whoops i dropped a fag on some flammable shit
i might be out of my job making glass..

what was your last fuckup at work?
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:26, archived)

Getting fired

( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:26, archived)

me too
felt fucking brilliant
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:32, archived)

I once witnessed a prime fuck-up
some twat left the walk-in fridge open all night, and the entire contents had to be discarded.
Made me smile, as I nicked a good few kilos of steak and bacon. Good times.
( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:38, archived)

the best thing about that story is you were working in an off-licence

( scott,, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:40, archived)

That one was a pub
the off-licence was later.
( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:41, archived)

don't spoil it

( scott,, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:41, archived)

But you see, it already was.
What with the door being open all night.
( Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:44, archived)

GRAPE Expectations

( scott,, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:45, archived)

CHERRY Poppins

( Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:47, archived)

LIME And Punishment

( scott,, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:50, archived)

Fear and Loathing in Las PEANUT.

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:25, archived)

Cherry Poppins
Great title for a porn film.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:54, archived)

Apparantly so
nsfw if you google it.
(King Baby Duck more than a ceiling, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:56, archived)

The word "discard" always reminds me of the painting application on the old Acorn computers.
I have nothing else of value to add here.

As you were.
( The Gentleman Bastard waxing lyrical. ©, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:41, archived)

It reminds me of doing magic tricks to chavs lol
lol which card do you want, lol, discard lol.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:46, archived)

lmfao

( The Gentleman Bastard waxing lyrical. ©, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:48, archived)

My best mate had an 'apricot' computer
Its logo was a pear.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:08, archived)

I cost the company £20,000 by putting a 2 instead of a 6 in an email.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:26, archived)

that is rather splendid

(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:30, archived)

I misplaced an 'e'
She died of an overdose.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:32, archived)

I wondering who this was.
All betts are off.
( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:50, archived)

/modern Leah

( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:57, archived)

so it could have been £60,000?

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:19, archived)

This is completely irrelevant.
But playing Master of Puppets on Guitar Hero: Metallica has to be one of the most awesome things I've ever experienced in a game.
( WHARRGARBL, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:27, archived)

do they do a merzbow track?

(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:33, archived)

You've lost me

( WHARRGARBL, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:35, archived)

*hands over string*
the end of the labyrinth is back that way..
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:38, archived)

Overcharged somebody.
Not by much, they were old so they didn't notice.
( Major Turd for tonight only, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:28, archived)

i shat into my hand,
put my hand under the grill,
let the shit
drip through my fingers,
then rubbed my fingers into a sandwich.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:28, archived)

/modern lear

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:28, archived)

i want to know
i need to know,, how is that modern lear?
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:31, archived)

it's a limerick.
but not. because it is modern.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:34, archived)

you are way too
intellectual for me :(
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:36, archived)

yeah man i totally am!

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:42, archived)

I've GOT to have that recipe

( Major Turd for tonight only, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:29, archived)

Nothing about that sounds bad.
Make me one.
( The Gentleman Bastard waxing lyrical. ©, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:33, archived)

I broke three glasses.
Oh well. I did manage to miss Piston_Broke.
( ArthurTheRat, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:28, archived)

You know even his own father heckled him?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:29, archived)

i hope to god this is true

( ArthurTheRat, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:31, archived)

from the man himself
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post446056
(PsychoChomp, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:32, archived)

Is he a civil servant?

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:34, archived)

Looks like it,
The only time I've met him our conversation went something like this

Me: Hi I'm psychomp who are you?
PB: *****STATIC******
Me: that's nice, um
PB: *****STATIC******
me: uh I've..
pb: *****STATIC******
me: oh look a girl
pb Exits stage left
(PsychoChomp, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:39, archived)

To be fair he heckled everyone
apart from the person he didn't heckle
( broadsword, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:35, archived)

I love the people at comedy clubs who heckle everyone,
they just make an evening don't they?
(PsychoChomp, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:36, archived)

Depends if they're wittier/quicker-thinking than the comedians.
If they're drunk, they're just shit.
( Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:44, archived)

they're always drunk and they're always shit,
heckling is only funny when it's unexpected and witty,
if you do it to everyone you're a cunt.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:45, archived)

Unless they're all dying on their arse.

( Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:49, archived)

For fuck sake.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:29, archived)

for fuck's sake

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:59, archived)

Yeah.
Not so fucking smart now are you, Mr Science?
( The Gentleman Bastard waxing lyrical. ©, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:01, archived)

killed a horse

( Lightguy hail satan, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:29, archived)

I hate horses.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:30, archived)

This.
Don't know why, just hate them.
( Major Turd for tonight only, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:31, archived)

even if they have cones on their head?

(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:32, archived)

Nothing will change my opinion.
Nothing.
( Major Turd for tonight only, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:35, archived)

I hate all farm animals.
They can all fuck right off.
( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:32, archived)

but pig is ohhh sooo tasty

(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:35, archived)

I'm not saying they aren't tasty.
But they all have such fucked up eyes.
( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:37, archived)

they're fucking weird
people go on about how graceful and how beautiful they are. they're not, they're freakish and alien
( Lightguy hail satan, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:36, archived)

And they kick you if you stand behind them.

( Major Turd for tonight only, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:43, archived)

I can understand that, I do the same thing.
Bastards standing behind me, making me nervous. What have they got to hide? Why can't they stand where I can see them?
(MooCow_Byter, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:45, archived)

Yeah.
What sort of cunt animal does something like that? Apart from horses.
( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:46, archived)

Cows, goats, llamas, gazelle.

( Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:48, archived)

Cunts, the lot of them.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:54, archived)

Cloven-hoofed fuckers.

( Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:57, archived)

I screwed some of customers.

( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:29, archived)

I once accidentally spilt cyanide into someone's drink.
It didn't matter though because I also accidentally bashed them over the head with a typewriter before they drank it.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:30, archived)

If I told you, I'd have to kill you

( broadsword, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:30, archived)

i told him

( scott,, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:32, archived)

I told David Cameron.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:45, archived)

A rota problem; HR giving us one, manager telling us to follow another
30 people on our department cost the company £500 each - £15,000.

We didn't give a fuck because it wasn't our fault, but the quality of sandwiches went down.
( Methylene Blue - electrohead, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:31, archived)

I don't believe I've ever worked anywhere where HR gave me one

( broadsword, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:32, archived)

Lucky you.
I hated that place.
( Methylene Blue - electrohead, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:34, archived)

Should have had the cod then.

( broadsword, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:37, archived)

BOOYA!

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:38, archived)

total carp.

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:47, archived)

only small things
e.g. doing the wrong drinks, giving them too much head (hahaha) and having to top them up.
(King Baby Duck more than a ceiling, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:32, archived)

My boss blamed me because someone left without paying for a tab.
We fucking take people's card details for this purpose and it's not my fault he lost them.
Plus i'm not gonna be threatened to be fired by a man who was on 2 weeks suspension for diluting vodka.
(King Baby Duck more than a ceiling, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:37, archived)

Sounds like a bit of a prick.

( Major Turd for tonight only, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:41, archived)

Just a bit
I've only been there about 6 weeks now, but a week or so ago I asked him if he minded if I went for a fag break, there were literally about 2 people at the bar, and another guy serving. He told me he 'doesn't do fag breaks, no other staff gets to sit around for 5 minutes doing nothing' then went and sat in the back and told me to bring him a pint.
(King Baby Duck more than a ceiling, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:45, archived)

I had a customer storm in one day demanding to know why we'd charged his card x amount
And he was furious when we told him that he'd left without paying his tab, so had collected the money anyway under the slip he'd signed beforehand.

He was under the impression that if he walked out, then that tab was invalid. Stupid cunt.
( Methylene Blue - electrohead, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:46, archived)

maybe you should do your job properly?

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:47, archived)

There wasn't a single thing I did wrong for that.

(King Baby Duck more than a ceiling, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:48, archived)

It was more a cumulative effort.

( Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:50, archived)

How am I to blame for someone walking about the pub without paying?

(King Baby Duck more than a ceiling, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:51, archived)

is it not your job to get people in the pub to pay?

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:52, archived)

If the pub is busy, and you don't notice them leave, then how're you to know?
Also, if you think the card details are there, which they normally are with tabs, then it doesn't matter.

And if they leave their card behind the bar, they normally pay for it anyway!
( Methylene Blue - electrohead, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:54, archived)

Not when they set up tabs
it's up to them then to either come up to me and pay for it or have their card charged.
(King Baby Duck more than a ceiling, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:54, archived)

i've had enough of your excuses.

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:55, archived)

:(
yes sir.
sorry sir.
(King Baby Duck more than a ceiling, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:55, archived)

you're demoted to glass collecting.

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:56, archived)

*takes a turd in the glasses*

(King Baby Duck more than a ceiling, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:58, archived)

now we're on the same poolength (wavelength)

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:04, archived)

I've never understood how bar staff can do the wrong drinks
If you didn't hear them, then ask them to repeat it. If you don't know what it is, don't be too scared to ask!

I've never served the wrong food or drink behind a bar.
( Methylene Blue - electrohead, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:44, archived)

Well, I've had people ask for wine and soda and given them lime and soda.
Corona/peroni/krony all sound very similar as well.
(King Baby Duck more than a ceiling, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:46, archived)

Any fucknugget asking for wine and soda
should be teetotal anyway.
( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:50, archived)

You are an inspiration to us all.

(MooCow_Byter, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:47, archived)

let me explain.
they mishear.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:48, archived)

p.s.
congratulations on being the best barmaid that has ever existed.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:48, archived)

ever.

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:52, archived)

Well, I used to repeat the order, to make sure, too
Everybody in my place used to do that.
( Methylene Blue - electrohead, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:52, archived)

man, your pub must have had the best barstaff that have ever existed!

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:53, archived)

or will ever exist, for that matter.

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:53, archived)

I messed up the time-sheet a little bit by stapling it onto someone's forehead.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:33, archived)

I forgot to lock-up properly at the end of a shift and consequently pushed the managers face into a vat of hot chip fat.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:34, archived)

this happened in CSI

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:05, archived)

I was filling up my cup at the water cooler when the cup fell out of my hand and then my hand involuntarily flew around and slapped a coworker in her face.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:35, archived)

I loaded someone's extra leg room seats on under the wrong code.
But they were cunts anyway, so I wasn't really bothered.
( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:35, archived)

I forgot to milk one of the cows in the morning and it exploded in the field because I put a homemade pipe bomb inside its anus.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:36, archived)

so much better than those store-bought pipe bombs, though

( ArthurTheRat, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:38, archived)

Thanks.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:39, archived)

I used to always miss out house number 14 on Bardon View on my post round because I knew I'd brutally murdered the person that lived there.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:38, archived)

I forgot to close the gate and when I woke up in the morning all of the cattle had been mutilated because I accidentally mutilated them the night before.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:40, archived)

Throwing up on a customer

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:04, archived)

Elaborate.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:06, archived)

On second thoughts, fuck it.
I'm off to bed.
( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:07, archived)

To expand upon a point by providing further information.

( Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:08, archived)

Starting work drunk is bad mmkayyy
as you will get the hangover just after lunch. The first time this happened I had to spend my lunch hour with my head in the toilet. The second time I tried to quiet my stomach with a fry up. That time I got a guy on my way to the toilet.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:14, archived)

excellent
how/what happened?
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:07, archived)

I was so hungover
I spent all day slumped over my till. Then I couldn't make it to the toilet on time. I got to go home an hour early though.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:09, archived)

you're a character from 'Shameless'
ACMFP
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:13, archived)

I felt deeply ashamed.
But on reflection, I think that's what people come to expect from morrisons.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:15, archived)

hahahaha

(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Thu 11 Jun 2009, 1:32, archived)