bentines, Thu 18 Nov 2010, 15:26, 13 replies)

belly button
everyone has one but i've never found anyone who can do with theirs what i can do with mine. I can turn it inside out so it is like a pregnant ladies ''snooze'' button, and if you poke it back in it will suction onto your finger.

I figure there has got to be someone out there with this same skill. Please tell me i'm not a freak.
(SkoaL, Thu 18 Nov 2010, 15:25, 13 replies)

I can use a cigerrette light, not only to open bottles of beer
but to launch the bottle caps a fair distance (up to 10 meters)

I have launched them across rooms and roads. My accuracy is crap though, I can get a general direction but that's about it.
( Crap Little Monkey Deathstar, so good they built it twice, Thu 18 Nov 2010, 15:24, 6 replies)

I can do a billion kick-ups
or about 140ish at the last count
(NuffMuff fucks shrubbery, Thu 18 Nov 2010, 15:19, Reply)

Clicky Jaw
Dunno how I discovered it, but I have the ability to click my jaw at will and create tunes with it...

Current favourites are the super mario theme tune and and willam tell tune :)

I also have a rather long tongue, which my mrs enjoys quite a lot ;)
(Mr_Squiffy mostly I'm farting in a bag to give to the needy, Thu 18 Nov 2010, 15:19, 1 reply)

I can throw
a teabag into a mug from 16 feet away.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 18 Nov 2010, 15:16, 6 replies)

Autofellatio
No, I can't do it, but read on.

Several years back, I stopped by a party late one night, around the time people were snorting coke (not something I partake in). One of the guys there was well known for claiming he can put his own penis in his mouth. Everyone demanded a demonstration.

The guy was no stranger to showing off this fact. One time at our favourite dive bar, he snuck into the women's washroom, pushed one of our female friends into a stall and locked himself in too, and started fellating himself in front of her. She was screaming and everyone else thought he was raping her, but, well...

Anyway, he finally relented, but he said due to shyness reasons he'd only do it in another room with three people present. It didn't matter that one of the people would have a video camera.

I somehow made it in for this demonstration. I can't remember what my reasoning was for wanting to go along, but I think I'd probably have made the same choice again today.

We went into the unfinished basement laundry room. He was, uh, high on coke, so he couldn't really get it up. He ended up having to stretch it out so it would meet his mouth. It was an insane feat of flexibility mainly in the upper back region that I thought only my cat capable of.

It was not very nice to see, somewhat resembling a man eating a limp piece of bacon out of his fly. I didn't like what I saw, so I turned around and smashed my head through the nearest drywall, creating a not insignificant hole.

For months after, people would come up to me and say "Hey Race, I saw the video. You were amazing!" Never mind the guy autofellating himself, we all want to see Racetraitor putting his head through a wall.

My spinally gifted friend at another point told me that autofellatio is great; no cleanup afterward. Later, he had a brief relationship with my sister, and then tried to become a Buddhist monk. Last I heard, he was telling people seriously that he's a time-travelling Nazi from the past.
(racetraitor has an alibi for, Thu 18 Nov 2010, 15:05, 10 replies)

When I still had my piano
I could play through the first page of La Campanella by Liszt, but I'm out of practice.

I can still hit the chord Cdim +11 with both hands (although different inversions, I'm not Rachmaninov)
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 18 Nov 2010, 15:02, Reply)

I can do an impersonation of Arnold Schwartznegger so accurately it's uncanny:
"I'll be back."
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 18 Nov 2010, 14:55, 3 replies)

Oooh, forgot about my real talents
1) I can measure butter by sight 100% accurately every time to the gram/ounce (only butter mind, nothing else!!)

2) I seem to have the knack for picking the perfect presents, not since I started buying/making things when I was a nipper have I ever failed to be hit by a moment of inspiration for someone. Hence I end up helping others with their present buying or their kids/partners/in-laws etc. I should charge commission.

That's it though, for everything else I am a bit shit.
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Thu 18 Nov 2010, 14:50, 6 replies)

I can do this...


Discovered one day when I was very very bored.
( speedyballbangpots, Thu 18 Nov 2010, 14:50, 7 replies)

Eh, I dunno if it's particularly unusual...
...but on Tuesday I sang with my band (from university) for the first time in 10 years. Young ladies took off items of clothing and threw them at me.

Fuck yes, I've still got it.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 18 Nov 2010, 14:50, 9 replies)

I've got an amazing attention sp...
oh shiny!
( Crap Little Monkey Deathstar, so good they built it twice, Thu 18 Nov 2010, 14:49, Reply)

FIRST!!!
Page
(Miggyman, Thu 18 Nov 2010, 14:47, Reply)

I have a few
- a sound similar to the squeaky horn of a clown car
- something I can only describe as a demented eagle
- my left wrist makes a nasty craking noise
- and the ability to burp on command.

I also have the ability to produce the most vile farts, of which I like to leave in my brothers room until he realises and comes and punches me on the arm (or does likewise in return). This is the brother who has double jointed fingers so he can bend the end of his finger but not using his knuckle. (al la upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/c/c8/Doublejointed.jpg)
(tb2571989 dies at precisely, Thu 18 Nov 2010, 14:44, Reply)

I can insert my
Whole little finger inside my nostril.
(Margatemug, Thu 18 Nov 2010, 14:43, 2 replies)

I can whistle just like Gizmo in Gremlins.

( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Thu 18 Nov 2010, 14:42, Reply)

I have also been told
that I can suck the atmosphere out of any room....that was a compliment, wasn't it?
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Thu 18 Nov 2010, 14:39, 3 replies)

powerful ejaculation
There are dribblers, squirters and shooters. I am of the latter variety and seem to possess an exceptional power in my vesicles. If I lay on my back and choke the chicken, I'll shoot that pearly wad clear over my head and on to the wall behind, and I'm over six feet tall. I'd guess I can easily do a metre.*

Not something I have a picture of, but you should smell my pillow case.

*Turning one's head at the moment of release is key unless I want to facialise myself.**

**I speak here, of course, about being tugged by an accomplice. If alone, I'll just fire into a tube of tissue to avoid any extra alkalinity on the headboard.
(Brand name, Thu 18 Nov 2010, 14:38, 11 replies)

I know a man...
Who is able to put people to sleep just by starting a conversation with them.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 18 Nov 2010, 14:38, 4 replies)

Voices
not of people but I am told I can reproduce fairly convincingly just about every animal you might find on a farmyard as well as dolphins, toucans, kangaroos, guanacos, a variety of household pets and if people are especially bored a wookie and a tie fighter from Star Wars.
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Thu 18 Nov 2010, 14:37, 1 reply)

My one and only talent...
...Taking a long lunch break and forgetting to change the Question of the Week.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 18 Nov 2010, 14:35, 3 replies)

Sixth!
My special talent is not being able to count!
(Lip Up Fatty Fatty Reggae still loves BBQ food on, Thu 18 Nov 2010, 14:31, Reply)

Fourth
Bollocks


Edit: May as well pea this for now:

I can walk on stilts, which I use to considerable effect in my Hallowe'en costume for the last few years:


( MatJ LOOK, Thu 18 Nov 2010, 14:30, 3 replies)

My talent is coming third

(Nanny Pat vote for me, Thu 18 Nov 2010, 14:30, Reply)

Bendy Thumb
I have an unusually bendy thumb
(wambam Thank you! Young man., Thu 18 Nov 2010, 14:30, 1 reply)

Coming 1st is my special talent

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 18 Nov 2010, 14:30, 2 replies)