I've been told I need a colonoscopy.
So at least I've got that to look forward to.
( Octo I ruin everything., Thu 30 Apr 2026, 12:52, Reply)

I think you'll find you need to look behind you.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 12:55, Reply)

So I'll be looking forwards, but they will be looking behind?
Gotcha
( Octo I ruin everything., Thu 30 Apr 2026, 12:59, Reply)

It's great, you get to look at your own insides live on a screen

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:36, Reply)

It's great, right up until the moment someone yells "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!?"

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:37, Reply)

oh that's where i left my...

( MiseryCunt sometimes the squirrel catches the dog, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 19:55, Reply)

I assume its like Inner Space

( Octo I ruin everything., Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:46, Reply)

I can tell from your comments here that you are fine, some of us are doctors

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 12:59, Reply)

prOcto

(THE MONGDADDY Wibble jib-jib!, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 13:11, Reply)

vg

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 13:19, Reply)

Claps
My wife wants to be there when the camera goes up my bum. I said 'I hope it's not a Nikon'
( Octo I ruin everything., Thu 30 Apr 2026, 14:23, Reply)

i hope it has a zoom lens with a variable aperture
WIDE ANGLE, OBVS
( MiseryCunt sometimes the squirrel catches the dog, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 14:56, Reply)

Hubble Space Telescope FTW.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 30 Apr 2026, 14:56, Reply)

Well that's a successful insertion, now let's deploy the solar array, 250m wingspan, we call it The Dilator

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:05, Reply)

because you die later

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:06, Reply)

Probably not that much later.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:12, Reply)

Double, double
Toil and trouble
Anally-inserted Hubble
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:34, Reply)

For some reason my colleague always called it a 'telescope'.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:19, Reply)

It is also a camera, though.
Just one with an absolute heckin chonker of a telephoto lens.
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 30 Apr 2026, 16:49, Reply)

well the main thing is that it's massive and is going to be forcibly inserted into octo's arse.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 18:53, Reply)

I'm sure we can all agree that that's the import thing here.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 30 Apr 2026, 19:51, Reply)

I'll do it for a tenner

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 13:12, Reply)

We used to do bowel prep & booster medication for capsule endoscopies,
where you swallow a capsule fitted with a light and two cameras, it takes thousands of pictures and transmits them to a receiver worn round your waist. You then shit out the capsule and send the receiver away, and they examine your photos.

Pros: it can be administered anywhere, not just in a hospital endoscopy unit; it's much less invasive.

Cons: jury still seems to be out on how reliable it is (a lot of endoscopy folk really don't seem to trust it); the halfwits screening the patients kept neglecting to confirm their postal addresses, so we kept having medication returned undelivered because they'd put the wrong address on the prescription; the company administering the scheme in partnership with the NHS went into liquidation last year without telling us, so it came to a rather abrupt end.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:43, Reply)

Yikes.
Nice to know everyone in the service is talking to each other *cough*
( Octo I ruin everything., Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:48, Reply)