Porcupines float
as does diet coke but not normal coke

Sharks have two penises so they can steer properly - both function.

On average mallards live longer than owls.

Billy Joel is a Taurus.

Clams have 35 eyes and they are all blue

Your security clearance level is limited in the Israeli army if you play D&D due to your detatchment from reality.

The largest ever recorded iceberg was bigger than Belgium.

In Turkmenistan the dictator has declared national days for melons and shoes and has renamed months of the year and days of the week after himself and his family.

Those are the only ones I can remember at the moment, I love this kind of thing.

Also re drunkeness - caused by lack of salt as well as dehydration so thats why people want kebabs and other high slat things when drunk.

re licking elbow - my mate can I have a photo of her doing it.
( Pope George-Ringo quick Alter Boy, to the Popemobile, Fri 18 Mar 2005, 12:53, Reply)

Dark Matter
I'm no scientist so those out there with phd's or who're just clever feel free to rip this apart.

Scientists have calculated the age of the universe, the current size of the universe and the total mass of the universe.

Along these lines the amount of mass required to explode at the beginning of time would have had to be about a lot more than is currently present, ie a hell of a lot of the universe is missing.

This gives rise to the theory of dark matter, a type of matter which we can't yet identify or as religious types would have it, evidence of a god.
(Inglorious_Other, Fri 18 Mar 2005, 12:50, Reply)

pro wrestling facts
andre the giant once downd 119 bottels of beer in one night and once had 15 bottels of wine prior to wrestlemania 3 , he also turned a car full of teenagers on its roof when they took the piss out of him.

tom curise wanted to be a wrestler

in the 1950s killer kawolski once proformed a knee drop on a opponemet and tore his ear clean off

in the 1960s "classy" freddie blassie was such a hated bad guy fans wuld routinely attack him and onces over turned his car and set it on fire

in the 1900s a british promoter wanted to stage a show ina hall in liverpool but the hall owner dient want wrestlers in his hall so he got some local boxers to beat them up and remove them the result was a runnig battel from the hall into the streets the wrestlers gave the boxers a 5 star shit kicking and the the wrestling champ prees slamed a boxer off a balcony down some stairs.
(bashman, Fri 18 Mar 2005, 12:49, Reply)

Americans, driving and spelling
Contrary to earlier posts, Americans did not choose to drive on the right or change their spelling to annoy the British.

In the early days of motoring when there were very few cars on the road, the steering wheel was always in the centre and cars would drive on the left. A particularly popular model came out (I forget the name) that had the steering wheel on the left, this encouraged people to drive on the right. By the time all the rules of the road were made, people were driving on the left.

The changes in spelling are the responsibility of one president (I'm guessing Teddy Roosevelt, but I'm probably remembering wrong). He started a campaign to remove superfluous letters (like the u in colour), standardise on one letter where two make the same sound (s and z in standardis(z)e), and simplify spelling in other ways. He wanted to go much further than he actually did, but he wasn't president long enough!

Fact!
( Silva, Fri 18 Mar 2005, 12:49, Reply)

Yawning (again)
It's impossible to finish a yawn if you start to laugh.

Kids! Irritate all your friends by making them laugh half way through!
(finbarr, Fri 18 Mar 2005, 12:49, Reply)

just a few:
carrots used to be purple.

if you blow into a rabbit's nose it will go into some kind of sleepy trance.

there are more klingon-speakers than russian-speakers in america.
(moik, Fri 18 Mar 2005, 12:46, Reply)

Every average 30g bar of choclate contains 0.05g of rat hair
tasty!
( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Fri 18 Mar 2005, 12:43, Reply)

yawning....
i have been led to belive that when we are tired the brain gets a little bit less oxygen than usual and so we yawn to grab as much as posible, in fact heres an experiment for you kids at home:

strangle yourself and youll feel like yawning! yay!


also if we observe other poeple yawning we asume they are 'taking' our air and so we get the urge to yawn aswell so that we can keep up with thier brain power, try yawning on the train next to prefferabley a not tierd person and they will probably yawn too.
(mr ruffles, Fri 18 Mar 2005, 12:42, Reply)

ausben....
read 2 or 3 posts up from original post (cant be bothered to check now many), thats where it got cut off....

in fact, that makes another useless fact...

if you attempt to post the first 50,000 digits to pi on a messageboard, it will only post the first 27009, dumping the rest in some sort of interwebby waste bin and leaving some smug twat to point this out....
(Aleister Crowleys Badger Nothing to see here, Fri 18 Mar 2005, 12:38, Reply)

The Smiths
Johnny Marr was actually named after the French for 'I'm fed up' (ie J'en ai marre).

FACT
(finbarr, Fri 18 Mar 2005, 12:37, Reply)

Harry Freeze...
....I LOVE the poo scale!!!! Where did you get it? I want one for my bathroom wall!

Re: yawning - there is no medical explanation for yawning. No-one knows WHY we yawn.

Hitler - really DID only have one ball ie he had one undescended testicle. No wonder he was so fucked up eh?
(Mad McMad, Fri 18 Mar 2005, 12:35, Reply)

Why do you piss copiously when drinking lots of beer?
Answer: Atrial Natriuretic Peptic.

Let's imagine you're a fat old man hungrily guzzling down some pies. Your obvious excitement is likely to increase you heart rate and also your blood pressure. But, uh-oh, because you're a fat lazy sod your heart is about as useful as a chocolate teapot and is unlikely to be able to cope with this unwelcome demand placed upon it. Hence, the heart cannot beat fast enough to cope with the increased volume of fluid going through it and the back pressure on your pulmonary arteries would cause fluid to be forced out into your lungs and you would drown.

A deserving fate some would say for being a fat lazy bastard.

However, you're not going to go down that easily, you still have half a pie left. In response to the increased pressure in your heart's atria (which stretch), the atria release a substance called atrial natriuretic peptide (ANP) which is a potent diuretic. Hence you piss lots, in theory lowering your blood pressure sufficiently to continue with your gluttony for long enough to finish your lardy meal.

Alcohol also stimulates the release of ANP, which is why after 2 pints you seem to piss every 20 mins. It has nothing to do with having a bladder like an infant. That's what I tell myself anyway.

Blindmelon, MBChB.
( blindmelon, Fri 18 Mar 2005, 12:30, Reply)

Aleister Crowleys Badger, Pi
You lying bastard. That was only the first 27009 digits of Pi. What about the other 22991?
(woo who?, Fri 18 Mar 2005, 12:25, Reply)

Poop
there is such a thing as a scale for rating poo - it is called the Bristol Stool Scale - it rates poo's from 1-7:

excuse the pic on a reply page but i think it's warranted.



apparently, from a medical perspective, a 4 is ideal.
( harryfreeze Ignore, Hide, I like this!, Reply, Fri 18 Mar 2005, 12:24, Reply)

Did you know...
...that it is physically impossible to yawn just before you're going to throw up. Thats got to be an entirely useless piece of knowledge, who's thinking about yawning at that time?
(Laura Buttercup, Fri 18 Mar 2005, 12:20, Reply)

Hitler
only had one testical, the other is being kept for show in The Royal Albert hall London. Apparently Hitlers mother (who was rather unclean by most accounts) cut it off while hitler was a child.

Also,

Man united have vision problems, and have to wear glassesd. They are worn inside the anus for saftey reasons.

and

Batman smells
(you're all a bunch of twats anyway, Fri 18 Mar 2005, 12:17, Reply)

Fast
Fastest tennis shot - 153mph
Fastest badminton shot - 162mph
Fatest squash shot - 172 mph
(loquis, Fri 18 Mar 2005, 12:15, Reply)

HemGlass / Home Icecream
Icecream Vans (the ones that play music) in Sweden don't give out "99's" and Feasts... They sell boxes of icecream that you put in your freezer. And they opperate throughout the year. They don't play Greensleeves. They play a (standard) crappy jingle, but at least it has a standard volume, and it's predictable. The places that the vans stop are pre-destined much like a bus-route. It's so well organised that you can find out when the next one will be there by looking here on the internet.
Kids seemingly have never been told that the music means "we've run out".

So... freshly armed with this useless fact, you can now go happily on holiday to Sweden, in the full knowledge that when you see a blue van, with "hemglass" on it playing music, you can go out and buy a big box of icecream. For you freezer. The freezer that, bring on holiday, you probably won't have.
Arse.
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Fri 18 Mar 2005, 12:13, Reply)

to chocolatepossum
There are infact loads of turkeys in Turkey the eat it a christmas (most Turks celbrate Noel as a new year festival), you can actual get Turkey doner. They call Turkeys Hindi, which also means Indian. Turkey is name so because of the Turkmen, the race that became the ottomans.
Turkeys are so called because of a small bird (like a Turkey) that comes form Turkey, when peopl first went to America they thought theat the bird they saw was in fact the same bird. Many people thought America was India, hence some people calling Turkey India. Hindi and Turkish are gramatically related.

'Yum-yum' means 'cannibal' in Turkish and

'Eminem' means 'I'm sure'
(you're all a bunch of twats anyway, Fri 18 Mar 2005, 12:12, Reply)

war facts
mein kampf was a best seller in the u.s in 1939

hitler ws once time magasines man of the year, and his favoret movie was king kong

nazi solders was given speed to stay alert in battel

red baron was killed by a infantry machine gunner snowy evans as baron flew over his post while being chased

the shortest war was between britan and zanzibar lasting 38 minuets in 1896

one british paratrooper landed in german terrotioy and was chased into a toilet by nazi solders but the germans were to polite to kick the bog door in so after a few hours the brit got bord and gave up

hitler like to pay whores to kick him while he cowerd on the floor

commandos were named ny churchill after thee south afican bore solder squd how took him prisoner druing the bore war

starlin had a witherd left arm and was a fan for tarzan films
(bashman, Fri 18 Mar 2005, 12:09, Reply)

Salman Rushdie
also came up with the "naughty but nice" slogan for fresh cream cakes. This clearly didn't upset those sensitive muslim chappies sufficiently to issue a fatwah on that occasion.

Babies under 3 months old can only concentrate on 2 things at a time, which explains why, if you pat their back and talk to them they can't concentrate on crying too (that's the theory, anyway).

Horses cannot vomit, so don't take one out on the piss.

Bono wrote the U2 song "stuck in a moment that you can't get of" to cheer his mate Michael Hutchence up. Oh well...

The capital of Burkina Faso is called Ouagadougou.

And the bestest one of all:

The football game "Subbuteo" is so called because the game's inventor originally wanted to call it "hobby", which had been registered already, so he looked in the dictionary under "hobby" and discovered that it was also a small bird of prey, like a little buzzard (latin name, buteo buteo). The hobby's latin name is (falco) subbuteo(lesser buzzard).
Or something like that, anyway.
( BobbyParadise, Fri 18 Mar 2005, 12:07, Reply)

A duck's quack
*does* echo.
Biscuits crack due to internal forces during cooking, not due to careless packing.
( Labmonkey last thought about having another coffee on, Fri 18 Mar 2005, 12:06, Reply)

Rizla + ancillaries
During my time at university, I found that all the flyers/Adverts handed out on University campus shared two things in common.

1. they were ALL full of useless information,
2. they could ALL be used as roach-material.

More useless info? I find that after doing som serious sanding work, or paint spraying, that I get some really solid nose-nuggets.

Um.... A good solid, yet floaty poop is indicatory of a good diet.

Hangovers: are mostly* alcohol induced de-hydration. Ergo... drinking 2 pints of water pre-bed is 90% effective for avoiding them.
*Somepeople will tell you something about sugar levels and stuff... it may be true, but watery thing works well

Not only can I sneeze with my eyes open, but in amazing theory-busting style, My eyeballs stubbornly fail to pop out of my head.

I'm scraping the barrel here folks.

If I hear that smoking a cigarette takes "5 minutes off your life" ONE MORE TIME.... I'm going to kill the self-righteous little bästård wot says it.

A kitten will not die if you masturbate. (it might if you're using the kitten instead of a napkin ring)
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Fri 18 Mar 2005, 12:06, Reply)

Fact!
Alfred Hitchcock makes a cameo appearance in all his films.

Shakespeare was born and died on the same day (23rd April - also happens to be St George's day).

Charlie Chaplin has unclaimed money in his will. He has stipulated that if anyone can prove they have folded a piece of paper 8 times or more then they can claim the money.

Mice and rats do not have bladders so leave a constant trail of wee everywhere they go.

Hitler used to pay prostitutes to do their dirty business in his mouth.

The plastic thingy that you fill with water and use to stop a parasol blowing away is called a "gatt".

Dry food products eg pasta, have a quotient of vermin hairs allowed per 500gms as it has been deemed impossible to produce such things without contamination. FACT!
(Mad McMad, Fri 18 Mar 2005, 12:03, Reply)

In 1867...
Lord Kelvin put forward a theory that atoms are knotted loops in the aether (that's the stuff that pervaded the universe carrying light around, but no-one could find, before Einstein came up with wave-partcle duality), with larger atoms being more complicated knots.

The famous "cuckoo clock" line in The Third Man was added by Orson Welles, which really pissed off scriptwriter Graham Greene.

A groat was a coin worth four old pence.

Mount Everest was named after Sir George Everest whose surname was two syllables (Eve-rest).

That Cillit Bang advert bit where they put the sodium in the cleaner is bollocks. Anyone who paid attention in chemistry at school will know that sodium fizzes like that if you drop it in plain water.
( Bagpuss, Fri 18 Mar 2005, 12:02, Reply)

koalas
have two penises. well, one which is forked in the middle. as do iguanas and komodo dragons.
ace!
( St3cks, Fri 18 Mar 2005, 11:56, Reply)

Adam and Eve.
... had kids: Kaine (Cane, Kane, cayne, Caine.) choose your own spelling.
and Abel/Able. We'll call them K&A for fun.

K&A had kids.

Oops.. bible stumbled there... with who?? Who did they have kids with hmm??

yes... I know: Somone Boned Mummy. :o)
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Fri 18 Mar 2005, 11:52, Reply)

Humans are the only animals that respond to pointing a finger
by looking in the direction of the finger. Other animals look at the hand.
( rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 18 Mar 2005, 11:51, Reply)

Murray Walker (the retired Motorsport commentator)
coined the phrase "a Mars a day helps you work rest and play" which was in use until the early '90s at least

The Swiss have a navy, but no coastline to defend.

Glass bottoms on tankards were to prevent "pressganging" by Naval recruiters. They put a shilling in your pint if you weren't watching or left it for a second, and if you drank it and took the shilling in your mouth, you were said to have "taken the king's shilling" and made to join the navy. Glass bottoms let light in so you could see the coin in the bottom.
( mr_wicksy is.... old., Fri 18 Mar 2005, 11:48, Reply)

Rizla
Slight modification of Rizlaness:

That brand was originally made by a manufacturer called "La Croix", and people still call them Riz La Croix in some parts of the world - You will also notice that there is a cross after the word 'Rizla' on the packets.
(logic2, Fri 18 Mar 2005, 11:48, Reply)