ALWAYS poo at work
You save a fortune on toilet paper & water bills PLUS you're getting paid to do it!
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Fri 24 Oct 2008, 9:13, 14 replies)

I can't
I have a fear of pooing at work. Always have and I don;t know why. Unless it's urgent... I've always held in till I get home. Have to sit on my own private throne or it's not right. Plus I have to take in a book and be completely naked and always spend about half an hour reading in my own palace which I guess is a main reason for not going at work - would raise some eyebrows!!!
Plus I nearly always have a shower after or I don;t feel right all day - anyone else the same or am I just a weird freak? Probably?!?!?
(Something funny, Fri 24 Oct 2008, 9:25, closed)

Nope you're not alone!
I do pretty much the same, except the book thing. Usually there's a Viz annual in there which I look at, even though I've read it through hundreds of times from previous dumps.

Hope this makes you feel less of a freak! :D
( Schweaty Minge I spunked in your tea! Taste it and see! D:, Fri 24 Oct 2008, 20:44, closed)

Spend time in the works loo
I can't poop when away for the first 2-3 days. I overcame this at work by simply assuming the position and sitting there until it worked. Now many's the peaceful 15 minutes I spend undisturbed.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 24 Oct 2008, 22:22, closed)

me too!
there is nothing like being on time and a turd. Unless you have that cheap industrial grade toilet paper at work which scrapes your chocolate starfish red raw , its a win / win situation
(welgar, Fri 24 Oct 2008, 9:32, closed)

bog paper theft
In a previous job I, throgh means I'm not going into, discovered that the bog roll in ladies was nicer than in the blokes. So struck up a deal with a female colleague that in exchange for me making the tea she would pinch a bog roll from the ladies each week, which i duly relocated to my favourite trap in the gents.

Shamefully though in order to not upset the balance of paper in the gents the roll I removed in the gents (to replace with the better stuff) typically found it's way into my bag and back home with me.
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Fri 24 Oct 2008, 9:51, closed)

In Japan
They have the awful French-style squat/hole in the floor ones. I hate them. My mate hates them so much that for the last 3 years he has been going to the female, disabled toilets where they have proper 'thrones' to shit at work. In fact, in all his time here he has only used a squatter once; but he does have to go to incredible lengths to avoid it. Our one doesn't have a door on it, just a curtain so I can't use it without running the risk of students coming in and busting me taking a poo :( Not being able to poo at work unless desperate makes me very sad.
(Bifta, Fri 24 Oct 2008, 10:05, closed)

Who openly poos at work. for all to hear?
It's all about the well timed execution. Time it so you are the only one in the bogs, obviously the best method, or time it so the poo plops just as the other person flushes. I don't know how folks hold it in till they get home!
(phe, Fri 24 Oct 2008, 10:12, closed)

but wait
dont we all go to the toilet for the same reason?? what are you expecting to hear a piano concerto?? Just get in there fart and gut strain away to your hearts content . Stop being so precious about things
(welgar, Fri 24 Oct 2008, 10:15, closed)

And bonus points
for making it sound like a famous piece of classical music.
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Fri 24 Oct 2008, 10:18, closed)

i can
fart like a ferrari accelerating up through the gears. Is this good enough?
(welgar, Fri 24 Oct 2008, 10:27, closed)

Claps appreciatively
*awards marks / 10 for tunefulness, complexity, resonance, scrawled on loo roll square** and slipped under partition door*

**in biro you foul thinkers.. I take the aptly shit free paper + sudoku to strain (brain!) over**
(Hikikomori** watching cartoons on, Fri 24 Oct 2008, 20:56, closed)

Be proud! Shout it loud!
Another fun game is to use the office global email address like this:

email 1:
to:[email protected]
subject: poo
Just to let you all know I'm going for a poo.

10 mins later....

email 2:
to:[email protected]
subject: re:poo
Ahh! That's better!



If you time it right you can send it, walk out of the office before anyone reads it and then catch the embarrissed faces or smirks of the more childish among us as you walk back in after the deed.
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Fri 24 Oct 2008, 10:21, closed)

Thanks to this
I nearly lol'd in work and got busted for some pre-lunch internet skiving...

...okay, I've been on b3ta since 10am
(feels_goodman 's brain cogs whirred at, Fri 24 Oct 2008, 11:53, closed)

Ha ha ha ha ha!
I could hardly contain myself at that but have to say, would it not be funnier to send this on behalf of a colleague who
a) is not going for a poo and
b) has innocently not locked their pc when leaving their desk!
(Something funny, Fri 24 Oct 2008, 19:00, closed)