We used to have this cat
Called Trixie, and she was smallish but she was a stray when she adopted us (there is no way that it could possibly be said that *we* adopted *her*) anyway she was always a bit wild and one day she dragged home this massive headless rabbit that she'd killed and was about twice her size. It wasn't headless when she killed it obviously, she did that.

Made me feel quite glad that she liked us!
(therocker, Sun 5 Jun 2005, 15:22, Reply)

well
this was sort of an attack ourselves hehe
when i was 12 or sumthing we had this playset outside where a nest of wasps had decided to live, well me and my brother were kinda pissed about that lol, so we listened to some ACDC, got reallly nuts enough to go out there and show those damn bees whos boss! so i got a lot of sand and the hose, and jacob brought the power washer! it was an all out battle! i was shouting commands, throwing bricks, we even had my litteler brother as a sniper with little rocks lol. I was the only one to not get wounded, i had the power washer hehe. we now know how to make bug spray grenades! hahaha that was so fun
( Arsonade is saving up for a new box of hummus, Sun 5 Jun 2005, 15:14, Reply)

Why I cannot tolerate bumblebees...
Once, when I was a nipper, a bumblebee flew into my nappy. My parents and assembled company thought I was dancing.
I was not dancing.
The thought of it still distresses me now.
(HelloSailor, Sun 5 Jun 2005, 14:11, Reply)

Japanese Deer
Last year I went to Japan and got to see the giant Buddha in Nara. The area where the Buddha is located is also home to a large number of very cute, almost-tame deer (woo-yay, more large-ish mammals with hooves and horns!) that you can feed specially-made crackers. The only problem is when the deer discover that you don't have any more crackers and they get a bit ticked-off and start "nibbling" at you!

One of the parents on the trip learned this the hard way and nearly got nibbled to death by a herd of deer. A deer bite on his leg (he thought it was caused by the deer) got weirdly discolored but thankfully that's all that happened.

Also, on a beautiful island off the coast of Hiroshima (also deer-infested; if you ever see a picture of a huge red Torii gate sitting in the sea, it's that island) we discovered a deer inside a restroom, his antlers tangled up in toilet paper! Fortunately the only thing he attacked was the toilet paper dispensers.
(Kitsune-chan I'm not a bunny I'm a grownup girl, Sun 5 Jun 2005, 13:01, Reply)

many moons ago
when i was young enough to think tree climbing was still all part of a walk in the forsest, climbed up a tree with one of my sisters and sat on a branch mooing for no reason. A cow comes along beneath us and just wanders round the base making disturbing sounds and occasionally trying to push the tree. Ok, so maybe not an attack but bloody scary for a little kid.
(Voidedge, Sun 5 Jun 2005, 12:50, Reply)

Dogs and Cows
On my Duke of Edinburgh expedition, this dog started following us. Logically, the best thing we could think of was to steal it! This plan backfired when we started walking through a field of massive white cows (Charolais, I believe they're called), and the dog started nipping their ankles.

Fortunately, there was a cattle grid nearby, so we legged it, leaving the fat kid to catch up. We didn't realise that cattle grids only stopped cows walking, not leaping majestically through the air... One of them embarked on a bloodthirsty attack, leapt, and managed to break its legs. Discretion being the better part of valour, we left the cow, and ran away with the dog.

To this day, I am petrified of cows. Oh, and the expedition leader wouldn't let us keep the dog, so we had to let it go, about fifteen miles from where we found it...
(Rotten_Cointreau is a proper scientician, Sun 5 Jun 2005, 12:41, Reply)

COWS!!!
In a field very drunk with a girl, walked to the top of the hill to look at a cow. It started walking. Then 15 cows came charging. I haven't been that scared in a long time! I ran and left the girl :P Who fell in stingers...

/edit my dad phoned me while I was running and he thought I was imagining them
(hyhyhyhyhyugyubj, Sun 5 Jun 2005, 12:31, Reply)

My Mom's cow story
Not really an "attack," but it seemed amusing to me when I heard it as a kid.

Back in the day when my mom was a kid, most of the part of southern California where she lived was farmland and when she walked to and from school she passed a lot of dairy farms.

One day, she and a friend (cousin?) were walking home when they suddenly found their path blocked by a large cow. While they had seen cows before, they were always at a distance so my mom was quite unprepared to see such a large animal up close.

The cow just stood there, and while it was probably harmless my mom was reluctant to try and get it to move as it was a freaking huge animal with big hooves. I'm not certain, but I think she also said it started to pee at some point, which only unnerved them further.

They waited, stuck in that spot for almost 20 minutes until a friendly farmer came around and "shooed" the cow away. I can only imagine how her family laughed at her when she got home...
(Kitsune-chan I'm not a bunny I'm a grownup girl, Sun 5 Jun 2005, 12:20, Reply)

In a tent drunkenly....
We'd been to a gig in someones back garden, and had pitched our tent up, it was about 4 in the morning when I felt something repeatedly tapping me on the side of the head,thinking it was one of my drunken mates I moved my arm and twatted whatever it was, it turned out to be a cat, which shot up the lining on the tent, jumped down the following side and landed on my mates head waking him up. Was the only pussy he'd ever woken up with for a long time! He he
(Lord Monkey of Yorkshire,OBE killed a gipsy on...., Sun 5 Jun 2005, 11:07, Reply)

my brother, the animal
my brother has attacked me many times, including one of the more comical times, with a quite nice straw, hmmmn,

also i am attacked whenever i go to my best freiends' house by the cat we gave him, how irionic is that?

also when i was about 3 my pet goldfish tried eating my tiny hand,

my sister - on christmas day a couple of years ago my cat decided to kill a mouse for dinner, but as it fled from this pussy, it fled up my sisters' trousers, i'm not quite sure that that counts,


i am sorry for nothing, apart from length
(ameoba photographer for hire, cheap, see profile, Sun 5 Jun 2005, 10:57, Reply)

I don't like geese
I went on a family holiday to Centre Parks a few years ago. Our apartment thing was right on the lakeside, and the patio door was always swarming with geese and ducks. I don't mind ducks, but it's the geese... they chased me around the lake and blocked me from getting back into the apartment. Not just a few geese, but a considerably large swarm of about 20. I managed to get away from them though.
I was also chased by a vicious little jack russel, which bit at my ankles as I ran like hell away from it.
Also, being an avid horse-rider, I've had many incidents with horses, one of which is this horse that always attempts to bite me on the arse as I put my foot into the stirrup to mount it.. evil horse. I had a huge bruise on my cheek for a while after the first incident.
( Bathory, Sun 5 Jun 2005, 10:56, Reply)

Was backpacking in NZ...
went and did the deep south. out for a stroll one day with the others from my bus and we start walking down onto a beach to find that some clever walrus or sea lion thing has figured out that every other day at a certain time a troop of backpackers comes wandering along, and has cunningly hidden himself in the sand.

cue fifteen backpackers from various nations making a Scooby-Doo style exit when said beastie pops up and scares the bejeezus out of us.

gingerly we reapproached and while one of our number (oh what a surprise: me) distracts the thing, everyone else pegs it past and off down the beach.
(squirrelysquirrel, Sun 5 Jun 2005, 10:12, Reply)

Not me but my cat...
... trod on a bee last night just after I got in from the pub.

Cue cat going completely mental running round for about 2 hours at high speed trying to get away from the sting in her paw.

Does that count?
( ogwen69 has returned from Reddit, Sun 5 Jun 2005, 9:22, Reply)

kittys are so cute
Sorry to start with the usual "It wasn't me, but...". But this was an actual accident to a friend and his girlfriend. They were enjoying a bit of missionary pleasure, when his newly acquired kitten noticed his swinging bollocks and decided to play with them. Cue blood curdling scream and a thrust that could only have been greater if he had a rocket up his arse. Total stitch count? Two on his ball sack and four on her head from when super thrust smashed her into the head board. Not an urban legend. Honest. Right next door.

Also-ran story. A few miles down the road, a goofball and his friends were having fun with chickens (not that way, though it might have been better) by pouring lighter fluid on them, igniting them and blazing away at the organic skeet. One kamikaze chicken escaped the firing
(oops) squad by fleeing into the barn. The police, SPCA, fire department, and father were
all not amused.
(mrbuddhafreak, Sun 5 Jun 2005, 9:14, Reply)

Bees
I was cycling on the pavement, downhill when i got stung by a bee. i let go of my bike and got the bee off, then i flew across the road just in front of an oncoming car (i managed to miss it) and then careered into a wall on the other side of the road. luckily it was my street, so i managed to walk with my bike back home.
(dani_B Bollocks, Sun 5 Jun 2005, 8:13, Reply)

Ah, good little kitten
Some years back, my dad had kneehole surgery performed on his knee. This required two small incisions, one either side of the kneecap.

Around about the same time, we acquired a new cat. This cats mother was pure-bred siamese. The father was never identified, but put an end to the pure-breed of that family line. So we acquired a half-siamese thug, with full grown ears, which we promptly name Gizmo (Think "Gremlins").

Gizmo liked to climb up people. And she didn't care whether you had trousers on or not, she'd just get her sharp little claws engaged and climb up your legs.

When my dad went back to the hospital for a check-up a few weeks later, they couldn't identify which of the *numerous* scars on his legs were actually the ones from the surgery.

Gizmo has always been evil though. She's managed to attack and bring into the house (through a catflap and a foot long tunnel) a live adult seagull.
(Damien_The_Unbeliever, Sun 5 Jun 2005, 8:12, Reply)

I'm a mean spirited bastard.
Aged 3 (My parents told me this), I was walking near a swan-infested pond with a bag of chips. One of the bastards walked up and bit me on the arm in the hope of making me drop my chips. I like chips, so I placed them carefully on the ground, grabbed the swan around the neck and punched it until my parents stopped laughing and came to the animals aid. No-one touches my chips...
(me like pie, Sun 5 Jun 2005, 6:44, Reply)

birds
in australia there are birds called plovers that lay their eggs on the ground, and then spend months defending them by swooping down and pecking into the heads of anyone / anything that goes near them. some kids used to protect themselves by wearing icecream containers on their heads with huge black eyes drawn onto them.
(softporn 70's sink fixer, Sun 5 Jun 2005, 6:27, Reply)

cat attack
once i fell asleep outside when i was 7. I awoke to a strange feeling on my head. I noticed it was the family cat, nuzzling into my head. I went inside and my mother looked at me strangely and told me to go to the bathroom and look in the mirror.

I looked - and the cat had been licking my hair for the good part of half an hour. My whole head was matted down with cat spit.

not an attack as such, just repulsive.
(phantomjack Tue 20 Mar, 3:18, Sun 5 Jun 2005, 5:44, Reply)

Bitten by a donkey when i was 5
donkey decided i was a better meal than the grass i was proffering it.

properly had teeth marks on my upper arm for a whole day. bruised like hell.

i hate donkeys - except old donkeys with no teeth, the fun i've had with old donkeys over the years... ah.


oh and on the same holiday a locust jumped onto my leg. i classify that as being attacked cos its legs were spikey and when you're five a locust seems like a genuine predator and you fear for your life and any remaining unbruised limbs.

i also almost drowned on that holiday. it was still cool cos i got sparklers in my ice creams. when ur 5 that means alot.
(Nobody Likes Mortal Wombat, Sun 5 Jun 2005, 4:30, Reply)

Need to get it out of my system.
This must have been done.

But, NO animal related QotW can go without Izzard.

I'M COVERED IN BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!!!!

Thank you.
(DarkLite swallowed my entire undercarriage, Sun 5 Jun 2005, 4:27, Reply)

My dad does not like dogs
According to him, as a kid he had been attacked by a dog while riding a bike (him, not the dog) and as a result he (my dad) had to get many, many painful shots for rabies and tetenus. This left him with a lifelong dislike for dogs; his favorite motto is "The only good dog is a dead dog" (clearly this only applies to canines; I was born in the year of the dog and he seems to tolerate me).

He only told this story once, and strangely I'm the only one who remembers him telling it.

Even weirder, his family always had at least one dog (normal-sized) and at family gatherings at least 2 dogs (cat-sized) can be found running around amongst my cousins' kids.

Additionally, it seems that dogs don't like my dad either...

My dad's late uncle (who had been an aspiring sumo wrestler before WW2) lived in Japan and had an affinity for, appropriately enough, bulldogs. When my dad got the chance to visit him for the first and only time, he had wisely put the bulldog in a cage. The moment my dad walked into his uncle's house/inn, the dog started barking and growling at him and according to my dad's uncle that dog never barked at strangers before! My dad exclaimed, "See that, it knows I don't like 'em!"

On only one witnessed occasion has my dad tolerated the presence of a dog (while awake); he even petted it! This was at one of his friends' gatherings a year or so ago, so some beverage might've had something to do with that temporary bit of mellowing out...
(Kitsune-chan I'm not a bunny I'm a grownup girl, Sun 5 Jun 2005, 3:59, Reply)

I dont have much luck with dogs...
In brief:
Age 11- Little yappy dog attaches itself to my arm until I accidentally smack the owner with his own dog.
Age 13- Large Labrador chases me whilst cycling, bites the back wheel of my bike sending me flying off, it then tries to eat my bike (or at least my tyre) for some reason.
Age 14- Small-ish dog goes flying past me out of an alleyway and nearly trips me, larger dog that was chasing it barrels right into me and sends me sprawling flat on my arse.
Age 17- Many small dogs running around as I attempt not to tread on any I accidentally do, fall over rather than put my weight on the foot that’s going down, Dog that I manage not to crush then bites my finger and runs off.
Last year - Chav tries to get his dog to attack me, it tries to viciously maul my foot which is encased in a size 14 steel toe-capped boot at the time- got rather annoyed with both mutt and it's pet, cue me stamping whilst its mouth is still around the end of my boot.
(Voidedge, Sun 5 Jun 2005, 3:50, Reply)

Me/my fingers + animals = trouble
Other animals that have attacked (possibly having been provoked by) me:

A 6th grade classmate's two hamsters (bought within a couple months of each other) who, upon meeting me for the first time, bit my finger hard enough to draw blood. After that they were nice, but they both died after a few months (the 2nd one was found one morning covered in beeeeeeees, er, I mean ants).

When I was 12 I found a freaking big lizard at my grandmother's house. The thing was nearly a foot long, with black, yellow, and white alligator-like scales. Because it was a cool day I caught it with ease and transplanted it to a round glass terrarium where it lived in my mom's classroom for a while. Later I released it at my friend's house; the first thing the fecker did when I tried to get it from its box was bite my thumb! It got away and left an odd, serrated v-shaped imprint. I've never seen another lizard like it since.

Obligatory Bovine Story: I was in Hawaii (I can't remember if it was Maui or the Big Island) with my friend (same friend from above) and my dad. We were at a shopping area that was next to a ranch, and on the other side of a fence was a big black bull. I go "Ooh, look at that!" and go nearer to the fence to get a closer look at the large mammal. Just as I got about a yard away, it "flinched" at me! I flinched... and moved closer. It moved again, and I legged it. It didn't really charge or anything, but it freaked me and my friend out and gave my dad some really amusing video footage.

The last thing that "attacked" me was a large black butterfly that got into my room last night (butterflies outside are good; butterflies inside my room flying towards my head/face are not) and my roommate's little b@stard mango parrot, but I tease him so I guess that was kind of my fault.
(Kitsune-chan I'm not a bunny I'm a grownup girl, Sun 5 Jun 2005, 3:46, Reply)

"I'm covered in aaaaaants!" just dosen't work*
When I was about 10 I was having a pretend picnic on the hill in the front yard. Thouroughly enjoying myself, I plopped down on a sheet and started playing.

I should mention that my house is built over a large colony of red ants and their main entrance is at the top of the hill.

So, I sat down and promptly felt a tiny/HUGE spark of pain eminating from my rear - I had sat on an ant! This had never happened to me before and I ran around crying hysterically while my parents found it a bit scary/hilarious as they asked the neighbors for something that would get rid of the pain. I got over it soon enough and now that hill is covered with overgrown potted plants from my dad's latest (failed) attempt to give the yard some greenery.

Ok, I wasn't covered in ants, but it sure felt like it.
(Kitsune-chan I'm not a bunny I'm a grownup girl, Sun 5 Jun 2005, 3:41, Reply)

I once watched all of my frineds being attacked by a bear
When I was quite young, my neighbor had a large black Newfoundland Dog that was almost rediculously friendly, and completely harmless, but it looked rather bear-like. One evening, a group of my friends were over to my house. When it was dark and time to go home, we gathered outside, and I noticed the dog running across the yard toward us. Naturally, I HAD to yell out "Bear!" at which point, everyone ran inside to leave me laughing and petting the dog.
( Or is it?, Sun 5 Jun 2005, 3:05, Reply)

must be my animal magnetism..
One of my favorite things to do is hunting for shells at the beach. We go out into about waste deep water, and feel around with our feet until we hit something, and then try to pull it out with our toes. Well, once I found somehting that felt really big. I got all excited, and wrapped my toes around it. I got it about half way out of the water when suddenly, the fucking shell clamped onto my foot. I had picked up a blue crab, and he was pissed. Stupid me, I tried to grab it off with my hand, which he clamped onto, and then once out of the water, leaped at my chest, and then splashed back into the gulf. less than three minutes later, my friend was still laughing, and she stepped on the same damn crab. I still have a scar on my left second toe from him.
Also, this ones really bad, my mom was attacked by a housecat. I mean attacked. the thing latched onto her legs and bit her nine times. She had to get stitches and still has all these scars on her thighs. the bad part is she's terrified of cats now.
Oh, and when i was young, raccoons drug my My little ponies off, and when i hunted them down, one of them had the audacity to throw one at me. Furry little bitch.
(unlikeyou245, Sun 5 Jun 2005, 2:48, Reply)

Why I hate Horses
In the summer of 1974 I was an Army Apprentice currently doing time at the Royal Signals Training College in Harrogate. Every Wednesday we had to do some sort of organised sporting activity, so purely to avoid running up some muddy mountains called 'The Craggs' on cross-country I put my name down for some horse riding. Never been on a horse in my life, so I had no idea how to get into the saddle never mind drive one.

On getting to the stables the chief horse-botherer sorted us out with the available nags, most of whom looked like they were on valium, about as threatening as an aneamic puppy, absolutely nothing to worry about. "Is this it?" I sneered "I've seen more action at a Grab-A-Granny night". 'OK, Sonny' said Horse Breath 'I'll find a decent ride for you, seeing you're such an accomplished horseman'. He brought this fucking huge thing out, all bollocks and flaring nostrils, and calmly waited for me to back down. Cos I was young and exceptionally stupid I swallowed my fear and climbed on board this black nemisis (using a convenient wooden box.)

After everyone was mounted up one of the grooms stopped to offer a kindly word.....(lying bastard). He gave me a riding crop and said 'If Dobbin gets a bit fiesty, just tap him between the ears with this, let him know who's boss.'

So off we trotted down theis country lane, me bringing up the rear, wondering where the brake was and trying to work out how to steer this half ton of dog-food. Then disaster struck. A little white bread delivery van came up behind us, then started to squeeze past, even though it was blatantly obvious there just wasn't enough room. Dobbin started with the snorting stuff again, then began wheeling round in little circles making this horrible 'neighhhhhhing' noise. "Whooaaaa, Dobbin" says I " Whoooaaa, you fucking daft donkey!" But to no avail. That nag just didn't give a shit. So, remembering the kindly groom's words of advice, I whacked the horse between the ears with the heavy end of the crop. No gentle 'tap', just a mightly thump which should have knocked him into the middle of next week so I could get off this bloody thing. (It seemed to be about 8 feet off the ground, and there was no convenient wooden box to step off on)

The horse took off like a meteorite, ears laid back, nostrils flaring and making this God Awful screaming noise (errrr, the screaming was me). I tried pulling back on the steering ropes, I tried kicking it in the ribs, but Dobbin wasn't having any of that. He reared up on his back legs, turned a couple of circles, then keeled over into a convenient bush, which unhappily happened to be a gorse bush. There I was, pinned down under half a ton of angry horse getting prickled to buggery. Did I get any help? That would be a no. All the other Apprentices pissed themselves laughing while Horse Breath ranted and raved about possible vet bills. Don't worry about me with a possible broken leg lying in a bush getting kicked by this bloody horse, everybody thought it was an absolute hoot. I ended up in the military hospital for a week and got banned for life from the stables. In future I stuck to running round the Craggs on a Wednesday and to this day I've never got on another horse. In my opinion nobody should go near those fucking nags until they've got the brakes and steering sorted out. Nothing but hay-munching death-traps.
(Conundrum, Sun 5 Jun 2005, 2:18, Reply)

Wasps and Bees
Bastards, all of them. First stung by a wasp when i was running as a kid (about 3 or 4 or something, around that age) and a wasp flew down my shirt. It couldn't get out again so stung me on the chest, It wasn't all bad tho, I had cherry 7up.

Bees, now thats more my fault. My great uncle had put some sugar outside his house on the pavement, no idea (maybe he dropped the bag or something, who knows) anyway, it was covered in bees, they were all over it. me being me, i decided to hit said bees with a big stick. they were very pissed off, and i was stung by two.
( mr_wicksy is.... old., Sun 5 Jun 2005, 1:36, Reply)