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can I have a photoshop of this please...

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_439005.html

(nic*, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 11:18, archived)

you got any cheese mate?

(

AndyK, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 11:43, archived)

Fantastic

Ahhhhh, I see, I must have been mishearing those strangely friendly people in nightclubs all those years ago.
Andy, you are a man of rare genius, it has to be said.

(

crab_bloke), Tue 6 Nov 2001, 11:47, archived)

drugs and the prodigy bad for mice?

Oh no! I gave birth while under the influence of both... Do you think it was all part of the same experiment? Is that why the boy came out all freaked out then? Worry,worry,worry...

(

Wifey, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 15:14, archived)

Pep

can you make me a card crab to put on my head so i can video myself really being the crab of ineffable wisdom looking like this please please pleeeeeease?

or if pep can't would anybody else? i really want to video myself really being the crab of ineffable wisdom in real life.

(

crab_bloke), Tue 6 Nov 2001, 11:17, archived)

rob mentioned this and I would LOVE to

I really would - we even discussed joints for limbs and everything, but i can't do it this week - if you can wait tho - I will do it... if you can't - anyone?

(

pep, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 11:18, archived)

Sounds like fun

I can only make crap things that fall down out of cardboard though...

(

Wifey, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 11:22, archived)

Hooray!

Thanks Pep, I'll wait. This is going to be so cool. The plan- I video me with a card crab on my head being ineffably wise. I send the tape to Steven Spielberg. The Crab of Ineffable Wisdom becomes the hero of a trilogy of classic good-vs-evil films involving crabs.
Then, the brotherhood of man will finally live together in peace and harmony, united under the banner of the crab.
Hoorah!

(

crab_bloke), Tue 6 Nov 2001, 11:30, archived)

The Brotherhood of Man are going to be in it?

fantastic.
I used to love them. WOOH!

(

pep, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 11:32, archived)

Here they are

this is live from my shed, where they have been constantly dancing and singing "save all your kisses for me" since 1976.

(

crab_bloke), Tue 6 Nov 2001, 11:52, archived)

skill!

I'll be round after I've been to Nicey's & The Wife's for chicken soup.

(

pep, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 12:51, archived)

Things that fall down made out of cardboard

Hmm, ever thought of becoming an architect. All I've ever built (apart from my kitchen that is) was out of cardboard and has since fallen down.

(

chthonic, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 11:44, archived)

i made a fish

out of paper mache once. it was yellow and red. does that count?

(

crab_bloke), Tue 6 Nov 2001, 11:54, archived)

Hmmm. Paper mache..

I may have to get into that again. Just need to get some paste then we'll be in business..

(

Wifey, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 15:08, archived)

flour and water?

or super glue? which is best for paper mache to be used by small children?

(

crab_bloke), Tue 6 Nov 2001, 15:30, archived)

I was thinking of wallpaper paste

But you're probably right about the flour and water. I shall try that. Superglue could be a laugh though..

(

Wifey, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 15:39, archived)

flour and water always worked fine

as I recall, and had the added benefit of being essentially edible, which can't be a bad thing.

(

crab_bloke), Tue 6 Nov 2001, 16:44, archived)

also you can fashion stuff out of bread

that really salty bread that after you bake it goes rock hard and then you can like, varnish it and stuff.

(

pep, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 16:54, archived)

Food Fun

Heat a test tube of oxygen-rich sodium chlorate, chuck in a single jelly baby and the tube will erupt in a violent spurt of yellow flame.
"It usually leaves the room smelling of candy floss" says Ken Kosanke.
I'll have to try that. Anyone got any sodium chlorate?

(

crab_bloke), Tue 6 Nov 2001, 17:35, archived)

my dad used to make ammonium tri-iodide

or something at home in the kitchen as a boy. It explodes on contact and was good for stopping cats eating fish out of the pond.
mind you, he also made tear gas.
and gelignite. Then spent my childhood days lamenting chemistry wasn't as much fun as it used to be.

(

pep, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 17:54, archived)

Cool

when I was a teenager me and my friends had a period (which went on for years to be honest) of developing increasingly sophisticated pyrotechnics based on agricultural bird-scarers, model rocket motors and petrol. We made some fantastically good stuff. I miss those days sometimes. I'm sure I could remember how to do all that stuff if needs be. I want to make a 30 minute video based around exploding fluffy toys in amusing ways. Anyone in?

(

crab_bloke), Tue 6 Nov 2001, 18:17, archived)

can you make all the fluffy toys clown based?

Cool. I'm in.
(as long as you let me in the shed with the Brotherhood of Man)

(

pep, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 18:24, archived)

Cool

but believe me, if you'd had to spend the last 15 years listening to them singing the same song you'd be as pissed off with them as I am.

(

crab_bloke), Tue 6 Nov 2001, 19:41, archived)

15 years?

I thought you'd said they'd been there since 1976.

Did they get 10 years off for good behaviour, or did they switch songs?

(

chthonic, Wed 7 Nov 2001, 3:29, archived)

We Jus Flossin Daaw..

Its Jus Ill .. Aight..

(Ix the Wiz, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 11:02, archived)

testing testing

(Kimbo, Tue 11 Dec 2001, 21:14, archived)

Heres for you Nacho

You should see the tricks he can do!

(MattyA, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 11:02, archived)

Why is he carrying

a selection of fruit around on his back leg? Is that his packed lunch when he need a rest from all his aquatic ollies and grinds?

(Nacho, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 11:04, archived)

Yes!

He requires fruit to be shrunk down to his size using the laser from 'Hunny I shrunk the kids' to sustain his human face chops.

(MattyA, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 11:10, archived)

can you make it

Tony Hawkes (the comedian) Pond Skater - and then he can tell rubbish annecdotes whilst skating.

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 11:07, archived)

Tony Hawkes...

Didn't he present 'Pet Rescue', with Anthea Turners demented sister?

(MattyA, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 11:18, archived)

that is

excellent. I am tired.

(Esteban, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 16:02, archived)

cute or frightening?

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 10:48, archived)

I hate

animals dressed up as clowns, they scare the shit out of me, especially monkeys, I cant stand monkeys dressed up as clowns!

(Sul, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 10:50, archived)

cat

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 10:54, archived)

oh no. The clowns the clowns

we all know clowns are scarey as all hell, and should be eradicated from this earth. Make them stop that.

(

pep, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 10:57, archived)

and this shall be your seat

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 11:00, archived)

look at it's eyes!

arrgh.
get off!

(

pep, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 11:02, archived)

and when my plan is complete

this shall be our currency:

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 11:03, archived)

it grabs you when you sit in it

and wont let you go till you've eaten it's lollipop

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 11:05, archived)

introducing

Spunky the dog

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 10:47, archived)

Spunky.. Outta Spunk.

Sad story about how someone left ole spunk to die at the side of the road..

I might cry.

(Ix the Wiz, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 10:57, archived)

I CAN"T STAND IT!

If I crash one more time I might... I might...
I dunno.
be EXTREMELY pissed off.
Yep. more than i am now.

(

pep, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 10:31, archived)

I know

what you mean.

Yesterday I was a seething mess. Today I am a sea of calm.

Bastards

(james, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 10:37, archived)

Why not photoshop

the bitching crashing whore of an application.

And then throw darts at it.

(james, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 10:41, archived)

hmm, not a bad idea

ta.

(

pep, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 10:45, archived)

Calm down

Take ten deep breaths(I don't know why but that's what they say on telly). My ibook crashes lots too...
Can we help?

(

Wifey, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 10:39, archived)

thankyou.

if you'd just like to finish my work for me, that would be really cool?
Thankyou.
Wifey - what you upto - made any more cool garages?

(

pep, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 10:42, archived)

No problem. I'll finish it.

I'm making chicken soup at the minute. Do you want to come for tea?

(

Wifey, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 10:58, archived)

chicken soup! wooh yeah... are you

Felicity Kendal in real life?
It sounds like the Good Life where you live.

(

pep, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 11:03, archived)

Aaargh you found out my true identity

Actually you are very close with Kendal...

(

Wifey, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 11:09, archived)

do you live on a Kendal Mint cake?

like... a REALLY big one?

(

pep, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 11:21, archived)

We live in kendal way

Ooops I've said too much!

(

Wifey, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 11:30, archived)

that's it then -

I'll be there asap.
:)

(

pep, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 12:50, archived)

are you?

I made chicken and ham soup earlier- a huge load of it. it's great. I love soup.

(

crab_bloke), Tue 6 Nov 2001, 11:03, archived)

I'm just making the stock

so far. I love the smell of chicken stock - although I don't think next doors chickens do..

(

Wifey, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 11:11, archived)

you made it from scratch?

haven't made soup for ages - now i feel left out.
Sheesh. That's what comes of cooking for one. You eat, well, toast actually.
and sweets, obviously.

(

pep, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 11:11, archived)

We just like

to buy giant chickens to roast then turn into soup or curry... One can last for days and days...
I probably should admit that it will be Nicey who actually turns the stock into soup.. He's much better at that sort of thing than me...

(

Wifey, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 11:20, archived)

If I do say so myself

The one I made today is particularly great. Ham stock, then boiled a chicken carcass with the vegetables and barley in the stock to produce a fantastic flavour bonanza, all nicely smoothed with a braun multipractic hand blender (i know you all love kitchen appliances). It's got leeks in too. I love it when I get to put leeks in too.

(

crab_bloke), Tue 6 Nov 2001, 14:57, archived)

That sounds much nicer than mine

Nicey was late home so I had to do it myself.. Just chicken, celery, mushrooms and sweetcorn in the stock. Ham would've been good.
Split pea and ham soup is also good...

(

Wifey, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 15:20, archived)

that sounds lovely

today's was a bit of a treat really- boiled a smoked ham, which always makes for a better soup, although there is an ongoing debate as to whether ham cures should be selected for the best soup results or best ham results. My vote goes to smoked, although I'm tempted by a beer and honey cured ham I saw the other day which might make a slightly odd soup stock but would certainly be a fantastic ham. Ohhh, it's such a hard life with all these high-powered meat decisions.

(

crab_bloke), Tue 6 Nov 2001, 16:50, archived)

I was just thinking

that b3ta is the only place I've ever come across where you can find miniature bondage clowns astride hamster steeds and soup debate on the same page. Maybe we should re-brand?

(

crab_bloke), Tue 6 Nov 2001, 16:53, archived)

it's annoying

but at least you have metal fangs

(

crab_bloke), Tue 6 Nov 2001, 10:47, archived)

oh god.

how do you know that?
CAL?
you do anything and I will kill you.
xxxx
Seriously.

(

pep, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 10:56, archived)

Praeposition

He's covered with blood! oh my god!

(FoxA / DannyWeinkauf, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 10:06, archived)

someone edit

a cat's tail coming out of his mouth

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 10:11, archived)

lordy!

the arm looks like its been chopped off as well.

(Zannusi-Beatz, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 10:29, archived)

it's eaten it's own arm

i think i know the feeling.

(

pep, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 10:37, archived)

Woo

My swearotron was in the register yesterday
The really mad thing is that this was the second thing I ever made in flash, ages and ages and ages ago. So there you go. There's got to be a lesson to be learned there somewhere. Um, I think it's go on and have a go regardless of whether you know what you're doing or not.

(

crab_bloke), Tue 6 Nov 2001, 9:58, archived)

yeh!

... wonder if it's because I put the journalist - Kieren McCarthy - onto the b3ta mailing list ...

(

rob, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 10:03, archived)

nicely done CB

you shall soon have the fame and recognition you deserve.

Nice bit of namedropping from you as well rob! keep it up!

(bastardizor, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 10:11, archived)

anyone here use quark

really busy and like a fool - did one too many keyboard commands - and got the alien. I know he's old and everything, but hey - in times of stress, he's kinda nice.
no one uses quark?
bugger.

(

pep, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 9:53, archived)

psychedelic aliens

are cool: command option shift backspace

(

Harold, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 11:49, archived)

for those not up to speed

see here what this is about

(

Harold, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 12:27, archived)

what more can I say?

mince!

(bastardizor, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 9:47, archived)

what do you think they mean by

'specified?'

(bastardizor, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 9:49, archived)

And why a boneless kangaroo?

perhaps they're easier to catch.

(

spacefish bong!, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 9:53, archived)

and the presentation of this

is just beautiful.

Look at that!

(bastardizor, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 9:53, archived)

what's it doing in a washing

machine? Surely that makes it harder to eat?

(

pep, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 9:56, archived)

Har Har Har

I bet that isn't kangaroo meat. Im shure its guinea pig

(FoxA / DannyWeinkauf, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 9:54, archived)

no, this is guinea pig mince.

You can tell by the mood lighting.

(bastardizor, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 9:55, archived)

but perhaps the greatest mince of all...

MMMMMMmmmmmm! Mince!

(bastardizor, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 10:02, archived)

In Man We Trust

'I mince like a beast.'

(Ernest Thesiger, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 13:37, archived)

that's the mince of 1000 guinea pigs,

surely?

(

pep, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 10:03, archived)

Naaaah - just the two.

Its perspective doing that.

(bastardizor, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 10:07, archived)

I wanna

mince you like an animal.

(Ernest Thesiger, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 13:36, archived)

ugh!

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 9:47, archived)

Bastardizor,

like the disclaimer sentence at the bottom of your page.
Have you replied to my email yet?!!

(Nacho, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 9:46, archived)

no, sorry babe...

I havent had much time...

I will do it though!

(bastardizor, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 9:48, archived)

are you going on a date like this:

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 9:53, archived)

aargh

oh my god!!!

(FoxA / DannyWeinkauf, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 9:55, archived)

more kind of like this

(Nacho, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 10:03, archived)

Christ on stilts!

It's Kate Bush & Matt Lucas!

(Ernest Thesiger, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 13:42, archived)

Just had a great idea......

Make a game of Tony Hawkes Pond Skater....who's got the know how to help me?

(Nacho, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 9:40, archived)

That is the BEST idea I've heard in ages!

I could do something in java, but I suspect it would take me months. But someone should. It'd be absolutely amazing!

(

spacefish bong!, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 9:56, archived)

aaah

thank you! Or it could be the Chesney Hawkes Pond Skater....

(Nacho, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 10:05, archived)

What the evil crabs have been up to

Everyday life with the evil crabs

(

crab_bloke), Tue 6 Nov 2001, 9:28, archived)

hhahahahahahahahaaahaa!!

hahaha!!

(milk_explosion, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 9:29, archived)

(FoxA / DannyWeinkauf, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 9:39, archived)

I did wonder.

And now I know. And I feel better for knowing it. Thanks, crab_bloke! Once again you have saved the day!

(

spacefish bong!, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 9:45, archived)

One for the ladies...

THE KEEPER

(Man In A Suitcase, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 8:16, archived)

In the bronx

they wear their menstrual caps on backwards

(milk_explosion, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 8:18, archived)

zehn mark ... bald euro

hmmm... impressive

(FoxA / DannyWeinkauf, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 8:24, archived)

It could

also double up as a shot glass of sorts. Bloody Mary anyone?

(Man In A Suitcase, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 8:29, archived)

or for the fellas

(

AndyK, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 9:12, archived)

Or one for the vampires....

or one for the black pudding chef

(Nacho, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 9:49, archived)

This is one of life's fundamental questions . . .

http://www.coldal.org.uk/cavie.htm#gp_why

And I don't think the answers they offer suffice. Does anyone know a better one?

(milk_explosion, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 8:05, archived)

But I think he does:

"Do the Bartman. Yeah"

(

spacefish bong!, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 9:18, archived)

He really is great isn't he?

I want one.

(milk_explosion, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 9:20, archived)

Who? Bart?

Or cavies?

Have you noticed that Subaru spelt backwards is U R A bus? it bloody is.

(

spacefish bong!, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 9:47, archived)

Hmmmn . . .

. . then why would I want to buy one of their cars. Are they playing games with y'us?

(milk_explosion, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 10:15, archived)

It's too much of a coincidence

for it to be a coincidence.

(

spacefish bong!, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 10:21, archived)

iuti

(Kimbo, Tue 11 Dec 2001, 21:09, archived)

prototype cia listening device

(rick dangerous, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 8:05, archived)

My Cat

(

crab_bloke), Tue 6 Nov 2001, 8:01, archived)

Everyone in the office is staring at me

because I'm laughing so much.

(

nicey, Tue 6 Nov 2001, 8:31, archived)

Hooray

glad you like it. It's surprisingly useful, although it can be a bit willful at times.

(

crab_bloke), Tue 6 Nov 2001, 9:30, archived)

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