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dear internet
i went for a walk at lunchtime. i found some grass on fire by the road. there was quite a lot of smoke. despite wearing flimsy sequinned shoes and cropped trousers, i stomped it out. i now have slightly ashen shoes and nettle stings all over my legs.

i spect i am now a hero.
(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:02, archived)
also, there were quite a few men in suits ignoring it and walking past. i think there must be a funeral in the church.

(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:02, archived)
They were preparing for the cremation and you spoiled it.

(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:03, archived)
it was quite burny. there were flames and everything.

(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:03, archived)
Unless they develop technology that allows us to see what would happen if you didn't put the fire out,
we cannot say for sure if you're a hero or not.

You might have fucked everything up, we just don't know.
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:03, archived)
it wouldn't have got VERY far, it was a big triangle of grass and stuff between 3 lanes.
there was a phone box and some cars parked beside it, but i doubt they would have caught.
(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:10, archived)
What if a bird carrying a stick was to swoop down,
accidently igniting the stick. Shocked at the fire it drops it on a piece of rubbish that had been left on the street. The piece of litter subsequently ignites some more stuff and then all of a sudden there's a massive fire on your hands?
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:12, archived)
AHA yes that COULD have happened.
I AM TRULY A SAVIOUR
(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:13, archived)
You should get a medal.

(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:14, archived)
Where were you during the great fire of london?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:20, archived)
*throws confetti*
*lets off fireworks*
*parades down the street with a BINKYBINKYBINKY banner*

I got fish and chips for lunch. I feel greasy. What can I do with duck eggs? We bought some on a whim from Sainsbury's last night.
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:04, archived)
Eat them?

(thediscokingpin, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:04, archived)
Stick them up your cunt and pretend to be a mother duck

(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:05, archived)
quaaaaack

(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:05, archived)
Or let Cr3 be the girl
Its up to you, im not judging
(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:09, archived)
Boil them
Boiled duck eggs are great! Don't have too much though, the yolks are very rich.
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:05, archived)

olk +id
(I helped save b3ta! JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:08, archived)
Make scotch eggs with them
or make small holes in the top and bottom of the shell. Blow out the contents and then fill with water and sellotape over the holes.

You can now safely throw it at whoever you feel deserves it most.
(I helped save b3ta! Cactus 1 doesn't care what you think on, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:09, archived)
fish and chips are awesome. i had some yesterday - no, tuesday.
i think duck eggs are quite like chicken eggs in the way you can use them. i dont know more than that.

NO WAIT. HATCH DUCKLINGS.
(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:11, archived)
I <3 Duck Eggs.
The yolk is really rich and big.

Great for dunking things in, like chips or asparagous.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:14, archived)
I HAVE ASPARAGUS

(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:29, archived)
Poach them, on a bed of asparagus, on an english muffin.
You could do the whole lot in the microwave and it would be nothing short of WIN.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:31, archived)
that sounds fantastically tasty.
I might do this for our lunch at the weekend.
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:34, archived)
=D
Asparagus, sprinkle with sea-salt, cover with butter, microwave for about 5 minuites... it concnetrates the flavour, keeps a slight crunch, yet is nice and soft.
Egg. Crack in a mug, fill mug most of the way with water, microwave for about 1:20, then check it every 10 seconds until about 1:40... warning; they can explode.
Muffin: Cut in half, toast (but half way, don't leave it all the way).
Assemble; Muffin bottom, aspagous layer with poured on melted butter, fish out the egg and put on top.

That should get cr3's knickers off.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:39, archived)
Cor
I'm bookmarking this for later, thanks :D I'll let you know if I got lucky or not.
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:42, archived)
It makes wee smell funny

(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:37, archived)
I don't make a habit of smelling my wee

(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:37, archived)
Neither do I
but by breathing through your nose it will happen sooner or later
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:40, archived)
So do Sugar Puffs.

(I helped save b3ta! AzToTheRescue The arsehole formally known as Az The S slur, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:43, archived)
I've not had sugar puffs in years

(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:45, archived)
Are they blue?

(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:26, archived)
no, white

(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:30, archived)
racist ducks

(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:32, archived)
What started it?

(thediscokingpin, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:04, archived)
im GUESSING a cigarette from a car. i did not employ forensics.

(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:08, archived)
I think you did it so you'd get the glory when you 'heroically' put it out
You should be ashamed of yourself.
(thediscokingpin, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:12, archived)
ohemgee.

(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:13, archived)
Yeah
but there was a bank robbery going on right across the road from the grass fire, so people may not appreciate your heroism.

Unless the fire was the robbers' planned diversion tactic.
(I helped save b3ta! Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:04, archived)
lol you seem to think devon has stuff going on.

(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:09, archived)
you stamped a baby fire to death?
:(
(I helped save b3ta! well, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:04, archived)
OMG!
Little fire in heaven with babby p and da angles
(thediscokingpin, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:05, archived)
Bravo bravo!
What will you be doing as your next heroic act?
(I helped save b3ta! SuperMatt, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:06, archived)
Random Blowjobs.
Hopefuly.
(I helped save b3ta! AzToTheRescue The arsehole formally known as Az The S slur, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:11, archived)
Orderly line behind me

(thediscokingpin, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:13, archived)
I like this idea much better than randomburn.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:15, archived)
I can just imagine [insert b3tan of your choice]'s status changing to.
"Randomblowjob status: 0/500 recieved".
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:16, archived)
randombj
It might sound exciting, but think about it a minute longer.
Think who sends random cds.

Yeah, now you see the drawback.
(thediscokingpin, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:17, archived)
This isn't going to end up
with just me and Gonz and Cowjam sucking each other off again, is it?

Because I've only just got the taste out of my mouth from last time.
(I helped save b3ta! AzToTheRescue The arsehole formally known as Az The S slur, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:25, archived)
I like how afterwards, when you smiled, it looked like a brillo pad.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:30, archived)
Herobinky
Only you can prevent forest fires!
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:06, archived)
THAT WAS MY PET FIRE
You heartless monster
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:08, archived)
You've got this stuck in my head now.
www.last.fm/user/Malchickles
(I helped save b3ta! Malchick, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:14, archived)
*makes you a cape out of a dooovey*

(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 14:17, archived)