Want to win next years Turner Prize?
Have a poo in a baguette.
( Mr Nerdy-Speccy-FuckNuts Ouchy ouchy wa wa!, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 13:22, Reply)

Residents of Olenek*, Sakha Republic, Siberia
Come to England, we're having a heatwave.

*currently -58F. Fuck that for a lark
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 11:03, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Beat the winter cold
By moving somewhere hot.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 10:54, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Don't sell stuff on ebay
the cunts will pretend its broken and try and get money back without returning.
( Peej, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 10:16, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Push flush handle and hold for a short period.

(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 10:13, Reply)

Want to REALLY piss off your neighbours?
Set fire to their house while they're away on holiday and, when they return, kill their children.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 10:12, 5 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Don't have an open plan house
as all the heat fucks off upstairs
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 9:51, Reply)

Trying to thaw a frozen pipe that leads to an outside tap?
Before moving that huge bucket out of the way that contains three gallons of icy water with a two inch thick ice cap on top, make sure you're in a position so that if it tips, it doesn't empty all over your feet and ankles, which WILL make you go "eeeeeeeeeeeh!!!" in a girlie voice.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 9:47, Reply)

Piss off your neighbours more
by throwing a bucket of water over their path last thing at night
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 9:44, Reply)

Piss off your neighbours
by filling their wheelie-bin with snow when they put it out on the night before collection day.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 9:42, Reply)

Sitting down for a wee?
Kill two birds with one stone and have a poo as well.
(bunglist, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 8:09, 4 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

TV Execs
Keep inbreds and simpletons off the streets by creating a 24hr Coronation Street channel.
(bunglist, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 8:07, Reply)

Adobe
Why not run a free software for students program like Microsoft and Autodesk?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 21:15, 5 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Have you set fire to something?
How boring.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 21:09, Reply)

Feeling bored?
Why not set fire to something?
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 14:14, Reply)

If you get the chance to have a genetically modified baby boy,
you might want to specify that he doesn't end up with a hairy arsehole
(bunglist, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 14:11, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Wearers of Ugg boots.
The bottom part of the boot is called the 'sole' and is ideal for walking on.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 13:19, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Learn to touch type
when in receipt of a new ergonomic split-keyboard, otherwise your bad habits will see you typing in a manner similar to Chico Marx on a piano.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 12:43, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

inspired by A vagabond
Can't be arsed to inflate balloons to put up at Xmas/parties? By restricting yourself to sausage balloons, it's possible to inflate them by having them drawn into a vacuum cleaner hose. Then it's simply a matter of cutting away the hose with a Dremel to leave the inflated balloon to be pinned up.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 12:40, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Stuffing plastic bags into the hose of one's vacuum cleaner
makes an an ideal waterproof barrier to render it practically useless.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 11:55, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

regularly clear the snow
off the porch roof in case it reaches a good 8 inches thick before sliding off onto you when you're getting your keys out.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 11:03, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Post about sexual prowess
as a thinly veiled cover for your demonstration of your knowledge of plurals.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Sun 5 Dec 2010, 14:27, 15 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Impress your mates with your sexual prowess
by putting your penis in a plethora of different ladies' vaginae.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Sat 4 Dec 2010, 9:15, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Surgical gloves
Wear a pair of surgical gloves over your real gloves. They are waterproof and will ensure your hands stay nice and warm while acting like a 10 year old in the snow.
(GingerIrishTosser isn't dead yet., Fri 3 Dec 2010, 19:02, Reply)

Cyclists
Man the fuck up and cycle on the snowy/icy footpaths rather than on the nice freshly gritted roads.
(GingerIrishTosser isn't dead yet., Fri 3 Dec 2010, 18:57, 5 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Students
Pay more attention to fashion rather than sense when dressing for the snowy weather.
Then wonder why everyone laughs when your high-heel boots fail to grip in the snow and you go tumbling over.
(GingerIrishTosser isn't dead yet., Fri 3 Dec 2010, 18:54, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Thinking of starting a thread?
Think long and hard. It can take quite a while to come up with a good one.
(Clerk T Hazarde are all the wine, Fri 3 Dec 2010, 0:29, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Tips of your fingers really cold?
No gloves?
Stick them up your bum.
( Mr Nerdy-Speccy-FuckNuts Ouchy ouchy wa wa!, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 20:46, 8 replies, latest was 15 years ago)