So... we have the rules about a Pub...
What about a 'bar', and by 'bar', I don't mean 'club'.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:20, archived)

The rule is it fucks off and gives us back our pub.

( Newington, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:20, archived)

I like bars.
I can get a 'mint julip'/'mojito'.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:21, archived)

THIS

( prem1um is full of life, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:21, archived)

I like bars with subtal background music and a plessent up-market vibe.
Big comfy sofas, waiters to your table, friendly atmosphere... prehaps a food menu.

They're generaly more expensive, but I think they're worth it. I know a couple of great ones in london, and if you don't mind spending £70+ on a one-off night, you can have a great time.

They're also good for before/after going to things like a show.

I hate it when a bar trys to be a club though.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:25, archived)

£70!
Jesus.
( Newington, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:26, archived)

Is that good or bad to you?
I spent £150 last weekend. I am not proud of it.
( prem1um is full of life, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:28, archived)

At the end of the day, if you have a whicked night, and can afford it, then its worth it.
well, its not worth it, because you would do it every weekend if it was. But once every few months, its good fun.

£150 is a bit steap in one night though, prehaps a weekend. Unless, of course, you went for a posh meal and did the champers thing (ie, a birthday). Generaly though, there is only one person the group who spends that kind of money, and that person changes with every trip.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:34, archived)

I honestly don't mind "bars", mind you, £70 in a night is taking the piss.
There's plenty of decent averagely priced places.

I'm not down with pubs that think they are bars and vice versa, or the dreaded GASTROPUB.
( rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:28, archived)

I like bars which are either small and cosy to take an OMGGIRL too
or a big fuckoff acid house style warehouse club where you meet lots of new people and can get totally bismarcked without going in the same room twice
( prem1um is full of life, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:27, archived)

The only multi-room bar i've been too, I would describe more as a club.
Was 'Risa' in B'hams' Canal Street.

I fucking loved it there though, B'ham is fucking whicked.

I would describe the wearhouse style ones more as a club though.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:32, archived)

does being 'bismarcked' involve taking a torpedo to the rudder
and then going round in circles until the British navy finish you off (not in a sex way)?
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:34, archived)

Haha.
I'd go for that. Is there a dress code?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:42, archived)

Looking like a ship
and being covered in seamen (FNAR!)
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:53, archived)

I'll give you that.
Damn I like mojitos.
( rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:23, archived)

Couldn't you get a mojito in a well-stocked pub?

( Newington, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:23, archived)

Most pubs dont keep brown sugar or fresh mint
which is essential for a mohito/mint julep
( prem1um is full of life, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:24, archived)

or lime juice
or rum, actually, apart from that black as tar "navy" rum shite.
( rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:25, archived)

Being a rum person
I am quite spoilt (figuratively and literally) by the selection of decent rums in the Brighton pubs.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:28, archived)

Mount Gay?

( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:31, archived)

Bidibumtish.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:42, archived)

i experienced this this afternoon
Its either Havana Club, Mount Gay, Appletons or the FUCKING HIGHWAY
( prem1um is full of life, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:28, archived)

"I'm sorry, we don't serve queers here"
would be a typical response, I should imagine.
( rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:25, archived)

"I'm sorry, we don't serve queers here"

( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:27, archived)

I suspect that market forces would act against this tendency.

( Newington, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:28, archived)

if the owners/managers knew their job
and listened to what the customers wnated, then yes
( Dangermouse., Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:25, archived)

My local is a 100% proper pub
and the landlord (who has run it for 25 years) is justifiably famous for his knowledge of cocktails. He could piss mojitos into the slack-jawed mouths of any half-wit teenage cocktail bar in great britain.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:27, archived)

I will find you.

( rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:29, archived)

Same with our local
and their fuckoff spicy Bloody Mary's.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:31, archived)

A sign on the door saying "NO ENTRY, PUB THIS WAY>>>>"

( rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:20, archived)

Big, metal and good for hitting cunts with

( prem1um is full of life, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:20, archived)

a bar or a club?

( Godzuki needs more sleep., Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:22, archived)

A bar for cunts
A club with a 8 inch masonry nail in the end of it for utter cunts
( prem1um is full of life, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:22, archived)

lo zuki

( rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:23, archived)

Ohhh....
you terrible, terrible, horrible, horrible, nasty, nasty person.

I'm now going to insert a "I'm now going to insert this "I can't think of something" joke" line about Bender and Futureama.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:23, archived)

Insert it baby
DO IT
( prem1um is full of life, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:23, archived)

*ah-hem*....**cough cough**....here we go...
The well known and loved charactor from the popular Matt 'the simpsons' Groaning carton, futureama, known as bender, is a robot that bends bars. A 'bar' is also a modern name for a drinking establishment.

Therefore, a resnable mix-up of the two will ensure helleriouty.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:30, archived)

Oh God Oh God
My knees are all a tremble
( prem1um is full of life, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:31, archived)

It needs a stock of wine, piss poor beer, a big tv screen playing football, and loud pop music
not to forget an endless list of silly named cocktails
( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:21, archived)

Bouncers that don't yet know the secret of fire and are uncomfortable with technological wonders such as 'the wheel'

( Boondocks, YEAH! has a massive penis. Everyone is scared., Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:21, archived)

Needs more "Ug"

( prem1um is full of life, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:22, archived)

So any bar in Nuneaton then

( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:22, archived)

There is a bar near my old work called 19:20
The beer is always flat
( Rubymurray is disdainful of your hateful, ill-formed opinions, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:22, archived)

A decent house white.
Comfortable chairs. Coffeetop literature. Decent coffee (at least a Lavazza). Some kind of jazz playing, or in the evenings, classical music. A free Wifi connection. Loos with lots of mirrors, and wooden toilet seats. Decent prices on sushi, and at least three large pieces of artwork on the walls.
( Bats, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:24, archived)

Good god
it sounds like an episode of Friends.
( Cactus 1 doesn't care what you think on, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:25, archived)

Nah, more like Fraiser

(Urban Hermit Exit, pursued by a bear on, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:26, archived)

Yeah,
Central Perk looked like a great coffee shop.
( Bats, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:27, archived)

i like the sound of that
somewhere comfy not scary
( crazyjude is very happy with happytoast and his skill, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:27, archived)

And lots of windows.
White walls, a glass front, an automatic door (because glass doors are a bitch to push and look too imposing), lots of light, very airy, without being too sterile, which a lot of places are.
( Bats, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:30, archived)

Loud music you can barely talk over
stupid lights and fridges of alchopops, and only two types of beer, one of which is wifebeater.
(Urban Hermit Exit, pursued by a bear on, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:25, archived)

They should be redecorated every three months.
They should serve cocktails made of cheap rubbish alcohol and half a litre of flat coca cola served by spotty youths who can do some half-arsed juggling but wouldn't know a decent Martini if it fucked them.
They should have bouncers who apply arbitrary rules of entry to give the no-neck untucked ben sherman shirted mediocrities inside some sense of exclusivity.
They should have a DJ playing the lowest order of treacle-coated soulless R'n'B at least twice as loud as any conversation.
They should be built on the shattered remains of a decent pub on the spurious grounds that they will generate more income and should go bust within six months.
They should serve tinned olives and cheap houmous with dry scraps of bread and call it Tapas.

And then they should fuck RIGHT the fuck off and die.

edit: and if this post, of any fucking thing I have ever written, doesn't get on the popular board then you are a heartless bunch of motherfuckers
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:26, archived)

YAY!
More of this kind of thing!

Edit: also, they should understaff the bar just enough so that you have to wait 45 minutes to get served some ridiculously overpriced crap.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:27, archived)

re : Your Edit.
And also decide that the best time to train new staff is at 5pm on a Friday evening as everyone gets out of work.
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:32, archived)

marry me
we can have deformed children together
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:27, archived)

amazing
i think this is a perfect description
(Urban Hermit Exit, pursued by a bear on, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:27, archived)

Ladies and Gentlemen, a round of applause for the good doctor if you please.

( Boondocks, YEAH! has a massive penis. Everyone is scared., Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:28, archived)

*bows*
*wipes away tear*
*walks away from board to the closing theme tune of The Incredible Hulk*
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:31, archived)

very, very much this
plus a "ladies drink free" night which is a thinly disguised attempt to draw in the local slappers with offers of free Martini based drinks
( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Tue 20 Mar 2007, 15:32, archived)