Prepared for flaming...
I nominate the twat of a cyclist last Friday morning outside Blackfriars station.

The lycra-clad loon decided he didn't need to stop at the lights like the other cyclist and cars, but instead could mount the pavement and cycle towards me instead.

I did warn him ("Get off the fucking pavement you twat") but it only encouraged him to peddle more furiously and aim right at me - just where the pavement got a bit narrow.

I side-stepped at the last second and gave him a gentle push, which was all that was needed really as he was going a fair rate. The clatter as he went base-over-apex into a lamppost was quite satisfying, but not as good as hearing the cyclists stopped at the lights having a go at him when he started bleating.

Cyclists - you can love 'em and hate 'em at the same time :-)
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 8:13, 110 replies)

GBH lulz.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 17 Apr 2012, 8:18, closed)

Yes, he would have been done for GBH if he'd actually gone straight into me
As it was he got off with a few scrapes. I was just diverting him from my path.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 8:30, closed)

Don't get me wrong, cyclists on busy footpaths are a no-no. I had an ex who ended up having fairly extensive
reconstructive surgery after a postie on a pushy ran into her.
But the way I see it - he could've claimed that he was able to swerve out of the way of hitting you, whereas you actively interfered with him by pushing him. If the witnesses gave a true account, based on what you have said here - you'd be up for assault not him.
Even if he was in the wrong by being on the pavement and aiming his bike towards you all that shows is intent to harm. You (even gently) pushing him means you willfully physically interacted with him and thus caused him harm = assault.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 17 Apr 2012, 8:49, closed)

The fact is...
I had to use him to push myself out of his path. It certainly would have looked like that on camera as well. My arm wasn't fully extended to push him, only a few inches from my chest.

I know it can be 50/50 in the eyes of the law, but I just couldn't bring myself to let the twat get away with it.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 9:34, closed)

Do you have the upper arms of a Tyrannosaurus Rex?

(Mr Fudge It shouldn't be illegal to have sex with an eagle, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 10:51, closed)

If he does, he should totally sell them to the British Museum
He'd never have to work again
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 10:59, closed)

No, just the breath
To be honest, if I'd extended my arm fully I'd have pushed myself into a wall. The gap was that close.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 13:46, closed)

I side-stepped at the last second and gave him a gentle push
Doesn't sound like only a few inches from your chest. Don't back pedal now.
*sorry*
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 17 Apr 2012, 12:16, closed)

Side stepped by turning sideways.
I wanted to avoid too much information in the first post to keep it short.

Imagine a 6' gap, wall one side, BT box and traffic lights the other.
Now imagine a cyclist peddaling towards you full pelt in the middle of the gap. That gave me around 2' at most, so you can see how turning sideways and gently pushing was all that I could do, without risk of bouncing off him into the wall behind me.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 13:50, closed)

I suppose I should have made the OP way much more detailed.
Although it wouldn't have been so much fun...
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 18:14, closed)

so, your story is that you were both twats
well done
( real i'm not happy 'til you're not happy, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 9:19, closed)

We're all twats in our own way (as your post clearly shows)
He was just a massive one, who got what he deserved.

I suspect a Youtube video of this would have come down much in my favour.

The thing is, I like cycling and have nothing against cyclists that obey the laws of the road. I have nothing but admiration for the ones that stop at a light when their fellows all go blasting past.

This isn't an anti-cyclist thing I've got. More an anti-twat thing.
Once I was getting off a train and a bloke came running up, pushing a woman over so he could get on. Myself and others were still getting off, there was plenty of time, but no, he had to try to leap into the open doorway.
Where he met my shoulder half-way and bounced back out again.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 9:46, closed)

so, pointing out that shoving a cyclists into a lamp posts is twattish behaviour makes me a twat? so be it!
i didn't think it was an anti cycling twatery, but regardless, pushing a cyclist into a lamp post is fucking stupid.
( real i'm not happy 'til you're not happy, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 13:43, closed)

No
Pushing a cyclist out of the way to stop being hit by him isn't fucking stupid in my book. His lack of control thereafter isn't my problem.

I suppose you'd have let him slam into you?

I'd love to hear how anyone else would have coped in this situation, given the three outcomes of;
1. Get struck down and more than likely injured.
2. Deflect cyclists path and not get injured.
3. Jump flat against a wall and risk a high chance of getting injured and then watch said cyclist continue on his merry way.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 13:56, closed)

It's pretty simple - he had no business being on the pavement.
He'd declared himself outside the law by mounting and riding the pavement, so anything he gets while on it is his fault.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 16:56, closed)

Exactly
My outlook is that people make mistakes. From stepping on my foot in a pub, to being in a car accident, as long as it's not intentional or overtly inconsiderate, I'm very understanding. Almost placid, and mistaken for timid in some cases. Hell it's a mistake I could have made.

But deliberately take the piss, and the gloves are off. My consideration for someone going out of their way to do me no good is non-existent.

A cyclist aiming to potentially maim me deserves likewise done unto him. The thing is, I wasn't even trying to hurt him. Karma I suppose...
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 18:13, closed)

Being a 'cyclist' myself
Of the non-lycra wearing pavement cruising variety - I'd have probably lumped you one for pushing me off my saddle regardless. That said I can understand why you were annoyed enough to do so, but I wouldn't really say your reaction was justified..
(Apothecaries' weight - I'm a cyborg, but that's OK, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 9:26, closed)

Hello Clay.

( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 9:29, closed)

Why does everyone think I'm Clay?
*edit: By everyone I mean you and two other people
(Apothecaries' weight - I'm a cyborg, but that's OK, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 9:33, closed)

The Shambles move.
Not really cool.
Deleting posts makes you look like a twat btw.

Fyi - if you delete your post you delete all the other posts beneath it in the "tree". Rarely looked on favorably.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 17 Apr 2012, 9:33, closed)

Even if I was moving it
so it made more sense as a direct reply to his thread rather than yours?
(Apothecaries' weight - I'm a cyborg, but that's OK, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 9:34, closed)

I didn't see that there were any replies beneath it..
(Apothecaries' weight - I'm a cyborg, but that's OK, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 9:56, closed)

There were. I was typing 1 to the bloke who's neighbour got killed.
Admonished? Good now lets be friends.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 17 Apr 2012, 9:57, closed)

Twice in two days
I'm beginning to make an unintentional reputation for myself. Humble apologies and all that
(Apothecaries' weight - I'm a cyborg, but that's OK, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 9:59, closed)

"Edit" button is your friend
& if you're going to move a post be sure that there aren't any posts below yours that will be deleted when you delete yours.
Some people try to play games by doing that - this guy is a prime example. It's never ok, as I'm sure you've seen discussions can take on a life of their own and deleting the uppermost post denies all the other participants of the thread.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 17 Apr 2012, 10:10, closed)

Fuck
Point conceded, hat eaten. Didn't realise that his post was gone
(Apothecaries' weight - I'm a cyborg, but that's OK, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 10:18, closed)

Case in point above and below.
Imagine if KipperFillets deleted his original post (OP) now. All theses fun and games. Gone. Forever.
As I said - some wussy types do it quite regularly when they troll/post something stupid. & then get lambasted.
Never a good look.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 17 Apr 2012, 12:35, closed)

There's a delete button?
Hmmmm. Now that WOULD be twattish.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 14:51, closed)

Perfectly justified, as I see it.
He came at me with clear intent to hit me unless I managed to get out of his way. There was enough room for him to pass if he'd kept to one side, but no, he came right at me in the middle of the small gap.

Fortunatley for me, although I look unassuming, as an ex karate instructor the few altercations from cyclists I've had are over quite quickly. I do them them attempt to throw the first punch though.

I may just be lucky that none of them have been on the international circuit themselves, but their anger puts them at an automatic disadvantage.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 9:38, closed)

Starts to flesh out.
although I look unassuming & as an ex karate instructor
My first lesson in aikido was - speak softly & carry a big stick, learn to talk quicker than you can fight and be a good runner so you can get yourself out of the shit. Quickly.
There is always someone bigger, meaner, faster, nastier etc. than you.
Someday I hope you push this guy off his bike.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 17 Apr 2012, 9:56, closed)

I agree.
Any martial arts takes time and discipline to become good. I've taught and seen many who just wouldn't make it to 1st Dan, let alone to my level.

Anyone who deliberately cycled at someone like this twat did wouldn't be of the right mindset to achieve this.

I know I've been lucky not to find someone bigger and meaner than me, but that luck has come from over 35 years of training and countless competitions home and abroad.

Anyhow, I'd like to think I'd recognise another exponent of the art by their body language. Grand Master Hwang Kee (who presided over all my Dan gradings) never had anyone take the piss out of his name, even in his old age..
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 10:08, closed)

I fear that you may have missed my point.
Nvm.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 17 Apr 2012, 10:54, closed)

I bet he did.
Maybe not in front of him though.

I'm calling bullshit though. I'd be very surprised indeed to see a highly qualifed karate fighter lash out at someone for petty vengeance.

If this happened at all, you're definitely spinning something.

Moo. Plop.
(username failed moderation, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 10:57, closed)

You can think what you like.
The truth is as I said. Sidestep and gentle push from about 10" from me, lack of balance and physics did the rest. No "lashing out" and certainly no Chuck Norris karate moves involved.

Call bullshit you may, there's certainly a lot of untruths on the internet to make you think that. It's a shame I can't easily prove to you that I was actually a karate instructor.

There's no spin to the tale. If I'd wanted I could easily have claimed to have engaged him afterwards and involved a Honda Accord somewhere.

My Malaysian instructor, now 10th Dan, once got picked on in a pub. 10 set upon him and 10 went to hospital. He was ashamed he lost his temper, and wanted to keep it quiet. I can only imagine the derision he'd have gotten if he'd posted the tale on here.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 13:45, closed)

Er, OK.
I know as well as you do how it works.

Despite all the myths about being impervious to provocation, I've yet to meet a serious karate fighter who didn't enjoy a good punchup. What is rare is one that starts a fight.

10th dan, embarrassed about taking on and beating 10 attackers? Come on.
(username failed moderation, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 16:46, closed)

This just shows how little you know
I suppose you've met many more karate people than I have though, so I should bow down to your superior experience.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 16:56, closed)

That's UFC, ain't it?
as in 'utter fucking crap', rather than the fighting thing. Unless they formed a gentlemanly queue, which seems somewhat unlikely, being lagered-up dicks and all...
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 18:47, closed)

I find it rather amusing when people say things like this
I take it you're basing this argument on experience? No? Thought not.
Just because films show ridiculous fight scenes, doesn't mean that in real life people aren't capable of winning these odds.

Saying this isn't possible just shows how little you really know. I'm sure they didn't all pile on him in one go, but myself and 4 others have sparred against him before, and believe me, we didn't stand a chance.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 7:12, closed)

I'm not saying it's *impossible* as such, just wildly implausible. One would assume - rashly, perhaps - that ten bodies descending upon one body reduces things more or less to a game of 'pile on'. A ten person bumrush has to be hard to beat.

And yes, I am as experienced in karate-fu as anyone else who has seen a Bruce Lee film.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 23:19, closed)

The story as I heard it
from my dad's friend who was in the pub at the time (and how we found out about it) was that after being called a 'slant eyed git' and taking a slap while he sat with his (then) girlfriend, he got up and walked outside.

Our witness in this case and some others piled out the side door as the soon-to-be hospitalised chap and his friends followed Master Loke out of the main door.

From what I can gather, the first two or three thought they were going to give him a pasting, and their mates held back. The next few must have foolishly gone in to help once the first three were down. I can't imaging the last lot were too keen to try their luck but were possibly too drunk/stupid to hang back.

Karate isn't so much about strength and speed (although it helps a lot) it's more about muscle memory and being able to react with a block or counter-strike without thinking. Most people would have to think about how to throw the first punch, then again for the second. When you've spent literally years practicing combinations and variations of moves it gives you a real advantage.

I can see how you may think it's a tall story, it is the stuff of films, and this is the internet, after all. Having known him since I was 8 all I can say is that I'd never take him on even if I had 9 friends with me.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 7:31, closed)

Oh dear.
I'd gone to bed - I didn't realise it got worse.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 17 Apr 2012, 21:38, closed)

oh, very much this ^

( real i'm not happy 'til you're not happy, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 13:56, closed)

Fair enough
The fact that he jumped a red light and came up onto the pavement into the path of a pedestrian was quite a twatty thing to do - if you warned him and he carried on then perhaps he deserved it
(Apothecaries' weight - I'm a cyborg, but that's OK, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 9:57, closed)

True
I suspect that's why all the other cyclist had a pop at him when he started moaning. One twat gives the rest a bad name.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 10:10, closed)

did he fuck!
why would a cyclist intentionally crash into a pedestrian?
if he had've crashed into you he would have no doubt hurt himself too. i'm calling this bullshit, you just shoved a cyclist into a lamp post because you're twat
( real i'm not happy 'til you're not happy, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 13:55, closed)

Thank you for the kind, brave words.
I have no idea why cyclists behave as they do.
Why do people take risks? Why do so many cyclists die from undertaking lorries?
I can only assume he was expecting me to jump flat against the wall regardless of if I'd be hit by the pedals or his elbows, or was going faster to 'beat me to the gap'.

Call bullshit all you like. I'm sure it will hurt a lot less than if I'd been hit by the bike. Also, while calling bullshit, please tell me where the "snivelling" part comes across. Oh, and your extra-sensory perception.

EDIT: Good editing skills there on your part. Good idea to tone it down a bit.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 14:04, closed)

well, let me explain why cyclists don't cycle into pedestrians
the reason they don't is because the cyclist would very likely be injured in a crash with a pedestrian.

you claim you had no room to avoid being hit by the cyclist, who was cycling at 'full pelt', but then you go on to say you were able to side step him and shove him into a lamp post.
so by side stepping you would've avoided any contact from the cyclist had you not initiated any.

let me tell you what i think happened.
a weak looking person, maybe a spindly young teenager, or small frail man, was cycling on the pavement.
you took an issue with this and started yelling like a drunken, homeless, lunatic, which was ignored by everybody.
then, using skills picked up, having seen a few jean claude van damme movies and the occasional youtube clip of drunken red necks fighting, waited until he was past you and shoved him into a lamp post.

this is not the first cyclist you've had to punish, but on this rare occasion you didn't allow them to throw the first punch.

you then came onto b3ta to tell us about this twat, that you're really hard, that you instruct people in karate and compete at an international level.

brave words? pffft

is the extra sensory perception that you were referring to, my ability to detect your bullshit?
( real i'm not happy 'til you're not happy, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 16:12, closed)

Oh dear. I think I'm going to have to draw a diagram for the hard of thinking.
Try r-e-a-d-i-n-g what I wrote. I really does help formulate a response that doesn't make you look like a complete anus.

The gap was only 6' wide, with a building to one side and street furniture to the other. Effectively a short 'tunnel'.

Cyclist jumps lights, onto pavement and cycles towards me.

I shout a warning for him to get off the pavement (are you still reading this ok little boy?).

He pedals faster at me, standing up with the rapid rocking from side to side that this sort of cycling induces, thus taking up a lot more space than he would at a slower speed.

He's on a collision course with me and I have the option to RISK taking an impact, regardless of how much I push myself against the wall, or move over as much as I can and gently deflect his path, so protecting me from very potential injury. I choose the latter as I don't see why I should be put in any danger for his stupid act.

He loses balance as he's going so fast and crashes as he exits this little tunnel. Possibly with a jaunty wobble, I didn't look.

I mention it on this web site.

You make up some ridiculous story and claim what I've said is bullshit. Making yourself look more of a twat than most of the people we've been complaining about this week.


Pretty much sums it up I think. Unless you want me to embellish the story like you do, where you're watching gay porn between posting, feeling like your 1" dick is waaay too small so start trying to put others and their achievements down by conjuring up a pathetic scenario based on absolutely no information whatsoever.

You didn't explain why cyclists don't cycle ito pedestrians. You just assumed that they all think alike. You did however demonstrate quite neatly why you shouldn't be posting on internet forums.

Run along.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 17:23, closed)

ah, the old 'you're gay and have a small penis' retort
you've defeated me with your unquestionable intellect and wit
( real i'm not happy 'til you're not happy, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 9:48, closed)

If you weren't so angry...
...you'd have seen I was pointing out that you'd done something very similar in your post. Obviously you missed that.

I suspect you'll go back and re-edit your posts again, to make yourself look less of a fuckwit.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:59, closed)

not angry at all
i edited my post, probably when you were still replying, as i felt that calling you a snivelling bully was unnecessary.
pointing out that you are a twat based on your behaviour is entirely reasonable though.

you're one of those b3ta fatties aren't you?
( real i'm not happy 'til you're not happy, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 1:45, closed)

So you're a chubby chaser and this is grooming?
Sorry, no I'm not a b3ta fattie.

Pointing out that you didn't know and then completely ignored the facts when presented, but still persist judging my behaviour is not quite reasonable. Just twattish.

Admitting you were wrong would mean you'd have to 'man up' though, so I suppose that's never going to happen.

Every other poster on this thread has at least conceded a point here and there and shown they are open to an honest debate. This however seems beyond you, so we'd better just let you calm down and go back to your own little world.

Any final insults to throw?
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 7:39, closed)

i'm not wrong and if i were, i'd happily accept it
the reason i asked if you were a fatty was because 6 foot is easily wide enough for a cyclist and a pedestrian to pass without incident. unless of course, you're just really, really, fat.

for you to have enough room to side step and then shove him (as you described elsewhere), it seems you had more room than you've been alluding to as well.

but then you maintain the cyclist was cycling right at you, intent on crashing, which is why you shoved him.
i don't understand how you fail to comprehend how illogical and unlikey it would be for a cyclist to purposely crash into a pedestrian.

furthermore, i can't ignore the your earlier post either, where you stated having numerous encounters with cyclists and you've punched them before, only after allowing them to throw punches first (yeah, right!)

also, the point where you said you saw him crash, but in another post you didn't see him. this suggests to me that you're making up details

more likely, you shouted at the cyclist, he ignored you and then you shoved him off his bike because your ego was deflated
( real i'm not happy 'til you're not happy, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 10:24, closed)

Oh dear lord.
Please, just once, try reading what I've written.

Cyclist DO ride staight at pedestrians. Fact. Only this morning once jumped the lights and nearly ran over a woman in front of me. He hit her shoulderbag and carried on, but it was a close call. There are dicks out there - you possibly one of them.

As for not seeing the crash, again I actually wrote that I didn't watch him crash, I heard it and turned round just in time to see him landing and then get up. I was more concerned about nearly being run over to actually watch him, and as it was only a gentle push to ensure he didn't go into me, I wasn't really expecting him to come off anyway.

The gap, as I said WOULD have been big enough if only he'd kept to one side, not come straight at me when I was already walking close to the building. Can you comprehend this?

Obviously you're unable to read facts as they are presented, but instead choose to pick and choose points, make up your own, etc., just to try to win an argument.

Sad doesn't even begin to describe how you're coming across.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 10:35, closed)

as sad as the karate expert that frequently assaults cyclists?
just wondering, was the guy shouting kamikaze as he was attempting to take you both out?
( real i'm not happy 'til you're not happy, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 13:08, closed)

Good for you
next time, after he's come off his oversized child's toy, go over and give him a kick up the bracket for good measure
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 9:55, closed)

That's unsporting
You have to let them at least "attempt" to do something illegal first, apparently.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 10:12, closed)

Eh
if you really must
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 11:57, closed)

Cycling on the path is illegal, no doubt about it
however had he died as a result of your actions I doubt that "he shouldn't have been there in the first place" would be much of a defense. Much like you'd probably come off worse in court if you dug a pit just inside the window to your front room and filled it with spikes, then went out leaving the window ajar and a stack of cash on the table.
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 10:37, closed)

If he'd died
The only problem would be that there would need to be an eye witness or CCTV to prove that I didn't have to push him out of the way to avoid a collision.

The pavement is quite narrow between a building and telephone junction box at this point, a collision with a cyclist standing on the peddles, swaying from side to side at full pelt and a pedestrian was almost inevitable. If I'd gone over and finished him off it would be a different matter. I just stopped when I heard the crash.

I'll take my chances every time rather than be either maimed by a cyclist hitting me, or letting people's twattish behaviour make me cow-tail to anyone and everyone.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 10:47, closed)

Cow tail?
I think you mean Kowtow.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 10:58, closed)

See ufm's
"Moo. Plop."
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 17 Apr 2012, 12:11, closed)

It's been along day, OK?
What with hiding the bodies of all these cyclists, and all.
Have some sympathy.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 18:17, closed)

Um
"If he'd died, The only problem would be that there would need to be an eye witness or CCTV to prove that I didn't have to push him out of the way to avoid a collision."

actually, the other problem would be that he'd have died.
(Guy Debord cette mauvaise réputation..., Tue 17 Apr 2012, 12:02, closed)

Oh, yeah.
Obviously.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 14:07, closed)

I am a london cyclist...
and I salute you! I hate cyclists that think they can ignore all lights, cars, crossings and pedestrians and do what the fuck they like, are they really that desperate to get to work a few minutes sooner?!
(superfly78, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 12:03, closed)

Thanks
Unfortunately because they're on a bike, the common twat then becomes the cyclist twat. No doubt in a car he's a motorist twat, a 4x4 twat or a BMW twat.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 14:57, closed)

All in all if I were you in this situation I'd admit that you assaulted a cyclist by pushing him out of the way at the last second
because you felt intimidated because he was coming at you at speed.

That comes across a lot better than all your macho ka-ra-te bullshit.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 17 Apr 2012, 12:19, closed)

If you re-read
There's no mention of karate in the original post.

Just a gentle push.

I only mentioned karate in response to the Apothecaries' weight about lumping me one. I suppose I don't back down against mad cyclists or angry B3TAns.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 14:14, closed)

Internet hard man coming through - stand aside.

(Apothecaries' weight - I'm a cyborg, but that's OK, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 14:55, closed)

Nice try
Have you ever thought of doing stand-up comedy?
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 15:00, closed)

Oh, I see, you think I was being threatening?
We're all one big happy family here, aren't we?

All I was trying to get across after you said you'd lump me one was that I'm actually in the fortunate position to be able to defend myself. Many people aren't, and that's why these twats get away with treating other people like shit.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 15:03, closed)

Was it relevant? No.
You brought it up to make me second guess my thoughts over hitting someone who'd just pushed me off my bike. I'm not a violent person, and I'd never hit anyone without good reason. I don't feel the need to start fights or learn karate or brag about it on the internet to justify the fact that I put someone in a dangerous situation - regardless of whether or not he deserved it.. You said "I side-stepped at the last second and gave him a gentle push" Could you not have just stepped aside instead? Funnily enough the only reason I came back to this thread is you felt the need to bring up the issue - again. Here.

b3ta.com/questions/twattery/post1591101

"Look at the abuse I got just for avoiding being hit by a cyclist."
Avoiding him by endangering him. Yeah, smart move. And you e-threatened me with your mad karate skills because I said I'd hit you if you pushed me off.
(Apothecaries' weight - I'm a cyborg, but that's OK, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 15:14, closed)

Oh dear.
Trying hard but missing the point.

Simply put so you can understand it;

I wasn't bragging, or e-threatening you, although I can understand how intimidating it must feel when you are corresponding with adults, so I'll let you off that one. Calling an ability 'mad' is just projection on your part. Don't forget, you're the one who initiated this violent talk by saying you'd lump me one. Pot, kettle, black?

If you'd properly read the thread you'd have seen that side-stepping without risk to myself wasn't an option. I know people that have been hit by passing cyclists and the damage to just your shins as the pedals fly past isn't nice. I didn't see why I should take all the risk of injury just so the twat could cycle at me with deliberate intent.

If he hadn't been going so fast he wouldn't have even lost control. I have no worries that he put HIMSELF in danger.

I think I'm fairly justified in defending my position in this case - but what's your excuse for feeling you need to belittle my comments, say I'm bullshitting and generally take a negative view of everything I say?
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 15:25, closed)

Clearly we are not going to agree.
If you pushed me off my bike rather than taking one step off the pavement while I passed. Regardless of whether or not I was right to be there. I would have been angry. Didn't you yourself state that the traffic had stopped at a red light? I'm not going to sit here and argue the point, if you genuinely think you're right - that's fine. I just wanted to voice my opinion as you wanted to voice yours. What you call self defence from a mad cyclist I will call stupid and malicious behaviour. Let's just agree to disagree eh
(Apothecaries' weight - I'm a cyborg, but that's OK, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 15:38, closed)

'Step off the pavement while I passed'
Why should he step off the pavement? The pavement is where pedestrians walk, the ROAD is where cyclists ride. The cyclist was wrong in riding on the pavement and deserved everything he got - and more.
Luckily I don't live in a city where these lycra-clad dimwits threaten my safety.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 15:47, closed)

Wasn't debating that
I'm just saying that if the situation were reversed I'd rather step off the pavement for a second than risk causing someone injury. My own opinion though
(Apothecaries' weight - I'm a cyborg, but that's OK, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 15:51, closed)

However, I think you're arguing from mistaken facts
The pavement had a building to one side, BT boxes, road work signs and lamp posts, etc., to the other. I was closer to the building in a gap of around 6' width, with nowhere to go. It wouldn't have been so bad if he'd tried to avoid me, we maybe could have passed ok. But no, he had to cycle right at me. That was the twattish bit.

The traffic coming towards me had stopped, but not the stuff coming from side junction, hence why I suspect he mounted the pavement to avoid that but not me.

If you'd have been there and actually seen it I'm sure you'd have taken the stance the other cyclists did and supported my action (or at least not have thought it a tad twattish).

I don't think we're disagreeing, we're just not talking about the same situation...
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 17:01, closed)

There's absolutely no reason a pedestrian should have to get off the pavement for a cyclist.
None at all.

Following that logic, one should move out of one's house should a burglar break in.

I don't take a shortcut through your garden to get to my destination.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 17:03, closed)

You might want to re-read my second response.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 17 Apr 2012, 19:29, closed)

Re-read and point missed, I'm afraid
Clearly a lot of the argument here is that people don't know exactly what happened. If I'd originally written a 4 page document with diagrams, I doubt there'd be any arguments, partly because no-one would have read it.

The rest of the flaming probably comes from the response to "I'd have lumped you one" if they had been in the SAME position. Mentioning that as an ex karate instructor I would have been able to defend myself seems to have awoken the trolls.

Other memebers comment on their martial arts experiences and I usually take it as genuine unless there's an obvious flaw in their statement. Is it that hard for people to honestly believe someone on the internet is actually telling the truth? Are they all that insecure?
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 7:25, closed)

From what you have written here
in OP and response the bottom line - even tho he had shown intent, you assaulted him. No matter how "gently" you pushed him and how short your T-Rex arms were - you assaulted him which means you were in the wrong as far as the law would be concerned - I guess lucky for you he wasn't that badly injured & didn't realise that.

The karate stuff just makes you sound like a pompous, macho blowhard - not really relevent, just something ka-ra-te knobends like to tell the world to remind them that they are well 'ard. I've done several years of aikido and judo training including competition level but this is the 1st time I've told you that.
EDIT:I tell a lie I had mentioned aikido before - maybe you should learn the precepts I mentioned there rather than "my sensei felt bad cause he caused injury to 10 people"
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 18 Apr 2012, 23:03, closed)

I still don't think you get it, and probably won't without diagrams.
If I hadn't moved, I've have been struck down. As it was, the gap left from him intentionally cycling at me was so narrow that turning to the side and pushing him away from my body was the only course of action open to me. Unless you count letting him run into my shins and carry on his own merry way.

The push was gentle because all I had to do was deflect his path. Not an assault, because it was self defence, with reasonable force. I had no responsability to ensure what he did afterwards didn't endanger himself.

I'm no solicitor, but solicitors I've trained with have written articles and provided documented cases for my class on how to behave when attacked, and what is considered reasonable force. I'm quite confident that a detailed account of the events would back me up in that.

The ONLY reason I mentioned karate in the first place was in response to someone saying they'd have lumped me one. Hardly being the antagonist, was I. Surely missing this basic point should make you question what you've just written.

Also, saying "my sensei felt bad cause he caused injury to 10 people" shows how you mis-read things to suit your argument. He felt bad because he was ashamed he lost his temper.

Calling me a "ka-ra-te knobend" does make you look pompous though.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 7:53, closed)

So.
You couldn't have just simply stepped out of his way then?
And not "gently" pushed him.
Which probably would've left him uninjured, you full of "I'm a something dan in ka-ra-te and I can defeat anyone" frustrated rage & you not writing your op.
I challenge you to show this post to a lawyer (unedited) and for them to not say that your behavior was assaultive.
In case you didn't get it - despite his intent and your (abnormally) short arms (10" apparently) YOU HIT HIM FIRST.
That's considered ASSAULT.
If you find a lawyer that contradicts that - let me know, cause I've got a couple of speeding tickets to get rid of.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 19 Apr 2012, 9:29, closed)

How do you manage to mis-read everything I type?
I could not have simply stepped out of the way without risk being hit. The gap he'd left between me and the wall was only a couple of feet. I'm wearing a rucksack with my gym gear, and in those short seconds I'm supposed to know I can actually fit in the gap without being struck?

The push (which you're finding hard to understand) wasn't a fully extended arm shove. It was one hand extended no more than 10" from my chest in order to avoid him going in to me. For it to be that close, you can't really argue I had a lot of room. I didn't extend my arm fully (if you'd bothered to read my posts instead of ranting about things I haven't written). I didn't HIT him, just deflected his path from me.

By your reasoning bumping into someone in the street is an assault.
I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt, but you really are as thick as shit, aren't you.

As for your speeding tickets (if true), I'm sure you'd claim you had reason to be breaking the law, but actually IT'S A CRIMINAL OFFENCE. Or wouldn't you see it like that?
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 10:10, closed)

So.
He hit you first?
BTW with all your skillz - I'd have you pinned on the ground & begging to be released in about 2 seconds.
























*Now I'm just shit stirring*
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 19 Apr 2012, 10:14, closed)

:-)
Can't we have another thread or QOTW for this.

Wriggles out from underneath...
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 10:17, closed)

I like it when you struggle.
*That's probably NSFW is it?*
But no. You hit him.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 19 Apr 2012, 10:23, closed)

I suppose it depends where you work
* shakes hand *

Edit: Shakes head. Deflecting the path of a cyclist from going into me isn't the same as hitting him.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 10:30, closed)

No.
You hit him first.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 19 Apr 2012, 12:07, closed)

If you say so.
Yes, if you say so.

BTW, look up the word 'hit'. It may help your argument...
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 12:18, closed)

Best QOTW answer ever.
I saved this tab in the hope that the entertainment hadn't been strangled out of it with my concession that it's not going anywhere..

Also;
hit- past participle, past tense of hit
Verb: Bring one's hand or a tool or weapon into contact with (someone or something) quickly and forcefully.
Noun: An instance of striking or being struck.
(Apothecaries' weight - I'm a cyborg, but that's OK, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 12:32, closed)

The angry people are still going strong
Although the arguments being put forwards are pretty piss-poor. It's like swatting flies. Or should I say hitting flies.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 12:35, closed)

...and so are you
valiantly trying to defend your virtual honour rather than just conceeding that some people might disagree with your actions as well as some might agree with them
(Apothecaries' weight - I'm a cyborg, but that's OK, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 12:51, closed)

What's really sad
is that you don't seem to understand that you did something wrong and have no remorse about it.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 19 Apr 2012, 12:35, closed)

You only think it was wrong
Because you don't fully understand what happend - or at best choose to misinterpret the facts to suit yourself.

Edit : Evidently I'm not the only one that thinks this either. I suppose you'll be trying to argue against all of us that think it was no bad thing?
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 12:36, closed)

he had it coming
Have a click
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 12:30, closed)

I've come close to doing this a few times myself.
However, I just walk at them and stumble -- if they hit my shoulder it's their fault for illegally riding on the pavement.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 12:42, closed)

Muuuch
better.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 17 Apr 2012, 12:47, closed)

I suppose the trick is to make it look more like an accident
Thank self-defence.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 13:59, closed)

With me "look like" doesn't really come into it much.
I'm often tired and change direction slightly when walking and somebody coming at me at speed is likely to make me flinch. If the two happen to coincide, that's not my fault but that of somebody illegally endangering me and themselves.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 14:04, closed)

Takes metal note, just in case.

(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 14:31, closed)

You're thinking of coins
Notes are paper
(Guy Debord cette mauvaise réputation..., Tue 17 Apr 2012, 15:50, closed)

As a cyclist
He deserved all he got, Maybe next time he might think twice before deciding he he above the law.
(Gru being trolled since 1998, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 15:59, closed)

Leave the late, great Michael Jackson out of this :'(

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 16:04, closed)

Banana finger trouble all day unfortunately.
Mental note. Mental note.
Yeah, I'm getting better...
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 17:57, closed)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHHH!
It's PEDAL not PEDDLE.
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 17:42, closed)

Sorry, being a twat here
It's what comes from posting while doing other things :-S
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 22:21, closed)