GEOSTORM
Sorry, I meant to say 'hullo'
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 16 Apr 2026, 12:06, archived)

Hi

(THE MONGDADDY Wibble jib-jib!, Thu 16 Apr 2026, 12:07, archived)

no m8

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 16 Apr 2026, 12:13, archived)

hi

( MiseryCunt sometimes the squirrel catches the dog, Thu 16 Apr 2026, 19:25, archived)

You be the judge: should my girlfriend change the way she bags her supermarket shopping?
We hope you’re appreciating these factual, verified, up-to-the-minute news updates provided by our expert reporters.
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 16 Apr 2026, 12:22, archived)

Alright Adrian Chiles

(THE MONGDADDY Wibble jib-jib!, Thu 16 Apr 2026, 12:25, archived)

Would you consider chipping in to support us - or allowing ads on our site?
Don't worry if you can't decide right now, we'll ask you again at every page load.
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 16 Apr 2026, 12:29, archived)

Adrian Chiles's dog menaced my kid, he can go fuck himself.

(THE MONGDADDY Wibble jib-jib!, Thu 16 Apr 2026, 12:33, archived)

At least he didn't read you one of his articles, I'd say you got off light

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 16 Apr 2026, 12:35, archived)

True

(THE MONGDADDY Wibble jib-jib!, Thu 16 Apr 2026, 13:05, archived)

Seeing my unruly dog menacing a stranger's child reminded me of a particularly amusing postcard I received in the 80's

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 16 Apr 2026, 13:43, archived)

I expect you had to be there.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 16 Apr 2026, 14:24, archived)

No, Mr Bond, +

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Thu 16 Apr 2026, 16:25, archived)

ahh yes, the column that has an ironic cult following for being so unutterably shit

( vladimir The Days Pass Quickly Immersed in the Shadow of Et, Thu 16 Apr 2026, 18:31, archived)

no apostrophe? who are you again?

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 16 Apr 2026, 12:37, archived)

This sounds like a job for Adrian
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Thu 16 Apr 2026, 12:45, archived)

"Adrian’s snapshot of the billboard ad" My god the man's a photographer too!
mans'
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 16 Apr 2026, 13:22, archived)

The Guardian has something many news organisations today don’t: guaranteed independence. With no billionaire or large corporate owner, our journalists are free to report without interference. Our role is to hold power to account, not answer to it.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Thu 16 Apr 2026, 14:14, archived)

they're all swanning around on x the cunts

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 16 Apr 2026, 17:01, archived)

pfffffflol

( vladimir The Days Pass Quickly Immersed in the Shadow of Et, Thu 16 Apr 2026, 18:29, archived)

it's a newspaper, not a snoozepaper

( MiseryCunt sometimes the squirrel catches the dog, Thu 16 Apr 2026, 21:52, archived)

I've got a terrible hangover:(
I'm just not myself today
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 16 Apr 2026, 13:25, archived)

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a pair of curtains!
Quieten down you mad cunt Queef's got a hangover.
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 16 Apr 2026, 13:36, archived)

s'ympathy apo'strophe

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 16 Apr 2026, 12:39, archived)

Thank's

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 16 Apr 2026, 13:28, archived)

RECTAL TATTOOIST
I mean, hi.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Thu 16 Apr 2026, 13:25, archived)

BOTCHED PENIS ENHANCEMENT SURGERY
tl;dr hi
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 16 Apr 2026, 13:29, archived)

Is this about some planet in fucking star wars

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 16 Apr 2026, 13:37, archived)

I WENT TO THE MOON

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 16 Apr 2026, 14:18, archived)

I had a tattoo and it brought me out in an evil crusty rash,
wretched hives of scum and villiany
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Thu 16 Apr 2026, 14:41, archived)

Not exactly rectal
But I do have a tattoo on my bum
( Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Thu 16 Apr 2026, 18:00, archived)

Lots of new product requests today,
someone asked if we can make them prefilled botox syringes, I managed to spin a polite reply out of "no, fuck off lol"
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Thu 16 Apr 2026, 14:40, archived)

I see those fat jabs are out of patent* in India now
*or whatever the term is

So now they're super cheap there. My wife's mate has been told by her doc to get on them following fucked guts/stoma/surgery to aid recovery. Seems to be a few hundred quid a month. Will they get cheaper over here at some point?
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 16 Apr 2026, 14:53, archived)

Probably at some point, but don't hold your breath.
Unless you're trying to get into your jeans lol
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Thu 16 Apr 2026, 15:13, archived)

Fizzy bum arse pops

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 16 Apr 2026, 15:07, archived)

So true m8

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 16 Apr 2026, 15:51, archived)

SMEGGY TAINT, yeah?

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 16 Apr 2026, 16:02, archived)

Hell yeah

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 16 Apr 2026, 16:35, archived)

James sub-Prime

(THE MONGDADDY Wibble jib-jib!, Thu 16 Apr 2026, 16:45, archived)

Hello

( Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Thu 16 Apr 2026, 17:59, archived)