b3ta.com talk
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Home » Talk » Message 2446900

I've been round the elderly next door neighbours', being a bit of a raconteur.
Telling tales of London life to the pariochials. Amongst the tangential conversations that punctuated my epic tale:

1. The German POWs who were held in the camp in the village during the 2nd World War II were very good workers. The Italians, on the other hand, were lazy.
2. For the seven years prior to my parents buying this house, the occupant was the previous owner's cat. SEVEN YEARS.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:10, archived)
This was not in JMG list of topics we can talk about
CUNTS
(I helped save b3ta! tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:10, archived)
I was listing things so as to encourage new things.
Things.
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:11, archived)
you missed riddles and random shit ness

(I helped save b3ta! tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:15, archived)
and Baldmonkey trying to get on the popular page again

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:16, archived)
Riddle-me-ree.
What has four legs in the morning,
Three legs in the afternoon and one leg at night?
(I helped save b3ta! Druid, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:16, archived)
My dog.
*sharpens shears*
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:17, archived)
That pig we got the bacon off.

(I helped save b3ta! Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:18, archived)
Hehehe, we did eats all Badger's share :9

(I helped save b3ta! Druid, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:19, archived)
Hi WW

have just done your Evil quiz (honestly) and got 86% - how the hell did you get 88? Miss not belive in God or World domination or was it the 1mill?

Are you bad?
(jmaxi returned again on, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:26, archived)
a sheep when i want roast lamb.

(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:19, archived)
You are gay for lamb

(I helped save b3ta! tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:22, archived)
+hoof

(I helped save b3ta! Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:23, archived)
An ADHD kid's teddy bear.

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:22, archived)
The ever growing dislike of you from most of /talk
isn't all that new

Noon all.
(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:15, archived)
What?
I honestly can't make head nor tail of this.
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:15, archived)
I was just saying how glad I am that you're here
and how I wouldn't know what to do without you
(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:18, archived)
Well, we all know this.

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:20, archived)
hello.
busy day?
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:15, archived)
Really busy morning
has eased off now thankfully. That first pint 2 hours from now is going to be elixir.

How's tricks?
(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:17, archived)
tricksy.
i plan to buy San Miguel on the way home. The combination of beer and curry will be wonderful after this week.
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:18, archived)
I want to cook a curry this weekend but don't think I'll get the chance
and next week I'm in York. And b3tans live in York?
(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:22, archived)
One in particular does

(I helped save b3ta! Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:29, archived)
How do.

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:16, archived)
herro ferris

(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:17, archived)
save ferris!

(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:17, archived)
Why do you build me up
Buttercup
Just to let me down?


/there's a link there in my head but might take too long to explain
(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:20, archived)
Teen Wolf was an ace film.

(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:21, archived)
i love that version.

(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:25, archived)
hello

(I helped save b3ta! Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:17, archived)
Hello Miss Moustachio
How goes the week?
(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:23, archived)
Howdo Mr Beuller!

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:18, archived)
I thought you were off today?
And why am I being called Ferris?

Afternoon Mr Bolic anyway
(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:20, archived)
he copied me

(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:22, archived)
I did.
I figured it's the only way anybody is ever going to like me.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:24, archived)
It's not working

(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:26, archived)
I'm having a sit down and a cup of tea and a couple of ginner biscuits.
I've been demolishing stuff today. Using power tools and a cold chisel and a big manly hammer.

You erect yet?
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:23, archived)
Sadly the only stiffness I have so far is in my back
which is still fucking hurting :(

What you been demolishing? I approve of your choice of manual labour biscuits.
(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:25, archived)
Some built-in wardrobes and some flooring.
The built-in wardrobes were a bit of a shock ... I was expecting your modern pansy chipboard and nancy screw construction but they were solid wood nailed directly into the brickwork. I'm 85% shagged out now.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:26, archived)
Hardcore
You'll be pleased to know they are making Bovril with beef again though. You know what to do soldier.
(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:30, archived)
'ning sir!

(I helped save b3ta! The Teviot Moose major 5th., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:19, archived)
Word up homie!

(I helped save b3ta! Fenris temporary Lazarus, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:24, archived)
Your tedious.
I don't like you.
(s0WmVHAwZgpG, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:19, archived)
What?

(I helped save b3ta! Hankster, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:12, archived)
doesn't that legally mean
that the house now belongs to the cat?
(shux, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:12, archived)
Not if they bought the house from the cat
or the cat is dead and left it to rnuk in its will
(I helped save b3ta! brooza wonders how long a sig can be and if this will fit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:15, archived)
+y

(Monk3yspunkmop3d throws grenades, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:16, archived)
One of my neighbours just popped around to welcome us to the area
she seems the best sort of batty. She blathered on for ages about people I couldn't possibly have met. Then blathered on about my lovely kids (those ones what I don't have). BRILLIANT. I seem to have moved into sheltered accomodation.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:16, archived)
Next time she comes round and asks about them
Just play along. Call them Dave and Jemma. Then, in the next sentence, call them Graham and Susan. Next time, James and Margeret. Repeat ad nauseum.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:17, archived)
Although that's not entirely unheard of.
My parents have on various occasions in the past referred to me as "James" (my brother) and "Jess" (the dog), and many other things.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:20, archived)
In a fortnight she'll be calling you by her dead son's name
and bringing you her husband's hand-me-downs.
(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:18, archived)

hand-me-
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:19, archived)
ACE!
She sounded slightly forrin as well. Hopefully she'll cook some hideous gloop of pigshin and bready dumplings and insist I eat the whole gallon.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:19, archived)
Ooh, dark.
Sorry.
(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:21, archived)
this means you can wee wherever you like
and someone should* clean up after you

*unless it is state sheltered housing
(I helped save b3ta! prem1um is full of life, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:18, archived)
don't pull the orange cord
unless you WANT to be bummed by the warden
(I helped save b3ta! Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:18, archived)
We've got panic buttons.
The previous owner was super duper super paranoid. They had to kick her door in after she died. There were six (six) bolts in the bedroom door.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:21, archived)
did you tell them of our mini adventure?

(I helped save b3ta! Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:17, archived)
I'm thoroughly ashamed of myself.
I did not. Sorry. I'll tell them when I see them again on Sunday at the big family meal.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 16:19, archived)