Hello fun seekers
I watched a thing about war crimes in Sri Lanka last night in which I saw a child's face hanging off and various people get dead. I had dreams about making cakes. I love a bit of Wednesday, me. Reminds me of my old giro day. Hello.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:41, archived)

Hello
Trains am be fscked at Watford Junction. Day at home. Hurrah...
( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:42, archived)

Stupid south
Never does anything right.

Edit/ Signalling problems eh? I bet it's copper thievery again.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:44, archived)

No info about it, would've thought word would have got out if it were
Just "signalling problems".

Anyway, taxi home and infront of the telly with a vpn. much more civilized.
( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:50, archived)

Visible Perky Nipple?

( broadsword now that's fresh, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:56, archived)

violent pornography needle?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:59, archived)

Vintage Penis Nibble?

( broadsword now that's fresh, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:01, archived)

Vitrified Pink Newt?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:03, archived)

virtual private network duhhh

( sleepybinky, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:16, archived)

Vigorous Puppy Nibbling.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:25, archived)

Hello, I have to go and spend today in a room writing jokes and a business plan.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:46, archived)

I find those two things are usually interchangeable

( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:47, archived)

You'll need and English chap and a Scot, possibly a Welsh too

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:48, archived)

Anytime I try that we always end up just going to a pub instead.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:51, archived)

you'll need a drumkit

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:52, archived)

be sure to crowdsource some ideas from the board when you get a bit stuck, we're all rooting for you, dr preference, go for it
( vladimir, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:08, archived)

You will fail both of those tasks.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:12, archived)

i got the keys to my new house yesterday
Today will be a girly day of colour swatches, carpet samples, paint, and a big gruff builder digging out the patio in the rear.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:49, archived)

Moving house is shit and exciting in equal measure
I've been here just over two years and I just about feel settled. Wait. Are you a girl?
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:51, archived)

Finally buying a house was a great feeling
although apparently the rest of europe just happily rents and we shouldn't actually give a shit about buying...
( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:53, archived)

i'd rent forever
If we had the freedom to decorate, or have pets, or actually treat it like my own home. English landlords are too strict to allow a vibrant rental market. That and now I own something MASSIVE.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:57, archived)

My landlord's ace
He only lives over the road and I think I've seen him three times. He leaves me to look after the place, except the time I got a leaky roof, I'm no good at that stuff.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:59, archived)

maybe its the south
But all the landlords I've had are so right-assed and strict, some wouldn't even let us put pictures up in fear of damaging walls.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:02, archived)

I think mine's just too busy to be arsed.
It's quite touristy here and he has a full B&B to run most of the year.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:06, archived)

YO.
I sorted that "thing".

itd better be good, is all.
( sleepybinky, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:22, archived)

Our best landlord said
"would you mind only paying me £400 a month, as it's with a better agency?" after we'd agreed to pay £450 with a posher one... Good old Bal.

We were great tennants, but mostly our landlords had noooo idea what to expect from tennants and thought we were bad.

two years hassle free tenenancy plus a few carpet stains and kitchen counter burns = good tennants
( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:13, archived)

I cleaned the carpets

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:15, archived)

well obviously
You're civilised. Not all stains come out though. Blue poster paint in this instance.

All counted for shit when our final landlady tried to defraud us by making out invoices for work that wasn't done. We got our deposit back pretty quickly when we explained what she was doing wasn't exactly legal.
( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:33, archived)

no
But I feel any day that involves "colour palett" moves me closer to my feminine side. Or just makes me a bit gay. Would be doing the manly gruff building myself if I didn't still have a buggered leg.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:55, archived)

I shall tailor my replies appropriately

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:57, archived)

That's why
I built a wooden playhouse last year instead of picking carpets.
( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:57, archived)

We moved in nearly 2 years ago
with big plans of decorating... oh how we laughed.
( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:51, archived)

I was gonna watch that
but ended up losing the pub quiz instead
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:51, archived)

At the Albany?
Only went in there once, nearly lost teeth.
( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:55, archived)

Yeah.
It used to be ace then it got taken over by one prick after another. It's recently been taken over by people who are lovely, artsy musician types. We've been there more since they took over than we ever did when the scumbags had it. It's very friendly and welcoming.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:59, archived)

Oh nice
I just remember some chav inviting himself into our pool game and waving the cue around.

Maybe I'll start appearing there are wondering if you're there too. That would not be weird.
( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:03, archived)

Yeah.
I wouldn't even never leave the house again if you were to do that.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:07, archived)

That's OK
As long as you keep putting your bins out on time. I need to keep my collection up to date.
( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:10, archived)

You lost?
Oh man, I'm not sure I can associate with the likes of you any more. You have my condolences. What did you get wrong so I can tell you that you would have won had I been there?
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 8:55, archived)

Hey
the music round is mine. I beat that shit good and proper.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:01, archived)

I' m a bit tired still.
I've been tired for weeks now. Different reasons, but I haven't slept properly in ages.
I don't feel very okay.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:05, archived)

Oh dear
Stop worrying, drink Dr Stewart's valerian tea at night and sleep when you are tired, your body has all the answers you need. Listen to it.
Consultation over. £300 please.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:10, archived)

Dr Stuart's valerian tea is mega.

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:12, archived)

Oops
I did a spellwrong
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:14, archived)

It's more the yobs outside, my children being ill, my back/neck/knee hurting and I don't know why, the house exploding.
That sort of thing.
Tea ain't gonna cut it.
When we move building in a fortnight I'll be right outside the CEO's office.
I'm thinking of bugging his office so I can blackmail my way out of inevitable dismissal.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:22, archived)

Arses
Cunts outside can be proper shit. I'd normally recommend a stern word but you'd probably get stabbed up or something. Call the rozzers persistently and exaggerate.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:25, archived)

It's not a frequent thing. It just feels like the world is conspiring to make me unwell.
A couple of weeks ago it was a house party with some cunt doing kareoke in his garden so loud we couldn't sleep three streets away.
Police wouldn't do anything.
Went for a walk and found what house it was though. One night when I'm not being allowed to sleep for another reason I'll shit through their letterbox.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:28, archived)

Fuck that, call 999, say his house is on fire, or call his house when he's out and tell his missus or children that he's dead.
lol
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:33, archived)

In the real world, I'll probably just ring his doorbell at 4am and run away.
And I run like a girl.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:34, archived)

rope between the door handle of his house
and the house opposite, persuade one of the kids to help and ring both bells at the same time. classic
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:37, archived)

I vote for this

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:38, archived)

*prances*
I'm not going to be at all waki today.
Or start any new threads.
And that's a promise.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:39, archived)

Hmm
I don't like the sound of this
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:44, archived)

I'm trying to calm the fuck down.
I read some of my posts last night and I am a prick.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:01, archived)

nonsense
wanna chat?
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:09, archived)

fine

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:25, archived)

Does it contain real vales?

( broadsword now that's fresh, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:14, archived)

I'm not well either
being made redundant and no job to move into and money running out and doubled my mad pill dosage

I'll end up killing other people then myself in a hilarious rom com starring Hugh Grant as me
( moohalaa, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:26, archived)

Paul Gascoine can play me
bringing you KFC and a mandolin.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:29, archived)

That would be quite some Method he'd have to employ

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:30, archived)

oh er... oh i say oh fuckity fuck i've er... killed some er oh oh er fuckity fuck people
*dry humps large mouthed american*
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:35, archived)

morning
my new mattress should be arriving today - see what all this "memory foam malarky" is all about.
( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:19, archived)

it remembers everything about you
And reports back to the government.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:21, archived)

I bought a 5cm foam mattress topper rather than the full thing due to being a tight bastard
They don't half stink for a bit, but it was such a good buy. Really comfy, if a little warm. *olds*
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:23, archived)

*comfy bed fives*
I was going to get a topper for that very reason but the full mattress was only £100 so we saved up a bit more and bought the whole thing
( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:28, archived)

memory foam can be a real cnut
Very erm... marmitey

You either love it or hate it.
( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:32, archived)

I watched Ace Of Cakes last night and then made some cakes.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:19, archived)

Do they do baking on that show or just brag about it?

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:26, archived)

A little bit of both.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:34, archived)

I dreamt I was in some sort of biology class
and I cut the nose and lips off two people and sewed the opposite ones on to each other as 'disguises'.

I kept shouting for a haemostat but they wouldn't give me one. Then I woke up. The end.
( moohalaa, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:24, archived)

What happened next?

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:27, archived)

my money is on "got up and had a shit"

( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:34, archived)

My money's on Kyle being involved

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:37, archived)

My main tactic for lasting longer
has always been to think "Bruce Forsythe squatting on a glass table", but I'm not thinking about letting him retire gracefully and replacing him with Kyle.
( RocketSurgeon is pretending he's still young, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:58, archived)

Good Morning Bogus.
I had the misfortune of watching a program on HMRC pulling the darkies aside for smuggling ganje.
I am finding that all the officers also being middle-aged Daily Mail readers is becoming less of a coincidence the more I watch it.

Then I had a dream that I was smuggling drugs. It wasn't nice.
( Frisbee TeaBoy, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:47, archived)

To be fair to our put upon customs officials
They have very stressful jobs, a side effect of which is massive racism. We should show some more understanding.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 9:50, archived)

Personally I blame the Jews.
None of this would have happened if it wasn't for them.
( Frisbee TeaBoy, Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:06, archived)