b3ta.com talk
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Home » Talk » Message 8473728

Good afternoon, penis's'
Lovely sunny one here
(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a ๐Ÿ””๐Ÿ”š, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 12:43, Reply)
I've been told I need a colonoscopy.
So at least I've got that to look forward to.
(I helped save b3ta! Octo I ruin everything., Thu 30 Apr 2026, 12:52, Reply)
I think you'll find you need to look behind you.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 12:55, Reply)
So I'll be looking forwards, but they will be looking behind?
Gotcha
(I helped save b3ta! Octo I ruin everything., Thu 30 Apr 2026, 12:59, Reply)
It's great, you get to look at your own insides live on a screen

(I helped save b3ta! mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:36, Reply)
It's great, right up until the moment someone yells "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!?"

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:37, Reply)
oh that's where i left my...

(I helped save b3ta! MiseryCunt sometimes the squirrel catches the dog, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 19:55, Reply)
I assume its like Inner Space

(I helped save b3ta! Octo I ruin everything., Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:46, Reply)
I can tell from your comments here that you are fine, some of us are doctors

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha โ”( ห˜_ห˜)โ”Œ ส…(ฬโ—กโ—)สƒ, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 12:59, Reply)
prOcto

(THE MONGDADDY Wibble jib-jib!, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 13:11, Reply)
vg

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha โ”( ห˜_ห˜)โ”Œ ส…(ฬโ—กโ—)สƒ, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 13:19, Reply)
Claps
My wife wants to be there when the camera goes up my bum. I said 'I hope it's not a Nikon'
(I helped save b3ta! Octo I ruin everything., Thu 30 Apr 2026, 14:23, Reply)
i hope it has a zoom lens with a variable aperture
WIDE ANGLE, OBVS
(I helped save b3ta! MiseryCunt sometimes the squirrel catches the dog, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 14:56, Reply)
Hubble Space Telescope FTW.

(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 30 Apr 2026, 14:56, Reply)
Well that's a successful insertion, now let's deploy the solar array, 250m wingspan, we call it The Dilator

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha โ”( ห˜_ห˜)โ”Œ ส…(ฬโ—กโ—)สƒ, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:05, Reply)
because you die later

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha โ”( ห˜_ห˜)โ”Œ ส…(ฬโ—กโ—)สƒ, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:06, Reply)
Probably not that much later.

(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:12, Reply)
Double, double
Toil and trouble
Anally-inserted Hubble
(I helped save b3ta! Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:34, Reply)
For some reason my colleague always called it a 'telescope'.

(I helped save b3ta! 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:19, Reply)
It is also a camera, though.
Just one with an absolute heckin chonker of a telephoto lens.
(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 30 Apr 2026, 16:49, Reply)
well the main thing is that it's massive and is going to be forcibly inserted into octo's arse.

(I helped save b3ta! 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 18:53, Reply)
I'm sure we can all agree that that's the import thing here.

(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 30 Apr 2026, 19:51, Reply)
I'll do it for a tenner

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a ๐Ÿ””๐Ÿ”š, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 13:12, Reply)
We used to do bowel prep & booster medication for capsule endoscopies,
where you swallow a capsule fitted with a light and two cameras, it takes thousands of pictures and transmits them to a receiver worn round your waist. You then shit out the capsule and send the receiver away, and they examine your photos.

Pros: it can be administered anywhere, not just in a hospital endoscopy unit; it's much less invasive.

Cons: jury still seems to be out on how reliable it is (a lot of endoscopy folk really don't seem to trust it); the halfwits screening the patients kept neglecting to confirm their postal addresses, so we kept having medication returned undelivered because they'd put the wrong address on the prescription; the company administering the scheme in partnership with the NHS went into liquidation last year without telling us, so it came to a rather abrupt end.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:43, Reply)
Yikes.
Nice to know everyone in the service is talking to each other *cough*
(I helped save b3ta! Octo I ruin everything., Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:48, Reply)
Ded (from Gone Fishing)

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 12:54, Reply)
Lovely sunny penis eh?

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha โ”( ห˜_ห˜)โ”Œ ส…(ฬโ—กโ—)สƒ, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 12:57, Reply)

eh

Turtle power!
(THE MONGDADDY Wibble jib-jib!, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 13:09, Reply)
Correct

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a ๐Ÿ””๐Ÿ”š, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 13:12, Reply)
I suggest perching some sunglasses atop the old chap

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha โ”( ห˜_ห˜)โ”Œ ส…(ฬโ—กโ—)สƒ, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 13:52, Reply)
Today sucks
Meant to be going out to celebrate dad's birthday today, after him getting out of hospital on Tuesday. This morning, mum was admitted with pneumonia and everything is cancelled. She thinks it's her fault, so she's even more upset and dad is spending his birthday in the hospital after all.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 13:56, Reply)
Ach, that's rough.
Hope they both make a break for it soon and can enjoy a small glass of sherry for belated celebrations.
(I helped save b3ta! garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 14:06, Reply)
Visiting hours finishes at 7
So dad will likely take himself off for a pint or two
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:26, Reply)
shit. sorry smash that sucks

(I helped save b3ta! MiseryCunt sometimes the squirrel catches the dog, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 14:08, Reply)
Just packed a bag for her
Made sure she's got snacks and her charger, as well as pyjamas, underwear, etc.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:24, Reply)
Antibiotics will hopefully fix the sick and make her good

(I helped save b3ta! garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 16:12, Reply)
I hope so
I'm so stressed that I've resorted to my dad's gummies.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 21:17, Reply)
:(

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a ๐Ÿ””๐Ÿ”š, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 14:55, Reply)
Sorry to hear that.
My mum just got out after spending 57 days in hospital for a stroke.
(I helped save b3ta! Octo I ruin everything., Thu 30 Apr 2026, 14:56, Reply)
Glad she's feeling better
Mum is not the most patient of people, so being stuck in hospital is going to drive her mental. Hopefully, they'll send her home tomorrow, if antibiotics can sort it
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:22, Reply)
Windy here, sunny tho. I'm hoping trump waits 6 days before kicking off again. Got to go Qatar

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 13:57, Reply)
I reckon you're ok, he's bored with it now, who really knows though

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha โ”( ห˜_ห˜)โ”Œ ส…(ฬโ—กโ—)สƒ, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 13:57, Reply)
Doesn't the cease fire end tomorrow? Who knows what that nutter will be told to do by Bibi next. Bibi needs the wars or he's prison bound, if cancer don't get him first

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 14:05, Reply)
Oh wow, imagine if Netihahaa got arrested and died of cancer on the way to prison
that'd be... tragic.
(I helped save b3ta! garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 14:08, Reply)
Or got run over *just* before he was about to die of cancer.

(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 30 Apr 2026, 14:57, Reply)
trump has dementia he won't remember there's a war on.
didn't america depose the old iranian leader for... reasons... and basically cause all this shit anyway? fucking wankers. they love blowing up other people's countries. oh my towers. fuck off you fat dirty filthy american pigdogs
(I helped save b3ta! MiseryCunt sometimes the squirrel catches the dog, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 14:09, Reply)
mofaha's alright tho

(I helped save b3ta! MiseryCunt sometimes the squirrel catches the dog, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 14:12, Reply)
he's a londoner though

(piss and shit, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 14:45, Reply)
yeah well, fuckin london this lahndahn that
know what i mean
(I helped save b3ta! MiseryCunt sometimes the squirrel catches the dog, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 14:58, Reply)
me neither

(I helped save b3ta! MiseryCunt sometimes the squirrel catches the dog, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:00, Reply)
BP were furious the puppet governance they installed decided Iranian oil wasn't British petroleum. So the Shah was reinstated. He was a cunt. Been hard line Muslim since. Shame, Persian culture is way cool

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 14:16, Reply)
Nice grub, amazing history, hashish

(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a ๐Ÿ””๐Ÿ”š, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 14:57, Reply)
100% agree mate

(I helped save b3ta! MiseryCunt sometimes the squirrel catches the dog, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:00, Reply)
I think BP doubling their profits this quarter will have settled them down a bit, things have a funny way of working out when you've got billions to play with

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha โ”( ห˜_ห˜)โ”Œ ส…(ฬโ—กโ—)สƒ, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:03, Reply)
Oh I'm going back 100 years of BP in Iran. They were controlling it.

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:48, Reply)
TAPS AFF

(THE MONGDADDY Wibble jib-jib!, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 14:58, Reply)
Should probably call a plumber then

(I helped save b3ta! Cheers Cheers, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:18, Reply)
In my appraisal, appraiser has gone for a coffee break. Any suggestions for Professional Development Plan items for when she gets back?

(I helped save b3ta! 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:16, Reply)
Beat shipman's kill count, no matter what

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 15:39, Reply)
ixnay on the urderingpatientsmay

(I helped save b3ta! 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 18:50, Reply)
Say 'develop *this*, m8'
And point at your crotch
(I helped save b3ta! Queef Smegwin U r a ๐Ÿ””๐Ÿ”š, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 17:02, Reply)
It's a teams meeting so I'll have to angle the camera down so she can see what I'm pointing at
and zoom in.
(I helped save b3ta! 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 30 Apr 2026, 18:57, Reply)