I can
write these words, WoooooooooOooAHh weeEEEeeE zIiiIiPppp.

thats real TALENT.
( FIEND, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 4:32, 1 reply)

I have a 'mate' who can make people hate him by uttering one sentence.
It's not that he has a set sentence, people just hate him the first time he opens his mouth.

I've always known he's a massive cunt, and never liked the bloke, but it was only at a festival a couple of years ago I really noticed his talent.

Not once, not twice, but thrice I was sat around fires with large groups of people when he wondered up and said something, and every time I noticed the entire group shoot him a look that said, 'Who the fuck are you, you cunt.'

Steve, If you are reading this, you really are the biggest cunt I've ever had the misfortune to be associated with.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 3:38, 3 replies)

Bit of everything.
I can send shivers down either side of my body voluntarily, induce horizontal nystagmus (wobble my eyes side-to-side) and wiggle different facial muscles (ears, nostrils and tongue twisting etc) but the best ability I have is that of blowing spit-bubbles with my tongue. Much to the annoyance of my oldest friends and the bemusement of new friends who think, as they float to the floor, that the ceiling is leaking bubbles.
(5ifty0, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 3:00, 3 replies)

My knees are naturally hyperextended
and I can sit on the floor, keep my knees on the ground and lift the lower part of my legs 10-12 inches off the floor. It really freaks my doctor out when he takes measurements to see if they've gotten any worse.
(nolongernuts, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 2:23, 1 reply)

My unusual talents
Would probably still get me burned as a witch in certain counties.
So Ive spent years suppressing, denying and forgetting, to avoid that wide eyed, awed yet bloody scared look in peoples faces when I did something freaky.
My more acceptable talent was being able to dislocate any joint in my body and then pop it back in with a very satisfying 'crack' usually in a very overly dramatic way for the ultimate puke inducing effect.
My jaw being the most impressive.
Sadly this too has had to stop, while it was an amusing party piece 10 yrs ago, these days it takes a little longer to pop something back in and my doctor tells me ive got the joys of arthritic joints to look forward to if I dont stop doing it.
So I'll content myself with the unusual talent of not being able to wear a new watch for for more than a day without it stopping dead and being unrepairable

Hasnt worn a watch for over 20 yrs
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 2:18, 1 reply)

I can crack
Every joint in my body, with the exception of my hips and elbows. This sometimes terrifies me.
(McChinaman banned, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 2:08, 5 replies)

Ok,to start with I'm what is classicaly called double-jointed but the medical term is hypermobile.I can put both legs behind my head or stand on one,put the other leg behind.Both my elbows bend approximately 15 degrees the wrong way & I can touch my wrists with my thumbs.I can also waggle both ears together or the left one by itself,I can't waggle the right by itself though.I have very little cartilage in my nose,as a result of this I can squash it completely flat.I can touch my nose with my tongue & can tie a cherry stalk in a knot with it too.
(blacktronium, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 2:06, 2 replies)

My right eye
will squeak when I rub it, but only when I'm lying on my right hand side. So in bed basically, which grosses out Mrs SLVA. Why it only happens when lying on that side is a mystery, though I suspect it's the way my flabby face hangs down.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 1:11, 2 replies)

I am a blackbelt in Ju Jitsu
Except, technically (and realistically) I'm not, because I stopped training when I was 18 and I'm 28, and a bit chubby, and probably couldn't beat an egg. I still have the actual, physical belt though, so hey....

I also understand Anglo Saxon, and can gloss their poetry at will, unless it's from a text I haven't seen before.

And I can play guitar brilliantly, so long as you want me to play 'Handsome Devil' by the Smiths or 'Winter Lady' by Leonard Cohen.

I also reckon I've got a fair bit of skill in identifying cheeses (especially English cheeses) in a blind tasting.

Come to think of it, this is probably a better list of achievements than my actual CV...
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 1:01, 1 reply)

glad you asked
i can fold my legs up and hobble along on my knees
(ladyintheradiator, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 0:53, 1 reply)

Not me but a friend of mine
He can drink a jug of beer through a straw in 40 seconds.

He is a raging piss head though.
( jakedamusss I understand, and dont care., Fri 19 Nov 2010, 0:42, Reply)

I can recite the entire ancient greek alphabet.
Which considering I spent 4 years learning the subject, and can do nothing else is not very impressive
(FondaAccord, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 0:25, 1 reply)

I am the ultimate average being
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 0:15, Reply)

Not quite beatboxing
...but I can faithfully reproduce the "untz untz untz" sound of techno and house music, as well as add accompanying hi-hat cymbals as 1/16 notes. Thump-a-TSH-a-thump-a-TSH-a-thump-a-TSH-a-thump-a-TSH-a. And despite years of smoking (I quit) I can keep it up for at least 16 bars.

Alas, this never got me laid.
(The 2-Belo OH SHI--[Sound of impact][End of recording], Fri 19 Nov 2010, 0:07, 2 replies)

Several
Marketable:

Analyse and trace complex orthogonal processing elements down to their constituent components.

Not Marketable:

Make my foreskin fart.
Belch on demand.
(mymilkshakebringsallthemongstotheyard poison hearts, poison minds - joining hate, Thu 18 Nov 2010, 23:40, 2 replies)

To the extreme
I rock a mic like a vandal
Light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 18 Nov 2010, 23:24, Reply)

I can destroy someone's career - not to mention their good name - without actually saying anything.
Bit hard to talk with loads of cocks in your mouth, though.
(UlrikaJonsson is, perhaps, the single biggest cunt of all time, Thu 18 Nov 2010, 23:11, 3 replies)

I can make children disappear.
One down, two to go. Let's see if our publisher wants to make this an ongoing series...

Ker-CHING!
(Dr. G. P. McCann desperately needs a babysitter, Thu 18 Nov 2010, 23:07, Reply)

I'm going to shoehorn
something I heard at work today into this qotw; I have a colleague who has a talent for getting the wrong end of the stick. (see what I did).
He had some work recently in Germany, and was taken on a tour of the town where he was staying. The tour guide took him and some others around a big castle, and was pointing out various features.

"Over here we have the tower, and these doors are over two hundred years old. Around the roof here you can see all these cages. This is where we used to keep, erm.... we used to keep... what's the word?"

"Jews?" suggested my friend helpfully.

"Um, no - bags of grain".
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Thu 18 Nov 2010, 23:06, 5 replies)

Don't tell me what I can't do
I can lick my own elbow (pic to follow), but it seems a rare talent as proved by me setting as a challenge in my office, nothing funnier than getting 15 people to attempt this in full view of a public enquiries desk.
(badgermonkey007, Thu 18 Nov 2010, 22:56, 1 reply)

I have a weird talent...
Very long time lurker [6 years] but first time poster, so be nice. :)

I have the ability to look out of one eye at a time. I can also switch between what eye I want to look out of whenever I want. Have never met anyone who can do the same and can't explain why I have this ability.

Apologies for if this doesn't make sense, I am slightly intoxicated :P
(campkillgemma is still a QOTW Virgin, Thu 18 Nov 2010, 22:49, 14 replies)

Name that tune in one
I can recognise any of the Chopin Etudes by the first note alone.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 18 Nov 2010, 22:48, 1 reply)

Blowing floaty bubbles off my tongue.
I learned to blow bubbles off my tongue while fishing as a kid before I finally twigged that fishing was shit boring for me and just shit for fish. The bubbles are about half a centimetre or so and will float off like slightly crap soap bubbles. I have never met anyone else who can do it. I guess it's a superpower. I should be on heroes or something.
( EasyCheese, Thu 18 Nov 2010, 22:18, 3 replies)

Hair
I have the ability to move my hair, only forwards and backwards so far.
absolutely useless ability, although untimely uses of this talent can resort in the hairdresser cutting my ear.. lawsuit?
(Fluffylegend, Thu 18 Nov 2010, 22:12, Reply)

I can recite Hamlet's soliloquy
in under a minute, every word as clear as a Radio 4 news presenter with extra hammy facial expressions for comedy effect.

I learned to do this for my Brownie performance badge.

My parents told me it would be cool.
(bolshevette, Thu 18 Nov 2010, 22:05, Reply)

Behold, the Human Etch-a-Sketch!
I occasionally suffer from Dermatographic Urtecaria, which is basically a different way of phrasing "Odd skin allergy". I'll randomly get a histamine build up in my blood which when the allergen makes contact with my skin causes all of it to bubble up in the one spot under my skin, and stay there for about half hour. It used to burn at first, but after a few weeks I got used to it and it now doesn't bother me at all.

So why does this make me special? I can only trigger it willingly on my arms. So much so that I can actually draw and write on my arms out of histamine "hives". Fuck me when I discovered I could do this I felt like an X-Men, but on a limited budget.

But what's the point of having super-powers if you can't share it with the townspeople? First thing I did was I went into the office wearing a short sleeve shirt and sat within sight of the office arse-licker. I wrote a few letters on me arm, and the histamine took effect...

An hour later when he reported me to a manager for calling him a cunt by writing it on my arm I sat there with blank arms looking at him as if he was a right odd-bob, and the manager looked oddly at the cunt too. Result!
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Thu 18 Nov 2010, 22:03, 2 replies)

Which one out of this list is the most pathetic?
I can mutliply two two-digit numbers in my head as quick as someone using a calculator.

Open beer bottles with my teeth.

Do the rubiks cube in under a minute.

Belch the word 'bollocks' on demand.

Juggle.

Sniff a necklace up my nose and using a charming combination of snorts and coughs produce it from my gob.

Write legibly with either hand.

What is most truly pathetic is that I often practise all of the above and have done for many years. If I had directed my 'talents' to a more worthwhile cause I may not be tear-assing towards 40 divorced, skint, and in a dead end job.

Booooool looooox. Ah, thats better.
(HarvsPenzance was tired and confused at, Thu 18 Nov 2010, 22:03, Reply)

I can make my eyes vibrate
Freaks my husband out a treat :)
I've got hypermobility so I am super bendy and can turn my arms 360 degrees while keeping my hand on a flat surface and bend the top sections of my fingers over.
I can also hum and whistle at the same time.
(Chicken Little This signature has been left blank., Thu 18 Nov 2010, 21:52, Reply)

I have an unnaturally prehensile tongue.
(Insert dirty joke here)
In all seriousness though, not only can I tuck my tongue behind my uvula, I can stick all the way behind my soft palate and into my nose from behind.
I have an inescapable urge to show off this talent every time I have a doctors appointment. They're always bemused/disgusted/curiously turned-on.
I also have no gag reflex, which also lends itself to dirty jokes, but it's really just a pain. When I get the 'flu I can't stick a finger down my throat to make myself throw up and get it over with.
Anybody else? Am I just a freak of nature?
(TheWonderfulWombat It came to me in a dream., Thu 18 Nov 2010, 21:49, 3 replies)

I have a special talent for knowing exactly when the new qotw will appear
bugger
(weaselinajetengine, Thu 18 Nov 2010, 21:31, Reply)