b3ta.com talk
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Home » Talk » Message 7713707

how did I miss the QOTW? it was good when I started typing...
so anyways, I'll post the fucker here:

Amsterdam Cold Shit Shenanigans

So we're all in Amsterdam, 7 of us, having a lovely old time. 2nd evening we decide to get some mushrooms in, and are sat in a coffee shop, happily munching away, trying to avoid the mould old woman toilet attendant who demanded 50c every time you had a pee in the urinals. Piss Lady we called her.
So we're all coming up, all fairy experienced with natures mind expanders, so me and Redlad head of on a mission to find the Ladyboy with the connection. When we get back, everyone's split off into their own private adventure, so we have beautiful fun and eventually get back to the hotel, to find our pal bloodied and confused, and we get mesmerised by his little adventure...

Whilst feeling the effects of the psilocybin, our Pal (we'll call him Big Al for the purposes of this story) goes upstairs to take a slash. Next thing he knows, he waking up on the floor of said grotty pisshole, with strange faces peering down at him, including pisslady, who's talking to him in dutch, and freaking him the fuck out.
In a grip of panic and altered consciousness, our hero pulls himself back inside his trousers, and runs back to find the lads. Perhaps the bump on the head from the urinal had concussed him, perhaps our mates were just at the bar. But he couldn't find them either way, and ends up stumbling outside into the busy night. Now, this coffee shop was situated on one of the tree lined squares that are dotted pleasantly around Amsterdam, and whilst trying to find his bearings and discovering the blood pissing down his face, Big Al now realises he really needs a shit. really badly. And there's no way he can go back in and face pisslady...
so he finds a bush, and tries as hard as he might to ignore all the tourists and Dutch folks walking merrily around him. We can only imagine the sensations coursing through his consciousness at this point, as a joyous celebration of friends and love and marriage, turns into a rough arsed bushcrap in the middle of a busy city.
Get the fuck out of here, was his next idea. and so a cab is hailed, as the trousers are hastily hoisted back up, and the blood wiped around his face some more.
Where to my friend?
shit, he couldn't remember the name of the hotel, so straight on was the command.
Oh, my friend, I think perhaps you may have trodden in something?
Ooops, the bushcrap was badly aimed, and shoes and trousers are liberally covered in effluent, so with the window opened and statements to the contrary, the taxi driver begrudgingly proceeds... Are you sure? there's a bad smell in here my friend.
No, no, it's cool, I can't smell anything.
Or see anything properly either... where's that fucking card? where am I staying? Finally, with familiar landmarks creeping through the paisley haze, the card is found, the address passed onto the cab driver and the price agreed on, with healthy tip included.
Phew! back to safety. thank fuck. just get my key out...

I'll admit the details of how he got in to the hotel are hazy, as we were just creased up on the floor holding our sides at this point, listening to the worsening tales of woe, but rest assured it took about half an hour for the poor fella to sort enough shit out so that he could get into his room, shower and clean his own filth off his clothes.

It's a good story, and one which I have recounted many times, I just hope Big Al never finds out I told anyone. poor bastard :)
(I helped save b3ta! lustreboy making himself laugh since 1973 (tm), Fri 7 Feb 2014, 12:45, archived)
tl;dr

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Fri 7 Feb 2014, 12:46, archived)
I'm happy
for you
(I helped save b3ta! lustreboy making himself laugh since 1973 (tm), Fri 7 Feb 2014, 12:53, archived)
I'm pretty sure I speak for everyone here when I say: get fucked

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 7 Feb 2014, 12:56, archived)
any preferences?
anally? orally? aurally?
via a good sounding?
(I helped save b3ta! lustreboy making himself laugh since 1973 (tm), Fri 7 Feb 2014, 13:00, archived)
tl;gf

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 7 Feb 2014, 13:33, archived)
I don't have time to read this right now but I'm sure it's brilliant!
haha
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats ๐ŸŽฉ๐ŸŽฉ, Fri 7 Feb 2014, 12:57, archived)
You had an extra day to submit something and you were still late.
Shame on you.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 7 Feb 2014, 12:58, archived)
yeah sorry
I'm one of those main board/ links board twats, who literally saw the QOTW on the front page and thought "at last I have something worth posting!!"
but I realise now I was deluded
(I helped save b3ta! lustreboy making himself laugh since 1973 (tm), Fri 7 Feb 2014, 13:01, archived)
Well done. You've just ruined what was turning out to be a pretty alright day on /talk.
Nice going, jerk
(I helped save b3ta! 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Fri 7 Feb 2014, 13:03, archived)
I hope tomorrow is alright, I really do.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 7 Feb 2014, 13:13, archived)
how so?
I'm not familiar with /talk land, just an overbearing ego with no hope of recognition
(I helped save b3ta! lustreboy making himself laugh since 1973 (tm), Fri 7 Feb 2014, 13:18, archived)
MASSIVE DRUGS!
DRUGS FUNGUS
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 7 Feb 2014, 13:13, archived)
gotta love it :D

(I helped save b3ta! lustreboy making himself laugh since 1973 (tm), Fri 7 Feb 2014, 13:19, archived)
get that shit off here

(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 7 Feb 2014, 13:19, archived)
You should complain to the mods.
This is why we elected you class rep.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 7 Feb 2014, 13:20, archived)
since manolith no longer gives a toss, they should make me a mod
i'd bring sweeping reform, and clean fingers
(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 7 Feb 2014, 13:36, archived)
I'm Dr Preference and I endorse this nightmarish vision of a chilling dystopian future.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 7 Feb 2014, 13:38, archived)
Manolith was killed in a fire, you monster
Show some respect
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats ๐ŸŽฉ๐ŸŽฉ, Fri 7 Feb 2014, 13:38, archived)
bloody layabout, if he could be bothered for like 5 minutes he'd probably have got away with only third degree burns

(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 7 Feb 2014, 13:44, archived)
It was his hair coverage that finished him
Once it crept up his back he went up like kindling.
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats ๐ŸŽฉ๐ŸŽฉ, Fri 7 Feb 2014, 13:45, archived)
I miss that big fluffy wookie :'(

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 7 Feb 2014, 13:48, archived)
He was the noblest of all the giant hippies :(

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats ๐ŸŽฉ๐ŸŽฉ, Fri 7 Feb 2014, 13:50, archived)
Die slowly.
HTH xx
(I helped save b3ta! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 7 Feb 2014, 13:21, archived)
doing it every day brother
every day x
(I helped save b3ta! lustreboy making himself laugh since 1973 (tm), Fri 7 Feb 2014, 13:24, archived)
Hiya GeordieJay
You look nice today x
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats ๐ŸŽฉ๐ŸŽฉ, Fri 7 Feb 2014, 13:37, archived)
Hi TH
Is that a new hat?
xx
(I helped save b3ta! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 7 Feb 2014, 13:38, archived)
Oh my god, it is!
I wasn't sure, but now you've mentioned it I like it LOADS more :)
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats ๐ŸŽฉ๐ŸŽฉ, Fri 7 Feb 2014, 13:40, archived)
Fuck off, you desperate, attention-seeking dickwad.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 7 Feb 2014, 14:57, archived)
/ac

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 7 Feb 2014, 14:59, archived)

www.b3tards.com/u/0d2ba503c5487a5f8adb/2014faq.gif
(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 7 Feb 2014, 15:06, archived)
soz...
isn't that why we're here?
(I helped save b3ta! lustreboy making himself laugh since 1973 (tm), Fri 7 Feb 2014, 15:11, archived)
To pour scorn on desperate, attention-seeking dickwads?
Yeah. Probably. Now fuck off.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 7 Feb 2014, 16:00, archived)
awwww, but I want more half arsed bitter ejaculations vaguely aimed in my direction
it's nice and warm :D
(I helped save b3ta! lustreboy making himself laugh since 1973 (tm), Sat 8 Feb 2014, 11:29, archived)
Fuck off back to QOTW.
Then die in a fire.
(I helped save b3ta! stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Fri 7 Feb 2014, 15:28, archived)
this is great
I feel like I've stumbled into the Slaughtered Lamb and Brian Glovers looking daggers at me :)
(I helped save b3ta! lustreboy making himself laugh since 1973 (tm), Fri 7 Feb 2014, 18:45, archived)
nah your just a prick

(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Fri 7 Feb 2014, 19:41, archived)
*softly weeps to the sound of his own ragged torn helm skin flapping with the fapping*

(I helped save b3ta! lustreboy making himself laugh since 1973 (tm), Sat 8 Feb 2014, 11:28, archived)
Kill yourself

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha โ”( ห˜_ห˜)โ”Œ ส…(ฬโ—กโ—)สƒ, Fri 7 Feb 2014, 15:36, archived)
Dad, I told you never to say that in front of my b3ta enemies :p

(I helped save b3ta! lustreboy making himself laugh since 1973 (tm), Fri 7 Feb 2014, 18:47, archived)