Lesbians.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 15 Nov 2013, 17:52, Reply)

Drumming up business
It was a slow morning in Las Vegas; about 3 a.m. A group of bored prostitutes huddled on the casino steps. Suddenly, they took action. They lined both sides of an automated walkway and started spanking the men on the walkway as they trundled by - literally drumming up new business. The spectacle lasted 30 seconds, then they abruptly dispersed.
(Perv With A Dog had his eyes pecked out by scrub jays on, Fri 15 Nov 2013, 17:37, Reply)

I don't have anything to write about this qotw, so I don't care about this qotw
I think we are all in danger of forgetting about the most important thing here, which is of course, me.

etc
(teebie jeebie, Fri 15 Nov 2013, 17:27, 1 reply)

I was shooting ASCII ART all over usenet years before there was a fucking interweb

░░░░░███████ ]▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ .......Probably before you were even born.
▂▄▅█████████▅▄▃▂ ................... and yer mom ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽
Il███████████████████].
◥⊙▲⊙▲⊙▲⊙▲⊙▲⊙▲⊙◤..

.
( buffet_the_appetite_slayer ٩(●̮̃•)۶ jacked in to the ICE on, Fri 15 Nov 2013, 16:59, 4 replies)

I used to be a Sergeant Major in the British Army, Prostitutes Division
I used to enjoy giving those girls a good drilling. I was particularly fond of making them stand very still with their arms by their sides.
(Nitrous Nitrous, Fri 15 Nov 2013, 16:56, Reply)

Long story short..
..I pissed in my own mouth and told the internet about it.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 15 Nov 2013, 16:08, 1 reply)

Regardez mon chapeau de fantaisie.
Regardez-moi. Très prétentieux pas?
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 15 Nov 2013, 15:47, 7 replies)

A mate invited me to some party thing he was having
His girlfriend was wearing this huge white dress and moaning at me for being drunk and ruining her 'special' day.

I just said "You don't own Saturday, petal. Shut the fuck up and enjoy the party."
(Thor McLegend FUCK SHITPANTS PAC MAN, Fri 15 Nov 2013, 15:16, 3 replies)

I have a victim complex

(JFK I need you like a hole in the head, Fri 15 Nov 2013, 15:03, 3 replies)

I was approached by a prostitute.
"Hello ducky, looking for a good time?"

"No thank you" I replied sternly.

This happened every evening for a week and three days. I shunned her 10 times. She was.....
( MisterPunch did it that way on, Fri 15 Nov 2013, 13:46, 17 replies)

I like to impress ten year old girls by driving them very fast in my Honda Accord M3 Impreza.
Cops cannot do shit to me because I have an iPhone. There's more but to cut a long story short
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 15 Nov 2013, 13:35, 4 replies)

The flood twat.
You know the one. The one who keeps a kayak in his garage, not because he actually likes canoeing or even ever actually goes canoeing on rivers, lakes or the sea, but for when it floods, which, given that he lives in Shrewsbury/Tewkesbury/insert regularly-flooded town here, it will.

And then he can canoe down the street between the half-submerged cars, and get on the local news, or if it's a slow week, News at Ten.

Arse.
(SonofRojBlake, Fri 15 Nov 2013, 13:30, 8 replies)

2100 hours: I take off from a small local airfield, heading west with good cloud cover.
2200 hours: I distance myself from the aircraft's vertical rotation.
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 15 Nov 2013, 11:45, 1 reply)

HELLO I'M BACK DID YOU MISS ME?

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 15 Nov 2013, 11:45, 6 replies)

shittingfuck
I see your promiscuous student and raise you the woman who enjoyed being raped by a dolphin
www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWNmqYRl7MY
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 15 Nov 2013, 11:30, Reply)

Her parents must be so proud


metro.co.uk/2013/11/14/ive-passed-with-horn-ors-elina-named-britains-most-promiscuous-student-after-sleeping-with-three-men-a-week-4187761/
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Fri 15 Nov 2013, 10:53, 18 replies)

I used to have a ridiculous haircut,
then complained when little kids would stare at me.

I'd like to pass this off as me being an idiot teenager, but I was 19/20, so I should have known better by that point.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 15 Nov 2013, 9:55, 2 replies)

I source a significant amount of my income by telling gossip magazines about my sex life.
However, I'm a very private person, and very cross that my 'phone got hacked.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 15 Nov 2013, 9:49, 4 replies)

I used to ride a unicycle. In the vain glorious hope that a regional news program may pick up
the fabulous story, that or Why don't you. Made the local papers, but anyone can make the local papers.

I had hoped to make this more strikethrough worthy.

Hard shaft, buttocks, one wheeled monster etc.

In my teenage years, Sigue Sigue Sputnik had a very bad influence on my hair and small Northern towns can be cruel.

Other than that, if I wear a business suit everyone seems to think that I am in charge.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 15 Nov 2013, 9:41, 1 reply)

YOU'RE ALL BEING VERY MEAN I'M LEAVING FOREVER AND BY DOING SO I'M ACTUALLY TROLLING YOU ALL

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 15 Nov 2013, 9:28, 2 replies)

something about making a prostitute do military drill and square bashing
followed by Stand At Ease.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Fri 15 Nov 2013, 9:13, Reply)

Hi, I'm Kate McCann

(An Alien sneezed on Bill Oddies binoculars, Fri 15 Nov 2013, 8:09, Reply)

HELLO I'M BACK AGAIN

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 15 Nov 2013, 7:52, 3 replies)

Wheelchair in the crosswalk
The light turned green and the old lady in the wheelchair started rolling across the street. A turning vehicle started accelerating towards her. It was clear the driver didn't see her, and she was about to be bowled over. The old lady started screaming and cursing at klaxon volume. The driver finally noticed her and came to an embarrassed stop.

Yeah, that old lady was some diva....
(Perv With A Dog had his eyes pecked out by scrub jays on, Fri 15 Nov 2013, 6:53, Reply)

Terrible bullying of Sob Athome.

( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Fri 15 Nov 2013, 6:08, Reply)

Your mum lol

(Eukanuba, Fri 15 Nov 2013, 0:48, Reply)

Went to a small-town dance once
There was a group of people standing in a tight circle, staring down at a couple having sex on the floor: him sitting cross-legged, her on top. They both had immense floppy cowboy hats on to shield their identities. Bitter disappointment spread among those who missed it all by not going to the dance.

I like small town dances.
(Perv With A Dog had his eyes pecked out by scrub jays on, Fri 15 Nov 2013, 0:08, Reply)