Enhance your experience of garden furniture by looking at it with 3D glasses on.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 5 Oct 2011, 9:57, Reply)

Daily Mail Readers!
Depressed? Despairing at the state of the world? Concerned that this once-great country's going to hell in a handcart? Cheer yourself up in an instant by only reading the last two paragraphs of the stories in your favourite newspaper. Hey presto! All of a sudden the BBC aren't banning Jesus, immigrants aren't getting free stately homes, councils aren't renaming Christmas 'HomosexYule' and nobody's getting an Arts Council grant to bum the Queen.
(costas, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 23:19, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

stuck for new ways to refresh and revitalise your town ?
want almost instant results?
then you need shithole b gone
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leeds-15175696
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 22:38, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

create comunity togetherness by laying super glue on the path out side your local off license

( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 22:35, Reply)

Make your mum think she's a fence by painting her with creosote.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 16:40, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

Pretend you are bald
by spreading primula on your hair and combing it down.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 16:00, Reply)

Encourage your partner
to develop deep-throating skills by drawing a line around your penis at the lowest point she reaches, then challenge her to try and beat that record.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 14:38, 5 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Dont give your dog red bull
thats pretty much it....
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 14:14, Reply)

Amuse yourself in your lunch break in that London
by repeatedly stamping on pigeons. The minutes fly by and you dont at all look like a mental.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 14:13, Reply)

Stick a cushion cover on your head and wrap yourself in a blanket for that perfect "Look at me! I'm a sofa!" impression.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 13:16, Reply)

When in Japan.
Don't get Karaoke and Bukkake mixed up.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 19:54, 4 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

make your self popular and well liked by offering free sex to everyone
except you over there with the smelly discharge
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 19:36, 4 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Cheer people up by having a kindly, philanthropic attitude to life, and being generous with yourself, your time, and your wealth.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 16:27, Reply)

Confuse medical professionals.
Simply fill your arse with baked beans prior to a prostate exam.
( Muns, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 12:22, Reply)

Pretend to be an utter dick by using the recent heatwave to complain about global warming and how we're all going to die.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 3 Oct 2011, 10:10, 3 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

run out of frozen peas or ball bearings?
then why not try frog spawn ?
self lubricating
organic
edible *
free to collector
comes in handy sized frog storage packs


* only if your japaneseseses
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Sun 2 Oct 2011, 22:57, Reply)

Run Out of Frozen Peas??
A few ball bearings inserted in your condom will give your girl/friendwife extra pleasure.
( Vambo, Sun 2 Oct 2011, 21:38, Reply)

Planning on making a hearty stew?
Make sure you buy all the ingredients you need and not just the meat like I did.
(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Sun 2 Oct 2011, 5:32, 3 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Travelling by plane in the US?
Store your rotting meat in the overhead locker, so that maggots fall onto the passengers below.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Fri 30 Sep 2011, 22:13, Reply)

Travelling by train?
Is it pissing it down?
Put your bag/backpack/rucksack in the luggage rack above the person opposite or behind you. It can then drip on them.
(GingerIrishTosser isn't dead yet., Fri 30 Sep 2011, 20:53, Reply)

Travelling by train?
Is it pissing down?
Don't put your bag/backpack/rucksack in the luggage rack above you as it will drip water on you.
(GingerIrishTosser isn't dead yet., Fri 30 Sep 2011, 20:52, Reply)

Travelling by train?
Putting your bag/backpack/rucksack in the luggage rack above you will prevent people kicking it, tripping over it and generally squashing your lunch/ipad/shopping.
(GingerIrishTosser isn't dead yet., Fri 30 Sep 2011, 20:51, Reply)

Increase your chances of a free upgrade when on a plane
By slapping the hostess's arse, winking suggestively and calling her sweet tits. I can guarantee this wont involve an overnight stay in a Seattle police cell. Honest.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Fri 30 Sep 2011, 17:14, Reply)

Make people think you're a policeman when you greet them by saying "Hello" three times instead of the usual one.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 30 Sep 2011, 15:46, Reply)

Pretend to be a bottle of coke by sucking your stomach in as far as it will go.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 30 Sep 2011, 14:55, Reply)

Don't buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms,
just buy an ordinary one and slip a handful of frozen peas inside it before you put it on.
( Gawain the oven safe flan tin willy bum fart poo, Fri 30 Sep 2011, 12:30, 4 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Pretend you're always drunk.
By being perpetually jolly and having a laissez-faire attitude to life.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Fri 30 Sep 2011, 11:35, Reply)

Pretend your life has meaning, and that you're happy and fulfilled
by getting drunk.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 16:46, Reply)

Use the chicken nugget that always looks like a boot
to demonstrate to people where certain places are in Italy...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Thu 29 Sep 2011, 16:28, Reply)

TRAMPS!
Wearing a hi-vis waistcoat and carrying a bin bag, whilst rummaging through bins or hedges, gives the impression you are a council cleaning operative so no-one will bat an eyelid.
As a bonus, it makes you more visible to motorists as you pinball down the pavement/road after you have drunk your brasso and harpic.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:04, Reply)