It's actually Sunny in the UK atm!
Shocking I know. I am drinking tea though and did bring an umbrella to work just in case!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 1 May 2008, 14:20, 3 replies)

Fear not wee witch
Kaol is at home wanking himself into a frenzy playing grand theft auto 4.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 1 May 2008, 14:17, 1 reply)

What, then? I need to come over to London?
Yes, London. You know: fish, chips, cup 'o tea, bad food, worse weather, Mary fucking Poppins... LONDON.

*WAAY-HAAY!*
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 1 May 2008, 14:15, 2 replies)

Where's Kaol
al, Bert, what have you done with him? He's normally here on a Thursday. Do either of you have a cellar?

Heaven forbid, maybes he's *grimaces* working?
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Thu 1 May 2008, 14:15, 3 replies)

More than likely
Although I would quite like to see a duel between Legless and the Loon *opens up a book*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 1 May 2008, 14:08, 18 replies)

Not strictly speaking an attack ...
but it certainly scared the poop out me.

First thing this morning, alarm has just gone off which means its time to hit the snooze button. I always have one wee "snooze" then get up. I'm just turning over when the most almighty thud came from the side of the bed.

Bloody cat had either tried to jump on top of the wardrobe (6 feet high) or had been up there and jumped down.

I nearly shat myself.

She then jumped up beside me and started chasing "Bed mice" every time my feet so much as twitched. Or she did until I grabbed her by the scruff and dropped her back on the floor.

Oh, and ..... last?

*Damn and I promised myself I wouldn't join in this week*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Thu 1 May 2008, 14:08, Reply)

For FUCKS sake
Is this QOTW going to go on forever?
(Mr.Dog was in love again on, Thu 1 May 2008, 14:07, 2 replies)

And
The Resident Loon lands only to find his Nemesis already occupying the high ground.

A Nemesis is the rightful infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent. In this case a horrible cunt. Me.


Cheers

I fucking love that quote
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 1 May 2008, 14:06, 3 replies)

My friend Bill
used to build star wars memorabilia from every day household junk. He made a fully functional model of the millenium falcon entirely from wire coat hangers and the knobs off his oven. He created a 1:20,000 scale model of The Death Star out of partially digested pieces of bacon that he would save from his wolfbagging partners.

But the best thing he ever did was produce an all terrain armoured transport out of the frozen corpses of squirrels and kittens that he would catch form the garden. That was his animal AT-AT.

No apologies whatsoever.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 1 May 2008, 14:05, 1 reply)

Waay-haay!
*gathering up legs and springing to another rock*
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 1 May 2008, 13:55, 2 replies)

Not John Denver
The album 'Country Roads'
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Thu 1 May 2008, 13:53, 1 reply)

Was it
Um...James

Um....
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Thu 1 May 2008, 13:51, Reply)

****
Who was the bloke who did 'Country Roads'?
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Thu 1 May 2008, 13:50, Reply)

Some freeloading hippy who shares my name
Got attacked in his bath by a marmot sometime back in the 90s.


I lost my legs in Korea.
( the_other_jeff_lebowski Croutons on my tits, Thu 1 May 2008, 13:45, Reply)

.
Please I am so bored today I need a new question...
(cmouse is pondering about life in other jobs, Thu 1 May 2008, 13:42, Reply)

oh
.
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 1 May 2008, 13:40, Reply)

no
he means

LAST!
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Thu 1 May 2008, 13:40, Reply)

I did mean
last.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 1 May 2008, 13:39, Reply)

You Mean?
Last, surely...
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 1 May 2008, 13:39, 1 reply)

Ok Everybody
All line up nicely, no pushing.

Now, since it's gone 1.30 and we don't have a new question....

Last!
(Bazongaloid, Thu 1 May 2008, 13:37, 29 replies)

moles
Does anyone remember when those Sun journalists were bitten by little furry animals that had buried up through the floor!?

I can't remember a previous occassion when any moles ate hacks.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Thu 1 May 2008, 13:25, 1 reply)

Diesel the Boxer
Is a mad and crazy dog and enjoys nothing better than being taken to the sea where he can bark at the sea and try to eat it. Oh, and run around like a complete spazz, looking like a rabid ..... THING.
Just imagine, big flappy jowls, drool and froth everywhere, bounding down upon you at a rate of knots thats pushing his skin back on his head.

I'm walking down the beach with a take away coffee and didn't really pay much attention to him having a bit of a run around. Unfortunately though, I think he might have switched on his "i can see a cat and i'm going to EAT it" speed of running.

All I feel is a blow to the back of the legs where he runs directly into me, and launches me a good few feet into the air, with the resulting effect of gravity bringing me to a thudding crash to the floor, spilling coffee everywhere.

He still had the spazzy mind to come bounding and drooling (probably laughing, the git) upto me thinking I was playing a game and running off again for more shenanigans.

Blooody hound!
( Tesco Quality 60.825659, -0.788337, Thu 1 May 2008, 13:23, Reply)

some of you
deserve to have the faces eaten off you by animals for these lousy puns.

or keyboards stolen at any rate.

so, back on topic: it didn't quite attack me, but it looked as if it might.

few years ago. summer heatwave. i was a law student living in a girlie houseshare and had a stupidly enormous bedroom. it was baking hot, and i was sleeping with all the windows open. i'd been tempted all summer, but had learned about so many criminal cases where robbers and rapists came in through the window that i hadn't dared. oh fuck, who am i kidding, i was terrified of moths and daddy long legs coming in, ok??

but this night was hot enough to dispel the Fear. or most of it.

at about 2am i was woken by a slithering, scraping noise. it sounded like a bag of bones being dragged along the top of a coffin. i tried to ignore it, but it carried on scraping.

i sat up and almost screamed in horror at the sight opposite me: a shadowy, sweaty figure, with hair sticking up all over the - oh, wait. that would be the mirror.

but the scraping continued. forgetting i was starkers, i decided to investigate. i crept all the way across the floor to one of the sash windows and peered cautiously out.

there was no murderer brandishing a hook. there was no drunken would be rapist propping his ladder against the wall. no enormous spider scrabbling after me with his 8 evil pincers.

instead, there was a gigantic fox doing its best to climb the tree outside my window. i didn't know foxes could climb trees (and this one was really crap). for a moment we both froze. we stared at each other. then the fox tipped back its fat orange head and barked at me!!! of all the nerve! it was saying "fuck off back to bed," i know it was.

anyway, this point, we were both distracted by the wolfwhistles and shouts of a huge group of lads coming home to the aussie dosshouse opposite (lovely people but about 15 of them rented this one bed flat, argh, they made so much noise!).

at this point i remembered i was in the nak, and hastily fell backwards on my sofa so as not to blind the antipodean population of west london. the fox legged it as quickly as an obese space hopper shaped fox can move.

does anyone know why foxes climb trees? do they eat pigeons or birds eggs by any chance??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 1 May 2008, 13:20, 18 replies)

My good friend Albert
Ate a dodgy Gammon sandwich last week.

For the next 3 days he did nothing but shit piss and puke.

Thats when the Ham in Al Attacked
(never-right -getting it wrong since '78, Thu 1 May 2008, 13:18, Reply)

A small briefcase you say?
Shaped like an armdillo?

myst be one of those new fangled animal attaché things
(Halfy By light alone, Thu 1 May 2008, 13:17, Reply)

George the Bulldog
Was a hero in the blitz, one night in May 1942 the air was full of Heinkels and Junkers, and the city was aflame from east to west.

George was loyally sitting with his owner, Ralph Pigeons as he manned an anti aircraft battery mounted near the Strand with Norman Cheese and Archie Williams.

The sky was lit with tracer fire and spotlights when a near miss concussed the brave men, George lept up quickly and jumped into the seat, and with one hefty left paw he trod on the trigger sending a hail of flak into the evening, this torrent of fire winged 2 Junkers and sent them spiralling to a fiery demise in the thames. Archie had recovered his senses enough to see this amazing feat and in the morning everyone hailed this wonder dog.

George was hailed from Brighton to Carlisle as the animal ack ack.
(Halfy By light alone, Thu 1 May 2008, 13:09, 3 replies)

A friend of mine...
Hanniball lectar. Well he used to like eating people. But since he got GTA4 he hasnt stopped playing it! You could say that Hannibal's Attached.


I am really really sorry. But theres already such bad ones!
(Miggyman, Thu 1 May 2008, 13:00, Reply)

A friend of mine...
... used to work for a Hentai porn subscription service. He used to chase up all the non-paying customer accounts, or as was known in the trade, the "anime late accs".
(JohabMorelli is spenging merrily away, Thu 1 May 2008, 12:55, Reply)

Hmm
I used to know a girl very well back in High School. She was sweet, caring and gorgeous to boot. We used to hold hands and play at the park together and all in all I think i was starting to fall in love with Annie - for that her name was.

Over time we continued to liase and spent hour after hour kissing - but something was missing from Annie. She didn't seem herself anymore so I had to confront her. She cried "I WANT TO BE A MAN"

With that I was distraught.

Over the months of her masculinity-ifying treatment we remained lovers and I still enjoyed our moments together. However the treatment was expensive and she had to sell her car to keep up payments. In fact every day I had to drive her back and fourth to hospital.

You might say this is a case of Annie-male I-taxi.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 1 May 2008, 12:42, Reply)

on topic.
A friend of mine got beaten up by a gang of hoodies last year.
(Miggyman, Thu 1 May 2008, 12:42, Reply)