I can make dogs sit
And not just my own...

Walking down the street, this dog was barking at me crazily, so I look at it right in the eye, and said "SIT!", and it did.

Did it at a police station once with a police dog, and it sat - The owner was not too happy about it :(
(Reelix, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 15:47, 2 replies)

I can juggle fire. I can take that thing on a Swiss Army Knife that you use for getting stones out of horses' hooves, and stick far further into the front of my head through my nostril than would appear wise or healthy. I can ride a unicycle. I can play a didgeridoo. I can identify any episode of Star Trek (original series, next gen, DS9 or Voyager - I don't hold with Enterprise) by episode title by viewing ten randomly selected seconds of dialogue. I can stop my pulse, and have successfully chatted up no fewer than three nurses (not at the same time, more's the pity) by demonstrating same.

Oh, and I can fly. www.youtube.com/user/SonOfRojBlake#p/a/u/0/w3cbiwHuwt4
(SonofRojBlake, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 15:23, Reply)

I can
emulate sex with my hand.
(patchsticles Me and you, elbow fetish club:, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 15:16, 4 replies)

Pub larfs
After losing half my thumb in a bike crash and having a false one fitted (yeah, I was teen and vain).One night I won a bet for who can stand the most pain with a fag lighter flame under their thumb (*stupid hard men, they all wussed out)!
(Master_Slob UK minister for cultural appropriation., Fri 19 Nov 2010, 15:06, Reply)

i can blow
ham and rice out of my nose, sometimes even bits of egg.
i don't know why, but when i eat these things, bit of food will go up instead of down when i swallow, getting stuck in the back of my nose. sneezing out a chunk of boiled egg at a party really puts people off their food.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 15:00, 5 replies)

ui can tpyoe..-.-..-
..l, weitjh m,y cvocvk
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Fri 19 Nov 2010, 14:58, 6 replies)

I can
pull my thumb in half, and slide the top bit back and forth along the side of my index finger.
Then put it together again like nothing ever happened.
I don't even bleed.
True story.
( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 14:46, 2 replies)

You did say Britton's Got Tarrant?

( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 14:26, 3 replies)

I can still do this...
(...big piccies, so will post in replies)

The pics are 23 years, five stone and male pattern baldness ago, but I still have the screwdriver somewhere.
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 14:24, 9 replies)

I can hold seven beer mats under my bottom lip.
I can make a kind of musical farting noise with my palms which no one else can replicate (not that you'd want to, it doesn't sound very nice). I'm really good at guessing what time it is without looking at a timepiece or Flavour Flav. I can do any impression once, but can never get the voice right ever again after that (oh, and it can't be a geordie/mackem, then I always sound just like Peter Sellers in 'The Party' and everyone stares at me witheringly like I'm a colossal racist). And I can curdle milk with my face. All this and still no one will go out with me.
(electricteeth, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 14:22, Reply)

I have an uncanny ability
to always say the thing that is most likely to piss my wife off.

Seriously. Either that or she's a miserable harpy who will spend the afterlife complaining that the clouds are too white and the harp music is annoying her.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 14:07, 2 replies)

rub your head & pat your stomach ... etc?
Some US Presidents are too dumb to fart and chew gum at the same time, I'm told. Well, one night in the pub, someone tried the old "pat your head & rub your stomach at the same time" trick and failed. Someone else managed it ... so it was natural for me to say "oh yeah? I can pat my head and rub my stomach, while walking backwards whistling 'Dixie'!" I tried it, it actually WORKED, and I can still do it ... but not usually in public. Takes a bit of explaining, that one.
( bnt what, me worry?, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 13:39, Reply)

Keepin things Calm like
I work with troubled youths. One of my talents is my unique approach to de-escalating aggressive kids. One situation involved me walking into a room with a kid armed with a kitchen chair standing on a table with two youth workers trying to talk him down.

My weapon, a cookbook. The suspicious child inquired as to what the fuck did I expect to accomplish with the book. I then proceeded to read recipes for twenty minutes until the kid said enough was enough and that he'd get down.
( dazbrilliantwhites has been meaning to change this..., Fri 19 Nov 2010, 13:33, 5 replies)

talking out of my arse - literally
It is is a little known fact that many of the additives contained in 1980s Monster Munch were liable to cause genetic mutation, expecially if drunk with Irn Bru. Since I survived on nothing but those staples in my childhood, I have developed a rare and improbable quirk:

I have a second voice box . . . in my rectum.

Now, this does not mean that I am able to speak fluently out of my anus as if it were a mouth because I don't have a tongue there or adequate control of the 'lips', but I do have remarkable control.

For example, I can hum, gargle and manage a variety of musical notes so that a form of singing is easily possible. I can also cough through my arse, but this tends to end up in gusset issues.

It's not something I tell many people about, though it was fun when I was s kid and could entertain friends with my anal japes. Sometimes, if I'm bored, I'll stick a kazoo up there and play renditions of popular music for the delight of my mother. Cheryl Cole's hits seem to be especially suitable, and anything by Justin Bieber.
(Brand name, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 13:14, 4 replies)

Quite a few people have mentioned C.V.s
So I thought I'd post mine. It details all my many talents and achievements. It is long (*inserts joke*) so I'll post it in the replies.
(IdlePeAcEsign if trouble were my mistress, i'd send her to them, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 13:05, 5 replies)

Super-sight!
Using my right eye I can clearly see and read things that are massively up close, like just an inch from my eye. It's like some kind of human magnifying glass thing.

Conversely though that same eye cannot actually see anything clearly that is more than 6 inches away!
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 12:49, 2 replies)

Insane ideas
My brains is not wired as a normal person's is. Other people come to bad, mad or outright wrong ideas through experimentation or expediency.
I come up with them out of nowhere, for no reason.
Witness:
A: Polish menial workers' fight club. The only weapons allowed are ones found on the job.
B: The toilet that congratulates you on weight of refuse produced and keeps a leaderboard, identifying contestants by arse-print.
C: Beermats with Shuriken inside, for when enough is enough.
D: A cult based around Cliff Richard (The smiling one, the never-dying master. I'a, I'a Cliff Richard P'Tagen.)
E: A movie about a screenwriter whose existential epic is bought by a porn studio. A meditative study of the creative process and the concessions one has to make for one's art, with lots of tits.
F: A mobile phone virus that eliminates your phone's ability to play loud hip-hop on the bus through the speaker. If the Black Eyed Peas are detected on the device, it self destructs.
G: Car-to-caravan missiles. Mounted on roller skates, these delightful weapons of mass destruction roll under the caravan and explode, simulteneously killing all occupants and blowing it up and away from the road.
H: Slow-release booze filled gel caplets, so you can pop one at work and be nicely merry by the time you get on the bus.
I: Piano-wire-lined neck tie, for workplace garottings.

I could do one of these for every letter of the alphabet, if I wanted to.

*EDIT* Browser Challenged me to actually do it. So here we are!*Edit*

A is for automated ant-boiling robot, Roomba-based nightmare of all crawling things
B is for beermats with internal shuriken, for when you’ve hit on the girl of the ape with the bling.
C is a caravan-seeking warhead, putting road-blocking pillocks six feet in the ground,
D is for dog-whistle producing lipstick, and my big pack of trained, ladies-skirt-seeking hounds.
E for electroshock collars for tourists, primed to go off when they tread on my toes,
F is for fuck it, I’ll think of one later. What will it be? Don’t ask me, I don’t know.
G is for goldfish (The robot variety) No need to feed! Inbuilt pervert-cam lens!
H is for Horses (Best of all the animals.) I love horses, they’re my friends.
I is for igloo, made out of ice-cream: snug cozy home, well-stocked larder to boot.
J is for jarring blank-verse stanza plonked in the middle of a different verse-form for arty-farty effect.
K is the faithful King-cobra bazooka, lending new to terror to death from above.
L is for living shit, which will be the product of the king-cobra bazooka, (and the victims thereof).
M is for madman, as some FOOLS have called me! But I will show them! Oh yes, I’ll SHOW THEM ALL!
N is for Nemesis, I’ve still yet to gain one, must be cunning and suave, with a deep, throaty drawl.
O is for Orgy (of senseless destruction), the correct application of the kit on this list.
P is for Party, (When my ideas make me wealthy) It’s also for Pratfall, Blood Poisoning and Pissed
Q is for Quantum defabriculator. And what does it do? You can’t know till you’ve measured.
R is for Ricin, the noblest of gasses, all-purpose poison for business or pleasure.
S is for Syzygy, an alignment of planets, which heralds the coming of the Smiling One: Cliff.
T is for Toilet that awards points by turd-weight, bonuses awarded for texture and whiff.
U is for ultrafast-acting booze caplets, which lend a new pleasure to the train-journey home.
V is for virus, sim-card shredding e-lurgy, burning kids who play Black-Eyed Peas on their cellphones
X is for X-ray specs (they don’t let you see through things, but the people you give them to’s eyes will fall out).
Y is for Yeti, the well-trained snow-devil, protector of my barbed-wired mountain-top redoubt.
Z is for is for Zone, (Of the dangerous kind), in which you will tread if you dare thwart my wiles.
And that is my list. I didn’t start it for evil, but the thing about evil is: evil beguiles.
(universalpsykopath loves what you've done with your hair., Fri 19 Nov 2010, 12:42, 8 replies)

Motley genetic 'gifts'
I have supersensitive ears, which is great for listening to classical music and CDs and for eavesdropping on people, but crap for rock concerts and the like. I even have to wear earplugs to go to the cinema.

Like a number of other people on here, I can wiggle my ears, independently of each other, and can belch on command.

I can suck in my abs and pulse my diaphragm so as to make my stomach do a kind of 'Mexican wave' - the original 'rippling abs'.

I appear to emit subconscious waves of calm that are useful for pacifying strange cats and other people's babies.

That's all I can think of right now.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 12:39, 2 replies)

Cough reflex
I have a surprisingly (surprising to me anyway) supressible cough reflex. If a drink goes down "the wrong way" I can actually delay the coughing fit for a good few tens of seconds until I get to a sink.

This is quite useful as it has saved my computer once or twice and prevented me from coughing water all over other people.

It's just not very funny... *sigh*
(flimflam_machine, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 12:37, Reply)

I can fly...
...albeit only for two seconds, then gravity takes over.
(chuckle_h0und You furnish the pictures, I'll furnish the war, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 12:17, 1 reply)

I'm not sure whether I should be proud or scared
that I can perform a lot of the previously mentioned talents, such as:

- Independent winking of both eyes
- I have independent movement of both eyebrows (think Cadburys advert with the freaky kids)
- I can flare and squeeze my nostrils (not independently, but working on it)
- I can wiggle both of my ears
- I can wiggle my scalp (can do at the same time as ear wiggling too)
- Roll my tongue into a tube, both length and width -ways (not at the same time though)
- I can drink a pint of liquid and use diaphragm to wiggle my stomach so people can hear it sloshing about over 6ft away (have tried beers, water and other fizzy drinks)
- I can rotate my neck so that my head can pass horizontally over my shoulders, I can also do this in vertical circles too.
- I can make a muscle in my arm pulse (the one on the top of my forearm)

Sorry for length, but there is a wiggling trick I can do with that too...
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 12:11, Reply)

I can make my wee wee tube go all hard...
...and then I can stick it in an old lady.
(NoveltyCondomHead Clanks Wams., Fri 19 Nov 2010, 12:08, 6 replies)

My Dad used to claim to be able to 'fart whenever he wanted to'.
Anyone foolish enough to say 'go on then.' would get the reply "I don't want to."
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 12:00, Reply)

Great power...dont think so
After sorting out a problem with a clients phone system yesterday my boss has just called me a Jedi master of Mitel systems.

I thought that may be a shitty talent to have but it was a decent compliment nonetheless, then I realised he was doing it as a way of softening the blow of telling me I’m going to be spending the weekend sorting out a system for one of the other client sites somewhere near Coventry.

I am now spending the rest of the afternoon trying to use my powers and garotte him with a mind controlled piece of telephone cable.
(mon bison powered by magnets, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 11:49, Reply)

Due to a valve malfunction
in my Nasolacrimal duct, I can blow bubbles in my eyes.
Not useful in the slightest, but it does tickle a bit.
(SCar, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 11:48, 1 reply)

Not very exciting, but I can
Wiggle my nostrils
Wiggle my left eyebrow individually, without the rest of my face moving at all (I can do the right one as well but not as easily)
Roll my tongue

Oddly, both of my kids can do all of the above as well (including the left/right eyebrow thing) but my ex (their mother) can't do any of it.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 19 Nov 2010, 11:40, Reply)

I can throw my voice......
(edit - that wasn't me! It was that guy over there!)
(gordonjcp, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 11:39, Reply)

I have sex with women without them waking up......
....actually that's not a talent, it's Rohypnol.
(stonersmurf stuckin' foned, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 11:37, Reply)

I can tell you almost exactly where
You can find most of our kitchen utensils.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 11:30, 1 reply)

I can stick
a jar up my arse, WITHOUT it breaking.....Oh shit!!!!
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 11:04, 8 replies)