When Animals AttackI once witnessed my best friend savaged near to death by a flock of rampant killer sheep.
It's a kill-or-be-killed world out there and poor Steve Irwin never made it back alive. Tell us your tales of survival.
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Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 14:45)
This question is now closed.
I really should be workingbut I've never been picked last
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flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Thu 1 May 2008, 15:02,
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i feeling quite upbeat today, but it wontlast
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spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Thu 1 May 2008, 15:01,
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I was not attackedlast
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flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Thu 1 May 2008, 15:01,
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my mum has a record by flute botherer jameslast
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spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Thu 1 May 2008, 15:00,
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Can we have a big shout out ....It's Bonk holiday Monday soon! In fact there's two bonk holidays this month.
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girlinthehole, Thu 1 May 2008, 15:00,
5 replies)
what is this obsession with being.....LAST?
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 May 2008, 15:00,
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that thing a cobbler uses to put shoes on is called alast
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spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Thu 1 May 2008, 14:59,
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uumm...a spider looked at me in a menacing way?
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flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Thu 1 May 2008, 14:59,
1 reply)
i did this last thingall last bloody thursday
didnt work
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spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Thu 1 May 2008, 14:58,
Reply)
lasttime I helped my neighbour take her cat to the vet she bit me.
(, Thu 1 May 2008, 14:57, 3 replies)
I thinkeveryone is holding back and waiting for the 'first' position
(, Thu 1 May 2008, 14:56, Reply)
actually.....last....oh, bugger
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Adolf Jitler is editor of Practical Shoelace Collector, Thu 1 May 2008, 14:55,
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does this count......Mrs smegski was attempting to cook dinner one time (indeed a rare occurance - and one that would become ever rarer from hereonin).
She reached into the freezer and produced a box of frozen Haddock. woo hoo. Attempting to open said box and place the fish on a baking tray, it somehow appeared that it wasn't quide dead, as it slipped from her hand onto her foot. Battered by a haddock, hehehe. How I laughed, didn't get any lovin' for a while after that mind
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Adolf Jitler is editor of Practical Shoelace Collector, Thu 1 May 2008, 14:49,
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am i too late?just thought of one. No puns. Just sheer human and rabbit tragedy.
We got rabbits when i was 10. Smokey, and his sister Spot. 1 Month later - 7 incestuous little baby rabbits. Tiny little bundles of grey skin and eyelids. Beautiful and fragile little things. We watched them for for the first few weeks, and fended off their parents/auntie rabbit attacks to keep their little mutant children warm.
One day I awoke, it was summer, and the school holidays were entering their glorious 147th week, and hundreds more weeks lay stretched ahead (well thats what it felt like). The sun was already burning though my Smash Hits curtains. Nothing could go wrong. I flung open the curtains and looked around, half hoping for Vicky the girl who lived at the back to be getting dressed (I cannot describe how good that was) but something wasnt right. From my window I could see into about 8 or 9 other gardens. It was a nice part of the world, lots of greenhouses, trees, sheds, grass, patios, garden furniture over a quite a wide area.
All dripping with blood. And bits of tiny baby rabbits.
All torn apart, scattered far and wide. It was like an explosion in an abbatoir. *
Twas local cats what did it. Some of them were still prowling about licking up scraps and looking very pleased with themselves.
The parents survived. You havent seen heartbreak until you've looked into the panicked eyes of a big bluegrey rabbit staring up at you.
We didnt keep them for long after that, we couldnt go through it again. They went off to the farm. **
* I was 10, it probably wasnt that bad, but bad enough to see everywhere from my bedroom window.
** true story. I suddenly realised 20 years later that they never went to the farm at all - it was a parental metaphor for "dead". I suffered some trauma as a result of figuring that out. Until about 6 months ago I told my parents that I "figured out they never really went to a farm" and "thankyou for not telling me they were dead" when it turns out, they really did go to the farm.
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I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Thu 1 May 2008, 14:41,
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Battered by cod.Despite in a previous post saying that my hobby hadn’t resulted in me being attacked by various denizens of the deep, I now realise that I’m not entirely correct in making that statement.
My dive club used to be involved with the local Aquarium in Tynemouth and various members would take it in turns to dive in the main tank (which was full of local species of fish and the public could walk through via a tunnel). Our job was to clean the inside of the tank – scrape the algae off etc, and also to put on a bit of a show for the punters by feeding the fish.
Having recently qualified, I was particularly keen to do this – it sounded like good fun, plus a chance to dive in sea water that wasn’t as murky as that Austrian bloke’s motives for keeping his daughter hostage for 24 years… Anyhow, come the Saturday and I drive off to the coast, car full of diving gear, and along with a fellow club member am given the talk by the manager of the aquarium. Come our time to immerse ourselves in the tank, we are presented with a couple of buckets of food, and a cloth. Oh, and the problem of accessing the tank, which was through a narrow doorway and up a vertical, rusty ladder designed for an anorexic. We devised a rope and pully system for getting our kit up the ladder, then kitted up on the platform at the top.
Once in the water, it was fantastic – an array of local sea life that could be seen clearly, and which were really quite friendly. Me and my mate put on a bit of a show for the punters, doing handstands and somersaults. At one point, as I was cleaning the glass, I decided to do a ‘comedy’ double take at a piece of algae that wouldn’t budge, took my regulator out of my mouth, licked my finger and then rubbed the inside of the tank in mock indignation (tip: don’t do this, I couldn’t get the taste of sea water out of my mouth for ages). Then it was time to feed the fish…
On opening our buckets of food (basically, dead fish) we found ourselves being bombarded from all sides by dogfish, ling, cod… every scaly little fucker in the tank, to be blunt. I found myself being ‘bitten’ on the head (thank god for neoprene hoods), arms, and legs (ditto for neoprene drysuits), trying desperately to distribute the food evenly, but failing miserably. Within about 45 seconds, a three litre bucket of fish scraps had disappeared, leaving me slightly dazed and my diving mask a bit wonky…
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Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 1 May 2008, 14:39,
1 reply)
*joins queue for cake*I was just attached by a fly. It was traumatising but I made it through
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TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 1 May 2008, 14:39,
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Well, if it's gonna be THAT kinda party...*goes to look for mashed potatoes*
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The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 1 May 2008, 14:34,
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WhyIs there no Asprin in the jungle?
Cause the parrots,ate,em,all!!!!!
Last?
(, Thu 1 May 2008, 14:32, Reply)
Right, life's too short for thiswho's for coffee and a slice of delicious home-made chocolate cake (no jam or marzipan 'cos that'd be yucky)?
I can do tea so long as you don't mind Tetley ..
(, Thu 1 May 2008, 14:30, 17 replies)
Last....?Prolly Bindun
What's the dumbest animal in the jungle?
A polar bear
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 1 May 2008, 14:28,
3 replies)
Am ILast?
My cat tried to eat my boyfriend's toe while he was asleep.
(, Thu 1 May 2008, 14:25, 1 reply)
sad but trueThere was that time when a shit-chucking spaz monkey decided to recycle shitty QOTW's and keep them up for ten quadzillion days.
(, Thu 1 May 2008, 14:21, Reply)
This question is now closed.