Owner's bonkers house description on RightMove
Pretty awful house and photos, including a walk with their doggo through the woods, only topped by their nuts decription of their house:
"Hyper-Personalized for unique and special individuals who appreciate creative celebration, God, culture oneness and uniqueness.
...
The house was conceived 10 years ago, almost to this very moment in time, and it is probably only now ready to be fully appreciated, by society today, as to what it is all about."
Amazingly, it gets worse.
(, Tue 29 Nov 2022, 9:39, Reply)
Absolute mindfuck
So many pictures. I am sure I counted 8 toilets. So much green that I was sick when I read the pantone colour code they helpfully provided. The pictures continued outside with ones of the dog and sketchy paths in the woods and for some reason a dark passageway under a random castle.
(, Tue 29 Nov 2022, 10:23, Reply)
The random castle
Is a folly in a big park nearby.
The paths there are paved with dogshit.
(, Tue 29 Nov 2022, 19:18, Reply)
I wish everyone personalised their houses as much.
House tours are boring, but that one looks fun.
Cinema looks bleak, though. Tagged onto a Waitrose and showing The Emoji Movie.
(
monkeon schmonkeon, Tue 29 Nov 2022, 10:34,
Reply)
I reckon the owner would insist on doing the viewings themselves
In which case every one would go on for hours
(, Tue 29 Nov 2022, 10:39, Reply)
The price isn't extreme for Bristol
Depending on the area, a shitty 2-bed student flat can be £650,000+
The seller, though, sounds like the sort of mental you only get from being rich enough to withdraw from society completely for a decade or two.
(
My Name was saying these words inside your head on, Tue 29 Nov 2022, 10:35,
Reply)
Not this Tab Hunter then?
en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tab_Hunter
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FeralCatMan Unusual disease collector., Tue 29 Nov 2022, 14:27,
Reply)
Well if you've got £650k plus to spare then
you have a deposit for this recently reduced from £2m
might need another £650k for the gas bill though, not to mention paying off the mortgage and other running costs
(, Tue 29 Nov 2022, 14:54, Reply)
Well, it's a choice between that
or a 2-bed flat in Islington
(
My Name was saying these words inside your head on, Wed 30 Nov 2022, 11:50,
Reply)
Even if you really loved it you're not going to be entering into a transaction this massive with someone this mad are you
(, Tue 29 Nov 2022, 10:37, Reply)
It is exactly that reason
why you put two layers of solicitors in-between you and them.
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My Name was saying these words inside your head on, Tue 29 Nov 2022, 10:46,
Reply)
Even then they'd want to put insane covenants in about what colour you can paint the bog or something
In any case, a whole world of trouble that will drag on for years.
(, Tue 29 Nov 2022, 11:04, Reply)
Which any decent solicitor should reject.
(
wheresthefish Partly filled with wrong, Tue 29 Nov 2022, 18:53,
Reply)
I always fancied the idea of an actual bloodbath
so this looks perfect
(
fred zeppelin II: Electric Boogaloo, Tue 29 Nov 2022, 10:51,
Reply)
Green & brown
How does it rate on the Bristol stool scale?
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Mudface The web isn't callipygian, Tue 29 Nov 2022, 11:23,
Reply)
"The Master bathroom has the option to Jack & Jill into a newly divided/created Master bedroom (currently configured as the dining room), which if implemented would have the 500kg back lit natural onyx stone, feature wall/headboard and stunning views"
I have no idea what this sentence means. What does "jack and jill" mean as a verb? So the master bedroom turns into a master bedroom, but is currently a dining room, but if you did think about doing it, then 500 kg of onyx stone would appear? Does it have the stunning views now, or after you implement his proposal? And why is he calling it a master bedroom if it's a dining room? Or is this part of the jack and jillification?
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cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Tue 29 Nov 2022, 11:43,
Reply)
It means you have to slog up a hill for water.
Then deal with economic destitution whereby you can’t afford a new bucket and the health service has collapsed to the point where you have to fix your brother’s skull fracture with vinegar and brown paper.
Jesus, and to think that ring around the roses is considered bleak for a nursery rhyme. Still, makes about as much sense as having an Aga.
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jonbob loves you, Tue 29 Nov 2022, 11:48,
Reply)
Google Jack and Jill staircase and all will be clear.
You find them in bijou (i.e. poky) or badly designed, or massively modified, properties. But yeah, turning this into a verb is batshit pretentiousness.
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Prufrock Lucifer, son of the morning!, Tue 29 Nov 2022, 13:04,
Reply)
ah, makes slightly more sense, though googling it seem a rare term associated with bad design where you have to climb over landing steps to get to the next room
Not sure it's something one should propose.
and it then indicates that he's pretty much calling every bedroom in the apartment a master bedroom, even one possibly divided with a dining room
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cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Wed 30 Nov 2022, 6:26,
Reply)
Yeah. As a solution to a problem it’s a fudge, not a selling point.
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Prufrock Lucifer, son of the morning!, Wed 30 Nov 2022, 17:41,
Reply)
I'd rather be homelss
than to have to list my address as 'coombe dingle'
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Tusk knows where you live, Tue 29 Nov 2022, 15:08,
Reply)
Coombe Dingle isn't a bad area.
Well, I didn't think it was until I saw this anyway.
(, Tue 29 Nov 2022, 17:53, Reply)
The MOT for the car on the driveway expired in 2020
www.check-mot.service.gov.uk/results?registration=R812+XKP
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buffet_the_appetite_slayer ٩(●̮̃•)۶ jacked in to the ICE on, Tue 29 Nov 2022, 16:28,
Reply)
They probably knackered it out carting half tonnes of onyx about the place
(, Tue 29 Nov 2022, 16:38, Reply)