Alex McLeish and Gordon Strachan
Did a photo shoot to promote the new seasons Rangers and Celtic kits.
They refused to be in the studio at the same time – weren't being arsey (something to do with not being spotted together prior to the press junket) so had to shoot them separately then comp together.

Strachan - relaxed, chatty and FUCKING tiny

McLeish - bit nervy, concerned about his good side/broken nose. told me to fuck off when i offered him Strachan's minuscule shirt to wear.

I have no interest in football so having the next seasons kits in my boot was lost on me.
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 9 Dec 2013, 14:30, Reply)

I saw
Mo Mowlam in St James's Park once. She's dead now. I also saw Robin Cook in St James's Park once. He's dead now. I'm still hoping to see George Osbourne.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 9 Dec 2013, 14:29, Reply)

oh, i forgot about this one. WORST SPOT EVER
a few years ago, we were out celebrating my friend's 30th birthday. at about 1am we ended up at mahiki. one of the tables was free, so we targeted it. the bouncer said there was a £2k minimum spend and you had to reserve it in advance. we persuaded him (well, my model friend in a tiny handkerchief dress persuaded him) that we could use it unless/until a VIP turned up.

10 mins later, we got duly informed that we were being booted off the table for a VIP. oooh. who was it? prince harry? he loves a bit of mahiki action...

..... yeah. turned out it was david gest. DAVID FUCKING GEST. and, in a random shot of surrealism, he was accompanied by 6 dancing thai midgets. they turned up, ordered one of the £850 treasure trove cocktails, danced on the booth for about 10 mins, then fucked off again.

we dived straight back on the table and the untouched £850 goodness, but it was promptly confiscated and we were told to fuck off.

david fucking gest. what a plastic faced prick.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 9 Dec 2013, 14:19, 4 replies)

My girlfriend at the time walked past John Major, who was Prime Minister at the time.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 9 Dec 2013, 13:08, 2 replies)

Hello? I'm on a BUS!

I've done quite a few radio interviews over the years, as a "rent-a-quote" expert in an obscure field. The last one was, as always, a rush job: they called me at work, and asked if I'd do an interview with Lorraine Kelly in the next hour or so. No problem - I've done them at work before; I usually nip down into the street behind the office, where it's quiet.

But the day stretched on, and they didn't call back. Oh well, probably got bumped for something more important. So I forgot about it.

Until they call me to do the interview while I'm on the bus home. I'm not sure what the other passengers made of it, but I felt a bit like Dom Jolly!
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Mon 9 Dec 2013, 12:39, 3 replies)

Climb every mountain
I went to a Tibetan restaurant once. The food was not bad, though tea with rancid yak butter in it tastes as bad as it sounds. I'd noticed a guy on the next table who looked like he might be Tibetan, which is always a good sign. When he finished his meal, the staff got him to sign a picture of Mount Everest on the wall: turns out he was Jamling Tenzing Norgay, the son of "Sherpa Tenzing".

Wow.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Mon 9 Dec 2013, 12:31, 1 reply)

Meeting someone else would involve going outside.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 9 Dec 2013, 11:50, Reply)

When at university I came within flobbing distance of Norman Lamont.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 9 Dec 2013, 11:44, Reply)

When I was young I dreamed and dreamed about all the things I was gonna be
A handsome pop star on the screen or captain of the England team; a brave explorer holding court, or a really famous astronaut.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 9 Dec 2013, 11:32, 3 replies)

Non-cricketing readers can just skip this one
When I was in my teens my local club hosted an 'international' fixture between Scotland and India. As club members we were used as stewards to keep the local riff raff away from the Indian team - who included most of the squad that had been playing against England that summer.

The Indian team didn't have an official scorer to mark their scorebook, so I was volunteered to do it. I spent 2 days on the task, sitting in the Scottish Cricket Union tent with their official scorer and was rewarded by having tea with both teams on both days.

Somewhere in my loft I have a match programme with a shitload of autographs - including Sunil Gavaskar, who to this day is still one of the best batsman the world has ever seen. He literally spent 2 days asleep in the changing rooms and they just woke him up to stick his pads on and send him out to bat. Classy guy.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 9 Dec 2013, 11:30, 3 replies)

Anne Robinson described Mrs Vagabond as "an incredibly pretty young woman" in her newspaper column, just after Mrs V and I had started going out.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 9 Dec 2013, 11:21, 7 replies)

Mark Kermode not only read out my review on the BBC's flagship film program, but he agreed with me too!
Actually, maybe that's not something you admit to in public.

Hello to Jason Isaacs...
(BinDipper, Mon 9 Dec 2013, 11:05, 1 reply)

One of my friends is Laura Makin Isherwood who reads the ITV Westcountry News
Beat that celeb fans!
( Peej, Mon 9 Dec 2013, 10:43, 8 replies)

One of the BBC6Music DJs read out my suggestion for the title of the (then) next Harry Potter book.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 9 Dec 2013, 10:35, 6 replies)

My mate's met Rod Stewart.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 9 Dec 2013, 10:08, 5 replies)

Last one, I promise
Three years ago in an Italian restaurant in Edinburgh, a colleague of my mate I was sitting next to told me she had been an extra in Byker Grove.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 9 Dec 2013, 10:05, 2 replies)

Last year in a nightclub
I danced with Rachel Riley off of that Countdown. This pissed my mate off because I dance like a twat whereas he's been going to salsa classes for 2 years. Turns out it wasn't Rachel Riley, because I imagine she wouldn't be seen dead in a nightclub in Hull, but it didn't half look like her.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 9 Dec 2013, 10:04, 1 reply)

Who?
At my mate's wedding in 1999, I shook hands with Ros Childs.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 9 Dec 2013, 10:02, Reply)

Remember when B3ta did interviews?
I once put the following question to Peter Serafinowicz in such an interview: "Do you ever put all your underpants on at the same time and then strut about as if you've got a really fat arse?" He said he didn't.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 9 Dec 2013, 10:02, Reply)

Also
I can't believe I forgot this one. I live just half a mile from John Prescott. I sometimes see him in my local Chinese takeaway. We've spoke a couple of times. He's far more erudite than he is portrayed in the media. He recognises me now and says hello whenever I see him out and about.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 9 Dec 2013, 10:00, Reply)

Local news
I once saw Peter Levy from local news program "Look North" in Marks & Spencer. He was buying a tuna sandwich and a bottle of orange Oasis.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 9 Dec 2013, 9:59, Reply)

Band
Me and a couple of mates blagged our way on to the ELO Pt2 tour bus in order to get some stuff signed. Bev Bevan gave me his pint to hold whilst he signed my programme. So I drank half of it. He called me a cheeky twat, but there was no ill will.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 9 Dec 2013, 9:59, Reply)

Following on from HA'sTD's story about Jedward...
She describes them as "bounding out of the dressing room all ready for the show covered in make-up and weirdly dressed and jabbering on at a million miles and hour".

But that's in the context of a show, when they were on duty. I bumped into them in a posh supermarket near the BBC in Salford Quays last summer... and can confirm that, even when they're off duty, they're still covered in make-up and weirdly dressed. Jedward is/ are like that all the time.

*shudders*
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Mon 9 Dec 2013, 9:16, 7 replies)

I once saw Benny from crossroads on a bus (without hat)
Got asked by the guy who used to play Fred Elliot in coronation street if I wanted to come back to his flat and watch mucky gay porn films ... I declined (and had no idea who he was at the time)
(uttertosser, Mon 9 Dec 2013, 8:55, 1 reply)

Have shovel
Now that I bought a shovel from Wilkinsons I find there is no end to the celebrities that I 'happen' to meet.
Some of them are right good kissers too
(uttertosser, Mon 9 Dec 2013, 8:49, Reply)

I once met Albert Marshmallow in real life.
* ACTUAL STORY MAY CONTAIN LIES.*
It was a few years ago.
I was a coffee machine salesman at the time and I'd been scouting around London looking for some property to complement my already burgeoning portfolio. I was looking for some advice as to how to finance more and more properties without having to actually pay the principal on the mortgage. His ideas seemed to be a bit off-the-wall at first - I mean really you have to pay the piper eventually no matter how much negative gearing you try to do. Right?
The conversation drifted around to women.


Ahhh. Fuckit. I can't be bothered.
I was going to do a whole spiel about him hacking email accounts to then gain access to potential employees' Out-boxes and look at their rude and nudey pictures.
Then I was going to try and weave in a tale about how such a gallant gentleman helped some stranded commuters on a day when London was brought to it's knees without being an opportunistic cunt in a any way shape or form. By ferrying people around on his scooter and charging them exorbitant fees. And how he then managed to pick up a sexy blonde but manage not to bed her.

Suffice to say that in my tale I was going to say that I supplied Alby a pre-release version of our latest coffee machine - the DuxNutz2014.
Suffice also to say that I'd christened it by taking out my big, long, greasy cock and pissing a veritable torrent of hot, yellow urine into the pod holder imagining that was his face, prior to delivery.

Wasn't there something about him doing shonkey and fairly creepy stalkerish rewrites of my posts at one time or another?
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Mon 9 Dec 2013, 8:41, 1 reply)

I touched Britt Eckland's elbow at a charity auction once.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 9 Dec 2013, 8:27, Reply)