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So, decking...
is it a bastard to lay down or easy.
Any tips from real men and manly ladies?
(I helped save b3ta! Cleisthenes morning sickness is a bitch, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:28, archived)
you just pop the cap off and it'll roll out across your garden
it's trimming back the bits you don't want that's the hard bit really
(I helped save b3ta! well, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:29, archived)
dont :(

(b3tard Has converted to Reason, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:30, archived)
We had hedgehogs in our garden last night
It looked like a mummy and a baby. Did you know baby hedgehogs are called hoglets?
(I helped save b3ta! Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:30, archived)
Which one did you step on?

(I helped save b3ta! The Gentleman Bastard waxing lyrical. ©, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:31, archived)
None
I just put them in the wheelie bin
(I helped save b3ta! Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:31, archived)
It's easy.
I lay down decking all the time, just for shits and giggles.
(I helped save b3ta! The Gentleman Bastard waxing lyrical. ©, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:30, archived)
Same here.
I've got a whole room that's nothing but decking.

Getting it to stick to the ceiling was the tricky bit.
(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:31, archived)
You just need to buy those special nails with the sharp bit at the opposite end.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:32, archived)
how do i switch my hammer into upside down mode?

(I helped save b3ta! well, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:33, archived)
you need a reversible hammer.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:35, archived)
Take it off the handle. Turn it around 360 degrees and then walk away.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:36, archived)
Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start.

(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:45, archived)
Ram it into your bot bot then stand up.
ET VOILA.
(I helped save b3ta! Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:47, archived)
A good answer to so many of the great questions of our era.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:49, archived)
I'm the Handy Andy for a new generation.

(I helped save b3ta! Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:50, archived)
I'm pretty confident I could send my girlfriend into a shop to get some 'up' nails.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:34, archived)
Tell her to ask for some sky hooks and a long stand.

(I helped save b3ta! Mrs Sp@m, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:43, archived)
and a bubble for a Stanley series 2 box section spirit level

(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:52, archived)
Or double-ended nails.
Problem is, you've then got no surfaces for the hammer to get a decent purchase.
(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:37, archived)
Must be like when you try to chew.

(I helped save b3ta! Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:45, archived)
Oh what a feeling...

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:33, archived)
Blu-Tak
Dur. Don't you know anything about DIY?
(I helped save b3ta! The Gentleman Bastard waxing lyrical. ©, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:33, archived)
NO MORE NAILS FTW

(I helped save b3ta! Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:34, archived)
That's what they used to do in POW camps isn't it?

(I helped save b3ta! Druid, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:44, archived)
Nothing a bit of pritt-stikk couldn't handle.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:35, archived)
Oh, definitely.
I use that for putting the two halves of a custard creme back together once I've eaten all the stuff out of the middle.
(I helped save b3ta! The Gentleman Bastard waxing lyrical. ©, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:40, archived)
COPYDEX

(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:55, archived)
It's basic joinery.
If you can do basic joinery then it's a piece of piss. If you don't know one end of a saw from the hole in your arse then it is not a piece of piss. Hope this helps.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:31, archived)
Joinery?

(I helped save b3ta! Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:43, archived)
Yes. Joinery.
Is this an unusual word where you come from?
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:45, archived)
No.

(I helped save b3ta! Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:45, archived)
Then I don't understand your question.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:47, archived)
Are you absolutely sure it's joinery and not carpentry?

(I helped save b3ta! Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:48, archived)
Carpentry is cutting wood.
Joinery is joining it together.
(I helped save b3ta! Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:49, archived)
Thank you for that.

(I helped save b3ta! Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:50, archived)
carpentry is fish fucking
ho ho ho ho
(I helped save b3ta! spacefish bong!, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:56, archived)
WELL YOU'D KNOW.

(I helped save b3ta! Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:58, archived)
Well I'm certainly not unsure enough to give a shit.
Joinery is joining things together to make structures. Which is all you need to do to lay decking. Carpentry is becoming addicted to sleeping pills and starving yourself to death.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:51, archived)
Marvelous.

(I helped save b3ta! Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:58, archived)
Decking is easy to lay down
Just lay the smackdown with a left hook, and voila
(Purple_Monkey_Jingles Purple Monkeys need love too, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:31, archived)
Piece o' piss.
Unless it isn't, who cares?
(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:32, archived)
Fuck decking, just tarmac it.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:32, archived)
Wanna buy a daaag?

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:33, archived)
I never liked Double Deckers
Kitkat's all the way.
Or maybe a Twix.

I also like Lion bars.
(I helped save b3ta! (|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:32, archived)
I was hoping this would be a poem

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:36, archived)
Fascist.

(I helped save b3ta! (|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:36, archived)
I thought it was.

(I helped save b3ta! Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:48, archived)
fuck you that's all back to front
DD>KK>TX>LB
(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:37, archived)
Some Funk would be nice.

(I helped save b3ta! (|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:40, archived)
I like Chocolate Chip trackers and Topics
/ac
(I helped save b3ta! Mrs Sp@m, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:44, archived)
you saucy minx
(I cracked a tooth on a chocolate chip Tracker as a child)

I still like them though

I'm not keen on Topics, some ice-cream would be nice.
(I helped save b3ta! (|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:48, archived)
My name is Druid. I live in Coventry, it is fantastic. I sound like Barnaby Bear. I like Barnaby Bear.
He went to Birmingham. I went to Birmingham today and the sun burnt my neck. I didn't like it.
(I helped save b3ta! Druid, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:34, archived)
Poor Druid :(

(I helped save b3ta! Mrs Sp@m, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:45, archived)
good!

(I helped save b3ta! jenpots, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:15, archived)
I'm actually amazed at how much I don't care about this

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:34, archived)
If you can't lay decking, just don't bother with life.
That's my saying.
(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:35, archived)
It's easy and cheap
which is why it looks so shit. Be a man, and tell your wife to stop nagging for a wooden platform outside the patio doors or you'll really give a decking, y'hear?
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:35, archived)
Shut up decking is great
you can have a piss and it doesn't pool around your feet.
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:36, archived)
Yeah, fucking great
"Honey, can you go to B&Q and get the wood for that outdoor pisser we talked about? I want to squat outside the kitchen window and imagine I'm on a French camping holiday."
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:40, archived)
what things are acceptable in a garden?
i'm ok with grass right
(I helped save b3ta! well, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:42, archived)
I hear worms are quite popular with the trendy gardening set.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:44, archived)
half a washing machine, three bald car tyres
and a rotating outdoor clothes dryer with the wires all saggy and loose.
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:46, archived)
I have a pink 1970s toilet in my front garden at the moment.
I'm tempted to suggest to Mrs Shambles that we turn it into a novelty bird bath.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:48, archived)
DO THIS ONE.

(I helped save b3ta! Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:51, archived)
Two rusting cars of the same model
which gives no indication of which is the restoration project and which is the parts donor car
(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:56, archived)
Broken garden furniture,
a damp sofa and an elderly relative's rotting corpse.
(I helped save b3ta! Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:59, archived)
a rusting Hillman Imp with no two doors the same colour
if you live in Collyhurst, apparently
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:03, archived)
Haha, brilliant! There was one where he was cutting a string
of sausages up with a chainsaw, I can't see that on youtube though :(
(I helped save b3ta! Druid, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:41, archived)
DECKING WAS A REPLICANT

(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:48, archived)
SHE STANDS UP WHEN SHE PLAYS THE PIANO

(I helped save b3ta! Druid, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:08, archived)
no idea why this is here
Stupid blackberry
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:10, archived)
IT'S A GAS

(I helped save b3ta! Druid, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:12, archived)
*hinge and bracket applause*

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:12, archived)