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I raped a blind girl the other day
She never saw me coming.
(Richard Earl of Cambridge Cruel, Savage, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 15:58, archived)
My post count on /board is dangerous and I have to come on here to this shit?

(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:00, archived)
Fraid so, on the bright side I'll be gone in a a few min.

(Richard Earl of Cambridge Cruel, Savage, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:04, archived)
Wormulus's chin enters a bar with a post-it note attached to the end of it reading
"start pouring me a pint of Guinness, my body will be here in a few minutes"
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:00, archived)
On the other side it says
please turn the air conditioning down as my scarf is extra thick today.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:01, archived)
PsychoChomp enters a bar...but no one notices...

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:05, archived)
or wants to buy ringbinders

(Richard Earl of Cambridge Cruel, Savage, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:05, archived)
ONLY BECAUSE I HAVE SATURATED THAT MARKET

(PsychoChomp, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:14, archived)
You can sell some toner
Everybody needs toner
(I helped save b3ta! SuperMatt, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:21, archived)
Pour me some
I've run out of brandy.
(I helped save b3ta! wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:23, archived)
I'm stealthy like a ninja.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:11, archived)
Donkey Gums walks into a bar
The barman says
'Haha that tranny looks like Cher'
(Richard Earl of Cambridge Cruel, Savage, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:05, archived)
'... but he's way more awesome than Wormulus so I don't care. Free drinks for the tranny'

(I helped save b3ta! SuperMatt, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:07, archived)
SuperMatt walks into MORDOR!!!
DUN DUN DUUUUUUNNNNN!!
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:16, archived)
MY PRECIOUS!

(I helped save b3ta! SuperMatt, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:21, archived)
Wormulus walks into a bar
the bar man shouts
"Oi leave your penny farthing stunt ramps outside oh I'm so sorry Ididn't realiseitwasyourchin..."
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:07, archived)
come on reply you gay, I'm bored and want a mini cuss fight like old times

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:13, archived)
He's trying
it just takes a long time to aim his chin dobber
(I helped save b3ta! SuperMatt, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:14, archived)
Wormulus walks into a bar in Australia
The barman shouts “Oi, I don’t want no poms in ‘ere!” so Wormulus takes a step and jumps forwards, his massive, aerodynamic face elbow makes him fly around in a circle around the bar and then land again in the same spot, making some aborigines clap, excepting him as one of them.

“drinks are on me!” shouts Wormulus, and the whole bar cheered as they balanced all their drinks on his massive neck thigh.
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:22, archived)
Donkey Gums walks into a bar.
The barman says, "What can I get you?"
DG says, "I'll have 5 pints of ale and a pint glass full of spunk."
"Spunk?" asks the barman.
"Yes, doesn't have to be the same person's spunk. You can collect various people's spunk. But I need a pintful. I can drink the ale while I wait."
So the barman spunks into the pint glass and passes it round the pub. Eventually, all the men spunk into the glass, filling it up. DG, now pissed from the ale, is given the glass of spunk.
"Then you go." says the barman. DG thanks him and splats the contents of the glass in his face and leaves.
He staggers home. As he goes through the front door, his girlfriend is about to shout at him for being late home but is astonished to see his condition. "Oh my god! I was about to yell at you because I thought you'd gone to the pub to get pissed! What happened?"
DG grins behind all the spunk. "I was ghostbusting. One of the ghosts exploded and got ectoplasm all over me. But I'm ok."
And the punchline is... I dunno, he boffed her one up the arse or something.
(I helped save b3ta! Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:18, archived)
Stop reading my Livejournal :'(
hehe
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:19, archived)
donkey gums walks into a bar
everyone screams because they think the bar is being haunted by the same scarecrow that raped the previous owners to death... or something
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:25, archived)
DG walks into a bar
but before he gets a chance to order a drink a man picks him up and uses him to pot the yellow into the top corner pocket.
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:29, archived)
hah, this is why you're the funny guy BW

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:35, archived)
I told a blind girl a joke the other day.
She didn't laugh, the eyeless cunt.
(I helped save b3ta! Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:01, archived)
haha

(likeajackhammer, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:01, archived)
I told a deaf girl a joke the other day.
She just smiled. I don't think she got it.
(I helped save b3ta! Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:05, archived)
Nah, Sammi's just thick.

(Richard Earl of Cambridge Cruel, Savage, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:13, archived)
if it was sammi it'd have been



I told a deaf girl a joke the other day.
She just smiled. I donOH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE...? PUT THEM AWAY! PUT THEM AAAWWWWAAAY!
(likeajackhammer, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:20, archived)
I wouldn't worry... it was probably over far too quick to be considered a crime

(likeajackhammer, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:01, archived)
Really, why are you doing this?
Can't you just scribble these onto notepaper and make paper planes out of them, or does everyone else in your office hate you already?
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:01, archived)
I'm all alone.

(Richard Earl of Cambridge Cruel, Savage, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:02, archived)
so why do you want us to hate you so much?

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:02, archived)
hubare walks into a gaybar and...
oh wait you were probably there and saw the whole thing.
(Richard Earl of Cambridge Cruel, Savage, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:03, archived)
I lend you a caring, sympathetic ear
and you respond with childish retorts. Really, how can you ever expect to let happiness into your life? It's a shame, it really is.
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:05, archived)
Sorry Grrrrmachine
I was just putting up a shield becuase I was scared of your help.
(Richard Earl of Cambridge Cruel, Savage, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:07, archived)
It's alright, admitting you have a problem is the first step
opening up, being vulnerable, letting your defences down in the hope that a kind, friendly soul will rub your soft inner belly and tell you it'll all be ok. Well that ain't gonna happen, you stupid naive fucking prick, typing there at your keyboard all fucking la de da and sniggering to yourself as you hammer the enter key. Fuck, look at you, you're laughing at your own fucking jokes, you fucking maggot weasel pindick dysentry-smeared little cunt, fuck you, your jokes are shit, your username is shit, I don't even know who you are and I've already manipulated you into stopping it, that's how fucking pathetic and low your character is, you idiotic vapid cunt. Now piss off.
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:11, archived)
You cut me deep Grrrmachine.

(Richard Earl of Cambridge Cruel, Savage, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:12, archived)
terrible internets

(I helped save b3ta! Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:01, archived)
CHB walks into a bar,
his eyesight is going, the poor old bastard
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:07, archived)
But at least it dislodged one of the kidney stones

(I helped save b3ta! SuperMatt, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:10, archived)
I'll dislodge your scrotum in a minute.

(I helped save b3ta! Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:18, archived)
that would be worth watching
can you put it on youtube please.
(I helped save b3ta! turb0t, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:23, archived)
No problem.
Now where did I leave my nut wrench?
(I helped save b3ta! Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:29, archived)
It's on the shelf, next to your bellend hammer.

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:32, archived)
knowing that there's a peen-hammer always makes me chuckle

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:37, archived)
Who said that?

(I helped save b3ta! Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:17, archived)
Fucking hell.
Tegans watching the penguins from madagascar. The stupid lemur king thing told an elephant to "give me your penis". I stared in disbelief for a second before I realised he said Peanuts.
(I helped save b3ta! Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 5 Oct 2009, 16:36, archived)