Should I post my drunken reviews of 25 b3tans from Saturday or not.
It's quite beakerish...hmmm
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:12, archived)

yeah go on. i would love to know.

( sleepybinky, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:13, archived)

yes, you should

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:14, archived)

it's not like anyone's saying anything important today.
DO IT.
( sleepybinky, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:14, archived)

DO IT
DO IT NOW
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:16, archived)

Fair enough, hide it if it's too long people, I won't be offended.

I’ve done 25, if you haven’t been mentioned it’s because I chose from the talk stats list and I’ll do you next time. I’m being quite harsh but it’s with affection. If you get mentioned it’s because I actually like you. Probably.

Manolith – He’s a rosy cheeked fuck stallion. I bet with one insertion and of his mighty broom he would make you cum five times, like some sort of fleshy ratchet and cog set up, and you’d be all cummed out, and he’s be all like “I’m not finished” and then he’d leave a dent on the top of your head like a beluga whale. I heard he once bench pressed a bear. Rating. 9/10


SSG – He looks like a Dwarf suffering from gigantism. Like some sort of sollom Gimli, charging around and offering the use of “My Axe!” and then biffing his penis off of various public bins. 8/10

Noit – He looks like a crab that was forced to walk forwards at and early age and is now enjoying it. 7/10

Sexface – He looks like some closed his head in a very heavy book. Like some sort of flower pressing, only the nectar that comes from this flower makes bees dance like spastic with butter on his back. Has gone mental lately, he doesn’t know why, early sign of autismardation 1/10

Bluestar – She’s got one, two, maybe even up to 5 breasts. I held one once and my wrist ached instantly. If you look at her pubes through a magnifying glass your face gets burnt like an adolescent setting fire to ants. 7/10

Fold’s Five – He looks like a paedophile. The sort of paedophile that I’d let take me to Alton Towers and touch me up behind the burger hut. 8/10

UToL – Very funny, I imagine when he does a fart it sounds like Roger Moore yawning. 9/10

Spangolin – Tiny rage pixy. Likes to lick things in her sleep, like walls, toys and Cr3.
She drinks like a hummingbird 8/10

Cr3 – I bet he’s got a penis like some sort of smooth web trophy. And when Spangolin sits on it she flies off like one of those rockets you attach to your garden hose. 8/10

Gonzo – He the sweetest spastic ever. For a guy that suffers with crone’s disease it hasn’t really hit him that not eating shit might make things better and stop his arse from exploding daily and ending up in the hospital in the prolapse ward. It’s like someone with lung cancer smoking a cigar inside an exhaust pipe and wondering why they can’t breathe. I also like his facial hair; it’s like a chin mistake. 6/10 – 8/10

Binky – I want to fuck her like a lustful rhino, and when she’s about to orgasm I’d put my fingers up her nose and then blow into her mouth really hard so that when she comes she also emits and massive belch. 8/10

RNUK – He’s one of these ‘chaps isn’t he? Like a pretend time traveling posho. He’s got a toddler’s body. He’s probably got a willy like a gooseberry trying to give something a kiss. His testicle bag is so tight that when he dies Scotsman will bid on it on eBay to be used as a small change wallet. 7/10

JackAction – My mum’s got that haircut. 8/10

Psychochomp – He’s a nice guy, but blatantly sniffs bike saddles outside the library. Licks his lips when girls are near, and has got missle proof glasses, he probably bought them from BAC. His eyes look like two rape raisins pushed into a melting snowman. 7/10

Friz – I genuinely feel sorry for him. If he stopped trying to be funny he might actually say something amusing and the fact that he’s embraced the piss taking with the attention seeking/ big head meme just makes it worse. Up your game Friz, stop this beaking nonsense. Although I did hear that 9/11 was a hoax, what really happened was Friz walked between the two towers and got his head wedged between them. 5/10

Moohalaa – I’ve never met a man with a smoother face. He confuses me sexually and I don’t like it. Sort of like a puppy but he’s got a dangleberry hanging from his bum hair. I want to stroke it but don’t want it to turn around. 9/10

Lu – Tits like ski slopes nailed to a bit of bamboo. I bet her poo poos are white. 7/10

Hubare – He’s JMG. I’ve got proof. SPUGGIE! He flies pigeons 6/10

Easty – Fuck me, he’s ginger isn’t he? It’s like someone caught an explosion in follicle form. I’ve seen him getting touched up by mooey once, he pulls a girl’s face when getting his nipnips played with. 8/10

Furry Dinosaur – If I put an apple inside her fanny it would come out with a bite mark in it. Cor, she’s a dame, and a funny girl, quite rare, and doesn’t take me seriously. 9/10

Eddache – Man of many voices, HOOM! And “Hello, I’m Edd.” In my top 5 funniest b3tans 9/10

Red Rocket – HE SHOOTS ME IN THE FACE! AIIIEEE! Top dude, shame he’s didn’t like my robot made out of pot noodle cups. Like to punch fat people in the eyebrow for no reason 8/10

SuperMatt – Awww short, little, smog haired Supermatt. The only man who wears an Umbuntu, Umbongo tee shirt or whatever it is and isn’t trying to be ironic. I hope he gets a girlfriend even though he’s the opposite of a vagina magnet, a cunt catapult if you will. Top guy though 8/10

Baldmonkey – He’s like an Eggy Chimp. Arms like some sort of cancered popeye. 10/10

Donkey Gums – looks like he fell from heaven and landed really hard on his face, in the pond of retardation and ate some pond weed made of estrogen. His legs look like two denim paperclips. Not very funny, just talks utter bollocks at the time and smells like a tramps top hat. 0/10

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:16, archived)

You'd love me in real life.

( __, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:19, archived)

Haha, nice :D

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:19, archived)

And the one week I'm struck down with AIDS or something is the week Deeg writes reviews about those on the stats page

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:21, archived)

HES GOT TO SAVE SOME PEOPLE FOR NEXT TIME
ha i'm totally on there
( sleepybinky, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:25, archived)

Both of these things are true

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:27, archived)

the next 25 will happen at the next bash

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:29, archived)

Is that the London cross-board bash?

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:30, archived)

Or are we talking super secret 3litan bash?

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:31, archived)

beats me, I dunno, I just turn up.
I got the worst review so you should all be happy.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:36, archived)

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3
ALL TRUE
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:19, archived)

*clawn motions of joy*

( Noit happy baby orangutan, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:20, archived)

I don't like that I'm ranked lower than SuperMatt though
I've never even abducted any children.
( Noit happy baby orangutan, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:24, archived)

this is true. i get the same as supermatt and i think you should be higher than worse-than-me

( sleepybinky, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:25, archived)

Binks, if it was my scoring system, I'd give you one.
ROFLUENDO
( Noit happy baby orangutan, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:27, archived)

Seriously though. it's a binary scoring system.
1 = YES
( Noit happy baby orangutan, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:28, archived)

dawww.
*hides face*
( sleepybinky, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:29, archived)

Supermatt gets a high score because he bum licks me in public
You should realise that anything above 5 is awesome. It means I think you're awesome.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:36, archived)

i may be one of many to get a 9 but i was FIRST!

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:21, archived)

'Like a gooseberry trying to give something a kiss' is possibly the best description ever.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:21, archived)

OH.

( sleepybinky, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:22, archived)

i am likeing this post.

( sleepybinky, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:24, archived)

he fancies you.

( Godzuki needs more sleep., Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:24, archived)

WHO DOESN'T?

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:25, archived)

I don't

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:26, archived)

THE WHOOOOLE WORLD

( sleepybinky, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:26, archived)

i was going to say that but i thought it'd be terrible pandering
you get away with it though
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:29, archived)

It's not pandering if we all say it.
well, it is. but it's the acceptable face of black-and-white bamboo consuption.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:53, archived)

7/10 indeed.
PAH

*flounces*
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:22, archived)

You'd get a solid 9 if you smiled more at me instread of scowling in December :P

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:28, archived)

how do i get a 9 please hi i would like to improve my score in the retest

( sleepybinky, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:30, archived)

it would be very naughty,
involving breasts. or pretty smiles.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:41, archived)

I didn't even scowl much in December :(

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:51, archived)

you did at me!
/hurt me to the core
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:57, archived)

You've never even met me.

( RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:23, archived)

ME NEITHER

( sleepybinky, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:24, archived)

I met him in the sense that I've been in the same room as him.
But I don't think we said a word to each other all night. He was holding court to a crowd of internerds and I certainly wasn't joining that sweaty throng
( RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:32, archived)

I'd meat you anyday, binkles.

( RR I love you ... in a way, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:33, archived)

Wow.
Still, 8/10.
( FoldsFive, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:24, archived)

It's clearly the best score to get.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:26, archived)

And I'd happy touch up Donkey Gums behind the burger hut.

( FoldsFive, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:29, archived)

Clearly.

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:29, archived)

loser says whut now?

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:30, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/6722932
( sleepybinky, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:31, archived)

WHATEVER, 8-FACE

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:37, archived)

eight-face? whut?

( sleepybinky, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:53, archived)

Whut?

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:31, archived)

HA

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:35, archived)

Sneaky

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:35, archived)

:(

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:33, archived)

up your posting count then, you're in the nest 25 fo sho so chillax.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:34, archived)

You don't like me, DeeGee
I'm going back to rocking and danking in a darkened room.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:35, archived)

I LOVE YOU. you're in the next 25! read the first paragraph you bumnips.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:43, archived)

Okay.
I can't promise I won't be danking, though. I like danking.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:49, archived)

Your descriptive wordplay is one of the best things on /talk
its always guaranteed to bring a laugh :)
( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:39, archived)

*tips cat*
chars
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:48, archived)

An accurate and fair list.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:39, archived)

imitation is the most sincere form of flattery

( Richard Earl of Cambridge Cruel, Savage, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 18:29, archived)

yeah go on
your giant rambling monologues are hilarious
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:16, archived)

YES!

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:16, archived)

I'd prefer you didn't

( Theoban What of it, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 15:20, archived)