I got into tubgirl when i became bored with the hollywood 'cookie cutter' style pornography being mass produced in the late 90's

( R2Dtard Poor kids are as smart as white kids, Thu 10 Sep 2015, 11:09, 1 reply)

about 15 or so years ago, a mate and I were driving in a van through the bayous of Lousiana heading to New Orleans, when we saw the flashing lights of a police car in the mirror
I wasn't speeding, couldn't think of anything we might have done, but this copper was closing in fast and wanted us to pull over. We stopped and two policeman got out of their vehicle. When I opened the door, one pulled his gun and yelled at us to stay in the car. He then commanded us to get out slowly, still with his gun drawn, and put our hands on his police car and not move. I asked them what we were being pulled over for and he said he had a report of an escaping van from the next county, and we were all just going to wait until the other county police arrived. He thought that it might be a break-in.
I exchanged a glance with my friend, and his stare back showed me he was thinking the same thing. We were going to a big street party in New Orleans, not the Mardi Gras, and had bought LSD in San Francisco, to add to our substantial stash of marijuana. On top of this, an open bucket-bong was sitting unhidden in the rear of the van. If they opened the van door, we were fucked. If it's a break-in, they're going to search the van I thought, whether we did it or not. I also recalled reading that Louisiana had automatic jail time for class A possession, and was silently cursing my idiocy for not at least hiding it somewhere. My mate had also just got married to a Mexican girl in Austin (who years later left him for another man and then got a role in the Star Wars movie, by the by), and had even more to lose if we ended up in a backwater jail.
More police kept arriving, and had the sort of exchanges that in hindsight were amusing, but at the time my mind was a bit preoccupied. "They're Orrstraylian." "Do they speak English" "Oh yeah. They speak it real good". After half an hour in limbo, the sherrif of the next county showed up and was able to explain why the call had been put out. We had stayed the night in the carpark of a Fisheries and Wildlife office. My mate had woken up and taken a morning piss against a tree. Some women had rung up who must have been sticky-beaking from the window of a house at least 100 yards away to say that a man was flashing his cock at her.
We apologised, the police lost interest and started talking about gumbo that one of their wives was cooking, I shit you not. After driving a few clicks away from the scene, my mate had a bit of a turn as the reality sunk in of how close we'd come to whole heap of unwanted shit, I imagine, and asked me to take over the driving.
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Thu 10 Sep 2015, 2:30, 1 reply)

I worked on a demolition site in Yorkshire a few years ago.
Some scaffolding gave way beneath me, and that's how I ended up in t' rubble.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 9 Sep 2015, 21:52, 10 replies)

should I stay, or should I go
If I stay there will be trouble, but if I leave there will be double
(kitescreech still here, Wed 9 Sep 2015, 21:46, 2 replies)

I suspected trouble
Thankfully, I faced the music and danced
(Frample Tromwibbler climbs an obstacle like old people fuck, Wed 9 Sep 2015, 21:16, Reply)

I got put on the nawty step for programming a /talk chatbot that called someone a prick every time they said 'wanker'.
Admittedly things did get a little out of hand when someone else made a bot which replied 'wanker' any time someone said 'prick'.
www.b3ta.com/talk/7548951
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 9 Sep 2015, 20:24, 9 replies)

Returning to Yorkshire from Russia
with one coin left.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Wed 9 Sep 2015, 19:20, Reply)

I have never been in trouble
because I leave no witnesses
(LetsGetDownToIt, Wed 9 Sep 2015, 16:29, 4 replies)

She was only the butcher's daughter
But she laid on the slab and said "fillet"
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 9 Sep 2015, 8:22, 11 replies)

oh o we're in trouble
Better get home on the next space shuttle.
(kitescreech still here, Tue 8 Sep 2015, 22:53, 2 replies)

Forgot to take my belt off before going through the scanner at the airport
Turns out the punishment for that is a good fondling all over
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 8 Sep 2015, 20:49, 8 replies)

PsychoChomp swore he wasn't a copper,
but I ended up getting my collar felt.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 8 Sep 2015, 19:37, 3 replies)

I messed with Captain Placid's daughter.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 8 Sep 2015, 19:36, Reply)

I called Jahled's mum a slag.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 8 Sep 2015, 19:36, 9 replies)

I had sexytime with Bruce Franklin
and that's how I got into Trouble
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Tue 8 Sep 2015, 18:56, Reply)

Bob's House
I used to do the family grocery shopping on a Saturday morning taking the three year old nipper along for the ride. After a joyless hour and a half or so, during the drive home, I would suggest stopping at Bob's house to say hello.
The nipper always agreed because he got to run around, eat crisps and have an orange juice.
When questioned by mum, the nipper's response of a visit to Bob's house was innocent enough.
Until that fateful day... she who must be obeyed told me that the kid had pointed out Bob's house.
I had to laugh. I had had a good run but my leisurely pint on a Saturday afternoon in my local was curtailed.
(bof, Tue 8 Sep 2015, 17:40, 1 reply)

High four
When I delivered stuff and such like down South, the traffic was a real problem on the return leg. To avoid the chaos that is known as the A34 northbound at 4:30pm, I sought out a quiet back road that had quaint turns and picturesque location. It also had a hump-back bridge which could barely be taken at 30 without going light. One week I had use of the company 405 and I thought that if I took the bridge at 70mph I should defiantly get some air under the wheels.
The approach to the bridge was a longish straight and I got up to speed and checked the seatbelt. A car was coming the other way but I was confident of making the bridge well before it, so kept on with the challenge. I reached the point of take-off, everything went silent and I distinctly remember looking down on the roof of the other car as I cleared the bridge. The car landed on four wheels quite cleanly and I vacated the area pdq.
Two nights later on the evening news it was reported that a motorist in Oxford had jumped his car over a bridge and left tire marks on the roof of an oncoming vehicle. I had made the news again.
(luckylife , 0 guests and 3 bots are online, Tue 8 Sep 2015, 17:10, 30 replies)

I killed a man and blamed it on someone else
lololol
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 8 Sep 2015, 15:41, 10 replies)

Turned up for a job interview once in Victoria,
a stone's throw away from Buck House and therefore in an area that the Plod take very seriously. The office had metal detectors in the lobby and everything. When putting my briefcase through the scanner I'd forgotten that I'd been to a garden party the night before and inadvertently left with a metal kitchen knife in my pocket, which I'd transferred to my briefcase for safe-keeping.

The private security firm and HM's finest took a dim view of the fact that I was trying to enter a government building with a knife on my person. After some haggling they were persuaded to let me in after all and to confiscate the knife and not give it back.

Wouldn't have gone down the same way these days.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 8 Sep 2015, 15:06, 3 replies)

I was once questioned by police in connection with someone flashing old ladies in the park.
I could not account for my whereabouts at the time as at the age of 16 I passed most days in a vague self-absorbed fog.

They interviewed me a second time and I finally remembered where I'd been, and presumably somebody remembered me as I didn't get arrested.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 8 Sep 2015, 14:54, 6 replies)

Star Wars Droids: The Adventures of R2-D2 and C-3PO

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 8 Sep 2015, 14:51, 2 replies)

i once posted a picture on /board that was 108KB
i'm a bad person.
(polished turd 404 pixels wide, Tue 8 Sep 2015, 14:48, 1 reply)

You're the best mod on here <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 8 Sep 2015, 14:48, 4 replies)

alright

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 8 Sep 2015, 14:24, 2 replies)

Shampoo

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Sep 2015, 14:23, 1 reply)

SECOND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 8 Sep 2015, 14:20, Reply)