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Hello the land where fun comes to die! JMG here.
What's the hot topic amongst you internet users?
Who's the current group hate figure?
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:00, archived)
THAT FUCKING BITCH PATRICIA ROUTLEDGE

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:01, archived)
I think she lives on the mum with her dole.

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:01, archived)
OH JMG, my interview didn't go very well.
Maybe soon I too will be a dole-scrounger like yourself.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:11, archived)
You can't be dole on here until a large mammal in the third world decrees it.
You've a long way to go yet, sonny.
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:14, archived)
The kangaroos are getting restless.

(I helped save b3ta! Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:17, archived)
HELLO SPIDEYCHOPS.

(I helped save b3ta! Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:37, archived)
Did you try and wank their back dicks?
What happened? Sometimes if you think the interview has gone too well then that's usually a worse sign mate.
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:25, archived)
There'll be an angry, fat mob outside JMG tower shortly.
Armed with jumbo pitchforks for the tubbier handed folks.
(I helped save b3ta! Noit happy baby orangutan, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:01, archived)
You provide gunfire from the side, Captain Noit.
I'll be in the garage trying to bump-start the JMG tanks.
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:02, archived)
*mans the barbecue sauce cannon*
*lets loose the hounds*
(I helped save b3ta! Noit happy baby orangutan, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:18, archived)
lol.... fat ladies

(likeajackhammer, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:26, archived)
Do they have bees in their mouths?

(I helped save b3ta! NobbyNobody 21 years a b3tan, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:27, archived)
Horray JMG,
I have a film project in development at the moment I am calling "JMG's Fault," in which a community of oddballs live on the edge of a geological timebomb. There are going to be some GREAT action sequences
(I helped save b3ta! vladimir, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:03, archived)
Here's MY review of "Goal 3", as seen on Facebook:
"I honestly think the worst film I have ever seen is "Goal 3". If they'd have dragged out my parents halfway during Police Academy 7 and shot them, it would in no way have been as depressing and upsetting as this movie. I may even go as far as crying blood."
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:06, archived)

:( I cried blood watching Titanic
(I helped save b3ta! vladimir, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:07, archived)
it's rubbish.
it sinks.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:08, archived)
I've got mixed feelings about that film
it was ok to watch but the girl I saw it with got all upset about people dying at the end (fuck knows what she expected) & I didn't get any afterwards. I might have to have a word with Mr Cameron & tell him he owes me a shag, so to speak.
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:16, archived)
"ok to watch" ?
you're fucking dead to me. DEAD.

it's the biggest load of mushy substandard bland toss since ... i dunno..... toss began. And feeding DiCappucino to pigs would be too lenient on him. And too cruel to the pigs.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:20, archived)
Nonsense, there is a big sinky ship
and kate winslets boobies, whats not to like?
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:25, archived)
either of those things, frankly.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:27, archived)
I'm with Broadsword on this one
Winslett has cracking norks, DiCaprio freezes to death (albeit fictionally)..

but the best version of Titanic was A Night to Remember
(I helped save b3ta! h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:52, archived)
you're all fucking insane
madder than a box of frogs on acid.

I've nothing particularly against winslet's chest potatoes, obviously, but I'm not going to watch 3 hours of mindless pap for 10 seconds of anyone's norks.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:02, archived)
oh man, did you see the guy hit the propellor

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:34, archived)
that had me on the vinegar strokes

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:39, archived)
It was all like
weeeeeeeeeeee clang whap whap whap SPLASH
(I helped save b3ta! NobbyNobody 21 years a b3tan, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:41, archived)
"Goal 4: Who's The Man In Black? One Of Their Dads?"
It's written by me, you see
(__, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:12, archived)
I toyed with the idea of forming a b3ta band
I'd be playing my fat face as bongos.

You can do a dole solo.

Moohalaa can be the front man
(__, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:04, archived)
Baldmonkey can play a good riff on the autism

(__, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:04, archived)
I see Baldmonkey more as our Suge Knight.

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:07, archived)
but who is the vanilla ice he is dangling from the window?

(likeajackhammer, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:26, archived)
SexFace.

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:28, archived)
hello JMG
I'm currently eating some food

and if any internet user can give me a valid reason to divulge the precise nature of this food or even convince me that such knowledge will have any significant impact on their lives then today, and for one day only, I will reveal what I am eating and comment on its quality
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:04, archived)
I'm off shopping
Can you recommend me any foodstuffs I might enjoy the partaking of?

For example, something you may be eating now.
(__, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:05, archived)
I thoroughly recommend you buy some food that you like then eat it
in total fucking silence
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:06, archived)
I LET MY FINGERS DO THE TALKING (TM)

(__, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:09, archived)
What y'eatin'?

(I helped save b3ta! Druid, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:05, archived)
the not knowing is killing you isn't it?

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:07, archived)
We could take bets.
I think it's an apple.
(I helped save b3ta! Druid, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:12, archived)
again, you are attempting to circumvent rule 1
details of the exact nature of my lunch are strictly on a need to know basis
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:14, archived)
it's probably just some rubbish,
like a pot noodle or something.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:05, archived)
isn't it sooooooo deliciously tantalising?
you lot have never been closer to knowing precisely what I'm eating

all you have to do is convince me that it's important and I'll tell you everything

come on dullards, you can do better than this!
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:18, archived)

Don't tell everyone, we should guess

Is it gooseberry pie?
(I helped save b3ta! vladimir, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:07, archived)
you're jumping the gun here
first you need to convince me that you need to know the answer

wow, that could have been a line from Matrix Revolutions right there
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:09, archived)
I know what it is you are eating
OR NOT EATING.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:09, archived)
okok
red pills and green pills then?
(I helped save b3ta! vladimir, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:10, archived)
I enjoy and applaud this "string along the fat" approach to diviluging.
Another landmark set, G.
*National anthem*
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:08, archived)
I've even taken a photograph of it for the lucky prize winner

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:10, archived)
Penis,
clearly penis.

Nobody would take a photo of anything else online.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:10, archived)
or a hugely distended set of labia
like a badly-packed kebab.

/did you get my Randomburn, by the way?
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:16, archived)
A terrorist organisation has set a bounty on your lunch
if we can't get a positive ID on it then we won't be able to rescue it, and you'll be directly responsible for the next 9/11.
(I helped save b3ta! Noit happy baby orangutan, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:19, archived)
if it means we avoid another tedious food post, I'm happy to live with mass murder on my conscience

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:25, archived)
I'm going to post something regarding my lunch every ten minutes until you reveal it.
SO THERE.
(I helped save b3ta! Noit happy baby orangutan, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:28, archived)
knock yourself out bubba, I'm going outside in the sunshine

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:33, archived)
I'm sweating like a peach.

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:04, archived)
LOVELY!

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:08, archived)
Peaches don't sweat you abomination.

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:09, archived)
I had a shedload of gazzes from a b3tan last night
apparantly I'm a terribly bully :(
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:09, archived)
This, several people have me on IGNORE.

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:10, archived)
I'm going to guess ... roaneah

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:11, archived)
I couldn't possibly divulge that information

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:13, archived)
hah

(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:30, archived)
I didn't even know who this was so I did a search and now I've got nonce all over my screen

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:34, archived)
Pfft

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:38, archived)
Were you being mean
Or are they just sensitive?
(I helped save b3ta! Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:22, archived)
I was being a frightful cunt, probably

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:24, archived)
Yeah, you cunt.
Hello sexy
(I helped save b3ta! Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:28, archived)
I'd be careful greeting me, I may bully you
hello mate, how goes it?
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:29, archived)
Fucking awesome!
I do no difficult work and get money for it and everything seems to be falling my way.
(I helped save b3ta! Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:33, archived)
This sounds like my life
*fives*
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:43, archived)
PLEASE STOP MOCKING MY TROTTERS

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:24, archived)
I didn't mean it.
You fucking SHITEHOUSE.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:24, archived)
Pfft
Good afternoon :)
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:26, archived)
I'm trying to decide if this show would be worth seeing
www.ticketfactory.co.uk/Series/ClassicalSpectacular0912.html

I like classical music and I like lasers
(I helped save b3ta! h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:25, archived)
Aw man you should go.
I went a couple of years ago. It was fucking brilliant. I might be going this year as well.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:29, archived)
Woo sounds good :)
Just got to find someone to go with - my missus hates classical music
(I helped save b3ta! h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:31, archived)
I could do that with my car stereo and a couple of laser pointers sellotaped to my head
And I only charge £3.
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:32, archived)
Exchange server.

(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:56, archived)
Ha. Having fun?
It was ISA for me during lunch - no users connected, and ISA consuming 2 gigs of memory on one of the servers. Greedy bastard.
(I helped save b3ta! L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 13:59, archived)
I can't get it to work with Entourage
:(
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 14:03, archived)