Just been idly scanning Wikipedia
for places that I might like to visit sometime, and clicked on Réunion Island. However, it appears that Réunion has been in the grip of a Chikungunya epidemic recently, which is a serious, sometimes fatal, fever spread by mosquitos. So I clicked on that. The symptoms include:

Maculopapular rash
Nasal blotchy erythema
Freckle-like pigmentation over centro-facial area
Flagellate pigmentation on face and extremities
Lichenoid eruption and hyperpigmentation in photodistributed areas
Multiple aphthous-like ulcers over scrotum, crural areas and axilla.
Lympoedema in acral distribution (bilateral/unilateral)
Multiple ecchymotic spots (Children)
Vesiculobullous lesions (infants)
Subungual hemorrhage
Photo Urticaria
Acral Urticaria
Cephalgia
Lumbago
Vomiting
Epistaxis and haemetemesis

Even just the possibility of having scrotal ulcers has put me off going there.

And if that's not too much information, I don't know what is.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 13 Sep 2007, 12:29, Reply)

Even pretty girls fart!
A while back I was spending a very pleasant evening in the company of a very pretty lass. Actually, she was quite the stunner.

Anyway, she woke me up in the middle of the night as she delicately rose from the bed to tippy-toe to the bathroom. Being a polite soul, I stayed quiet and opened half an eye to admire her as she sashayed off to powder her nose.

However, as she attempted to overstep the floor clutter she made the fatal mistake of believing I was still asleep.

"Pffft!"

Too much information? Possibly not. Sharing it here? Oh yes...
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 13 Sep 2007, 12:09, Reply)

La swipe...

I'm surprised that your post didn't open the floodgates of random shite, crap Pavarotti / Madeleine McCann jokes and pointless non-qotw-related general crappola.


oh.


I hear that the three tenors are now going to be known as twenty quid...

etc etc
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 13 Sep 2007, 12:01, Reply)

My jokes are so shit
I am constantly followed about by the Lurpak Man, blowing his trombone at each punchline...

TMI?
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 13 Sep 2007, 11:48, Reply)

Oh God, we're raping the sick joke pages!
What's Pavarotti's wife getting for Xmas?

A smaller turkey.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 13 Sep 2007, 11:43, Reply)

OK, time for a really filthy story
There was this man at a restaurant with his wife, and he was quite taken with the music that the pianist was playing. So after the meal, he went and had a word with the bloke, saying how much he'd enjoyed the music, even though he'd heard none of it before.

"Oh, I write it all myself", said the pianist.

"I really liked that last piece", said the man. "What was it called?"

"That one was 'I love you so much I could shite'", replied the pianist.

The man was quite taken aback, but asked him about the previous tune.

"Oh, that one was a favourite - it's called 'I shag my wife's arse then cum on her tits'" said the pianist.

The man was again quite shocked, but explained to the pianist that it was his daughter's 21st the following week, and she was having a posh dinner party for her friends and would like a pianist. The pianist agreed to come along, but the man warned him he'd have to keep quiet about the names of the tunes.

The following week, the party is going well. Everyone is loving the piano music. Eventually, the man goes to the pianist and tells him to take 5 minutes. The pianist, being a randy sod, and having been surrounded by 21 year old lovelies, disappears off to the toilet for a wank.

5 minutes later he comes back, flushed and a bit dishevelled and also with his fly open. He sits down to play again, but the man goes over to him to point out his faux pas.

"Excuse me, but do you know your fly's open and your cock's leaking spunk down your trousers?" he said, in hushed tones.

"Know it?" said the pianist in a loud voice. "Of course I do, I fucking wrote it!"

Boom, tish.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 13 Sep 2007, 11:42, Reply)

Incidentally
I did a particularly unpleasant poop this morning and I know feel as though I'm going to be evacuating some unpleasantness in the near future.

It also feels as though my body hasn't decided which direction it's going to be evacuated in yet.

=/
( Kroney, Thu 13 Sep 2007, 11:29, Reply)

Inappropriate Chat-up
I met a girl some time time ago. We got chatting, and romance was on the cards.

"What shall we do now?" she said as the pub closed, implying a visit to a club.

"Let's get naked and fuck!" I replied.

We did. Twice. It was ace. Then I went home.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 13 Sep 2007, 11:29, Reply)

I'm back from holiday...
It was mega, and I think I may have sold my house!

I'm currently sitting here in the office, in ironed clothes, looking well presented, and unusually for this time of day I'm not yet drunk!

Hooray!

By the way, I put odd socks on this morning (TMI, tenuously?)
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 13 Sep 2007, 11:24, Reply)

rswipe
what people mostly talk about whilst waiting for a new qotw is you, though :P
( Kroney, Thu 13 Sep 2007, 11:24, Reply)

If it's Thursday nonsense/TMI jokes you're after...
I give you The Aristocrats:

A man walks into a talent agent's office, and says, "We're a family act, and we'd like you to represent us."

The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too old-fashioned."

The man says, "But this is really special."

The agent says, "Okay, well what's the act?"

He replies, "Well, my wife and I come out on stage and she begins to sing the Star Spangled Banner while I take her roughly from behind. After a minute of this, my kids come out and begin to do the same, but my daughter's singing the original To Anacreon in Heaven lyrics while my son performs anal sex on her."

The agent looks uncomfortable, but the man continues, "Just when my daughter hits the highest note in the song, my son and I switch partners. He turns my wife around and gives her a Dirty Sanchez before having her perform oral sex on him. When the song's over and we're both getting close, we all stop and lie down on the stage."

The man smiles fondly as he recalls, "This is the best part: our dog then comes out on the stage, and he's trained to lick each one of us to orgasm in turn. He just goes right down the line, looking as happy as can be! We all get up and take a bow."

He looks at the agent and says, "Well, that's the act. What do you think?"

The agent just sits in silence for a long time. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call yourselves?"

"The Aristocrats!"




*also gets coat*
( reallywittyname veraciously conspues lexiphanicism on, Thu 13 Sep 2007, 11:12, Reply)

Thursday nonsense
In the spirit of "degenerating into random shite", and promped by sammyj's post below, here's some humour (allegedly):

A man was walking oddly along the road, when he met his mate. Mate said, "What's up, Jimmy? You're walking strangely."

"I've shat myself", he replied.

"Well I've done that too in the past", said his mate, "but surely you can walk better than that?"

"Aye, but I'm not finished yet...."



OK, I know, I know. I'm getting my coat.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 13 Sep 2007, 11:06, Reply)

A lovely catch up email
I was sending emails back in forth with my mum - we live in different countries and whatnot..

The horror of what I was reading didn't sink in until I was halfway through the email..



"As much as I love the dodgey hostel and the german girls think I am crazy - yep, hit it on the head.... I managed to pick up a bit of poisoning probably from the teatowels and cups etc. I KNEW I should be careful, but I wasn't careful enough... Have the grossest story...

Got my period and thought it was a very bad one - had good ones for a while lately... and was going through the painkillers. On Sunday night I got major pains and spent an hour on the loo... not good. Felt grotty the next morning, but went for the walk to work - took about half an hour and had the sorest guts.

Standing a few metres from work (having a smoke) and sharted and I would love to have seen the look on my face!!!!!! did the funny walk back to Maccas and found the loo... oh my god! threw knickers away and washed leg and trou (not smelly thank god - lots of perfume helped....) and proceeded to hold my butt in all day (knickerless with my period - wonderful....) I told Miranda and she said "why didn't you go 'home'?" I couldn't - not on my first day at work!!!!

"the funny walk?"

TOO MUCH INFORMATION
heeheehee - trou.
(Sammyj, Thu 13 Sep 2007, 11:00, Reply)

I went to uni
and did a degree, then a phd.

boy that was too much information.
(jagathewise, Thu 13 Sep 2007, 11:00, Reply)

weird...
this is the first qotw in a LONG time that hasn't degenerated into random shite by this point. and if ever there was TMI, it's some of the stuff b3tards waffle about whilst waiting for a new qotw...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 13 Sep 2007, 10:54, Reply)

A list of TMI.....
-Having a friend of mine tell me her bf sends her video of himself tugging it because she told him if she's not there to help she wants to see him do it anyway...and then playing said video so I could hear it! (She asked if I wanted to see....I declined)

-Getting told that my niece AND my nephew both lost their V-plates within a week of each other (and to their respective partners..not to each other...that's a WHOOOLE other QOTW...and completely WRONG!)

-Having my FB tell me about the shite he took this morning...it's color, consistency and smell. (Could have done without that)

-Having my neighbor tell me that her hubby's todger is black because he broke his pelvis while riding a horse bareback and it bucked him. (He landed back on the horse's back just as it was going back up...yup..that's an OUCH right there)

-Having another friend of mine tell me how she likes to swallow and tells me graphic details of her sex life with her hubby. (She knows it disturbs me...but she does it anyway..and LAUGHS!)

Of course I've done my own TMI to other people like...

-Telling details of my two C-sections, my hernia operation, and my gall bladder operation.

-Helped explain how to have better anal sex to a friend of mine over IM...with graphic details. (Hey..she asked. Plus there's a little TMI from me to you! :))

-How my oldest son Bubba just had diorreah down the inside of his pantleg the other day...and it collected in the bottom of his sweatpants...and I had to throw him in the bath to clean him up.

The list goes on and on...but I think I've shared enough.

Length? FB's got a good...
nevermind...that would be TMI!!

P.S. Click "I like this" and I'll share any of the above info on me with you!!
(bitchymama belongs to the fat man on..., Thu 13 Sep 2007, 2:44, Reply)

My ex-boss...
pointed at the bar in the hotel I worked in and explained (with hand gestures) how he'd rogered his wife up the poop shoot on the floor behind the bar until her head hit the floor and started bleeding.

I was polishing cutlery for dinner at the time.
(Zapiola zip-zap-zop, Thu 13 Sep 2007, 1:57, Reply)

My friend
My friend told me over msn that listening to Rammstein gives him an erection. I know they're good but thats just wrong dude.
(I Think I've Gone Insane , is really really bored, Thu 13 Sep 2007, 1:14, Reply)

my younger sister (aged 16)
The two of us were listening to Let's Make Love And Listen To Death From Above, she suddenly goes 'I did that once'.


NUUUUUUUURSE! MINDBLEACH!
(and now for someone completely different, Thu 13 Sep 2007, 0:30, Reply)

this can go many ways....
like some of the questionable drunken conquests... but that most definatly is another qotw... but (no pun intended) I guess although bottom sex is natural... it might be a tad TMI.

No this revolves around my very good friend B... Shes the best mate you can have... funny, inteligent, caring and fit...

one problem of these attributes is that she gets chatted up a fair amount when out and about...

Now when I first met her she was telling me about a guy that had tried it on the night before...

it went along the lines of...

I wouldnt bother chatting any more as a I practically have a nappy on my fanny because of the tablet I just had to put up my chuff because of my cystitis.

Of course this got rid of the chancing drunkard.. but she developed the story for my benefit... now that really was TMI
(feedingtimeatthezoo day 1 of his bikini diet started, Wed 12 Sep 2007, 23:55, Reply)

Ta Mum.
This is pretty tame compared to some, but one Saturday afternoon when I was in my early teens I was playing a friend the track 'America' from West Side Story (I was going through my 'theatrical phase) and telling him how much I liked it. Mum stuck her head round the door and explained why she thought that might be. Apparantly she and Dad stayed in London in 1964 and were entertained all night by the soundtrack of 'West Side Story' and 'America' in particular. Naturally they couldn't sleep... hey presto, 9 months later little Singingringingtree came along. It seems 'America' is in my genes. I could just have done without her cheery revelation in front of my scarlet faced friend.
(singingringingtree Living in the past., Wed 12 Sep 2007, 22:52, Reply)

vomit
my own teenage bit of TMI came back to haunt me this very weekend when i bumped into an old mate down the pub. we were best mates in our early teens and i'd been anorexic in those days and had stupidly told her about how i'd avoided meals and done all the yucky things that anorexics do.

17 years later, i see her in the pub and the first thing she says to me, in front of a load of nice looking blokes that i'd been trying to act charming and delightful around, happens to be this:

'wow, it's so good to see you! do you still have a wardrobe full of carrier bags of your own vomit?'*

needless to say, i didn't charm the blokes after that little revelation.

*the answer to that would be no.
( gypsy turnips, Wed 12 Sep 2007, 20:23, Reply)

Driving Instructor
My driving instructor told me about a lovely young lass he once taught. As she got in the car one time, he asks, "Hi! How are you today?"

"Not so good actually, got a touch of the old cystitis" she replies. Charming.
(HNGTHDJ, Wed 12 Sep 2007, 20:07, Reply)

TMI?
I was just getting to my cream stroke, when I realised it was just a FrankSpencer story!



I still carried on though
(EvilMeister, Wed 12 Sep 2007, 19:34, Reply)

My brother and a few mates had been kayaking
and were loading the boats on the roof of the car when I had that nice warm feeling of water that had been blocked in my ear slowly trickling out. I happened to mention this when my brothers then girlfriend said 'It's not just the ears that's affected'
We damn near dropped the kayaks on the road with laughter.

Not TMI but certainly more than we ever knew in the first place
(lordy lordy, Wed 12 Sep 2007, 18:47, Reply)

Just remembered...
...another dose of TMI from my Mum, via my Brother - non-arse related this time but just as bad.

She was having one of her many stays at the local mental hospital. On Christmas Day my Brother went to visit and it descended into an argument. He cant remember how it started, but it ended with 'Your Dad raped me when I had just come out of hospital, after having you'* TMI? You'd think so wouldnt you?


NO. She followed that with 'and I still had stitches in'


*a lie
(Mademoiselle_Nobs woof, Wed 12 Sep 2007, 18:23, Reply)

Dog at the vets
When you take a dog to the vets and book the appointment from work, make sure you don't do it sitting next to someone with a hangover. Like I did. I mentioned to said colleague that morning that my dog was sick and she was due a visit to the vets, but didn't elaborate due to the fact if he knew what was wrong, well, he'd feel sick. So, whilst booking the appointment with the vet, I tried to be as vague as possible for his benefit, but clear enough for the person on the end of the phone. It didn't work. In the end, I had to say exactly what was wrong- a swollen, red and rather puffy looking ringpiece. It was at this point my colleague went somewhat green and made a dash for the loo. Well, he shouldn't have been listening in, should he?
( jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 12 Sep 2007, 18:22, Reply)