That's quite enough of that.
What's the shortest amount of time you've spent in a job? Mine was an hour. Then I got up and walked out after being told to 'fuck off' repeatedly.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:55, archived)

Four weeks in a sausage factory.
Damn straight.
(__, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:56, archived)

you were the sausage tester
hence the fat face
( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:57, archived)

I didn't get to be a quality controller :(

(__, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:02, archived)

haha
nice
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:57, archived)

I worked in a sandwich factory for two days.
It was horrific and put me off eating prepacked sandwiches.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:58, archived)

Highlights plz

(Iggy Pop's Teeth, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:59, archived)

Once, when eating a somerfield pre-packaged wrap i found globs of wallpaper paste sticking the thing together.
I'm not kidding. fucking wallpaper paste.
( Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:05, archived)

wallpaper paste from a WILLY

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:07, archived)

I told you never to call me that.

( Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:07, archived)

sorry willy :(

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:08, archived)

Well
* the chicken fillings go onto the bread near frozen
* I witnessed someone cutting the sandwiches into four, one of them falling on the floor and the cutter picking it back up and putting it back on the conveyer belt
* a woman I was working with had an extremely runny nose and was constantly leaning over the sandwiches to fill them
* various people not washing their hands after coming back from the toilet
* people with scabbed over cuts not a plaster or wearing gloves handling foodstuffs and filling sandwiches BY HAND from great big buckets of filling
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:09, archived)

*gags*

( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:09, archived)

I ready want a tescue value bacon sandwich now

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:10, archived)

Is that what *gay b3tan*'s calling it now?

( Noit happy baby orangutan, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:00, archived)

there was a mincing room too

(__, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:02, archived)

I bet you spent all your time there.

( Noit happy baby orangutan, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:04, archived)

only one night
i usually did the low-quality packing. that's putting packaged meat into boxes, so hygiene isn't really an issue there.

i havent eaten a pork pie or cocktail sausages since then, mind.
(__, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:06, archived)

Did butchers get confused and think your massive face was an elephant steak and try and process it?

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:08, archived)

Yes, DG.
This genuinely happened once.
(__, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:08, archived)

:D COOL!
aw man, I wish I had a big face now, rather than a cher face :'(
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:12, archived)

Maybe you could... CHER! friz's face

(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:28, archived)

ho ho ho!

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:40, archived)

It was too big to go through the machines.

( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:09, archived)

they just patted him with a spade for a solid 7 hours to tenderise this massive piece of meaty mystery profit.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:11, archived)

...And that is how the meaty lump that is Friz's face got eye holes.

( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:17, archived)

next week children we'll tell you how he got his letterbox like grin

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:19, archived)

for fuck's sake

(__, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:21, archived)

hello mr friz

(Mortal Wombat - he's just an excitable boy, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:30, archived)

hey mmmnngghhh

(__, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:30, archived)

NUM NUM NUM NUM NUM NUM NUM NUM NUM NUM NUM NUM NUM NUM NUM NUM NUM
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:32, archived)

hahahaha!

(__, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:33, archived)

Mine's better you shitwank.

( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:34, archived)

shhhh
*rotates you into a hedge*
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:38, archived)

Oh Friz
:(
( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:33, archived)

So now it's goodbye from the Dino and Donkey Show, stay tuned to CBBC for Art Attack with Baldmonkey.

( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:23, archived)

*lights dim, stacks papers, furious groping*

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:32, archived)

I've told you time and time again DG, NOT to touch our children guests!

( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:35, archived)

sorry FD :S

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:37, archived)

I've only had two jobs
supermarket and my current one... so, three years :P
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:57, archived)

Half a day
It was a burger place when I was 19. I got offered another job on my break, that was more monies and less humiliation.
(Iggy Pop's Teeth, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:58, archived)

One day, and only about six hours at that.
That was the week I went through three seperate jobs. The last one was fucking shit and I left after about three months.
( Noit happy baby orangutan, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:58, archived)

I say the last one was fucking shit.
The first one was too. The second one was OK but a bit geeky even for me and wasn't enough hours.
( Noit happy baby orangutan, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:01, archived)

a spent four weekends holding a sign in the high street that advertised a jeans shop.

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:59, archived)

by whom?

(likeajackhammer, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:59, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/5464866
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:12, archived)

I'll add to this
I had no job at the time and really needed the fucking cash.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:14, archived)

About 5 months
Working at a theme park
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:00, archived)

Alright Blue Star

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:01, archived)

Alright.
Why aren't you bashing?
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:15, archived)

I might be
I'm being messed about and I don't know what's going on at the moment
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:19, archived)

My only job
was 5 days.

I suck at the "employed world"
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:00, archived)

Fucking dole students.

( Noit happy baby orangutan, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:01, archived)

I know I know I know
I'd love some extra money, but between working for college and working in a job, I'd choose college.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:02, archived)

alright if you can afford it

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:04, archived)

I'm grateful to both the government and my parents.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:05, archived)

This.
When I was doing my undergrad I had a term time job and a holiday job. I don't think I could have coped otherwise, but then again I was in That London and it's pricey there.
( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:07, archived)

i had a friend who worked full time while doing his degree,
and he also took every drug under the sun every weekend, and he still got a first. a triumph of our times.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:09, archived)

That is just crazy and wrong.
That man should be shot on sight as clearly he isn't human and shouldn't be allowed to remain on Earth to put the rest of us to shame.
( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:10, archived)

he is also very good looking.
life is so unfair.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:15, archived)

I'm surviving mostly on the maintenance loan
Definitely getting a job next year though.

I get the most help with accommodation, but I'm paying that back.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:09, archived)

I'd choose collage
*sticks Quality Street wrapper to some sugar paper with PVA glue*
( magnum, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:04, archived)

If only I could do that.
whereas instead I have Dionysus.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:06, archived)

I'll swap it for a Bulbasaur

( magnum, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:10, archived)

Fucking students
I was doing a full time job in my final year of uni
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:05, archived)

I'm only first year you know :(

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:06, archived)

<3

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:09, archived)

How did you manage that?
Did you do no uni work?
( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:08, archived)

i was under the impression that a lot of people do that
but then i come from a povvy area.
i reckon if you have to work full time while doing your degree, you should instantly get a grade higher.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:10, archived)

Ha ha... good plan.
I think at most universities you're not technically allowed to have a full time job whilst studying. My uni says that you're not allowed to work more then 10 hours a week or something, how they'd find out you were working more I'm not sure though.
I'm lucky enough to have a generously funded masters place so I wouldn't really have to work if I didn't want to but in my contract for that I have to promise only to work below a set number of hours and if I get a job I'm technically obliged to get permission from my uni and the government.
( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:15, archived)

when my brother got a place at oxford, we found you're not allowed to work at all let alone full time,
so the family had to all scrape together to get him through.
it'll be worth it when we can all live off his riches though.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:17, archived)

Yeah, it's like that at Cambridge too although lots of people do work and just keep it a secret.
I hope your brother buys you a massive house with a pool on the money from his impressive learnings.
( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:19, archived)

he said he felt so out of place there that he didn't dare step out of line.
he goes around nice places scuba diving now, i don't know that there's loads of money in it but it looks lush.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:22, archived)

I reckon if your parents are too poor to pay all your University stuff
and provide you with a sizeable unearned income, education is wasted on you anyway and you should get on with respecting your betters, you grotty little peasant.
(MooCow_Byter, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:17, archived)

:(

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:18, archived)

i'm too much of a mental head to manage an education anyway.
which is frustrating as i reckon i am clever enough to you know, get a levels and shit, but like, i keep doing stupid things like going swimming in the taff at four in the morning or try and top myself with cocodamol and shit.
i reckon i'm like some sort of troubled genius, only not as clever.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:21, archived)

I bet you say that to all the girls.

(MooCow_Byter, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:23, archived)

they don't let me near girls :(

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:29, archived)

*pats*
This year has gone very wrong very quickly for me.

Definitely become a tortured artist, moved to a disused warehouse and paint the walls with the blood of whores. Your defence in court is "But it's ART!"
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:26, archived)

I'd love to have enough time to try Uni again
but you kind of have to do it when you don't have overheads. Or when you're super-rich and can take a break from work.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:25, archived)

I did lots of uni work
People make too much fuss about how hard uni is
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:10, archived)

I imagine it differs from course to course, uni to uni.
I certainly don't think I could have worked full time during my BA or my MA. Hats off to you for managing it.
( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:16, archived)

4 years as a garage mechanic (Saturdays)

( magnum, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:01, archived)

Three days.
i can't do night work. it sucks major balls.
( Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:04, archived)

Obviously you can't do night work during the day
That's probably why you finished after three of them.
(__, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:12, archived)

4 working days.
I was a waitress at a hotel for breakfasts and I was so shit that I told all my customers each day that it was my first day so that they'd forgive me for dropping their food etc.
( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:04, archived)

4 hours
at a Bakers. I was 14, got £4 for 4 hours work and the guy was a blatant paedo, had loads of girls the same age as me hanging around doing nothing and he would flirt with them and bully whatever boy was there.

I went home really upset and told my mum, who told my dad who called the Police. I know the place shut down a few months after. The bloke was a nasty piece of work. the place's hygiene was disgusting. mouldy bread and shit all over the place.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:05, archived)

if he flirted with you too, you wouldn't have complained

(__, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:19, archived)

I'd still be working there to be honest.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:21, archived)

you'd have more bap to slap your sausage at aswell

( valoukh newsgash.wordpress.com, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:34, archived)

I would have just sat in the corner kissing the wet dough crusted vileda supermop

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:41, archived)

waiting for your bloomer to rise?

( valoukh newsgash.wordpress.com, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:48, archived)

l r
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:51, archived)

4 Years.
4 years doing a paper round and 4 years at WHSmiths.
( BindiBaji, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:05, archived)

i spent about 6 years doing a paper round,
made me the man i am today.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:16, archived)

Cool not many people stick it out for long periods.
Six years though thats impressive, I passed mine onto my younger brother he lasted a year and a half.
( BindiBaji, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:26, archived)

i was doing one that was about four miles long up big hills and shit,
for four years, then i took my older brothers shorter route when he quit for a job in the cinema age 16. details there of my life, for any would be stalkers.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:28, archived)

Dislikes: hills and shit
Brother: older than 16 likes films
I'm building my stalking profile on you.
( BindiBaji, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:34, archived)

I did a paper round for four or five years.
I reckon it's a pretty OK job. I'd only have been sleeping otherwise anyway, I quite liked going for a decent walk every morning, and after the first few months I could essentially do the whole thing with my eyes shut.

The only bad bits were carrying the Saturday papers up the fucking massive hill at the start of my round, and the danger of finger injury from letterboxes with too strong springs.
(MooCow_Byter, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:35, archived)

see, i just delivered the south wales echo, and after school,
or on saturdays it was in the afternoon whenever the delivery turned up. good times.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:39, archived)

I only did it daily for a couple of years,
after that just Sundays.

Full disclosure, right here.
(MooCow_Byter, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:48, archived)

A vote for Mungo is a vote for complete transparency.

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:53, archived)

2 months at a nursing home when I was 15
It was woah sad.
Do not want.
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:05, archived)

I got a job waitressing at the boxes in arsenal stadium,
did two matches and never went back. was just rubbish.
( rosie posie tingly bongly, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:12, archived)

i once spent 15 seconds as a kissogram

( Lightguy hail satan, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:17, archived)

3 Days - very short term contract unpacking and repacking bottles of cider.
We got paid for 5days, but finished the work in 3 :)
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:17, archived)

isn't that what a night-out is?

( valoukh newsgash.wordpress.com, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:42, archived)

4 hours bacon packing
went to the pub at lunchtime & didn't bother going back.
( broadsword, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:22, archived)

1 day, doing cold-calling and the whole job being based on sales figures
rather than 'customer service' as the temp agency described it. Walked out mid afternoon.
( moohalaa, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:51, archived)

if it was 'worst job' I'd say putting bricks on a brick cutting machine
I was at the front of the conveyor belt. Totally mindless so I listened to podcasts about learning languages and things.
Did it for 3 weeks for about 400 quid when I was 17, never again. People supported families doing that job :/
( moohalaa, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:53, archived)

Vitacress salad factory, somewhere near Southampton.
In a giant fridge tossing salad up in the air as it went up a conveyor belt. I was supposed to remove insects but they just looked the same colour as the leaves since I can't see colours. All the other staff were middle-aged Spanish women who didn't speak English. I quit after one day.
( Zuowan, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:57, archived)