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This is a question Call Centres

Dreadful pits of hellish torture for both customer and the people who work there. Press 1 to leave an amusing story, press 2 for us to send you a lunchbox full of turds.

(, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 12:20)
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Have a phone suppprt related pea whilst I gather my thoughts

I have little day to day contact with children
but one instance that does stick in the mind happened a few months ago.

I was at my desk wading through technical inquiries when my desk phone rang. I picked it up and answered it. I was greeted with a small querulous voice of a boy or about 11 or 12 years of age.

BOY "Err, my father owns a pair of your *********** loudspeakers (name removed to protect my anonymity) (£3500) and the tweeter has been dinged, is a replacement available and how much is it?

ME "Could you define *dinged*?"

BOY "Well it had a football hit it and crumple the front quite badly."

ME (imagining the limb numbing panic that is likely coursing through his veins) "I see. Looking at the parts list here, I have them in stock- its £260 plus shipping. The chances are that the dealer will need to fit it however."

BOY- in tiny voice. "Oh."

And with that he starts to cry.

ME- "Am I to assume that your father isn't aware of the damage and probably had some strong views about footballs in the vicinity of his hifi?"

BOY- "He's back tomorrow- oh God he's going to kill me."

ME- "Generally parents don't kill their offspring."

BOY- "You don't understand, he loves those speakers. There must be something you can do."

ME- "Do you have any money at all?"

BOY- "I have £40 as an allowance for the holidays."

ME "And where are you?"

BOY "I'm in *****" (As it turned out, not a million miles from a dealer friend of mine).


ME "OK- This is what I am going to do as I have been in this position myself. I am going to ship the part free. I am going to contact a friend of mine where I suspect the speakers came from and he will come and fit the part. You are going to have to give him the £40. This will mean it is a very expensive game of football but you may escape with your life. There is one other thing you will have to do though."

BOY- *sniffs* What is it?

ME- "You're going to have to tell your Dad what happened."

BOY- "But, but he doesn't have to find out."

ME- "But then however there would be no repercussions and no lesson learned. In telling him, you can show that through creative thinking- and crying, you got the problem sorted at your expense."

BOY- "How would you know if I don't?"

ME- "I have your name and house address. I can check. Besides your Dad will ask where the £40 went."

BOY- "Oh."

Details were confirmed and my friend went and fitted the tweeter the following morning. Some days later a package with letter arrived from the boy's father.

Dear Mr Hatred,
Just a quick note to say I received ****'s blubbing confession as per your instructions on my return. I was sufficiently impressed at his ingenuity to spare his life although he is unlikely to see daylight again in 2008.

Enclosed is further proof of a satisfactory resolution to this unfortunate event.


It was a popped football.
(, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 16:09, 14 replies)
Good man
you're a true legend
(, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 16:13, closed)
Clicky McClick!
(, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 16:22, closed)
Please- no clicks!
This is me being a lazy arse and simply copying something verbatim from last year.
(, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 16:27, closed)
Well tough - you're getting a click for your honesty in pearoasting.
I liked it the first time round too! So there.
(, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 17:22, closed)
I had to!
..because I thoroughly enjoyed it the first time round and didn't get a chance then... clickage
(, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 19:03, closed)
bloody fantastic!
(, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 16:22, closed)
I was that child
It was my dads technics twin cassett decks 20 years ago when they were completely awesome and my dad was never shy of giving my a good smack. My older brother who was 12 refused to help me fix it, laughed at me and took the piss. I took a pair of pliers and a screw driver to it, and fixed the fucker.

I never looked back and have been pulling things apart for years with some minor successes including a video cassett recorder, a dvd player, a portable television, 100's of computers, a food mixer and numerous other bits and pieces....
(, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 16:33, closed)
When I was 19
I borrowed my mum's car to go to Nottingham during my first summer home from university, went round a corner too quickly and smashed the nearside indicator. Rather than look like a mong who couldn't be trusted to borrow a car for a day, I phoned Directory Enquiries, found a Citroen dealer with an address I recognised, drove around until I found it, bought a replacement, drove to my university, managed to borrow a toolset from a postgrad in my department and changed the bugger. Meant to tell my mum eventually but forgot all about it until now.
(, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 17:40, closed)
you star!
that deserves a click.

(, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 18:41, closed)
that's a wonderful story, really well written too :)

(, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 19:28, closed)
This is quite simply the dogs bollocks
and as I didn't see it last time round, have a click (though you would probably get a click anyway on account of me being a bit free n easy in the mouse-manipulation department*). Cheers.

*Computer mouse; I don't go round fingering small furry rodents...
(, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 9:48, closed)
"*Computer mouse; I don't go round fingering small furry rodents..."

Until it's a QOTW and then the truth will flood out...
(, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 20:12, closed)
without checking i reckon...
this was around april may last year this was posted - it was underated then and deserves to be full of WIN this time around

(, Sat 5 Sep 2009, 0:36, closed)
Yep, last years stuff
But still damn funny.
(, Sun 6 Sep 2009, 1:59, closed)

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