Tescunts
Wife gave birth to first child on the 22nd Dec. She wouldn't latch so was kept in to try to help breastfeeding. Eventually got home in the early hours of Christmas Eve.
By Christmas eve afternoon it was evident that baby wasn't happy on the boob and was distressed and hungry. Wife was sore and distressed too, so I was sent to Tesco's to stock up on formula to see us through Christmas day and Boxing Day.
Arrived at 5 to 5 as they were closing. Security knob on the door wouldn't let me in. So explained the situation expecting either logical sympathy or seasonal sympathy, or just plain common sense.
Prick still said no.
Felt like twatting the guy but he was bigger than me. So asked to speak to the manager.
Whilst waiting for him to appear, I fucked off to the petrol station that were open later and found some in there, so was almost happy.
Once the formula was in the car I went back and carried on waiting for the "busy" manager. When he eventually turned up, I ripped him a second arsehole and told the security guy what I thought of him too.
After I had calmed down I told thwm both that I'd be writing to their head office after taking their names.
I never did, but I hope their Christmasses were shit.
Cunts.
(FUXTIX Not my words, Carol, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 18:18, 80 replies)

So a new born child was distressed and hungry
and instead of rushing home, you hung around a supermarket trying to prove your fragile masculinity to a couple of minimum wage plebs?

It's a good job your wife was always fucking around. It'd be a fucking tragedy if the child was actually yours.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 18:42, closed)

Shame she's too incompetent to breastfeed properly though.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 19:09, closed)

It probably doesn't like the taste of all that spunk.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 19:15, closed)

Home 'in the early hours'. Knew his missus was struggling.
Deffo all the shop's fault, here.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 18:46, closed)

Wake up Ammy.
Home from the hospital.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 30 Dec 2013, 20:25, closed)

yeah, wake up
and put your tissues down
(FUXTIX Not my words, Carol, Tue 31 Dec 2013, 14:30, closed)

Yeah, like I'm going to have a wank over this.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 31 Dec 2013, 15:12, closed)

Why wank when his missus will suck you off for a can of skol.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 31 Dec 2013, 17:43, closed)

For a second can she'll have your baby

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 31 Dec 2013, 18:14, closed)

Your kid doesn't have a chance.
Drown it now and save everyone a load of hassle.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 19:07, closed)

prick
just cos you survived your parents' attempt on you, doesn't mean you should wish it on others.
(FUXTIX Not my words, Carol, Tue 31 Dec 2013, 14:32, closed)

Aww bless, you've got uppity entitled first time parent syndrome.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 31 Dec 2013, 17:14, closed)

ah. Same old faces being cunts,thinking they're clever.

(boarders You won't catch me with my trousers, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 19:59, closed)

Ah now, this one appears to be a new wannabe hardman.
I'll give him his due though, he admits to being too cowardly to actually follow through his threats.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 20:07, closed)

you sound like the internet begbie

( rofl harris, Tue 31 Dec 2013, 10:47, closed)

Learn to type, you thick cunt.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 31 Dec 2013, 10:01, closed)

I'm very disappointed that you haven't told us
if your wife and baby are OK now.

Don't you care about us at all?
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 30 Dec 2013, 20:19, closed)

both fine
thanks
(FUXTIX Not my words, Carol, Tue 31 Dec 2013, 14:32, closed)

BULLSHIT.
No hospital would have let your Mrs stay in for that long unless there were additional problems & would have also given you some pre-mixed formula to take with you when she was discharged if there were titty issues. . You'd have also received various samples of powdered formula in your Bounty pack.

Also; not heard of 24 hour chemists?

This smacks of 'OMG I must tell the Internet I've become a parent & find any reason to mention it'.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 20:25, closed)

If he christens it Micro he's a dead man.

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 30 Dec 2013, 20:27, closed)

Damn straight.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 20:29, closed)

Titty issues
That's worth a click all day long.
(immadme, Tue 31 Dec 2013, 10:10, closed)

knew it would arouse some
dirty boy
(FUXTIX Not my words, Carol, Tue 31 Dec 2013, 14:33, closed)

Samples of formula?
None in our Bounty or Emma's Diary packs. Apparently it's illegal.
( le brian, Wed 1 Jan 2014, 0:41, closed)

Yep.
I had an ickle bundle of joy a few months ago, and we got no formula. I also got no help with latching from the very busy midwives, so the op's wife has my sympathies - a bad latch is agonising.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Wed 1 Jan 2014, 16:00, closed)

You went to a shop that was closed, and wasn't let in because it was closed. Despite the manager being very busy, as he was closing up on christmas eve and all, and considering your only complaint was that you couldn't shop in a shop that was closed, he came to speak to you anyway, at which point you verbally abused him and insulted a member of his staff, who had done nothing except perform his job as instructed. Your child was not even mildly imperilled by any of this, as you'd resolved the 'urgent' situation before he'd even arrived.

I bet you'll get both of them the sack with that...
(cs1ca, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 20:44, closed)

you can't read very well. 5 to 5, not shut yet, still not allowed in. prick.
(FUXTIX Not my words, Carol, Tue 31 Dec 2013, 14:34, closed)

Everyone who has ever worked in a customer-facing job has heard the "well, my watch says..." line at two minutes past closing more times than they care to remember.

Be honest - there's no reason for the security guard to make his own life more difficult by stopping you from walking past if they'd still been open.
(cs1ca, Tue 31 Dec 2013, 17:05, closed)

It would have been far more amusing if they'd allowed him into the shop but then refused to serve him when he reached the till on account of the shop being closed.
No doubt he would then have tried to leave with the milk anyway and would then get bundled off by the police to spend christmas in a cell.
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 31 Dec 2013, 18:04, closed)

It worries me that you've implied that had the security guy been smaller than you you would have twatted him.
The fact that you're easily provoked into physical violence towards those who annoy you and are smaller than you does not at all bode well for your baby.
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 23:40, closed)

It'll very quickly learn not to argue with its parents.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 31 Dec 2013, 0:13, closed)

Until the day it's taller than its dad..

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 31 Dec 2013, 1:24, closed)

At about three years old.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 31 Dec 2013, 10:42, closed)

And also suggests that he's a fucking coward and, ironically, given that someone on this thread is whining about 'the usual cunts', a terrible, terrible bully.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 31 Dec 2013, 0:52, closed)

if his missus has any sense she'll a) leave him for someone who isn't a council estate scumbag, b) get him to foot the bill for all future childcare via the CSA

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 31 Dec 2013, 0:53, closed)

Terrible bullying of vinegar Strokes and Battered.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 31 Dec 2013, 1:25, closed)

CSA don't exist no more.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 31 Dec 2013, 8:12, closed)

this happened

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 31 Dec 2013, 0:48, closed)

How about a nice cup of ANGRY INTERNET AUTISM?

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 31 Dec 2013, 10:49, closed)

Do you have any bitter short biscuits to go with it?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 31 Dec 2013, 11:13, closed)

Sorry, I smashed them all to crumbs with my bare fists earlier when some people on the internet didn't believe me.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 31 Dec 2013, 11:46, closed)

Those were crumbs, I thought it was spilt angry amphetamine powder.
No wonder I am all bunged up.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 31 Dec 2013, 13:14, closed)

Only snort powder off an NHS-certified hooker's arse.
HTH
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 31 Dec 2013, 13:43, closed)

b3ta.com/questions/bugs_and_feature_requests/post2175846
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 31 Dec 2013, 13:28, closed)

fuck off cunter
(FUXTIX Not my words, Carol, Tue 31 Dec 2013, 14:36, closed)

we'll have none of your aggressive trolling here, thank you very much

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 31 Dec 2013, 15:17, closed)

There's something sexy about being ranted at in drooly lower-case.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 31 Dec 2013, 15:37, closed)

The terrible queen has put me on lolignore 2.0
Sad times.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 31 Dec 2013, 16:58, closed)

Won't someone think of all the other shopkeeps who probably would have been glad of the custom.
Not like those fascists who SHUT at FIVE meaning SHUT and not about 5.15 while you get your fucking baby formula. Happy New Year PRICK, learn to wet yourself like your child - it is probably the only way that you will ever experience a warm feeling.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 31 Dec 2013, 16:05, closed)

Seems to me like you have anger management issues.
Hope your wife leaves you, for the kid's sake, otherwise God help it when it starts crying and you're around.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 31 Dec 2013, 21:37, closed)

Shake it shake it baby now, twist and shout etc.

( Infidel , shit and wrong, Tue 31 Dec 2013, 22:43, closed)

Damnit The LOVELY Infidel, now I've got Derek And Clive's Bo Duddley stuck in my head again.
:D
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 31 Dec 2013, 22:57, closed)

Ironical
An angry post about Tescos receives some responses accusing him of being unreasonable and a bully, then a further 50 odd to say his wife's an incompetent breastfeeder and will allow you to impregnate her for a can of Skol, he should drown his child to save time, and implying that he's Scottish?! Wuurl you couldn't make it up could yaaa! It's political correctness gone mayd, literally maaaaayd!
(Oooh_cuntroversial Where have I been?, Wed 1 Jan 2014, 12:37, closed)

Shut up, virgin.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 1 Jan 2014, 12:52, closed)

Sorry Dr, sorry, I'm really sorry
Sorry about my opinion Dr, I'll shut up. Really sorry. Sorry
(Oooh_cuntroversial Where have I been?, Wed 1 Jan 2014, 13:22, closed)

Carefull now. don't question his all encompassing authority .
He does own this website you know. ( well it comes across that way at least)
Or just tell the twat to fuck off. It's easier.
(boarders You won't catch me with my trousers, Wed 1 Jan 2014, 13:56, closed)

^ butthurt and bitter ^

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 1 Jan 2014, 16:58, closed)

I'm apparently quite a big deal amongst the butthurt inferiority complex community.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 1 Jan 2014, 18:26, closed)

Sorry sweetcakes
my back door only lets traffic move in one direction. Let me know and i'll send you a piccy to have a good tug to.
(boarders You won't catch me with my trousers, Wed 1 Jan 2014, 20:12, closed)

NO YOUR GAY LOL

(The Goderator trumped and you smelt it, Wed 1 Jan 2014, 20:40, closed)

His gay what?

(Oooh_cuntroversial Where have I been?, Wed 1 Jan 2014, 20:57, closed)

LOL

(The Goderator trumped and you smelt it, Wed 1 Jan 2014, 21:35, closed)

Glad that got cleared up.

(Oooh_cuntroversial Where have I been?, Wed 1 Jan 2014, 23:43, closed)

Alright Rick Fathelme.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 1 Jan 2014, 18:09, closed)

looks like the mods are gonna have to IP ban another entire country :(

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 1 Jan 2014, 18:37, closed)

I have enjoyed this thread, immensely.
Happy New Year, everyone.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 10:17, closed)

Lies on the internet.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 2 Jan 2014, 11:15, closed)