Freemans Catalogue
In my teens grabbed the pay by weeks for ever glossy mag and took it to my bedroom and inspected the lady undies section. Had my tiny teen manhood between mattress and bed frame in frantic love action and then Mum walks in.
( spazzcaptain Misses Valin @, Wed 29 Aug 2012, 0:11, 28 replies)

I once saw Amorous Badger and Dr Shambolic at a bash. and someone had posted on /QOTW and they started touching each other and-
No. I can't go on. I'm too scared of the INTERNET BULLIES.

Who will save me?

For the purposes of this post, I'm pretending to be a girl, on the internet.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 20:25, 40 replies)

What's
... a wank?

PS this thread makes my tummy feel funny.
(rampants, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 17:26, Reply)

So ... when you're 80 ...
Yes, yes - when I'm 80 she'll be like 65 and the age gap won't seem as big, I know ...

No ... ! Huh?! When you're 80, you'll still have the memory of sleeping with a 21 year old ...
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:27, 5 replies)

This always gives me the raging horn.
Dr Shambolic has me on ignore, but I can still read his posts.

Hnnngggg! Sorry, back in a minute.
(username failed moderation, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 15:58, 4 replies)

OK right
There was this time when I was about 16 and I was spending the summer at my Gran’s place in Norfolk like we always did. There was this girl who looked after the horses, must have been about 17 and she was FIT. I was a bit in love with her I suppose, and I used to sneak away and find places where I could watch her working. I loved watching her brushing the horses, it was a hot summer and the work was quite hard, so she’d sometimes do it in just a vest and jodpurs. The brushing movements would make her arse tense and her tits wobble, when she bent down to do their legs her tits would just about fall out of the vest and it was all I could do not to come on the spot, as I watched her through a gap in the floorboards of the hay loft, my raging cock rubbing against the straw.

And then one day, I couldn’t believe my luck. It had been really hot that day and when she led the big stallion into the stable, she was wearing vest and shorts. I moaned as quietly as I could and silently re-positioned myself to a position where I could get the best view, but things got even better. She tied the horse up near the hose-pipe and then peeled off the shorts and vest, putting them carefully to one side, leaving her wearing just a bikini and sandals. Then she turned on the hose and proceeded to give the horse a good soaping, before hosing him down.

She was totally preoccupied with the work and was getting herself pretty soapy too and I just HAD to get nearer to her. With the hose on and the horse making a bit of noise, stamping around and puffing, I found I could sneak down the stable stairs until I was just yards behind them with an amazing view of her sopping wet arse, foam dripping down her legs.

But then it stepped up a gear. The horse was getting aroused, his wang was starting to emerge pink and wet and HUGE, and the girl noticed this. She dipped her sponge in the bucket of suds and started ‘washing’ the horse’s massive wang gently, but as it got more and more aroused, she started properly wanking it, and with her left hand she was rubbing herself between the legs. By this time I was so close to cumming I couldn’t think straight and I must have made a noise because she suddenly spun round and saw me. Her face went from horror to surprise to relief to mischief in the blink of an eye and she spoke – hoarsely as it happens – ‘Come here Harry’.

I stumbled down the steps, holding onto my open trousers, my raging boner sticking out in front of me. All this time she hadn’t stopped wanking the horse. ‘Hurry up,’ she said and I walked up to her. She pulled her bikini top up and guided my hand to her breast, then reached down and began a double-wank, me and the stallion. Boy was she good.

The horse came like a fire extinguisher and I came too, spraying the girl’s midriff with cum. She slowed her manual manipulation and said, ‘OK, you’ve both had yours, now I want some.’ She led the horse back to his box then led me back up to the hayloft where she had me lick her on a clean blanket spread on the hay until she came like a train. She turned over onto all-fours and I didn't need to ask what she wanted; it was my first time and it's burned onto my memory - the smell of the hay and the horses, over-laid with the smell from her red, swollen snatch, the way the sunlight came through the windows...

But the memory I always return to is the sight of her wanking the horse and rubbing herself through her bikini pants.

Better than naked billiards any day.
(HRH Prince Harold Bow down to me you bastards, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 15:26, 6 replies)

An insight...
Aw, this is quite sweet, reading about you chaps like to have a tug at. I am pleasantly surprised by how romantic some of the tales are - unrequited love/lust, near misses, other boy's mums and shop assistants.

I always wondered if Mr Free Pens did nice things just to get in my knickers? Well, now I know that is only true most of the time, the rest of the time is it because a)he likes to because it's romantic b)I remind him of childhood friend's mum c)from behind I look like the lady on the deli counter in Tesco.

Your wonderful tales of filth leave me all warm and fuzzy inside.
(Free pens 100, 101, 102 is still counting on, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 15:05, 14 replies)

So close...
The flat we shared was large, but sparsely furnished. A fold-out futon sofa served our needs for the living room, and one evening we ended up folding it out so that we could both lay down on it. I took the back position, with her in front; I was taller so we could both see the TV.

I barely breathed. My whole reason for moving to Manchester, leaving everything behind me, was so that I could spend time with her. My love was apparently unrequited, and I'd seen her go through some pretty appalling relationships. And now... now I was spooning her in our flat, with my most vivid fantasies dancing in front of my eyes like Christmas baubles.

I couldn't help it. It had a mind of its own. Nestled snugly between her buttocks, my penis rose, engorged and ready for what it was designed to do. The slightest movement caused my already sensitive glans to rub against the front of my pyjamas, sending sparks of pleasure down my root and right through my loins. I was so hard that it began to ache. She moved slightly to accommodate me more fully.

My breathing had almost stopped. I was acutely aware of myself and my proximity to her, and trying to keep as still as possible lest everything should fade away like in so many of my dreams. She stretched at last, swung off the sofa leaving my erection pointing at her like a finger of accusation.

I apologised. She knew of my feelings, and had suggested the folding out of the sofa. She brushed it off, and said that she was going to go to bed. Would I like to come with her?

My penis jolted like it had been wired up to the mains. Even then, I couldn't believe that she was actually leading me on. She must just like the companionship, the pleasure and warmth of spending time in close proximity with another person. We went through to the bedroom.

The next half an hour were exquisite torture. We stroked each other, me in my pyjama bottoms, her in her bra and panties, never daring to go near to the major, obvious erogenous zones. Stomach, arms, cheeks... all were fair game though as we ignored the steamy, horny elephant in the room. Until I moved my hand to between her legs and traced the outline of her vulva through the lace of her pants.

Within milliseconds we were kissing with all the pent up passion that had been held in coming to boiling point. My pyjama bottoms were pulled down, and she started to tug away at my straining cock while I groaned and tried not to cum.

"Have you... got anything?" she asked. I didn't. The only thing I had was a comedy johnny bought from a pub toilet machine that looked like an alien and felt like a rubber balloon. 'Not for prophylactic use', it said in clear letters on the box. Fuck.

Now, in my mind, I said 'no, but it doesn't matter - we don't have to screw. There's plenty of other things we can do, and first of all I want to make you cum with my tongue.' What I actually did was mutter that I didn't, and instantly go limp in her hand. The moment was completely ruined, and I said I was going to go to my own bed and see her in the morning. About a month later, I moved back to my home town, having never discussed what had happened with her.

It remains one of the most intensely erotic experiences of my life, though. I think if I did have a packet of three, and we had gone all the way, it wouldn't have been burnt into my mind so vividly even now, ten years after it happened. I've had some cracking wanks on the strength of it. I wonder if she ever thinks about it and gets sweaty-handed herself?
( CaptainCrackerjack live trout, slow motion, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 13:29, 18 replies)

I don't enjoy onanism, auto-eroticism, loping the pony or jacking off
but to maintain a healthy prostate it is imperative to ejaculate at least once a day. The wom-n willing to oblige me sometimes don't have the stamina so occasionally I am obliged to take it manually.
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 0:01, 6 replies)

Have a roasted pea
tinyurl.com/9ddnaw5
(Vigilante Man weeps because you're stupid., Mon 27 Aug 2012, 23:29, Reply)

When Delia makes her own sausages, running her firm practised hand down the piping, squeezing out the oozing pork mix into the intestine sock

( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Mon 27 Aug 2012, 23:17, 1 reply)

Got out of the shower
Saw myself in the mirror.

Went back into the shower.

God I'm beautiful.
(thePontificator, Mon 27 Aug 2012, 18:27, 7 replies)

I work in a sperm bank.
I've swapped all the deposits for my own.
(FUN TIMES FUN FUN FUN, Mon 27 Aug 2012, 17:56, 2 replies)

Now I've had my fair share of women
But just imagine my surprise when...

[to continue wanking please turn to Razzle vol 13 issue 6, page 33]
[to preserve your modesty please turn to Traction Engines issue 1643, page 12]
(Eukanuba, Mon 27 Aug 2012, 17:16, Reply)

Dirty little minx
At 19 I spent nearly a year abroad working as a diving instructor. I was also swimming a couple of miles a day and doing other training, consequently I left the UK a skinny youth and came back a bronzed Adonis.
On my return I visited an ex, Sarah, who was at universtity. To say she was pleased to see my new beautiful body was an understatement, and she literally dragged me into her bedroom to test it out.
The next morning I met her housemates, Jen who was about 26 and Jen's younger sister who was about my age. while I was munching my corn flakes, Jen was looking me up and down and started making a purring noise. Sarah grinned and said "sounds like Jen's pussy likes you"....this surprised me to say the least. Then Jen said, "can I have a go on him, PLEASE". Sarah put on a faux petulant voice and said " OK if you must, but send him straight back to me when you're done. My head was spinning and I was having problems swallowing my cornflakes, what the fuck was going on. But before I had time to take it all in Jen's little sister chirps "what about me!". Once more Sarah gave her permission and the sisters jumped up from the table and scampered off to their respective rooms.
I was struggleing to take it all in, but Sarah assured me it wasn't a practical joke, she really didn't mind and I better get myself to jen's room. So I did. When me and Jen were finished I went straight to her sisters room. She was waiting for me, half covered with a sheet. As I got onto the bed she asked "did you have a shower after shagging Jen?" "No" I replied, a little worried this might put her off, "good!" she exclaimed grabbing me and guiding my cock into her mouth, sucking hard. The glorious filthiness of the moment meant I lasted about five seconds, but I'll take those seconds to my grave.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Mon 27 Aug 2012, 16:38, 8 replies)

2 girls 1 cup
...dot-com
(RabidRodent I'm the person your mother warned you about, Mon 27 Aug 2012, 16:05, 7 replies)

This post is just so Shambo can ignore me.
Shambles - everyone else can see this work of wonder except you.
Sucks, donut.
I'm almost turgid thinking about it.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 27 Aug 2012, 12:31, 16 replies)

underwater diver
correct me if i am wrong but i thought the brief was about wankj bank memmorys not fucking essays?
any how one of my favourits
in a class aged 13 doing some thing about jaques cuastic and his crazy french divers i turned the page of the bookand there before me was a image of pure sexual heaven of such proportions that i got an instant boner that would not go down for a long time after closeing the book and even now all these years after when i recall that picture i get teh horn.
what was so special about this pic?
nothing sexy rude no tits out or fanny showing.
no, what did it for me was the lady in her wet suite with a mask on and doing her thing under water but the shape of her breasts and the line of her inguinel curve showed up in the wet suite and that folks was the sexyest pic that i had seen , the gentle swell of her breasts under the neophrene the almost flat tummy curveing down to the top of her thigh at the groin , some may say i am a kinky pervy weirdo for this but at that age we all get the horn for differant reasons and that was one, i have even got past girlfriends in to diveing just to relive that image and it works mostly but isnt as satisfying as i recall the boriginal to be, i dcan not even remember the name of the book so i have no chance of finding out if it was as good as i remember.
still thats what the wank banki is for,
excuse me i am of to make an outher deposit
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Mon 27 Aug 2012, 12:28, 10 replies)

man reacting issue stiffened dynamic
the plot lines are quite outstanding man medicine
usually document of the human condition men
hollyoaks really is the best of all programs in incidents at home

standard grants in the past
incident at the entrance of the national interests of the best elementary
students as well the only reason as as a whole career as an example progresses
and as a whole grain restlessness petaluma rivers disguised as a little
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people who've been consistent or inconsistent opponents says domestic
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clients
best grandest grant grant
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 26 Aug 2012, 23:59, 3 replies)

28
In the shower in the bathroom Jamie and Bobby share Bobby's admiring the tans we acquired on the yacht today, at the shocking whiteness where our boxer-briefs blocked out the sun, at the white imprints Jamie's bikini left behind, the paleness almost glowing in the semidarkness of the bathroom, the water from the massive chrome head smashing down on us and both our cocks are sticking up at sharp angles and Bobby's pulling on his prick, stiff and thick, his balls banging tightly beneath it, the muscles in his shoulders flexing as he strokes himself off and he's looking at me, our eyes meeting, and in a thick voice he grunts, "Look at your dick, man," and I look down at the cock I'm jerking off and past that, at my thickly muscled legs.

In the shower Bobby lets me make out with Jamie and Bobby's head is between her legs and Jamie's knees buckle a couple of times and Bobby keeps propping her up with an arm and his face is pushed up into her cunt and she's arching her back, pushing herself onto his tongue, and one of his hands is gripping my cock, soaping it up, and then Bobby starts sucking it and it gets so hard I can feel the pulse in it and then it gets even harder, the shaft keeps thickening and Bobby pulls it out of his mouth and studies it, squeezing it, and then he flicks his tongue over the head and then he lifts it up by the tip and starts flicking his tongue in brief, precise movements over the place where the head meets the shaft as Jamie hungrily moans "do it do it" while fingering herself in the semi-darkness and then Bobby places the entire shaft into his mouth, taking as much of my cock as he comfortably can, sucking eagerly, wetly, while crouching down on his haunches, still stroking his own prick, and below it the curves of his thighs keep swelling as he repositions himself. I'm bending my neck back, letting the water stream down my chest, and when I look back down Bobby's looking up at me and grinning, his hair wet and pressed down on his forehead, his tongue extended, pink against his face. Then Bobby motions for me to turn around so that he can spread the checks of my ass and I can feel him extending his tongue up in it and then he removes his tongue and sticks his index finger halfway up my asshole and keeps fingerfucking me until he's pushed the entire finger as far as it can go, causing my cock to keep twitching uncontrollably.

I drop to my knees and start licking Jamie's pussy, my fingers spreading her lips, and as her hands massage my hair I lean her against the shower wall-Bobby still behind me on his knees, his finger moving in and out of my asshole, another hand running over my hard, cubed abs-and I keep running my tongue from her clit to her asshole and placing one of her legs over my shoulder I suck her clit into my mouth as I fuck her with two then three fingers and then I move my tongue into her asshole, fucking it with my tongue while my fingers tug on her clit, and when I stand up Bobby's finger slips out of my hole and I turn Jamie around and squatting down behind her I spread her small, firm ass cheeks open and start pumping my tongue in and out of her asshole and then I slide my tongue deep inside her anus and keep it there while rubbing her clit until she comes.

After we dry off we move into Jamie and Bobby's bedroom, next to the giant bed which has been stripped of its sheets, and all the lights in the room are on so we can see everything and Jamie's squeezing my cock, sucking on its head, and I'm watching Bobby walk over to a drawer and when he bends down his ass cheeks spread wide, briefly exposing his asshole as he picks up a bottle of lotion, and when he turns around his cock is sticking up in a full erection and he strides back to us as I'm watching Jamie put one finger inside her pussy and then pull it out and then she starts stroking her clit and then she brings that finger up to my mouth and I start sucking on it. She sticks her finger back into her vagina and when she pulls it out she offers it to me again and I take her hand, licking the saltiness from her finger, sucking on it, and then I pull her face to mine and while I kiss her my hands slide down to her ass, then up to her waist and then up to the heavy firmness of her tits, my palms passing lightly over her tiny nipples, causing them to harden, while she keeps trembling, moaning. Then I lay her on the bed and kneeling at the side of it I smell her cunt lips, inhaling deeply, beads of water still clinging to her pubic hair, and I'm breathing gently on her and with one finger I trace the outline of her labia, not parting them yet, just teasing, and then I slide one finger deep into her pussy, playing with her clit as I watch it deepen in color, and she's lying back on the bed, her eyes closed, and then I'm strumming my tongue along her clit and then I lift her hips up and I'm spreading her ass open until I can see the pink inside it.

I move my mouth back up to her tits, sucking hard on the nipples while squeezing the breasts beneath them, and then I slide down again, my tongue traveling down the line bisecting her body, and Jamie raises then spreads her legs, her clit totally engorged now, but I barely touch it at first, deliberately avoiding it, causing Jamie to shift around continuously, trying to place herself against my tongue, whimpering, and when my tongue lightly laps at it her clit gets firmer, bigger, and my hands are squeezing the backs of her legs and then the insides of her thighs and I'm still fucking her with my tongue and when I lift her hips up again I start sucking on her asshole. Bobby's leaning in, staring intently as my tongue goes in and out of her anus while he strokes his prick off. "God, you're so wet," I'm whispering. "You're so fucking wet." I start pumping a finger into her vagina and Jamie's bucking her hips as I move my mouth up and suck the whole labia into my mouth and then I lick her clit again, causing Jamie to thrash out another orgasm.

In front of me Jamie steps into Bobby's arms and he places a huge hand under her chin and tilts her face upward and he kisses her deeply, their pink tongues entwined, and Jamie's hand falls onto Bobby's cock and she squeezes it and then she eases Bobby down onto the bed next to where I'm lying, his head at my feet, his dick at my face, and Jamie drops to her knees beside the bed and starts licking the sides of Bobby's prick while she's staring at me and Bobby's moaning and he's tonguing my feet and Jamie raises then lowers her mouth, taking in as much of his cock as she can while Bobby's hips keep thrusting upward. She climbs onto the bed and raises herself over Bobby's dick then slowly lowers herself, her eyes riveted on mine as his cock slides into her pussy, and then she pulls it out until she's rubbing her slit over the head and then she falls onto it again and it slides into her effortlessly and then she stops, stays still, letting her cunt accustom itself, and then she starts riding Bobby's cock, rising up to its tip then lowering herself down hard onto his pelvis, Bobby groaning as he pumps into her, and suddenly all her muscles contract at once and she's trying not to come but she loses control and starts yelling "fuck me fuck me fuck" and somewhere across the room a beeper goes off, is ignored.

I'm on my knees in front of Bobby and he's urging me to lift his penis up so I can smell his balls and then he pushes my head back and slides his cock all the way into my mouth and I'm gagging, choking for air, but Bobby keeps it there until my throat relaxes, his hands on either side of my head guiding me up and down on his penis, then pulling it way out but keeping the head in my mouth and then pushing his cock back into my throat until my upper lip is buried in his pubic hair and my nose is pressing against his hard, taut abdomen, his balls tight against my chin. When I look up, his head is thrown back, only the point of his chin visible above the thickly corded column of his neck. Bobby's abdominal muscles taper down from under his chest to the narrower ones at the base of his stomach and one of my hands is rubbing over them, my other hand on the place where his back fleshes out into the curves of his ass, and I'm swallowing hard, my lips slicked over with my own spit and Bobby's pre-come, and I run my tongue around the head, sucking up and down, going all the way to the base of it in a slow, steady motion, my nose buried in Bobby's sweaty pubic hair, and then he starts fucking my face harder.

Bobby falls back on the bed and hoists me up, positioning me so he can start sucking my dick while I'm sucking his, and he's deep-throating me, his head going all the way down and all the way up each time, sucking hard on my cock as it emerges from his mouth coated with saliva and then swallowing it as he goes back down, our hips rotating slightly, in rhythm. Then Bobby rolls over and lies flat on his stomach, one knee cocked, his balls resting on the bed beneath the crack of his ass, and Jamie's spreading the cheeks of Bobby's ass apart and, panting, I lean down and kiss his asshole, immediately sticking my tongue in it, and Bobby's responding by raising his hips until he's on his knees and elbows and I start drilling his asshole with my tongue, feeling it expand slightly then contract and then expand again and then Jamie moves to the top of the bed and spreads her legs in front of his face, holding his head, and he tries to get at her pussy but she's sitting on it and he moves backward taking Jamie with him until she's lying on her back, raising and spreading her legs in front of Bobby's face, and he starts eating her pussy until he turns her over onto her hands and knees and starts eating her pussy from behind and he's emitting loud groaning noises that are muffled from between her legs and I start lubing Bobby's asshole with the lotion he brought to the bed.

I'm sitting back on my heels and Jamie leans over and starts sucking my cock, spitting on it until it's slathered with saliva, and then I stand on my knees and push Jamie away, keeping Bobby's ass spread with the fingers of one hand and lubing my cock up with the other, and then I guide the head of my penis up against his asshole, grasping his hips, holding them steady, shoving gently forward until I can't help myself-I start fucking him really hard, my stomach slapping up against his ass while Jamie holds on to me, bringing me back each time I lunge forward. I let go of one hip and reach down and around to find Bobby's hand stroking his stiff dick, jerking it off, matching each stroke with my thrusts, and I close my hand around Bobby's and the rocking motion we're making causes my hand to automatically go back and forth and I start riding him harder, breathing so fast I think my heart's going to stop, totally flushed. "Easy, easy," I hear him moan. "Don't come yet".

Bobby grabs my cock and helps me guide it into Jamie's pussy and I slide my penis up into her while holding her thighs from beneath, reaching my arms around them, doubling her up, and then I grab both her tits and start sucking on them while I'm fucking her, her cunt sucking on my cock as she rocks from side to side, her pussy totally responding and sucking me in when I pull back, and then I'm slamming into her, grunting with each thrust, and her face is bright red and she's crying out, heaving against me, and then I pull out and turn her over, spreading her ass cheeks with the thumb and finger of one hand and while I'm sliding a finger in and out Bobby slathers my cock with more lube and, grasping Jamie's hips while rotating my own, I push my rock-hard cock slowly into Jamie's rectum, feeling it stretch out, not even waiting until she's loosened up to start fucking her ass really hard. Bobby leans down, watching my dick disappear then reappear, Jamie's asshole clinging to it, and then positions himself at the head of the bed and grasping the headboard for leverage he slides his hips forward, raising and spreading his legs so Jamie can eat out his asshole while he jerks off. Releasing a hip, I reach down and squeeze Jamie's breasts again, running my hand down her stomach until I find her clit, and with two fingers I start rubbing it, then fingerfucking her while she continues eating Bobby's ass out, sometimes sucking his dick.

Jamie stands up on the bed and straddles Bobby at hip level. She lowers herself over his cock and grasps it with one hand and then feeds it up into her cunt until she's sitting down on it, leaning forward, flattening out on Bobby, her breasts pushed into his face, and Bobby holds them with both hands while sucking on her nipples. I'm crouching between Bobby's legs inside Jamie's and I spread her cheeks and start fingering her asshole, which is pushed out and distended from the pressure of having Bobby's large cock filling her. I sit back on my heels, my erection twitching, and when I spread Jamie's cheeks even wider she raises her hips, causing Bobby to slide out of her until only the head of his cock remains inserted between the lips of her cunt and then my cock slides effortlessly back up into Jamie's ass. Carefully Jamie settles back down on Bobby's cock while I bounce gently up and down, Bobby's cock going all the way in while my dick slides halfway out, and we can both feel Jamie's vaginal muscles contracting powerfully during her orgasm as she convulses between us.

"Here, lift up," Bobby's saying as I raise my hips, and he quickly slides a towel under my ass and I'm touching the contours of his chest, tracing the line bisecting his body, and he's spreading my legs while leaning over and kissing me hard on the mouth, his lips thick and wet, and one finger, then two fingers, start moving in and out of my asshole and both of us are glistening with sweat and my head's in Jamie's lap and she's holding me, whispering things in my ear, leaning over and stroking my erection. "Yeah, show me that dick, Victor," Bobby says. "Keep stroking it, that's it. Spread your legs. Wider. Lift them up. Let me see your asshole." He lifts my legs up and pushes my knees back and I can feel him spreading my legs open, inspecting that area. "Yeah, you've got a nice pink butthole, man. I'm looking at it right now. You want me to fuck it, huh?" I'm bracing myself, gazing intently up at Bobby, who is expressionless, and I'm not sure how many fingers are in my ass right now and his hand starts moving in a circular motion, fingers moving deeper until I have to grab his wrist, whispering "Easy, man, easy" and with his other hand he keeps twisting my nipples until they're sore and burning and my head's lodged in Jamie's armpit and I have to strain my muscles to keep from coming too soon.

"Wait," I groan, lifting my head up. "Do you have a condom?"

"What?" he asks. "Oh man, do you care?"

"It's okay." I lean back.

"You want me to fuck you?" he's asking.

"Yeah, it's okay."

"You want me to fuck you with this cock?" he's asking, hoisting my legs up over his shoulders.

"Yeah, fuck me."

Jamie watches carefully as Bobby slides his long, thick cock in and out of my asshole and then starts increasing the length and depth of his thrusts, pulling his prick almost all the way out and then slamming it in again, his cock pumping my prostate, and I'm looking up at him and shouting out and his abs are straining with each thrust and he tries to steady himself by holding on to my shoulders, the muscles in his arms bulging with the effort, and his eyebrows are furrowed and his face-usually impassive-now scowls briefly with pleasure. "Yeah, fuck him, fuck him harder," Jamie's chanting. Bobby keeps slipping his cock in and out of me, both of us groaning with relief, intensity rising, and then I'm yelling out, convulsing uncontrollably, both of us bucking wildly as I start ejaculating, shooting up onto my shoulders and then my chest as Bobby keeps fucking me, my anus contracting around his thrusting cock. "Yeah, that's it, that's it, man," Bobby groans, coming, collapsing on top of me.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sun 26 Aug 2012, 20:40, 13 replies)

She poured herself a cup of tea
from a tartan Thermos flask like my grandparents took to Felixtowe, there to sit in the car and watch the waves.

I'd say she was 10 years my senior, I never asked, but she looked flawless and polished and poised against my casual teen scruff attire.

We were in a small train station somewhere west of Banbury and east of Hereford. The weather was pleasant, late July if I recall correctly, warm enough but before the humidity and persistent angry wasps of August.
I watched the tendrils of steam curling upwards and vanishing just below the tip of a perfect nose, her dark hair falling into loops of ebony sheen.
And there we sat; awaiting the delayed connection, just the two of us on an acre of platform. Striking up a conversation should be easy in these circumstances; two lonely travelers and the romance of a sunny station bench.
She smiled at me and with a simple flash of teeth over shiny lips swept away the casual sounding words I had assembled to break the ice. I muttered something about delays and the weather, the mainstay of the lost-for-words Brit.
She agreed and folding her magazine swiveled her body towards me. Ah, an invitation to continue, no rebuff. She was on her way to a business meeting and was already so late had been forced to reschedule it for the following day; I, on the way to a work related college course. An hour passed, slipped by unnoticed, and perhaps another. She was twirling her hair and my thoughts with one delicate finger. I noted that the nail polish was chipped and that she'd chewed the tip of the nail a little. This only seemed to make her more attractive to me. We seemed to find much in common, the laughter coming easily. I began to relax in her presence.
And then she touched me. Just like that, just on the knee but it was the sensation of an electric fence shock. I must have jumped involuntarily because she laughed and told me she didn't bite. Attempting to appear cool and collected I replied that "I was rather hoping you would"
Suddenly she stood up and holding out her hand for mine said, "let's go for a walk". My mind went into immediate shock, what the hell was about to happen here?
I don't think it would be exaggeration to state that I was having trouble breathing and was developing a boner which was going to make walking a bit of a challenge. I stood awkwardly and tried to shuffle my hips to surreptitiously push my cock into a more comfortable position without blatantly shoving my hand down the front of my jeans and adjusting the tackle. Like a bumbling schoolboy I began to walk with her through the station gate and towards the woods behind the carpark.
I wondered briefly if she was leading me into a trap of some kind, so surreal was this scene, but I allowed my self to be led into the shady trees.

Now I'd love to be able to tell of how I pumped her senseless against the gnarly bark of an old oak, the sun streaming through the leaves into her beautiful face as she gasped in ecstasy. The truth is that faced with the overwhelming excitement and view of her pale white thighs as she pulled her knickers to one side, thrusting a hand between us to play with herself, and with my face buried in her Chanel scented cleavage I lasted about a minute, possibly less and certainly not as much as two minutes.
As we walked back to the station, each with our respective disappointment, I reflected on how this was going to replay in my head in the days to come.
I felt that perhaps a second go would have created a better ending but it didn't happen. We sat, held hands, made small talk and rather awkwardly parted as her train finally arrived.

In hindsight I realise that whatever we had found to talk about before was now redundant, the deed was done and there was really nothing left to say.

It was several years before I was able to catch a whiff of Chanel and not be instantly transported back to the moment, those scent receptors can be a powerful trigger. Even seeing steam rising from a cup towards a female mouth got a little stir going. It was crap sex but the best kind of wank bank material because it was so fucking evocative and erotic and could be replayed in dirty detail whenever a few minutes were available for a quick shuffle.

So there we go, another sex lie on t'internet or an unfeasible but real encounter - you can decide for yourselves.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Sun 26 Aug 2012, 20:20, 3 replies)

Girls
My appearances in the office the last month or so have been sporadic to say the least. All I seem to want to do now is work out, lifting weights, mostly, and secure reservations at new restaurants I’ve already been to, then cancel them. My apartment reeks of rotten fruit, though actually the smell is caused by what I scooped out of Christie’s head and poured into a Marco glass bowl that sits on a counter near the entranceway. The head itself lies covered with brain pulp, hollow and eyeless, in the corner of the living room beneath the piano and I plan to use it as a jack-o’-lantern on Halloween. Because of the stench I decide to use Paul Owen’s apartment for a little tryst I have planned for tonight. I’ve had the premises scanned for surveillance devices; disappointingly, there were none. Someone I talk to through my lawyer tells me that Donald Kimball, the private investigator, has heard that Owen really is in London, that someone spotted him twice in the lobby of Claridge’s, once each at a tailor on Savile Row and at a trendy new restaurant in Chelsea. Kimball flew over two nights ago, which means no one is keeping watch over the apartment anymore, and the keys I stole from Owen still function so I was able to bring the tools (a power drill, a bottle of acid, the nail gun, knives, a Bic lighter) over there after lunch. I hire two escort girls from a reputable if somewhat sleazy private establishment I’ve never used before, charging them on Owen’s gold American Express card which, I suppose because everyone thinks Owen is now in London, no one has put a trace on, though there is one on his platinum AmEx. The Patty Winters Show today was—ironically, I thought—about Princess Di’s beauty tips.

Midnight. The conversation I have with the two girls, both very young, blond hardbodies with big tits, is brief, since I’m having a difficult time containing my disordered self.

“You live in a palace, mister,” one of the girls, Torri, says in a baby’s voice, awed by Owen’s ridiculous-looking condo. “It’s a real palace.”

Annoyed, I shoot her a glance. “It’s not that nice.”

While making drinks from Owen’s well-stocked bar, I mention to both of them that I work on Wall Street, at Pierce & Pierce. Neither seems particularly interested. Again, I find myself hearing a voice—one of theirs—asking if that’s a shoe store. Tiffany flips through an issue of GQ that’s three months old, sitting on the black leather couch beneath the strip of faux-cowhide paneling, and she’s looking confused, like she doesn’t understand something, anything. I’m thinking, Pray, you bitch, just pray, and then I have to admit to myself what a turn-on it is encouraging these girls to debase themselves in front of me for what amounts to pocket change. I also mention, after pouring them another drink, that I went to Harvard, and then I ask, after a pause, “Ever hear of it?”

I’m shocked when Torri answers, “I had a business acquaintance who said he went there.” She shrugs dumbly.

“A client?” I ask, interested.

“Well,” she starts nervously. “Let’s just say a business acquaintance.”
“Was this a pimp?” I ask—then the weird part happens.

“Well”—she stalls again before continuing—“let’s just call him a business acquaintance.” She sips from her glass. “He said he went to Harvard, but… I didn’t believe him.” She looks over at Tiffany, then back at me. Our mutual silence encourages her to keep talking and she continues haltingly. “He had, like, this monkey. And I would have to watch this monkey in… his apartment.” She stops, starts, continues in monotone, occasionally gulping. “I’d want to watch TV all day, ‘cause there was nothing else to do while the guy was out… and while I tried to keep an eye on the monkey. But there was… something wrong with this monkey.” She stops and takes a deep breath. “The monkey would only watch…” Again she stops, takes in the room, a quizzical expression creasing her face as if she’s not sure she should be telling us this story; if we, me and the other bitch, should be privy to this information. And I brace myself for something shocking, something revelatory, a connection. “It would only watch…” She sighs, then in a sudden rush admits, “The Opnah Winfrey Show and that’s all it would watch. The guy had tapes and tapes of it and he had made all of them for this monkey”—now she looks over at me, imploringly, as if she’s losing her mind here, right now, in Owen’s apartment and wants me to, what, verify it?—“with the commercials edited out. One time I tried to… turn the channel, turn one of the tapes off… if I wanted to watch a soap instead or something… but”—she finishes her drink and rolling her eyes, obviously upset by this story, continues bravely—“the monkey would s-s-screech at me and it would only calm down when Oprah was on.” She swallows, clears her throat, looks like she’s going to cry but doesn’t. “And you know, you try to turn the channel and that d-damn monkey would try to scratch you,” she concludes bitterly and hugs herself, shivering, uselessly trying to warm herself.

Silence. Arctic, frigid, utter silence. The light burning over us in the apartment is cold and electric. Standing there, I look at Torri then at the other girl, Tiffany, who looks queasy.
I finally say something, stumbling over my own words. “I don’t care… whether you’ve led a… decent life… or not.”

Sex happens—a hard-core montage. After I shave Torri’s pussy she lies on her back on Paul’s futon and spreads her legs while I finger her and suck it off, sometimes licking her asshole. Then Tiffany sucks my cock—her tongue is hot and wet and she keeps flicking it over the head, irritating me—while I call her a nasty whore, a bitch. Fucking one of them with a condom while the other sucks my balls, lapping at them, I stare at the Angelic silk-screen print hanging over the bed and I’m thinking about pools of blood, geysers of the stuff. Sometimes it’s very quiet in the room except for the wet sounds my cock makes slipping in and out of one of the girls’ vaginas. Tiffany and I take turns eating Torri’s hairless cunt and asshole. The two of them come, yelling simultaneously, in a sixty-nine position. Once their cunts are wet enough I bring out a dildo and let the two of them play with it. Torri spreads her legs and fingers her own slit while Tiffany fucks her with the huge, greased dildo, Torri urging Tiffany to fuck her cunt harder with it, until finally, gasping, she comes.

Again I make the two of them eat each other out but it starts failing to turn me on—all I can think about is blood and what their blood will look like and though Torri knows what to do, how to eat pussy, it doesn’t subdue me and I push her away from Tiffany’s cunt and start licking and biting at the pink, soft, wet cuntness while Torri spreads her ass and sits on Tiffany’s face while fingering her own slit.

Tiffany hungrily tongues her pussy, wet and glistening, and Torri reaches down and squeezes Tiffany’s big, firm tits. I’m biting hard, gnawing at Tiffany’s cunt, and she starts tensing up. “Relax,” I say soothingly. She starts squealing, trying to pull away, and finally she screams as my teeth rip into her flesh. Torri thinks Tiffany is coming and grinds her own cunt harder onto Tiffany’s mouth, smothering her screams, but when I look up at Torri, blood covering my face, meat and pubic hair hanging from my mouth, blood pumping from Tiffany’s torn cunt onto the comforter, I can feel her sudden rush of horror. I use Mace to blind both of them momentarily and then I knock them unconscious with the butt of the nail gun.

Torri awakens to find herself tied up, bent over the side of the bed, on her back, her face covered with blood because I’ve cut her lips off with a pair of nail scissors. Tiffany is tied up with six pairs of Paul’s suspenders on the other side of the bed, moaning with fear, totally immobilized by the monster of reality. I want her to watch what I’m going to do to Torri and she’s propped up in a way that makes this unavoidable. As usual, in an attempt to understand these girls I’m filming their deaths. With Torri and Tiffany I use a Minox LX ultra-miniature camera that takes 9.5mm film, has a 15mm f/3.5 lens, an exposure meter and a built-in neutral density filter and sits on a tripod. I’ve put a CD of the Traveling Wilburys into a portable CD player that sits on the headboard above the bed, to mute any screams.

I start by skinning Torri a little, making incisions with a steak knife and ripping bits of flesh from her legs and stomach while she screams in vain, begging for mercy in a high thin voice, and I’m hoping that she realizes her punishment will end up being relatively light compared to what I’ve planned for the other one. I keep spraying Torri with Mace and then I try to cut off her fingers with nail scissors and finally I pour acid onto her belly and genitals, but none of this comes close to killing her, so I resort to stabbing her in the throat and eventually the blade of the knife breaks off in what’s left of her neck, stuck on bone, and I stop. While Tiffany watches, finally I saw the entire head off—torrents of blood splash against the walls, even the ceiling—and holding the head up, like a prize, I take my cock, purple with stiffness, and lowering Torri’s head to my lap I push it into her bloodied mouth and start fucking it, until I come, exploding into it. Afterwards I’m so hard I can even walk around the blood-soaked room carrying the head, which feels warm and weightless, on my dick. This is amusing for a while but I need to rest so I remove the head, placing it in Paul’s oak and teak armoire, and then I’m sitting in a chair, naked, covered with blood, watching HBO on Owen’s TV, drinking a Corona, complaining out loud, wondering why Owen doesn’t have Cinemax.

Later—now—I’m telling Tiffany, “I’ll let you go, shhh…,” and I’m stroking her face, which is slick, owing to tears and Mace, gently, and it burns me that she actually looks up hopefully for a moment before she sees the lit match I’m holding in my hand that I’ve torn from a matchbook I picked up in the bar at Palio’s where I was having drinks with Robert Farrell and Robert Prechter last Friday, and I lower it to her eyes, which she instinctively closes, singeing both eyelashes and brows, then I finally use a Bic lighter and hold it up to both sockets, making sure they stay open with my fingers, burning my thumb and pinkie in the process, until the eyeballs burst. While she’s still conscious I roll her over, and spreading her ass cheeks, I nail a dildo that I’ve tied to a board deep into her rectum, using the nail gun. Then, turning her over again, her body weak with fear, I cut all the flesh off around her mouth and using the power drill with a detachable, massive head I widen that hole while she shakes, protesting, and once I’m satisfied with the size of the hole I’ve created, her mouth open as wide as possible, a reddish-black tunnel of twisted tongue and loosened teeth, I force my hand down, deep into her throat, until it disappears up to my wrist—all the while her head shakes uncontrollably, but she can’t bite down since the power drill ripped her teeth out of her gums—and grab at the veins lodged there like tubes and I loosen them with my fingers and when I’ve gotten a good grip on them violently yank them out through her open mouth, pulling until the neck caves in, disappears, the skin tightens and splits though there’s little blood. Most of the neck’s innards, including the jugular, hang out of her mouth and her whole body starts twitching, like a roach on its back, shaking spasmodically, her melted eyes running down her face mixing with the tears and Mace, and then quickly, not wanting to waste time, I turn off the lights and in the dark before she dies I rip open her stomach with my bare hands. I can’t tell what I’m doing with them but it’s making wet snapping sounds and my hands are hot and covered with something.

The aftermath. No fear, no confusion. Unable to linger since there are things to be done today: return videotapes, work out at the gym, a new British musical on Broadway I promised Jeanette I’d take her to, a dinner reservation to be made somewhere. What’s left of both bodies is in early rigor mortis. Part of Tiffany’s body—I think it’s her even though I’m having a hard time telling the two apart—has sunken in and her ribs jut out, most broken in half, from what’s left of her stomach, both breasts having been pierced by them. A head has been nailed to the wall, fingers lie scattered or arranged in some kind of circle around the CD player. One of the bodies, the one on the floor, has been defecated on and seems to be covered with teeth marks where I had bitten into it, savagely. With the blood from one of the corpses’ stomachs that I dip my hand into, I scrawl, in dripping red letters above the faux-cowhide paneling in the living room, the words I AM BACK and below it a scary drawing which looks like this
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sun 26 Aug 2012, 19:58, 24 replies)

YummyMummy
Age 16, was going steady with a girl a year younger than myself. She worked in a fish & chip shop on the odd night, and as a chivalrous young man (looking to get the stinky finger) I would escort her to the shop, and back home once she was finished.
So one Friday evening I find myself bored off my tits in my parents house, just waiting until the g/f finished her shift. Decided to nip up to my best mates, see what he was up to, and just shoot the shit for an hour or two, this would have been around 9pm.
So chap-chap on the front door and his mum answers. She would have been around 35yr old, small and quite slim (there was no hubby). Anyhoo, this night she answers the door wearing a dressing gown, her hair wet as though she just stepped out the shower, holding a glass of cider in her hand. It looked like this wasn't her first glass of the evening.
"Is Mike in", I asked.
"No, he's just popped out to the shop, you can come in and wait if you want", she replied.
I pondered, thinking of the time, having to go and meet the g/f, and I declined.
"It's no problem, you can come in and wait", she once again offered.
So made my apologies and went to stand outside a chip shop freezing my bollocks off.
Next day, went back up to see my mate. He answered the door and we both headed up to his room to catch up.
"I called for you last night, where were you", I asked.
"Oh, I was staying the night through at my girlfriends", he said. His girlfriend lived in a town about 12 miles from ours.
"Oh, did your Mum know you were through there", I asked, the balls starting to fall into place.
"Yeah, told her before I left", was the reply.

You have no idea the permutations my diseased little brain has come up with after all these years. There are many more, but this is definitely the biggest deposit I've made in my wank-bank.
(cargoeng, Sun 26 Aug 2012, 19:45, 2 replies)

alt.binaries.*what ever the fuck you want*
And a good usenet server. Pan is good for the getting & feh helps with the 1 handed keyboard controls.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 26 Aug 2012, 4:20, 13 replies)

Kitten CAM
I will give most things a go and so a couple of years back I thought that I would try out "CAM 2 CAM", as is often advertised when accessing pron on the internet. Credits obtained, I found myself watching some young Eastern European lady on her sofa, legs splayed at a quarter to three.
As with live comedy, I rarely remember the detail of pron in the morning. So the reason I recall this scene with such clarity is not because the girl was frigging herself silly with a dildo but because she had a little kitten with her... and it wanted to join in.
This was clearly all a game to the little black furball who had climbed into the sofa. The in, out cycle bringing the toy almost within reach of the kitten and every time it came close, it flapped at the dildo in the "No Hands" style.
As a sexy experience, it was a write off but as a comedic moment, I thought it was epic!

/ re lurks
( ForecastMonkey, Sun 26 Aug 2012, 2:33, 4 replies)

Nearly
My wank bank deposits are not memories of actual sexy time, but fantasies about what could have happened.

Just after I started working I was sent on a management training course. One of the first exercises was to pair off and walk towards each other until you felt uncomfortable. Being England, for most people this was about 2m apart. I was paired with a young woman called Katrine and, never having met before, staring into each other's eyes, we walked towards each other until we ended up giggling in each other's arms.

It wasn't love at first sight, but attraction. We were both just out of university, she was not beautiful but certainly attractive with a very low cut blouse and a plump cleavage. That evening at dinner we sat together, talking and flirting all night. We continued in the bar, lots of hand on thigh and other touching. At some point she looked at her watch, then at me, and said, "Well, are you coming to my room or shall I come to yours?"

After a long pause I said, "I'm engaged, we're getting married in 6 months." "Me too", she replied, eyes twinkling, hand on my knee. "I can't", I said, a lump in my throat, and in my pants. She stared at me for a long time, smiling. "You're too good for her", she said, then leaned forward so her boobs pressed up against my chest, and kissed me wetly on the lips, our mouths staying stuck together for what seemed like ages. Her hand cupped my cock through my trousers, giving it a non-so-gentle squeeze, then she winked at me, and walked out of the bar.

I thought about finding which room she was staying in and knocking on the door. But I didn't. Instead I went by my self to my room and wanked myself silly. The course finished the next day, we exchanged pleasantries and she kissed me on the cheek, her lovely breasts pressing against my arm. Never saw her again, except in my dreams.
(Smale is stuffed, Sat 25 Aug 2012, 21:35, 6 replies)

easy!
watching david bowie's trouser stuffing waggle as he shook a muppet off his leg on labyrinth
*drools*
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 25 Aug 2012, 20:49, 7 replies)

Inception...
...would have been a much better film if they were trying to heist their way through many layers of dreams within dreams into the guy's wank bank.
(MonkeySpunkMoped, Sat 25 Aug 2012, 18:23, 3 replies)

2 seconds too late.
18 years old, I have secure employment. I move out of home (untenable situation) and rent an entire house to myself. It soaks up all my weekly wages in rent, so I attempt to sublet a few rooms, so I may have enough money to eat.

Despite many ads in the local rag, “Greasy John” is the only person to apply for a room, so I let him in, out of pure financial neccesity.

I knew the previous tenants quite well, a bunch of private school boys, first in my home town to try smack and cocaine, first to distribute acid trips, first to inject beer (wtf!!). Lots of money, lots of really pretty posh druggy girly friends. Knocked about with them for a bit, but became disturbed by their care-free, money-free druggy habits and casual attitude to the law. Carefully drifted away from their scene, but was keen to take over their lease in a great house. Scored the house, and a few latent visitors….

First night in my new “home”, had the fire blazing in my bedroom fireplace, ordered a pizza, delivered to my new address (so exciting and new). Very self-satisifed, settled into bed in a warm room, tum full of pizza and a few beers…..and why not? Let’s have a good satisfying wank in my new home, and off to sleep…deeply satisfied with my new found independence.

So, a few strokes later, there is a healthy streak of ropey cock vomit blurted across my chest, I reach for the “love sock” to mop it up, when there is a loud “knock knock” at the front door. I freeze, 2 seconds too late.

Fuck.

As I frantically reach for the love sock to mop up my goodtime, good old “Greasy John” has answered the door, and ushered in a couple of posh tarts, who used to score off the previous tenants (Penelope and Madeline, no less, now respected lawyers), and within seconds I have reefed the sheets up to my chin as two plummy hot girls are perched on the end of my sad little single bed, imploring me to come out and party (paaartay).

Brief tops, short skirts, expensive perfume, after a bit of rough trade to play with for the night. Simply fucking brilliant timing. Not.

I am totally naked, the sheets are slowly sticking to my chest as the semen dries and does what is does best – resemble cold unpleasant glue. My once magnificent cock slowly wilts away, job finished, oozing a few last defiant drips of cum onto my pubes, as we chat.

They flirt for a while, wondering why I don’t lower the sheets and let them have a good look at the goods, or at least get out of bed, get dressed in front of them and come out to party (paaartay).

For fuck’s sake, the room reeks of semen – is it totally foreign to these two? Jesus, it’s cold, sticky and I just want to clean it up.

I remain steadfast in my frigid state, holding the sheets up to my chin, lest they detect the absolute mess of splurry that lies beneath.
That would look great, yeah, fling aside the sheets, leap out of bed, spraying cum everywhere like some demented masturbating baboon. I don’t think so.

So, eventually it becomes a weird post-wank Mexican standoff.

“Come out with us, or at least show us what you’ve got”.

"No, really girls, I’m really tired, so much pizza and that, honestly..”

"No! Come on, we’re up for a GOOD NIGHT, geddit? Come on, at least drop the sheets and let us see you.”

“No, really, um…errr…listen, you are both really hot, but umm…I gotta go to work tomorrow to my minimum wage job (like that ever fucking mattered, when faced with a night of being physical entertainment for two utterly divine plummy chicks).

“Ok, Fuck it, your loss, we’re going, ta ta.”

And with that, they disappeared into the night.

Jesus. Shit. Fuck. Bastard.


Two really posh types, sitting on the end of my bed, not very subtle about their bestial needs, slipped away, into the night for the sake of one mis-timed wank.




I quickly mopped up, sighed heavily, made a consoling Milo, and went back to a slightly gluey reeking bed.
( Ken Oath, Sat 25 Aug 2012, 14:05, 23 replies)