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morning
it's feeling a bit more bearable today

b3ta, that is
(I helped save b3ta! Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 7:34, archived)
morning TAH

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 7:43, archived)
how's business?

(I helped save b3ta! Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 7:46, archived)
meh, knackered
you?
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 7:50, archived)
same old, same old

(I helped save b3ta! Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 7:52, archived)
what did you think of Jazz Spastks by the way?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 9:06, archived)
Are you on commission with those pricks or something?

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 9:19, archived)
I just fukkin' love their records and want other people to hear them, IS THAT SO BAD?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 9:26, archived)
Yes.

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 9:29, archived)
Then I apologise profusely, to TAH IN HIS OWN SUBTHREAD, YA FLAMIN' STICKYBEAK!

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 9:35, archived)
I'm even mulling over doing a clubnight just so I can book them.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 9:36, archived)

clubnight just so I can book them big wet splattery shit in my pants
(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:20, archived)
it would still be better than one of your DJ sets

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:24, archived)
big shout out to all my popular page chums

(sticklebrlcks link in bio ❤️🌟❤️, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 12:55, archived)
fucking close here
baby sitting my partners girls while she goes for an 'urgent' mammogram :(
(sticklebrlcks link in bio ❤️🌟❤️, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 8:24, archived)
yikes
fingers crossed
(I helped save b3ta! Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 8:31, archived)
yup
indeed
(sticklebrlcks link in bio ❤️🌟❤️, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 8:45, archived)
oh man :(

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 8:35, archived)
Hopefully they're just being overly cautious

(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 8:49, archived)
aye
hoping it's a precaution
(sticklebrlcks link in bio ❤️🌟❤️, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 8:52, archived)
they don't fuck around when it might be serious
my kid ended up having brain scans because she was getting headaches - she just needed glasses
(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 9:01, archived)
Yeah we really don't like being sued for missing stuff.

(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:40, archived)
hooray it's just a cyst!

(sticklebrlcks link in bio ❤️🌟❤️, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:45, archived)
Excellent news!
I shit myself when they called me in, turned out to be what they call a mouse
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:54, archived)
Us doctors would probably call it a fibroadenoma, unless you mean an actual mouse had gnawed its way into your breast.

(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:56, archived)
Pretty sure I would have noticed that

(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 12:40, archived)
Hooray, glad it wasn't anything more serious. You should use this opportunity to suggest that you carefully examine her breasts every day.
Also you should stress the importance of you regularly examining her for early signs of fanny and arse cancer.
(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:54, archived)
waaaaaaay ahead of you!

(sticklebrlcks link in bio ❤️🌟❤️, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 12:55, archived)
good stuff!

(I helped save b3ta! Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 12:15, archived)
Morning
I'm feeling a bear as I type this
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword now that's fresh, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 8:27, archived)
boh, a bear, a female bear

(I helped save b3ta! Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 8:31, archived)
#dottingham

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 8:35, archived)
lucky you

(sticklebrlcks link in bio ❤️🌟❤️, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 8:46, archived)
Morning
Bit of a breeze here, which is very welcome
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 8:34, archived)
that was me m8

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 8:36, archived)
for real though
I could open the bedroom window this morning without feeling like someone had thrown a wet duvet on my head
(I helped save b3ta! Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 8:37, archived)
I know what you mean
I'm not even hot
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 8:50, archived)
good morning m8-ey

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 8:35, archived)
alright Mr 'Jamaican bacon' chicken

(I helped save b3ta! Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 8:38, archived)
not so bad, not so bad
it was fucking gr8 btw
(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 8:40, archived)
school's out for summer

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 8:48, archived)
thank the lord

(I helped save b3ta! Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 8:48, archived)
oh god when are they going back I've had enough already

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 12:26, archived)
Team GB winning 1-0, come on GB

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword now that's fresh, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 8:54, archived)
GO TEAM GB!

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 9:06, archived)
just don't say anything to upset the Tories
or Priti'll put you in jail for 14 years
(I helped save b3ta! Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 9:09, archived)
Cor!

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 9:15, archived)
She can poke me in the slammer eh phwooar

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword now that's fresh, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 9:16, archived)
body like a dinnerlady though, disappointing

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 9:28, archived)
2-0 GO TEAM GB

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword now that's fresh, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:00, archived)
arseboon dilbaro lol
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-57898473
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 9:52, archived)
outstanding

(I helped save b3ta! Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 9:55, archived)
is it racist to laugh at an amusing name?
Maybe BRB can come and let us all know!
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 9:58, archived)
it depends
if the name contains a racial epithet and you are laughing at that, that might be racist

"arse", however, transcends all boundaries of race, colour and creed
(I helped save b3ta! Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:09, archived)
I'll wait for the expert opinion of renowned racism authority and all-round internet comedy persona 'brb'.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:10, archived)
Surely he would approve of laughing at the other one though, since he's literally called Nazi.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:11, archived)
hey, maybe we can get these newslettered in 'funny name corner'!
If Queef doesn't get there first with one of his hilarious 'customer of the day' updates!
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:14, archived)
not had many good ones lately :(

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:17, archived)
b3ta newsletters, you mean

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:25, archived)
If only rob hadn't banned all the Pato Banton puns,
he'd have had enough material for a year's worth of newsletters.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:32, archived)
he went bancrazy, didn't he?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:41, archived)
Rob always used to put my 'top tips' in the newsletter.
I mean they'd never have been good enough to be published in Viz where he stole the idea from but it was nice to get some approval.
(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:50, archived)
I got one of my QOTW entries newslettered, cannae mind what it was tho lol

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:51, archived)
bullshit, you had it printed and framed

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 11:09, archived)
it's on a huge canvas hanging above the settee in my lounge.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 11:12, archived)
*Herbert Lom eye tic*

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 11:45, archived)
I'll pass you a serviette, there must be a speck of dust in yr eye or something

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 11:48, archived)
er, there is a racial epithet in his name mate

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:26, archived)
not one I'm familiar with then

(I helped save b3ta! Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:33, archived)
If the pint you like gives you that bit more, you can bet it's Arseboon Dilbaro

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword now that's fresh, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:15, archived)
I can't not hear it like that now

(I helped save b3ta! Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:25, archived)
At first I was like "Student murdered in watch robbery attempt near Harrods... I don't get it".
Then I read down and I was like "haha arseboon".
It's funny because it sounds like "our spoon".
(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:45, archived)
no mate it's funny because it contains a funny word meaning the buttocks and anus!

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:50, archived)
well actually I think you'll find it's funnier than that.
Whilst you correctly identify that 'arse' can refer to the peri-anal region the word 'boon' can mean either 'a thing that is helpful or beneficial' or 'a favour or request'
So his name could literally be translated as 'anal favour'!
(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 11:01, archived)
it's also a contraction of 'baboon', and used as a racial epithet.
So his name means 'racist peri-anal region'!
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 21 Jul 2021, 11:04, archived)
Morning. I think we're acclimatising to it. By the end of the week 30 degrees will probably feel quite comfortable.
Just in time for the temperature to plummet and rain to set in.

I'm the fucking nanny again today cos the one that actually gets paid to do it is self isolating.
(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:42, archived)
acclimatising might make it bearable
the hardest thing has been this whole mild-mild-mild-ROASTING nonsense
(I helped save b3ta! Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 10:44, archived)

n f
(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 11:48, archived)

www.imdb.com/title/tt0107612/
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 12:52, archived)

www.imdb.com/title/tt1446137/
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword now that's fresh, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 13:36, archived)

www.imdb.com/title/tt1674223/
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword now that's fresh, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 13:37, archived)
hahahahah

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 21 Jul 2021, 17:29, archived)