This one caused a bit of moral outrage last time I posted it......
Weigh everything as onions (or as I've found out since, carrots).
Those self service tills in the supermarket. You know the ones, you do the scanning and packing for the place so's they don't have to pay staff to do it for you. Then they charge you full fucking price.
Next time you're there, just weigh it all as cheap vegetables. Fillet steak, that'll be 35 pence please.
Also, buy expensive wine along with a bottle of cheap plonk, scan the cheap one and bag expensive ones.
Work out what prepackaged things weigh the same but cost a shit load less. Fray bentos pie, about the same as a tin of value cat food. 2 litres of coke or 2 litres of value mineral water.
Voila! Your weekly shop for the cost of a big bag of veg and a couple of tins of value crap

Edit: anyone would think I've just come round and bum raped your kittens and given them the bad aids from the replies. Do b3tans all own supermarkets and are therefore appalled by the idea of them losing a little bit of their profits?
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 12:56, 26 replies)

The wine one is genius I'm having some of that
I had the idea to steam off the bar code from a cheap bottle and then scan that for an expensive bottle (I'd not worked out how exactly) But yours is a better idea.

You must stick to Tescos and the others because they are all cunts
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:01, closed)

Needs more Steve McDonald.

( Pig Bodine., Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:07, closed)

(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:09, closed)

Christ, can we please just have one week where QOTW doesn't get filled up with pictures of Steve McDonald? Please?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:17, closed)

that is just red rag to a bull you realise
I predict either tones more Steve McDonald pictures or true to you wishes. Dicky Davies, Mrs Doyle and others.

You have been warned leave that reply at your peril ;o)
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:19, closed)

i for one would like to see more pictures of Dickie Davies

(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:09, closed)

I fucking love Bargain Hunt

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:41, closed)

...

( scoshi pretending to diet since, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:21, closed)

YES.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 18:17, closed)

Thanks for reminding everyone that you're a pikey cunt.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:26, closed)

I seem to have hit a nerve with you MM. Please don't forget the unwritten disclaimer to all QotW answers:
"This answer may contain references to massive drugs, sex, heroic acts, humuorous retorts and criminal acts that have been exagerrated or fabricated for the purposes of humous"
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:36, closed)

This is some massive déjà vu.
I fully expect to return from lunch and find I've got my old job back.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:42, closed)

That's all well and good
But how do I steal carrots and onions?
(Thor McLegend FUCK SHITPANTS PAC MAN, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 14:07, closed)

Just loot them from barrels after you've killed all the bandits or forsworn in the place.
Oh, wait, that's Skyrim.
IRL you have to, like, PAY for stuff.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 7 Nov 2013, 14:15, closed)

Ha! Pay for stuff.
You big silly!
(Thor McLegend FUCK SHITPANTS PAC MAN, Sat 9 Nov 2013, 14:39, closed)

Put 'em through as fillet steak, obviously.

(ubergeekian, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 22:41, closed)

put them up your arse and then weigh yourself.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 11 Nov 2013, 10:00, closed)

Hahaha

( DumbMonkey The penis mightier than the sword, Mon 11 Nov 2013, 11:46, closed)

Or, just pay for your own shopping you thieving twat

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 14:28, closed)

nope. Just paying what I feel is the correct amount.
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 14:32, closed)

Strangely I'm with you on the booze
I don't have a problem with thievery as long as it pertains to alcohol. That's a fundamental human right, but stealing vegetables or meat isn't cool. I can't justify this reasoning, it's completely irrational, but if it was just the wine I'd be completely on your side.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 14:37, closed)

I like to make some kind of contribution for my purchases, not just steal them like some common thief
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 14:42, closed)

Stealing meat is completely rational
as long as you can justify the chance of getting caught and the extent of repercussions.
Stealing meat is dicey on moral and ethical grounds, however.
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 16:01, closed)

Fray Bentos pies! Manna from heaven
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 16:04, closed)

^ the other guy confirmed as a Welsho.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 7 Nov 2013, 16:13, closed)

Stealing diced meat
is dicey.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Mon 11 Nov 2013, 12:45, closed)

See now look now.
Emvee's being a better human being than you about this. Think about that.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 19:01, closed)

The original's not even in your archive.
FOR SHAME, AB. You commented on it and everything.
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 19:49, closed)

I used to work with convicted criminals, and one guy had tried the 'weighing as veg' thing with a flat screen tv. It didn't work, obviously.
( cs1ca, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 16:39, closed)

choosing to steal a fray bentos pie shows an astounding lack of ambition.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Fri 8 Nov 2013, 7:24, closed)

and taste

(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:21, closed)

I don't know...
Fray Bentos is better than supermarket own brand.

Supermarket profits are still on the up and have you seen the massive discounts that the staff cards give?
(harem-member hiding in the corner, Sun 10 Nov 2013, 10:58, closed)

I just don't like the entire concept of a pie in a tin

(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Thu 14 Nov 2013, 10:26, closed)

Sod the morality
why are you wasting all your time with these tedious approaches? why not just leg it with the stuff? it's exactly the same crime and you're exactly as likely to be caught. Assuming you aren't some fat asthmatic fuck.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 11 Nov 2013, 9:58, closed)

Really?

( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Mon 11 Nov 2013, 21:04, closed)

No.
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 12 Nov 2013, 16:47, closed)