My dad knows Phil off the time team...
... I actually wouldn't call this a crap claim to fame though. Phil Harding is archaeological "rock" royalty!! We've got one of his flint handaxe replicas on our mantlepiece.

I also have a mate in America who used to be the original bassist in Chimiara before they recorded anything; although I think he's on the first EP.
( darth munki is flipping livid, Mon 28 Feb 2005, 20:29, Reply)

Some tedious literations of diaspora and transient nonsense

I danced with 'fat boy' and Zoe ball at The Event club in Brighton. Zoe looked like a rubber monkey mask stuck to a pair of tights stuffed with fried eggs and 'fat' was most definitely medium to pre-obese.

I flirted with George Formby's great grand daughter, who stuck bits of rizlas on her eyelashes and fluttered them at me pouting.

I know a guy that formulated the transmission protocols for satellites.

I had tea and flirted (again) with Joanna Lumleys niece (who was lovely and I didn't get anywhere because I'm a baffoon).

I lived nextdoor to Michael Howard who had bullet proof windows fitted, motion sensors and an armed guard. We still found a good sniping position but failed to take the opportunity.

I met a guy that had (then) one of the very few licences given to allow someone to grow marijuana in Britain, it was for a species of butterfly.

'Emily' from Bagpuss has all grown up and I have been in her shop in Whitstable.

I had a four page spread story about me in the Sunday Telegraph, a full size photo of me walking down a moor road in Cumbria. It was about homelessness.

My friend lived in the house that Bob Holness was born in.

I am in the Guinness book of records for the most wooden spoons stuffed up my arse, 37 if you think you can beat it. :)
( Brandy_Bumwinkle, Mon 28 Feb 2005, 20:27, Reply)

Indiana Solo
Last week Harrison Ford butted in front of me in the Starbucks queue. I was clearly the next person in line. Unless there was some intergallactic princess in need of rescuing, I find this behaviour quite rude.
(Kahoutek, Mon 28 Feb 2005, 20:18, Reply)

Breakfast at Tiffany's
When I was a bit younger and experimenting with my sexuality, I got really really pissed and ended up going home with a transvestite who claimed he was Martine McCutcheon's brother. Called himself Tiffany. As mad as candlemaker's feather collection.
(Greatest Bloke, Mon 28 Feb 2005, 20:02, Reply)

I got the poison
Keith from the Prodigy once gobbed on me.

Proper thick loogie it was too.
(Greatest Bloke, Mon 28 Feb 2005, 20:00, Reply)

I nearly ran over Rustie Lee
in Staples car park in Kidderminster.
( stup0t, Mon 28 Feb 2005, 19:59, Reply)

Saviour!
My mum saved Ranulph Fienne's life when he had a cardiac arrest on our easyjet flight 2 years ago. But the lame firemen and crew who actually didn't know what they were doing, totally got all the credit!!!! LAME! But I guess she did save his life, but even so! Some credit would be nice!
( cooler_king That's no moon!, Mon 28 Feb 2005, 19:56, Reply)

Both a bit shit
and about my mother (jet setter that she is)
-She almost ran over David Jason on a motorbike once
-She's kissed Nicholas Lyndhurst (spelling? Rodney off only fools and horses)
(Dromedary, Mon 28 Feb 2005, 19:52, Reply)

I used to be a barman...
I've served drinks to
Peters and Lee
Lenny MacLean
Steve McFadden
Rozalla
Mica Paris
Marc Almond
Jimi Somerville
Andy Bell
Paul Gambaccini
Keren Woodward (of Bananarama)
Goldie

Sadly, I have no interesting anecdotes about any of them.
(ReLiC, Mon 28 Feb 2005, 19:41, Reply)

Hmm where to start
Once took the piss out of Patrick Kielty when he came to the bar complaining he'd lost a quid trying to get some mints out of the machine in gents loos, "Yea, right, mints!"

My missus walked smack into Sir Michael Caine in Boots and has spat at Roy Keane cos he is a cunt!

My mum dated Rick Wakeman many moons ago when he still played piano concerts in the local church hall.

My grandad was a diver in Thunderball and nicked Sean Connery's orange wetsuit. When I asked if he still had it, the twat replied he'd used it diving and worn it out!!!

Chris Evans & Billie used to drink in our pub and he was an alright bloke contrary to popular belief.

George Best was a regular in our pub.
Other celebs to come in the pub:
Charlie Dimmock, Johnnie Vaughn (top bloke), Statto, Robert Vaughn (the last surviving Magnificent 7!), the loony bloke out of my family (Nick) pissed as a twat!, Simon Pegg,
(Fu5i0n, Mon 28 Feb 2005, 19:28, Reply)

Steve McFadden
(Phil from Eastenders) came to my Karaoke gig in Milton Keynes just before christmas.

He didn't sing though.
( heyrudi has just found this setting, Mon 28 Feb 2005, 19:08, Reply)

Where shall i start?
Cherie Blair once nearly ran me over as i was crossing the gates in front of Downing st, I know someone who lived next door to the first person to die of BSE in England, at the weekend i bumped into Brian Harvey and told him:"i thought you were a cunt until you said that taking pills never hurt anyone", Bob Mortimer accidently poisoned a school associate's cat when i was 16 (apparently), one weekend in my local pub both Chris Evans AND Damon Hill came in and were both twats, in the same pub a year later Chas and Dave acted like cockney prima donnas and refused to sign another of my mates' napkin, Bob Holness presented my Dad with a 25 year service watch on behalf of his workplace, Ally McCoist banged my uncle's second wife's sister at the same time as he was chucking it up Patsy Kensit, and thats all for now.
(bronz, Mon 28 Feb 2005, 19:02, Reply)

.....
- I once called Rachel Stevens' ex boyfriend a 'stupid jewish cunt' at some wedding or other for no particularly good reason.
- I was in a lift in a hotel with the guy who played Jimmy Corkhill in Brookside. Bright orange he was. Have also seen most of Hollyoaks cast in same hotel.
- My ex got pulled by the drummer from the Delays. He got his cock out, she told him to 'put that nasty thing away'. w00t to weird groupies.
- I went to school with Catherine Zeta Jones' cousin.
- I'm king of the world
- I spoke to Timmy Mallett when I was in a telephone customer service position. Never have I spoke to a bigger fucktard than he. I also spoke to Jonathon Dimbleby. He was cool.
- My cousin plays football for Glasgow Rangers reserves.
- I invented several cunning new punctuation marks that will be making their way to a qwerty keyboard to you shortly...
- Matt Lucas of little britain tried & failed to bum one of my cousins.
(Lord of the Pies, Mon 28 Feb 2005, 18:50, Reply)

The EU Bloke
I go to the same school as greenbat and also met the minister for the EU. He us which countries were in the EU. One of my friends said Syria. Hehe.
(mrmistoffeles, Mon 28 Feb 2005, 18:31, Reply)

Me! Me! Me! I ALSO have a Blue Peter Badge!
Now this is REALLY going to date me, but I painted/decorated a paper plate in commemoration of the engagement of Charles and Di and got in the 'Top 100 Runners Up'. (I was 9 by the way).

It was just their hands holding and it showed the ring being all sparkly and sapphirey.

My husband totally doesn't understand the amazing, awesome significance of the badge, as he grew up in Canada watching crap telly.
(Peelmytangerines, Mon 28 Feb 2005, 18:01, Reply)

hmmm
im decended from the king that gets murdered in macbeth.
and ive got a bottle of water drunk from by charlotte hatherly (guitarist from ash for those uncultered few amongst you)
and my great great grandad was the first person to grow a banana indoors.
(Genghis_kahn, Mon 28 Feb 2005, 17:49, Reply)

Ahhhh now if it's being rude to famous people.....
I saw James Dean Bradfield (lead singer of the Manic Street Preachers) at a gig in London. When I noticed who was next to me I shouted loudly to my friend.

'Isn't that a Manic Preacher behind you? It's weird but everyone wonders what happened to Ritchie but look at him! I think he ate him!'
( HornO, Mon 28 Feb 2005, 17:44, Reply)

Ulrikkkkkkkkkka
I also headbutted Ulrikka Jonsson in the stomach in Browns Bar in London.

Needless to say I was pi$$ed as a ba5tard.

She wasnt too happy

The Fúcking Lying Slag
(hoogie Original Cunt Horse Author, Mon 28 Feb 2005, 17:24, Reply)

Rudeness
This might also fit under "have you ever been rude to a celebrity?" question for awhile ago.

We had a well-known scientist come and give a presentation to our department when I was in grad school. Before the seminar, all us grad students got to sit down with him and discuss burning issues of the day.

The talk went to endocrine disruptors, a hot environmental concern at the time. It of course focussed on Theo Colburn's book "Our Stolen Future," an alarmist piece of pseudoscience predicting the end of our world within the next half generation. When the seminar speaker said "if you take money from industry and don't find any danger you are suspect." I shot back with "If I take money from the World Wildlife Fund and do find something I am equally suspect." I wondered why he looked so upset about that, but I kept shooting my mouth off, calling the author "Theo Bromine" and rolling my eyes. Only afterward did people compliment me on my ballsiness and explain that his major source of funding was from the WWF and Ms. Bromine was one of his closest friends.

I make no appologies.
( setimret likes his metaphors mixed, not stirred, Mon 28 Feb 2005, 17:23, Reply)

My claims to fame
Well, me for a start, i'm one of the very few people to have the eye condition called glaucoma, and be under the age of fourty (might be getting better or worse not sure).

My great great great great ( or something liek that) Uncle was one of the most famous bare-knuckle boxing legends ever, he was the only man to beat Tom Sayers who apparently was another really good bare knuckle boxer.

Anyone seen the last episode of 'The Fast Show' where there all throwing stuff at that old guys house, near the end? That's my old grandma and grandads house, and also the shed that 'This week i have mostly bin eating...' guy comes out of is on the farmyard next to the house, the farmer that owns it is a friend of the family and i used to get rides on his tractor. Im sure theres more, can't remember them now though..

Oh! and i also have a blue peter badge and had something i did ages ago (can't remember what) put into the blue peter time capsule in the centre of the millenium dome! Also had a signed postcard of the four blue peter presenters at the time, including the one that got fired a few weeks after because of taking drugs! hahahaha.
( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Mon 28 Feb 2005, 16:55, Reply)

Pretty lame but....
I'm the only person I know who has had a drawing they did of a dinosaur hung in the british museum.

I'm also the only person I know who has a Blue Peter badge.

One was probably the result of the other. I can't remember.
(Tanzender Affe, Mon 28 Feb 2005, 16:52, Reply)

live on air shitting
when i was a wee child my dad used to be a tv director - he did a show called 'the big time' whereby a 'nobody' was plucked in order to have their big chance. this is where sheena easten started her career so it was stars galore. and bear in mind this was 1978 predating reality tv by aeons.

anyway on this one with a trapeze lady (who i suspect may have not had a glittering career afterwards unless she did porn) the climax was her doing a big act in a big top with a big audience bigging her up.

during this their was a cut to audience which was basically my 2 year old mush. and i looked quite angelic then.

unbeknownst to the touched viewing public was seconds before the shot was taken i had done an almighty shit which my poor mother was gently feeling.

i'm a class act

southern comfort and lemonade anyone?
(The Gay Tiger, Mon 28 Feb 2005, 16:49, Reply)

they feel nice, really!
i licked colin murray's eyeball. and no, that's not a euphemism. beat that.
(symmetrycat, Mon 28 Feb 2005, 16:30, Reply)

sharks vs bond
Ok
not sure which is better

but

Im related to the judge with the white beard off robot wars "sharky, proffesor of robotics"

and

im related to Ian Flemming, writer of james bond.
(JLB8, Mon 28 Feb 2005, 16:27, Reply)

Post Office Tram.
I was on Granada tonight, when the Post Office Tram was unveiled in Blackpool.

4 Seconds of TV Fame -

You can now bow down before me.

I also called Russ Abbott a cu@t when he was filming outside my local in Blackpool
(hoogie Original Cunt Horse Author, Mon 28 Feb 2005, 16:05, Reply)

Oh yeah...
My mother got Richard Hillman's autograph at a service station on the M25. Apparently she looked behind him for his shovel of death. She has also met Alan Titchmarsh, someone called Nana Mouskouri, and various random Radio Wales people.

And I have shaken Pat Sharp (of Fun House fame)'s hand in my student union.

Now who wants to touch me?
( Maladicta, Mon 28 Feb 2005, 15:56, Reply)

I...
Sat on the next table to Bob Monkhouse in a restaurant.

Had Tom Hingley from the Inspiral Carpets do a gig in my kitchen

Stood on Andy Rourke from The Smiths’ foot without knowing who he was

Seen Howard Donald from Take That buying music equipment (God forbid) in Salford

Seen Mark E Smith coming out of a cheap girls clothes shop in the Arndale Centre
(finbarr, Mon 28 Feb 2005, 15:46, Reply)

Bamber Boozle
I had a birthday message on the final page of Bamboozle.

I win. The End.
(finbarr, Mon 28 Feb 2005, 15:40, Reply)

I knew this one guy,
and he like totally had this one ring right,
and it kinda ruled them all if you know what I mean...

And then the whole fate of middle earth...

hold on...

bugger, that may have been a film I watched.
( busy phil is still bloody busy, Mon 28 Feb 2005, 15:37, Reply)

oooh I've been on tv twice
both times for my brass band heritage...

the first time i was in a tv series called the village or something similiar, we were doing a march and static concert for a may queen or some bumarse like that, anyway it cut to a short scene of me marching then playing my bass on the stand and then showed a load of village inbred types saying how stupid my hair was...

I was also on North-West tonight, and they proclaimed my hair was stupid then too!

twats all of them
( GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 28 Feb 2005, 15:37, Reply)