My top three
1. The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists, by Robert Tressell. I know, you're all thinking "Bollocks!". It's the best description of why you should NEVER trust an employer. It's also a damn good reminder that the Tories starved us once, and they'll do it again if they can.

2.The Hobbit. The opening line "Long ago in the quiet of the world, when there was less noise and more green..." is just fantastic. LOTR is cock frankly, when you get past about 15. Peter Jackson made it a hell of a lot better by messing with the text.

3.The short story collection by William Gibson that contains "Johnny Mnemonic" and "Burning Chrome". If Clarke imagined NASA, Gibson imagined the Internet.
(all my scars face forward possesses 2.5% of a hyperalloy combat chassis, Fri 16 May 2008, 22:26, Reply)

How could I forget...
Dracula.

Not because it had a significant change on my outlook in life, but because it resulted in one of the funniest terms of English Lit lessons ever. We studied at AS-Level, and every single lesson involved massive and deliberately over the top Freudian analysis, and generally ripping the piss out of the poor quality of the writing and the twattishness of the characters.

It cumilated in me submitting this within a piece of coursework:

"Certain Freudian analyses have seen the labyrinths of Dracula’s castle as representing his anal spaces. This would be significant due to the relationship between Bram stoker and Henry Irving – Some have suggested that Stoker was in awe of (and possibly attracted to) Irving – Who was himself homosexual. It has also been suggested that this relationship has been demonstrated in the book – Dracula is said to have had a physical likeness to Irving, and some believe that Harker represents Stoker himself throughout the book. As Harker spends time exploring the labyrinths of Dracula’s (or Irving’s) castle (or his anal spaces), is seems entirely possible that the book was intended as an exploration of Stokers homosexual feelings for Irving."
(Merrep, Fri 16 May 2008, 22:24, 4 replies)

2) Beowulf
Young Thinker wasn't the sickeningly pretentious Thinker he is today. Never would he have considered putting in the effort of reading a book unless he was forced to. Why would he, the television provides instant and effortless gratification.

But then, in Year 4 of school, he was forced to read a story with depth, narrative, and evocative adjectives. Gone were the Scholastic books with the anthropomorphic fox apologising at the end. No more Jemimah Puddleduck or Winnie the Pooh.

No, this story is very different. Firstly, people died. Lots of people. And they died in unhappy ways. There was power play, not just good people and naughty people. I became intrigued. Why did Grendel do this? It was the first time in a book that I wasn't satisfied with the "because he's a bad person" explanation.

Fortunately, Beowulf didn't just leave it there. The ensuing tale of the hunt, the killing, the graphic detail, the descriptions of feel, odour, atmosphere.. This book absorbed me, took me in, and I cared.

And the ending wasn't happy. To my young mind, this was fascinating. A story that ends on a low note? Such a thing was unthinkable. This book wasn't trying to preach to me the correct way of living. It was telling me the perils of behaving in the wrong way, of becoming cocky, and also- I suppose- it taught me some humility.

It opened my eyes to the power of books, and that things before the 20th Century in England weren't just steel mills, slave trade and Romans. There was genuine beauty and power even in the oldest of stories.
( Thinker, Fri 16 May 2008, 22:06, Reply)

Religion
ShortStormTrooper beat me to it, but...

Fact: "The God Delusion" by Richard Dawkins. I was also a devout atheist already but it's comforting to know I'm not the only one who feels that way. Have since loaned it to a very religious friend, I said I wanted her to read it, not because I wanted to convert her to atheism but simply because I wanted her to understand my (our?) point of view.

Fiction: "The Bible" - some bloke about 2,000 years ago. The most amazingly stupid story ever told. All concocted to cover up the sordid fact of some unmarried woman getting knocked up! Sadly some people think this book is true!
(RabidRodent I'm the person your mother warned you about, Fri 16 May 2008, 21:36, 3 replies)

Lord of the Rings - The Hobbit
I read about 40 pages or so, and thought, "What absolute crap!" Important, because it resulted in two good things.

1) The first book I ever actually put down, never to pick it up again. I've put down several since.

2) I picked up my guitar and did something better with my time.
(Just a stub, Fri 16 May 2008, 21:16, Reply)

small red book
just recently the best thing I've read is my army discharge papers, out on medical grounds with a completely biffed ankle!! getting half pension and all!! don't worry readers nice gentle RTA nothing nasty (well I was in Afghanistan) apart from that over the last nine months I've read everything from a cigarette packet to Charles Dickens and the best I found were the letters from home. nothing like it when you're stuck in the shitty end of nowhere patching up friends and colleagues.
no apologies for the sentiment or bad spelling
good to be back y'all
(The kneeling rifleman Is slowly getting there.., Fri 16 May 2008, 20:51, 2 replies)

The cat's mind.
Understanding your cat's behaviour by Ben Fogle.


God! this book has been a blessing. Now I can tell what the shifty little buggers are thinking.
( girlinthehole, Fri 16 May 2008, 20:15, 27 replies)

changed the way I live
Allen Carr's easy way to give up smoking, for obvious reasons. Made giving up a 40 a day habit ridiculously easy, even enjoyable.

Then I read Allen Carr's easy way to control alchohol, and I have to say that going teetotal was the second best thing I ever did after quitting smoking.

Then, for want of something better to do I read Allen Carr's easy way to lose weight, even though I'm already stick thin. As a result I turned vegan.

I'm still looking for Allen Carr's easy way to give up Allen Carr books. Oh and I don't have many friends left, but I've never felt better! They were a bunch of losers anyway.
(Nathalie Imbruglia's Cellist's Cello, Fri 16 May 2008, 18:49, 1 reply)

Stovold's Mornington Crescent Almanac.
Which changed my life by teaching me how to avoid being caught in knip when placed in a diagonal move from Marble Arch to the Embankment, by invoking Snorgenbourg's 4th Variation Strategem which immediately places all other players in Spoon.

It allowed me to progress to the finals where I proudly won the runner up prize in the Armitage Shanks Commonwealth finals, narrowly beaten by a certain Mrs. Trellis of North Wales, who cunningly played Gore's looping manoeuvre at Elephant & Castle, allowing progression straight to Mornington Crescent, avoiding the engineering works at Piccadilly Circus
( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Fri 16 May 2008, 18:43, 4 replies)

Does anyone else think
that the endings of both Perfume and Portrait of Dorian Grey were rubbishy cop outs? My anger at getting to the end of both reached fairly high levels.
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Fri 16 May 2008, 18:15, 4 replies)

I have a book in my bathroom
called "What's your poo telling you?".
It has a lovely poo brown cover, and tells you all about the different poos that you do.
It's interesting reading, and you can look in the bowl when you're done pooing and find the reference for it in the book.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Fri 16 May 2008, 17:51, 1 reply)

Space Captain Smith!
Space Captain Smith has only just been release but I had the privalidge of an advanced copy - basically its the British Empire in space plenty of stiff upper lips, daring-do, and a hefty quantity of tea!

As someone more adept with words than me said: "Set in a universe where the suns never set on a stiff upper lip, this warm-hearted and funny interstellar romp gives the sacred cows of sci-fi a good kicking before racing home in time for tea."

So it's a great book - but what's important to me is that the bloke who wrote it is one of my oldest friends and he's been dreaming of getting published for the 18 odd years I've known him, so now the book is proof that it is possible to live your dreams... Even if you're a workshy lolly-gagger! Which is nice!


For anyone who wants to buy it (and you should!) you can get it from Amazon and Waterstones.

Length? Fairly short but the sequel is released in September!
( Sunburnt Tiger Herbie goes Piranhas!, Fri 16 May 2008, 17:34, 4 replies)

I bought
Russell Brand's biography, although mainly for the thickness... fixing that wonky coffee table has considerably improved my life
(The Goat www.cuttingthroughthematrix.com, Fri 16 May 2008, 17:17, 3 replies)

Anya by Susan Fromberg Scheaffer
Based on extensive interviews with a Holocaust survivor, this is a terribly sad but equally beautiful story that chronicles the lives of a European Jewish family before, during and after World War II that brings the rather abstract concept of the Holocaust down to a personal level. While we understand the horror of millions dying in the Holocaust, the vast numbers make it rather difficult to grasp the true magnitude of that loss. By seeing the impact of the Holocaust on an individual family that you get to know intimately, come to care about deeply and can easily identify with, you better understand the apalling devastation of the Holocaust. These aren't "important" people - they're an average, middle class family who love each other, have a happy life together and are undeservingly, utterly destroyed. Multiply these flawed but wonderful people by millions, and you gain a new appreciation for the lives of those who died and the loss of the pre-war world they lived in. I've read this book once a year since the mid-'80s for a number of reasons, one of the most important being to remind me how easily this could happen again, even to us, if we aren't vigilant.
(bunnybutt, Fri 16 May 2008, 17:17, Reply)

Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad
For its brevity and the fact that a few decent images can explain so much about the history of our doings on this planet ... but it takes a fekkin genius to nail the images...
( writerblock ... embedding disabled by request on, Fri 16 May 2008, 17:16, Reply)

Age of Reason
By John Paul Sartre. Made me abandon all ambitions of being rich and successful.

And "The Pest" by Albert Camus, makes you realise how absurd it all is.



B3ta got all highbrow.



Whens poo coming home?
(Oben, Fri 16 May 2008, 17:12, 3 replies)

Some good books
Factual: The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins - didn't change my mind (I have never believed in god anyway) but gave me some excellent jehova-ass-kicking ammo for when they next knock the door

Fiction: The Altered Carbon series by Richard Morgan - totally excellent and dark neo-gothic cyberpunk (try saying that after a few jars!) with sex, drugs and plenty of futuristic murdering yee-haw!!
(ShortStormTrooper, Fri 16 May 2008, 17:11, 3 replies)

The Da Vinci Code
Convinced me that any old bollocking pile of trite tripe can get published if there's money it in. Dan Brown writes nice little chapters that are well paced. Sadly the contents of those chapters are fuck-awful drivel.
( writerblock ... embedding disabled by request on, Fri 16 May 2008, 17:10, Reply)

"Weapon X"
By Barry Windsor-Smith.
A legendary piece of work.

Changed the way I looked at comics, even though I don't read them anymore...
(Mr.Dog was in love again on, Fri 16 May 2008, 16:50, Reply)

Surely just coincidence
I don't read much in the way of fiction. I think I find facts more interesting. However this is not to say I haven't read the odd novel. Nick Hornby's 'High Fidelity' has to go down as one of the best of the few I've bothered with. It seems to me that it's written in a way which perfectly reflects the way men think about things in general and will have even more relevance for the music-obsessed such as myself.

So hence, when the 'favourite books' conversation comes up in a new relationship scenario it's usually likely to come up with the tag line 'shows exactly how men think'. One particular ex thought it would be a great idea to read it with a view to cracking the mystery of what goes on in my head and being the paranoid sort was very worried by what she read and I had a fair bit of explaining to do regarding shallowness and cynicism and the like. I always felt she never really trusted me after that. I ended it with her not too long afterwards.

On the flipside, the other girlfriend I recommended it to complained that the protagonist was a 'whiny bastard' though claimed to have enjoyed the book. She ended it with me soon after over accusations that I was too neurotic.

Owing to the pattern forming I no longer recommend 'High Fidelity' to any women I meet.
( Raindance Work is inversely proportional to post-count, Fri 16 May 2008, 16:47, 1 reply)

Shit question
i can see this question taking an early death, where is the comedy and hilarious japes. i'm so board i may go and read a book and pretend to be effected by it's delicate subject matter. actually fuck i'll be more liberal and left winged than that, i'm getting on the next plane to china to help dig out some people from the rubble
(CaptainCuntyBollocks the man who can with a frying pan full of lamb, Fri 16 May 2008, 16:47, 11 replies)

Kill the pig...
There was a post earlier about how studying certain texts as part of the school curriculum ruined them for the reader.

I studied Lord of the Flies at GCSE and the inevitable over-analyses of the sub text, structure, etc... led me to reject it entirely as a 'boring school book'.

However, having grown up (a bit) I bought a copy a few years ago, and have to say, it's a great book.

As a result I've revisited a number of books I studied throughout GCSEs and A Levels, and my reading experiences have been all the richer for it.
( Moey, Fri 16 May 2008, 16:45, 3 replies)

Auschwitz by Laurence Rees
On one page you can read a sentence showing the brutality and hatred humans are capable of. The next line will show you the humanity and sacrifice that humans are capable of.

I found it a hard read as I lost a large branch of my family tree at Birkenau. I felt the whole spectrum of human emotions while reading this book.

If I was education minister I would make sure that every young adult reads this book before they leave school.

Not just for its historical content, but, just though they know how bad the results of racism can be.
( KISS.ME.WHERE.I.POO Signed the sex offenders register on, Fri 16 May 2008, 16:34, 6 replies)

Trying to be cool reading Jack Kerouac
Like me, does anyone think 'On the road' isn't all its cracked up to be?
(Errorist, Fri 16 May 2008, 16:33, 12 replies)

Pete the Pirate
When I was a young whippersnapper, learning to read at school was an absolute pain. I just couldn't get the books. I was the bottom of my class at reading, they were talking about putting me in a "special" reading class (as I found out much later on) Then, one otherwise uneventual day I chanced apon the book "Pete the Pirate" (well some kids book about pirates anyways). I loved it. I read it in minutes (kids book) and that was it. I was hooked. I proceeded to read 2 years worth of kids books in 3 months!

Even to the present day I love to read. I need at least 15 mins in bed reading every night before I go to sleep. I read whenever I can. I devour books. (Read 1st and 1/2 of 2nd Harry Potter books on a 6 hour train journey)

Thank you "Pete the Pirate" you changed my life. You introduced me to the wonderful world of reading and I've never looked back.
( Crap Little Monkey Deathstar, so good they built it twice, Fri 16 May 2008, 16:22, Reply)

One which had an unexpected effect on my life...
Here in stodgy old Richmond, we don't have bars- we have to have restaurants that serve food as well as booze, thanks to the ultra-conservative types who write the laws for the State of Virginia. However, there are some very bar-like places here and there.

One such place was a fake British pub called the Fox and Hounds. In truth it was really pretty crap- but they did have pool tables and I could get a half and half there without having to explain what that meant.

One evening Richard and I were having a pint in their "library", a room with booths along one wall opposite a gas fireplace and a load of books on shelves. Out of curiosity I got up and went to inspect the books and found them to be mostly Reader's Digest volumes and the like- things that no one would normally bother with, that the owner had gotten cheaply somewhere for decoration. Just for fun I grabbed a book with a battered red cover and brought it back to the table.

The book was "Home On The Moon", written by Betty Blocklinger.

I opened it at random and scanned a page, then stopped in shock. I read a passage aloud to Richard. "The storm and the lamb stew will be served together, Jen, so we'll be spared a dissertation on the contributing cause of decaying molars."

Richard choked on his beer, so I passed him the book. He flipped to a page and read, "'But I can't gush!' cried Jennifer. 'Besides, look at me.' 'Southern glamour gals live in cotton,' Maida encouraged her, 'and for Jack you can gush.'"

My turn. "'Mind if I poke and pry, Jenny?' He poked and pried and ejaculated. 'Baked apples! What a wonderful idea, all candied in their own syrup!'"

I ended up making arrangements with the owner to take that book home, where it has a special place on my shelf.

How did it change my life, you ask?

It inspired me. If such utter twaddle like that can get published, then maybe I have a fighting chance myself.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 16 May 2008, 16:22, 4 replies)

true story
Once, while on holiday in Greece, a Serbian girl I was attempting to impress asked me to tell her a story. Off the top of my head, I made up some total bollocks. Then an American girl who had been listening told me that it was identical to The Alchemist. Years later, I read the book and realised it was true.
(frankspencer, Fri 16 May 2008, 16:20, Reply)

"A tune a day" for the guitar!!
Hard work, but well worth it when I finally managed to finger a minor.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Fri 16 May 2008, 16:10, 6 replies)

Unbearable: books that wasted my time.
The Unbearable Lightness of Being was exactly that: unbearable. Pretentious drivel masquerading as a sensitive love story. While we're at it add anything by Paul Coelho to that composting pile - that man is so friggin' preachy he can ram his novels sideways up his hole.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 16 May 2008, 16:02, 20 replies)