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This is a normal post The B3ta Art Auction 2012

How this works:
People have donated artwork and stuff to be auctioned off in two auctions, one online and the other at the London bash, B3tards bid on it, the money goes to
the Cats Survival Trust and the artwork goes to a good home.

Part 2, the live event is on May 26th.

In much the same way as last year we will be holding a blind bid on the artwork. Simply gaz me (HappyToast) your best/highest bid for any lots you fancy and the powers
of mathematics will have a behind the scenes pokemon battle and work out who is the winner and what the winning amount was (More details at the bottom).
All working out will be made available for those who doubt integrity. All online bids to be settled through Paypal.
If a lot doesn't get above £10 online, it will roll over to the live auction.

I will contact the winners with further instructions once the bidding is finished.

The artist donating is responsible for sending the artwork to the winner/London bash (unless other arrangements are made - please notify me if that is the case).

Here is the artwork: Click the thumbnails for bigger/more info:

01. An A1 print of Wildyles Periodic Sweetshop
02. A framed Flash Gordon presentation film cell thing! (limited 2/200)
03. A Furtive emblazoned blanket, YES, A B3TA BLANKET! from Smash Monkey
04. A pervy picture from Paul P
05. A Sundae Lunch print - Plus she's taking requests!
06. Another Sundae Lunch print - Plus she's taking requests!
07. A Happytoast original painting on 23x30cm canvas board
08. Another Happytoast original painting on 23x30cm canvas board
09. Yet another Happytoast original painting on 23x30cm canvas board
10. Yep another Happytoast original painting on 23x30cm canvas board
11. One more Happytoast original painting but this time a bit smaller on stretched canvas
12. A 3d sculpted painting of goatse THAT NOW LIGHTS UP! (when you hold the wiring right :D) from Happytoast
13. A lovely 15"x10" print of Nina from Jahled
14. Another lovely 15"x10" print of Nina from Jahled
15. One more lovely 15"x10" print of Nina from Jahled
16. a beautiful framed painting by Cockweasle
17. A mounted A4 print of "GORDON'S A LIME!" from Drimble
18. A mounted A4 print of an Alien bathtime from Drimble
19. An Andrew McDavies Painting by Thor son of Odin - your choice of pose/setting
20. A pair of Dixons Pance
21. A Waspbox handwritten disturbing story on the back of a Tourette's T-Shirt!
22. A framed Nina print from Riverghost
23. Another framed Nina print from Riverghost
24. Another framed Nina print from Riverghost
25. one more framed Nina print from Riverghost
26. Eclectech's glossy highland cow (30x20 inch)
27. A set of 12 (yes 12!) A5 watercolours titled "Household chores made "easier" by cats" by Twisted Omentum
28. A NobbyNobody Biro mash of a Snow Leopard
29. Amoebaboy's smashing Fear driven Flying Saucer
30. A huge Eagle in your mind Josh Homme canvas
31. A Rev Jesse painting of his lunch
32. Blessed/Che T-shirts! Small, Medium, Large and XXL available, (highest bidder for each size wins)
33. Tattyshop commission by Ninj
34. A signed saucy photo from Cheeky Boy printed on 12"x18" metallic paper
35. A 40x20" rotating Wobbly Hat print
36. A Jolly Jack original drawing (winners chooses character)
37. A 20x30 moody print from A Vagabond
38. A Chuckle Guevara TShirt from Jamdoc
39. A sexy Tron CG Lady print from Taters
40. A sexy teacup CG lady print from Taters
41. A sexy Trixie CG lady print from Taters
42. A sexy (there's a definite theme here) French CG lady print from Taters
43. A Fuck Hoodie courtesy of Frogbeat
44. A couple of Fuck TShirts from Frogbeat (two highest bidders win)
45. A 2.5 x 3.5inch hand cut cardy thing from killbunnie23
46. Another 2.5 x 3.5inch hand cut cardy thing from killbunnie23
47. One more 2.5 x 3.5inch hand cut cardy thing from killbunnie23
48. A Hunter S Thompson A3 pic by Paggety Pol
49. An A3 Vladimir pic by Paggety Pol
50. An A3 David Lynch pic by Paggety Pol
51. 2 Deri Air sculpts from Clay (pick a lady and get a free alien)
52. Your dinner cooked at home by a chef from Gordon Ramsay's restaurant!!! (London bidders only, you supply the food I think)
53. One of three Manic Photoshops
54. "Raptor" Ink and watercolour Twisted Omentum (between A5 and A4 in size)
55. "Un-PC" Ink and watercolour Twisted Omentum (between A5 and A4 in size)
56. "Dalek" Ink and watercolour Twisted Omentum (between A5 and A4 in size)
57. "Postman" Ink and watercolour Twisted Omentum (between A5 and A4 in size)
58. A Captain Howdy Cookie jars print
59. A Captain Howdy Jedi Swimming Pool Rules print
60. A Captain Howdy Hopper Tron print
61. A Captain Howdy Sgt Peppers Doctor Who print
62. A Butters A4 animation frame (Chainsaw) and postcard
63. Another Butters A4 animation frame (Wogan scat) and postcard
64. Yet another A4 Butters animation frame (Wogan head fuck) and postcard
65. A dotmund commission
66. Blue Sockmonkey family from Emvee
67. Watchmonkey from Emvee
68. A Willmot commission
69. A Proj69 commission - Your choice - a sock of your own choosing or a teefs WITH YOUR ACTUAL TEEF! :D
70. A Happytoast painting of Cthulhu (A4ish acrylic and biro on canvas board)
71. To have and to hold "Have" A4ish Acrylic and biro on canvas board by HappyToast
72. To have and to hold "Hold" A4ish Acrylic and biro on canvas board by HappyToast
73. A signed copy of Brian Blessed's Autobiography "The Dynamite Kid"

01. A Prodigy69 Van Sock canvas 20x20cm
02. You drawn by HappyToast (live!)
03. Window stickers
04. 2 more of Riverghost's framed Nina prints
05. A Signed Brian Blessed pantomime programme
06. Some original line art from HappyToast (whatever he remembers to bring)
07. A Butters A4 animation frame (Blood) and postcard
08. The final Butters A4 animation frame (Titwank) plus postcard
09. Another Blessed/Che T-shirt
10. A Drunken Miss Columbho Fluffy CDC
.... more to come on the day no doubt

Small Print
By submitting artwork or bidding on the items you guarantee that you will deliver art or pay the prices you state. The online auction goes on a long
time, if you bid money on it at the start, please don't spend that money on sweets before the auction ends.
Online Bidding details - Gaz me your highest bid and on the day/night of the B3ta Bash we will announce the winners (assuming I can get to a computer).
Blind bidding is done by comparing competetive bids as if they were two people bidding in a live auction against each other.
If one person bids £5 as their best bid and a second person bids £250 then the second person wins with a final bid of £6 (the minimum winning increment).
Bidding increments are as follows Lowest bid is £5 then 5-20 go up in £1s, 20-100 £5s, 100 up £10s - or the nearest bid if someone bids between the increments and it outbids everyone else

Any more questions just ask.
Creator : @IamHappyToast
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 9:57, , Reply)
This is a normal post I'll pop this here so people can see the pervy pic

12 × 18 inch print which comes in a well fitting card tube.
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 10:23, , Reply)
This is a normal post here's one of the things I'm offering
*updated with another 4:
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 11:01, , Reply)
This is a normal post Cool
I've just had these photographs printed 15" x 10" and will get them framed, so I guess my contribution. They look absolutely lovely in print, and will look stunning behind a metallic frame:


And these are some of the cats at the Cat Survival Trust: b3ta.com/links/Nibbles_for_Cats

The long term aim is reintroduce these guy's descendants back into the wild once areas have been established in the wild where they wont be persecuted by people or come into conflict with farmers
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 21:13, , Reply)
This is a normal post And here they are in their lovely frames:

LOT 13

LOT 14

LOT 15

(, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 17:03, , Reply)
This is a normal post In the Brian Blessed TShirt compo thread
This was posted, and needs to be followed up:

Also I would like to contribute something; possibly a small cross-stitch or oil-pastel rendering of something b3ta-meme-ish. ETA: Now thinking of an oil-pastel version of dear old Smug Bastard.
(, Sat 18 Feb 2012, 13:05, , Reply)
This is a normal post The leopards have been shagging like rabbits of late
Which hopefully might mean we have the patter of little paws in about three months :)

Click for bigger (289 kb)

(, Mon 20 Feb 2012, 22:38, , Reply)
This is a normal post I want that as a print
I'll hang it above my bed
(, Tue 21 Feb 2012, 0:09, , Reply)
This is a normal post It can be arranged:P

(, Tue 21 Feb 2012, 9:09, , Reply)
This is a normal post So, then.
I have an A2 canvas of this:



Happy bidding!

Gah. Probably should've done one of the women to get sales up...but fuck 'em...

(, Tue 21 Feb 2012, 1:09, , Reply)
This is a normal post
I NEED that
(, Tue 28 Feb 2012, 10:16, , Reply)
This is a normal post Ha ha. Well, there are actually two freebies going around at the minute.
I think you've already found the other one that's available!
(, Tue 28 Feb 2012, 13:43, , Reply)
This is a normal post I'm happy to offer two framed pics

and given enough time I'm happy to frame up and/or customise anything else you might have seen me draw, around A3 size.
(, Tue 21 Feb 2012, 16:27, , Reply)
This is a normal post I will chuck in A3 prints of these
Directors Series: Terry Gilliam

Vladimir Ice-cream: Soviet Space Bear vs Imperialist Sandwich

David Lynch
(, Sat 25 Feb 2012, 10:33, , Reply)
This is a normal post I ordered some of these window stickers which we'll have at the bash for next to nothing:

(, Sat 25 Feb 2012, 17:23, , Reply)
This is a normal post Which have arrived:


I'll bring some to the bash
(, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 17:05, , Reply)
This is a normal post Yay!!

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 18:11, , Reply)
This is a normal post I'm not sure who, if anyone, will want it...
... but I have a 30 x 20 inch glossy poster print of the highland cow picture below, 1 of only 2 printed, the other was done for a friend and I accidentally got an extra print. Haven't known what to do with it until now :)

If anyone has a desperate desire for anything else let me know. Happy to mangle a photo of your face or pet into something, erm, eclectechy.
(, Sat 25 Feb 2012, 20:54, , Reply)
This is a normal post OK, finally started
Two oil pastel renderings of Smug, both mounted & framed, one for the online and one for the live auction. Pic to follow. Hope Smug is popular enough to raise money for kittins.
(, Sat 25 Feb 2012, 20:56, , Reply)
This is a normal post I'll be donating this original A4 Biromash 'Snow Leopard'

Click for bigger

(, Mon 27 Feb 2012, 20:14, , Reply)
This is a normal post
Oooh I love the sweeties. Will be submitting something soon too.
(, Mon 27 Feb 2012, 20:30, , Reply)
This is a normal post

(, Mon 27 Feb 2012, 21:12, , Reply)
This is a normal post here is my effort
a flying saucer with added fear, i might do a little more work on this.

(, Tue 28 Feb 2012, 22:13, , Reply)
This is a normal post My god this shakes the pillars of heaven
I have never seen something so awesome
(, Wed 28 Mar 2012, 22:34, , Reply)
This is a normal post This is just so ace.

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 22:39, , Reply)
This is a normal post for t'auction
EDIT: has it occured to anyone that bidders sending 'blind bids' in is not the best way to do this? I'd assumed the online auction would be open? it looks like people are gazzing bids and its being kept secret?

if the purpose of the auction is to make money for the charity then the only way to do it is in open bids, bidders have to know the amount they need to beat to get the item so the price can keep going up and the charity ends up selling the items at the highest amount possible.

currently the bidders have no idea the highest amount they need to bid to keep the price rising . Each item will just go for whatever amount is highest no matter how bloody low. It's how they sold ex council houses off in some estate agents a few years ago as a fairness policy to create a chance for buyers to get a bargain.

Auctions and ebay use the bidder knowing the amount they have to beat. This is because it's the technique which makes as much money as possible for the seller.
Bidders who want an item compete and push the price higher...but they can only do this if they know the amount they have to beat.

it's not rocket science

I suggest someone puts up a link in off topic and people put their bids as replies before its too late and the opportunity is lost to make some good money for this charity and out of respect for huge amount of posters who've donated stuff

1 Deri Air lady ( from a choice of 3, so far) plus T.W.I.T. (so it's 2 figures to the same bidder) in handmade presentation boxes(at end)
sold at the B3TA London Bash auction (See edit)( is there an address we need to send our stuff to for the live b3ta bash auction ?)

larger pics and accessory details

Might be able to offer a greater choice if I finish the others

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 11:28, , Reply)
This is a normal post painted on paper 12″×8″ with Acrylics

painted on paper 12″×8″ with Acrylics. - simonruddstudio.co.uk/food/salad-roll/
(, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 9:13, , Reply)
This is a normal post I won one of the tourette's T shirts and will auction it WITH A TWIST

On the back, I will write a little tale, similar to those I write for JJ's cartoon time. This will be the usual filth and horror and is guaranteed to offend/arouse. Note, it will be hand-written in permanent fabric pen, and as it'll be black on dark blue might not show up that well!

If the T shirt sells on the online auction, I will offer the winner the opportunity to have themselves featured in the story (username or, possibly, real name).

Here are some examples of previous tales:

Might add some more links here when search starts working again

edit: talesfromtheb3tasite.blogspot.com/
(, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 12:43, , Reply)
This is a normal post Original Animation Frames
I'll donate these five A4 animation frames from both Tiny Chainsaw and Pornographic Images of Terry Wogan (NSFW), if anyone wishes to purchase a split-second of one of my films.

They can be auctioned off separately. There's:
1 - Tiny Chainsaw: "Easy To Start It"
2 - Tiny Chainsaw: "Argh"
3 - Wogan: Shitting Dead Hamster onto Chest
4 - Wogan: Moob Wank
5 - Wogan: Penetrating Severed Head in Eyesocket

I've signed them in the top left corner and I'll chuck in one of those postcards you can see in the photo with each one.

Blu tack them to your wall, frame them, roll them up and use them as a pretend telescope. I don't mind.
(, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 0:17, , Reply)
This is a normal post Behold lot #20 - Dixon's Pance

Click for bigger, baby.


The lucky winner gets the contents of the below image (One spanking new pair of red genuine Jockey Y fronts size "L" - fits comfortably up to 34-36" penis waist AND a red Jockey Y fronts keyring, made by Jockey in celebration of their 75th anniversary of the brief).

Unless you want the worn pair, in which case A/S/L GAZ ME 4 DETAILS LOL
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 20:31, , Reply)
This is a normal post Will these come with genuine hairs?
If not, I am uninterested
(, Wed 28 Mar 2012, 22:36, , Reply)
This is a normal post I can stuff a few stray ones in there for the lucky winner
Be careful what you ask for :D
(, Fri 30 Mar 2012, 18:53, , Reply)
This is a normal post Item #34
Naked lady art
12x18" print on metallic gloss paper

(, Thu 15 Mar 2012, 17:57, , Reply)
This is a normal post wow
i'd buy that for a dollar! well possible quite a few more!
(, Tue 10 Apr 2012, 9:10, , Reply)
This is a normal post Manic Arts:
One of the following up for grabs:

Either a framed copy of this from wall of my office, includes authentic dust made primarily of my dead skin cells:

or a framed triptych of the 4007th Project, also from wall of my office, also with free dead skin cells:

or a collection of Hollywood Lightsabers in a Multi-Aperture Photo Frame, no dead skin cells:
(, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 16:21, , Reply)
This is a normal post my psychedelic sundown canvas
Weighing in as a mighty 40" by 20" approx. Why drop LSD when you can have this hanging on your wall?

(, Sat 17 Mar 2012, 17:15, , Reply)
This is a normal post the detail at the heart

(, Fri 27 Apr 2012, 1:52, , Reply)
This is a normal post examples of dotmund's lovely work for you to commission i.e. yourself, a pet, something perculiar, etc

(, Tue 20 Mar 2012, 9:51, , Reply)
This is a normal post Lot 66
The blue sock monkey family:

Lot 67

(, Tue 20 Mar 2012, 9:52, , Reply)
This is a normal post POW! 20x20 cm canvas

Something of your choice -
maybe a sock of your own choosing or
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 21:40, , Reply)
This is a normal post This is the stuff that dreams are made of

(, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 12:08, , Reply)
This is a normal post Here's the bidding so far!...... (remaining vague and slightly blind at the request of bidders, check back often for updates)
For full details of the items listed you want the thread above this
Note - Bids listed are the current minimum, NOT the highest bid someone has offered, so aim high to beat them ;)

Initials at the end are the current highest bidder's username so they can check if they are still in the lead.

01. - Current bid = £20 TRC
02. - Current bid £25 LUF
03. - Current bid £80 GF
04. - Current bid £5 E
05. - Current bid £31 DMH
06. - Current bid £5 F
07. - Current bid = £25 KF
08. - Current bid = £25 KF
09. - Current bid = £25 KF
10. - Current bid = £25 KF
11. - current bid = £20 R
12. - Current bid = £15 R
13. - Current bid = £50 J
14. - Current bid = £60 WTF
15. - Current bid = £80 RL
16. - Current bid = £20 CB
17. - Current bid £16 RWH
18. - Current bid £10 SDP
19. - Current bid £10 H
20. - Current bid = £30 F
21. - Current bid £5 SM
22. - Current bid = £25 WTF
23. - Current bid £5 E
24. - Current bid = £25 W
25. - Current bid £20 WJ
26. - Current bid £25 CJ
27. - Current bid = £11 TRC
28. - Current bid = £65 TRC
29. - Current = £45 S
30. - Current bid £25 BB
31. - Current bid £5 M
32. - XXL £16 T L £5 Th (no bid on small or medium yet)
33. - No current bid
34. - No current bid
35. - Current bid £25 OFTF
36. - Current bid £50 RS
37. - Current bid £11 GF
38. - Current bid £11 LN
39. - Current bid = £16 SC
40. - Current bid = £5 H
41. - Current bid = £16 SC
42. - Current bid = £25 WTF
43. - Current bid = £5 RS
44. - Current bid = £5 RS
45. - No current bid
46. - No current bid
47. - No current bid
48. - Current bid £16 CJ
49. - No current bid
50. - Current bid £5 PB
51. - Current bid £6 TRC
52. - No current bid
53. - Current bid £5 SDP
54. - No current bid
55. - Current bid - £5
56. - Current bid £10 KF
57. - No current bid
58. - Current bid £5 LN
59. - Current bid - £16 WJ
60. - Current bid £5 GF
61. - Current bid £25 IOW
62. - No current bid
63. - Current bid £5 W
64. - Current bid £7 TP
65. - Current bid £30 SC
66. - Current bid = £30 R
67. - Current bid = £15 J
68. - Current bid = £10 T
69. - Current bid £10 M
70. - Current bid = £55 PB
71. - Current bid = £25 TTO
72. - Current bid = £45 CB
73. - Current bid = £20 R
(, Mon 9 Apr 2012, 11:25, , Reply)
This is a normal post NIcely:D

(, Mon 9 Apr 2012, 12:32, , Reply)
This is a normal post Some brilliant stuff here =)

(, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 9:48, , Reply)