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# Self-checkout
(scruffygit has an enormous clock -, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:05, archived)
# I can sorta see Goatse on the mirrored surface at the back.
(I helped save b3ta! Bourbon Fox Bourbon is a moron, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:06, archived)
# hehe. I see it too.
Unintentional
(scruffygit has an enormous clock -, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:07, archived)
# Ghostse
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:15, archived)
# The spooky sphincter.
(I helped save b3ta! Bourbon Fox Bourbon is a moron, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:15, archived)
# The Spectral Rectum
(I helped save b3ta! Photoshop Bitch 2014 edition, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:17, archived)
# The Creepy Cloaca.
(I helped save b3ta! Bourbon Fox Bourbon is a moron, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:17, archived)
# The astral anus
(scruffygit has an enormous clock -, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:18, archived)
# phantom fat bum
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:19, archived)
# The shuddersome shitter.
(I helped save b3ta! Bourbon Fox Bourbon is a moron, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:19, archived)
# I was going to suggest the Galactic Gastric Passage, but that's both biologically inaccurate and doesn't reference the ethereal.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:21, archived)
# I guess it's gone from ethereal adjectives to creepy/repulsive ones.
Like Beastly Bumhole.
(I helped save b3ta! Bourbon Fox Bourbon is a moron, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:24, archived)
# Also, spelled badly.
How about the scary scat pipe?
(scruffygit has an enormous clock -, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:24, archived)
# Or the Shocking Shitcave?
(I helped save b3ta! Bourbon Fox Bourbon is a moron, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:29, archived)
# Sepulchral sphincter.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:31, archived)
# Terrifying Tailpipe.
(I helped save b3ta! Bourbon Fox Bourbon is a moron, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:32, archived)
# La derriere diabolique
(I helped save b3ta! Photoshop Bitch 2014 edition, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:36, archived)
# the ashen asshole
(scruffygit has an enormous clock -, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:38, archived)
# Beastly bottom.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:39, archived)
# Kooky Keister.
(I helped save b3ta! Bourbon Fox Bourbon is a moron, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:39, archived)
# Spooky poo quay
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:31, archived)
# Hahaha! :D
(I helped save b3ta! Bourbon Fox Bourbon is a moron, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:32, archived)
# The bedevilled bumhole
(I helped save b3ta! Photoshop Bitch 2014 edition, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:31, archived)
# I missed a c. If we're being picky "Also, spelled badly." has no subject and is therefore grammatically lacking in the sentence department.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:29, archived)
# Informal speech doesn't have to be grammatically correct
so nur.
(scruffygit has an enormous clock -, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:32, archived)
# This isn't speech. This is text.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:38, archived)
# It's still informal. The same rules apply.
Trust me. I'm a Professor of Linguistics at the University of Glasgow.

Just kidding. No-one in Glasgow know any f*cking thing about speaking properly...
(scruffygit has an enormous clock -, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:41, archived)
# linguistics, glasgow?
of all the universities to make up being a linguistcs professor at, you chose glasgow
(I helped save b3ta! real i'm not happy 'til you're not happy, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:46, archived)
# Just the first university that came to mind.
I find making up random facts to be quite refreshing.

Did you know that Shakespeare invented the word Elbow?
(scruffygit has an enormous clock -, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:50, archived)
# i was just on the wind up, as you might well've been a uni prof.
you wouldn't be the only one on b3ta
however, i was doubtful because you said professor
(I helped save b3ta! real i'm not happy 'til you're not happy, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:59, archived)
# Nigel J Leask?
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:47, archived)
# Yeah, didn't think so.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:49, archived)
# Ah, but I had you going for a while
and that's making me giggle.
(scruffygit has an enormous clock -, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:50, archived)
#
www.gla.ac.uk/stafflist/?action=list&id=10200000
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:51, archived)
# Have you googled Megan Coyer?
Yummy...
(scruffygit has an enormous clock -, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:55, archived)
# Is this you, then?
www.gla.ac.uk/schools/critical/staff/jeremysmith/
Edit: Bugger, I'm too slow and methodical in my research, so not first to publish!
(I helped save b3ta! RedHouse over yonder, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:53, archived)
# That's english fucking philosophy.
ed: Oh no, you may be closer than I was. I had linguistics down as in the School of Critical Study, which only has the one Professor.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:53, archived)
# No, you're right about the school
but you chose the head, not the sole professor
www.gla.ac.uk/schools/critical/staff/
(I helped save b3ta! RedHouse over yonder, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:57, archived)
# WHY IS YOUR LIST SO DAMN LONG?
www.gla.ac.uk/stafflist/?action=list&id=10200000
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:58, archived)
# Don't be jealous, Mu
Length isn't everything
(I helped save b3ta! RedHouse over yonder, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 1:11, archived)
# Wait, why does that list him critical studies when my list of staff in the school of critical studies shows only three professors, two of which aren't based at Glasgow? Fusakes.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:57, archived)
# No. I was lying about being a Professor to trick Mu
You are merely collateral damage, I'm afraid...
(scruffygit has an enormous clock -, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:56, archived)
# No no. This is now a matter of principle.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 1:00, archived)
# Fair enough.
Would it help if I went back and edited the post to say Lancaster University?
(scruffygit has an enormous clock -, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 1:05, archived)
# NIght night all.
Must get to sleep. Early lecture tomorrow and all that...
(scruffygit has an enormous clock -, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 1:10, archived)
# Yes, I'd believe that
www.ling.lancs.ac.uk/profiles/J-Charles-Alderson/
(I helped save b3ta! RedHouse over yonder, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 1:14, archived)
# What's going to disappear?
PLACE BETS NOW!
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:07, archived)
# That cucumber
(scruffygit has an enormous clock -, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:07, archived)
# it was never there in the first place
I'M ON TO YOU!
(I helped save b3ta! PedroHin Come along & ride on a Flantastic Voyage, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:10, archived)
# I miss Banzai :(
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:07, archived)
# ^THIS
I think it's still on sometimes, but at like 3am.
(I helped save b3ta! Bourbon Fox Bourbon is a moron, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:08, archived)
# Not as good as Ninja Warrior
(scruffygit has an enormous clock -, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:12, archived)
# I can't get into that. I rather much prefer Takeshi's Castle, to be brutally honest.
(I helped save b3ta! Bourbon Fox Bourbon is a moron, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:15, archived)
# I used to love Takeshis
then I found out that there's actually loads of winners and they just don't bother saying it on the UK version...
(scruffygit has an enormous clock -, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:16, archived)
# I remember saying I wanted to be on it
but then I realized it had all been recorded in, like, 1986.
(I helped save b3ta! Bourbon Fox Bourbon is a moron, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:18, archived)
# There was an awful lot of randomness in it though, which was a bit poo
(I helped save b3ta! Photoshop Bitch 2014 edition, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:26, archived)
# It's actually random.
When the edited episodes ran short they just cut in bits from other episodes. That's why you sometimes see people going out, then reappearing a few minutes later..
(scruffygit has an enormous clock -, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:27, archived)
# Yeah, I think the British edit was really more about the Craig Charles voiceover
and seeing people fall in the water and suchlike, rather than being a coherent gameshow

Edit: Btw I meant that some of the games were literally random, for example where they had to choose which hole to go down.
(I helped save b3ta! Photoshop Bitch 2014 edition, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:29, archived)
# ^This. It's like it's edited with a garden strimmer.
(I helped save b3ta! Bourbon Fox Bourbon is a moron, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:30, archived)
# That's why I like ninja warrior better.
Climbing 20 feet along a ledge on your fingertips = bloody hard
(scruffygit has an enormous clock -, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:34, archived)
# Aye, it's a lot more physically demanding than Takeshi's Castle. It reminds me quite a bit of Gladiators, I must say.
(I helped save b3ta! Bourbon Fox Bourbon is a moron, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:36, archived)
# NW makes Gladiators look like a bunch of oily boys
prancing about with oversize cotton buds...
(scruffygit has an enormous clock -, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:39, archived)
# Thinking back, it definitely does.
Haven't seen either in quite some time, shall have to get right on it!
(I helped save b3ta! Bourbon Fox Bourbon is a moron, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 1:29, archived)
# I worry that the joke
is too subtle.
(scruffygit has an enormous clock -, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:08, archived)
# KY and a cucumber.
I get it. It's a task set by doms. They get their subs to go and buy lube, condoms and a cucumber from the supermarket, and nothing else.
The self-checkout is, of course, cheating.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:09, archived)
# I'd like everyone to note the shadow effects on the box and the table.
Actually took me quite a while to bugger those up...
(scruffygit has an enormous clock -, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:11, archived)
# Post that in a new thread at the top of /board. Then everyone will see.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:12, archived)
# At least it's not some scrawl I did about how I like to shag my lego or something...
(scruffygit has an enormous clock -, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:13, archived)
# Hey, I doodle and post crude images of rainbow dinosaurs. I'm not one to judge.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:15, archived)
# Ah, but I've never had a front page.
I bow to your greatness.
(scruffygit has an enormous clock -, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:19, archived)
# I just made a post so long no one could ignore it thus netting lots of attention.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:22, archived)
#
long bursting with hummus
The chain of woos was longer
(I helped save b3ta! RedHouse over yonder, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:25, archived)
# Woo!
(scruffygit has an enormous clock -, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:51, archived)
# I'll stick with RIS images for a while,
See where that gets me...
(scruffygit has an enormous clock -, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:25, archived)
# That Dom Joly, he's such a rascal
(I helped save b3ta! Photoshop Bitch 2014 edition, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:12, archived)
# HELLO? I'M IN THE SUPERMARKET...
NO IT'S SHIT! JUST BUYING A CUCUMBER TO BUGGER MYSELF WITH LATER!
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:15, archived)
# I actually lol'd at that one
(scruffygit has an enormous clock -, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:49, archived)
# This is why I use tesco.com
SHIT!
(I helped save b3ta! tim1701 I have no board signature!!!!!, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:16, archived)
# I think I got your order by accident...
Was it you that ordered a pack of KY, a box of tissues and a Hannah Montana DVD?
(scruffygit has an enormous clock -, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:17, archived)
# NO! how dare you!
It was Jades' workout video!

I may be a sexual pervert, but I'm not a nonce!
(I helped save b3ta! tim1701 I have no board signature!!!!!, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:24, archived)
# I heard she's lost a bit of weight recently.
(scruffygit has an enormous clock -, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:26, archived)
# She looks better for it too.
(I helped save b3ta! tim1701 I have no board signature!!!!!, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:26, archived)
# Dying on Mother's Day was a stroke of marketing genius
You've got to hand it to Max Clifford. He knows how to get his clients some publicity...
(scruffygit has an enormous clock -, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:28, archived)
# HER FACE
(I helped save b3ta! Bourbon Fox Bourbon is a moron, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:07, archived)
# No harm done then, she's not a looker.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:08, archived)
# I dunno, could always be worse.
(I helped save b3ta! Bourbon Fox Bourbon is a moron, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:11, archived)
# the cuecumber
right up her jacksy.

*QI klaxon*
(I helped save b3ta! Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:21, archived)
# What's a cuecumber?
(scruffygit has an enormous clock -, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:29, archived)
#
humor.beecy.net/songs/yogi-bear-song/
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:32, archived)
# A very long, thin member of the gourd family
used in playing billiards
(I helped save b3ta! RedHouse over yonder, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:33, archived)
# ^this
(I helped save b3ta! Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 1:15, archived)
# Of course!
She'd never run those two items by a checkout clerk
(I helped save b3ta! RedHouse over yonder, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:08, archived)
# Not together, certainly...
(scruffygit has an enormous clock -, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:09, archived)
#
See above.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:10, archived)
# I would, as an elaborate prank.
I've known people to buy KY jelly, a box of tissues and a Hannah Montana DVD all in one go.
(I helped save b3ta! Bourbon Fox Bourbon is a moron, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:12, archived)
# What do you mean, prank?
(scruffygit has an enormous clock -, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:12, archived)
# it wasn't a prank. your friends are perverts, LOL
(I helped save b3ta! PedroHin Come along & ride on a Flantastic Voyage, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:13, archived)
# Well, more a friend of a friend; one of my merkin friends before I stopped talking to her.
Her mates were a bit... weird.
(I helped save b3ta! Bourbon Fox Bourbon is a moron, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:17, archived)
# Why, they sound perfectly charming.
Maybe your standards are too high?
(scruffygit has an enormous clock -, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:20, archived)
# Luckily I don't keep (and never have kept) much contact with them.
And let me put it this way; the reason me and merkin girl don't talk any more, is because I laughed when she drew a beard on her face.

She's trying to become a man.

And failing.
(I helped save b3ta! Bourbon Fox Bourbon is a moron, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:28, archived)
# Next time make it a courgette. Or some kind of marrow.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:17, archived)
# i'd go for the whole corgy
(I helped save b3ta! PedroHin Come along & ride on a Flantastic Voyage, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:19, archived)
# Do they sell corgies in the supermarket?
Doesn't the Queen object?
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:23, archived)
# i got me one
(I helped save b3ta! PedroHin Come along & ride on a Flantastic Voyage, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:23, archived)
# KY jelly
and a baguette
(I helped save b3ta! RedHouse over yonder, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:23, archived)
# Yeasty, for her pleasure
(scruffygit has an enormous clock -, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:37, archived)
# *taps nose knowingly*
(I helped save b3ta! Bourbon Fox Bourbon is a moron, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:40, archived)
# Self service shirley!
(I helped save b3ta! tim1701 I have no board signature!!!!!, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:14, archived)
# i especially like the goatse reference in the mirrors
(I helped save b3ta! PedroHin Come along & ride on a Flantastic Voyage, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:15, archived)
# what's with these?
Some sort of unfunny bandwagon with barely any shopping?
(I helped save b3ta! taters Bah weep grahnah weep ninibong, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:28, archived)
# There does appear to be a certain "shopping-y" theme to my most recent posts.
I can assure you that this was the intended joke and all the other stuff was me just having some fun.
(scruffygit has an enormous clock -, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:36, archived)
# Relax taters. Don't get your spuds in a mash.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:41, archived)
# I am a one man bandwagon.
Visions of knee cymbals and a harmonica.
(scruffygit has an enormous clock -, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:44, archived)
# Give me your clothes, your boots and your lubricant.
(I helped save b3ta! tim1701 I have no board signature!!!!!, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:39, archived)
# I'll be (in the) back (side)
(scruffygit has an enormous clock -, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:42, archived)
# Apropos of making a cut out...
(I helped save b3ta! tim1701 I have no board signature!!!!!, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:51, archived)
# Speaking of bandwagons
don't let this be one...
(scruffygit has an enormous clock -, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:52, archived)
# awww, i haven't started one yet.
(I helped save b3ta! tim1701 I have no board signature!!!!!, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 0:57, archived)
# The night is still young..
(scruffygit has an enormous clock -, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 1:00, archived)
# *jumps on*
where's this wagon going then?
(I helped save b3ta! real i'm not happy 'til you're not happy, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 1:26, archived)
# Rumor has it that Arnie has a little pickle
not a big cucumber...
(scruffygit has an enormous clock -, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 1:29, archived)
# but you went to bed, perfesser!
(I helped save b3ta! RedHouse over yonder, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 1:28, archived)
# i was woken
By rowdy students.
(scruffygit has an enormous clock -, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 7:41, archived)
# Live with me if you want to cum
(I helped save b3ta! RedHouse over yonder, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 1:26, archived)
# I don't get it
(macroscian (1 like), Wed 23 Nov 2011, 12:51, archived)