Da Yoot.....
....who roll up one leg of their ridiculously logo'd/embroidered jeans into a giant "turn-up" and leave the other one normal length?

If they are even more Chav then they tuck one leg of their Trackie bottoms into a greying white sock?

I used to be a kid once and understood the pull of fitting in or conforming to your mate's or your locale's uniform.... but what the fuck does it signify????? Other than... "I'm too thick/drunk/smashed to be able to dress myself adequately"
(verynaughtyboy, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 13:11, 6 replies)

Football Manager Games
Now, see, as a nerdy video game type person, I can understand why people play the football simulation games (Fifa, yey!). But Football Manager? I just... I don't get it. At all. I wish I could, I feel like I'm desperately missing out on something. :(
(TheHBoxster is probably playing Beatles Rock Band on, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 13:07, 6 replies)

Holiday photographs with you in them.
I realise that I may well be alone in this, but I really cannot get my head around it.

Why do people go through all the effort of traveling to some of the earth most spectacular locations, and then photograph themselves standing in front of said location?

What is the attraction? No, I'll admit I'm probably a little different then most as my hobby is photography and I happen to think that the beauty of the landscape is better preserved without my gurning mug in it. I don't include posed portraits in this, but the average holiday snapshot.

I travelled across the USA earlier this year by myself. Everywhere I went I had people asking if they wanted me to have them take a photo of me. Every time I politely declined, you'd have thought I'd have just turned down the offer of £1m. One particularly persistent potential photographer (sorry couldn't resist the alliteration) exclaimed; "If you aren't in the picture, how will you ever know that you've been here?!" I'll admit that one stumped me.

Im not complaining about it. In fact I have taken the photo myself for loads of people (damn my inherent helpfulness), I just don't get the attraction.
( Kovacs Slogan free since 2003, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 13:07, 3 replies)

Those signs in the rear windows of cars
"Baby on board", "Little dude on board" etc... Seriously? Because you're transporting a smaller person than me in your vehicle means that it's suddenly worthy of some sort of on-board advertising? Should I suddenly adapt my driving style as a result?

It grates all the more when, on my way home last night, I see a woman driving the wrong way down a one way street in her chelsea tractor, yabbering into her crackberry, with two kids in the back and one of those aforementioned signs.

Perhaps I should put "33 year old single bloke on board" in the back of my car. And my phone number. I might get more attention then.

Oh, and Craig fucking Doyle. I hate his chirpy blue peter presenter-esque face and happy go lucky irish brogue. It was a cause for celebration in my house when he started advertising double glazing and got the heave ho from "Holiday".
(mcgriffto, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 13:07, 15 replies)

tattoo symbols
i dont get people who have kanji symbols tattooed on them... i mean sure you think it means love or luck or something along those lines
but unless you understand and can translate yourself you've no idea what it actually means.
it could mean "I'M A CUNT" for all you know.

.
(stitched, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 13:06, 3 replies)

people who say the dont see the attraction
in clearly very attractive women. I can appreciate you may well have ‘a type’ or a preference for curvy over skinny or blonde to brunette, emo v’s preppy etc. (I’m referring to merely physical attraction in this instance not personality, humour, intellect or any other factors of the person as a whole). There are certain aspects of the human face that we are hard wired to find attractive as part of our instinctive ability to seek out good genes in a potential partner. Primarily symmetry, high cheekbones, full lips and wide set sparkling eyes, all of which suggest youth vitality and fertility - the classic ideal of beauty which is designed* by nature to appeal to our primitive side and, crucially, suggest there might top notch genes to had for breeding. This is not some Aryan wet dream it’s a simple anthropological fact that applies to all races.

So what I really don’t get is people who describe certain celebs/personalities (call them what you will) who are clearly very beautiful as ‘ugly’, ‘munters’ or whatever. Because their work, attitude, politics or media profile are not to your taste does not make them physically unattractive. Admittedly his can be very annoying - Amanda Holden makes me want to smash my telly but I think she is physically attractive and this pisses me off.

A few have been flagged up here this week such as Angelina Jolie and most notably the chick of the moment - Megan Fox. I have my suspicions Ms Fox may well be dumb as a rock as suggested by an entire film crew, maybe she is a horrible person. Sure her movies are awful. Maybe she eats babies. But as far as looks go – to describe her as ugly is simply ridiculous.

I received a link to 501 pics of Megan Fox in my email this morning. Please, feel free show me just one where she could by any stretch be described as ‘ugly’.

Lyndsay Lohan, Jessica Alba, Britney Spears, Beyonce – they might well be the sort of people you would never tire of punching, but whether you like it or not, they are not, at least in the physical - ugly.

*designed – fuck off creationists you don’t count you remove yourself from the gene pool by your sheer stupidity.
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 12:46, 28 replies)

Figured it out at last!
That is, how to combine this QOTW with kittens. Ladies, gentlemen and /talkers, feast your eyes below:


( jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 21 Oct 2009, 12:19, 1 reply)

Frozen roast potatoes
surely its as easy to peel and roast yourself? Especially if you have to heat them in the oven anyway?

And they taste better than bought ones too.
( bazza van der trance , ooh baby baby, baby baby. Get up on this., Wed 21 Oct 2009, 12:14, 11 replies)

Whoop-dee-fuckin-do !
Every week if you want to get on the best of page post a photo of a fucking kitten !

Wow ! Now, that takes a lot of thought and wit. Cunts.
(Errin C, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 12:02, 3 replies)

Baked Beans
They are the devil's food. A plate of tiny abortions covered in a rancid sauce. I can't understand their popularity, the fleshy part of the bean is squishy sludge and the skin sticks to the back of your throat. And I suspect my son is going to love beans and I'm going to have to suffer bean sauce kisses. Shudder.
Not a massive issue in the grand scheme of things but I thought I'd still put it out there.
( Weejock, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 11:57, 6 replies)

The travelling one below reminds me of more...
people who go to Australia and Thailand, stay in hotels and then never SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT HOW THEY HAVE SEEN THE WORLD

There are more that 150 countries out there, 2 tourist hotspots does NOT make you the next Ran Fiennes.

JUST DIE
( zulu eh?, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 11:50, 4 replies)

Ok here goes - ’Travelling’…

I’ve never got the compulsion some people have to constantly hoof half their wardrobe into a suitcase, then cock off on some godforsaken two-week sojourn to fuck-knows-where.

Aside from the actual ‘travelling’ part itself (does anybody actually enjoy the ‘going to the airport / waiting for cunting ages / being on the plane / waiting for cunting ages / getting to the hotel’ bit?), I find holidays on the whole to be more trouble than they’re worth.

Common reports I hear from people on their return from holiday include:

“Two weeks was tooooo long…”
“They had a McDonalds just like here…” *facepalms*
“We were ready to come home at the end of it…”
“Oooh, the prices were extortionate…”
“If you stray away from the tourist areas then it’s a right shit-tip...”
“We need a holiday to get over the holiday…” (this last one makes me want to reach for my freshly sharpened 'eye-gouger 2000')

My home is here. my family and friends are here. I know where everything is. My house has been painstakingly (and expensively) decorated and furnished to my exact preferential specifications. I love it here – why spend time somewhere else?

Don’t get me wrong – My opinion (and it is just an opinion) does not come without experience. Of course, I have holidayed, and In previous jobs I have had to travel a lot – I have spent time in some of the finest (and shittiest) hotels and restaurants, yet as far as I am concerned a bed is a bed – when I’m asleep I couldn’t give a shivering shitcake about which bed I’m sleeping in. I have covered quite a bit of this planet and I’ve never been to a place that I’ve considered it would be worth going through the gargantuan rigmarole of packing up and moving to permanently.

The world is getting smaller all the time – the ‘diversity’ is shrinking away – Most major cities across the world are pretty much the same nowadays deep down. Learning about new cultures? Hmm – again I don’t want to sound bigoted, but if anyone else has their own cultures and traditions then that’s fine with me – Am I wrong to think that they can keep them and that I’m happy with my lot, ta very much? Besides, I can always learn about them on t’interwebz if they're that interesting.

I have no argument with people who love travelling – I feel it is down to the individual and there is no right or wrong here…I’m not quite mongish enough to preach that all people who love to travel are cretins – I’m just being in keeping with the question because I personally just don’t.see.what.the.attraction.is.

Yes, our weather sucks like a rancid ringpiece, and there are places with glorious climates out there – but I’m hardly a sunbather anyway. If I get a couple of days’ worth of beer garden weather a year then I’m happy.

I’m also not a big risk taker – and I consider a holiday to be a massive and constant gamble – you don’t know until it’s too late what the hotel is going to be like – or what the food / weather / potential rapists locals are going to be like. I’m also tighter than a gnat’s clopper and would rather not jizz thousands of pounds poncing off to mumbo-jumbo land (casual racism courtesy of Blackadder) just to be potentially disappointed and substantially out of pocket.

‘Holidays’ per se – as in time away from work – well, I’m all in favour of that of course, but I choose to spend that time relaxing in familiar surroundings with my home comforts in a place where everything I require is easily available. And the poor women who starve themselves for weeks beforehand for that ‘bikini body’ only to feel totally unfulfilled when they finally get to show it off? The poor fuckers.

It’s not just the locations either – I’m pretty sure I would feel equally as uncomfortable in an Italian Villa as I would in a foam-filled nightclub in Ayai Napa.

And camping? – Don’t go there. Literally. Don’t.go.fucking.camping.

When all is said and done, I just think that there’s no place like home…and I live in Coventry for sugary fuck’s sake.
(Mr Twisty Cheeky The worst kept secret in B3ta..., Wed 21 Oct 2009, 11:44, 15 replies)

The English football team and the World Cup
seriously? they beat Latvia/the Vatican or some other footballing nation and then we're subjected to months of speculation along the lines of "the world cup is coming home" with the associated battle of Britain imagery.

You dont hear the Germans, Brazilians, Italians etc going on about it constantly. Why not? Because they've won it more than once. Oh and also because they're not FUCKING RETARDED!
( zulu eh?, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 11:34, 5 replies)

I dont understand
People posting big fuckoff stories, to try and stick a strained WANK pun on the end?
(steh30, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 11:27, 3 replies)

Body modifications
Spimf mentioned excessive facial piercings, but I really don't get the whole piercings thing at all.

Even ear piercing. OK, one hole in each earlobe is fine, if only because it provides me with an extra present option for my girlfriend at birthdays and Christmas, but any more just look silly to me. And as for piercing any other part - eyebrows, nose, lips, tongue, navel - yuk!

Not to mention having metal things jammed through your bell end/clitoris (depending on gender) or other such horrific mutilations. And the recent trend for jamming jewellery in your arm (I recently found out on here that they were called dermal implants) just goes right over my head.

Then there are tattoos. Why anyone would want to suffer pain to have some logo/name/huge fucking picture of a snake or whatever permanently embedded into their skin, I have no idea. Unadorned skin looks much better to me.

I realise that many people have tattoos, piercings or even both. But it honestly leaves me completely cold.

Rant over. Sorry for lack of funnies.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 11:16, 20 replies)

I don't get the attraction for...
Oasis. My friends have always loved them. But I don't get the atttraction. I really do find their vocal talents are very limited. If you like them, fair enough. I just find them over-rated and their singing talents leave a lot to be desired.
(scotsbloke, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 11:10, 2 replies)

The Caps Lock Key.
Why is this on a keyboard? I don't get the point of it at all; it seems to serve no purpose. aPART FROM IRRITATING YOU WHEN YOU HIT IT BY ACCIDENT.

Surely any useful function it performs is outweighed by unexpected erruptions of the above? Yet it must be popular somehow or other, or they wouldn't waste plastic adding it to our keyboards.... would they?


Having more than 1 Budgie

These creatures only saving grace is that you can teach them to talk. Get more than one, and the pointless flappping things serve no purpose but to shriek at each other without pause. Live with some deluded fool who has an aviary, and you'll soon learn that budgie language consists of only the following: EAT, SHIT, RAPE and KILL. Budgies don't look the remotest bit pretty when they are gang-pecking one of their own chicks to death, trust me. And the insane amount of bird shit loose and nut husks these things create... It smells awful.

Leaves me cold? Why, the thought of ever having to go near an aviary again actively makes my flesh want to crawl off my bones. Yet pointless paraphernalia for budgie avairies is a huge industry... Who are these people, and why do they hate their own lives so much?


Straight Women in Gay Bars

Well, actually I get the point of it: you ladies want to have a harmless flirt/good dance without having a drunken sloth of a straight guy try to get in your pants.

I completely understand that bit. And its great that you are cool enough to join us in our local. I won't mind dancing with you for a bit.

What I don't get is why you appear to gradually turn into the very guys you were trying to avoid! I'm a guy in a gay bar, dancing topless: surely it is obvious that you are NOT going to be able to pull me? A quick dance is fine, but I am NOT here to be your chippendale for the whole damn evening, so stop trying to dry-hump me and let me go. Yes, I'm sure you'd be delicious if I were a vagina-feeler, but I like cock, and I'm here trying to get picked up by someone in possession of one. Clear off.

Worst time this kind of thing happened, I was in the club, trying to get back with my ex Wayne, who I had messed up with spectactularly. And if I had a time-machine I'd still go back and brick myself in the face for that. ('I don't want to be tied down'?! Oh yes I bloody did; sometimes literally. I haven't found anyone half as nice since). We're having a good make -or- break chat when this taloned creature swoops out at me: she's here celebrating her gay mates 18th. Well, fine. But she's drags the skinny git with her, and wants me to have a birthday dance with him!? 'You can't say no', says she cheerily, 'You'll spoil his birthday!' Yeah, because all gay men are single sluts for 18yr olds, apparently.

Fantastic. What would you have done? Could you say 'no' to his face, on his 18th birthday party? This wasn't his fault, after all.

Remembering how hyper-sensitive I was at 18, I took the path of least resistance and gave in. So I have a grim dance with the barely pubescent bundle of nerves, and try to escape. Except Taloned Girl won't let me. 'Give him a birthday kiss!' she squeals, her nails digging in my back. I try to laugh it off and give him a quick peck on the cheek, but no: Taloned Girl wants me to give him a proper snog.

With my ex watching.

Who I'd just spent a good hour trying to convince that I really did want to settled down.

Maybe I can't totally blame Taloned girl for spoiling my last chance with Wayne - I know I'm a push-over - but I can certainly blame her for the scratches her talons made in my back. Actually:


Womens Long Fingernails

A fashion I do not get. I don't see the point of having anything more than 1 milimetre of nail. The things can't have any practical purpose and they hurt when they dig in. Maybe all straight blokes are masochists?
(IChewCandlewax, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 10:36, 19 replies)

Skinless fruit
A peeling? I don't think so.
(roysin, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 10:07, 1 reply)

X Factor
I know it has been done already. But, I can think of a hundred better ways of ruining a Saturday evening without having to watch such drivel.

By now everyone knows the formula (TV karaoke + phone votes) = (intrusive media attention + massive disappointment)

The auditions what would appear, to the untrained eye, Ant and Dec berate the deluded and mentally ill on television, then there is some kind of bit – which I have never watched where half of the people who thought were going to be on the show have to go home. Then there is more singing and public humiliation for the looser week on week. Then there is some great media flurry where every says how great the person who has finally won, after months and months of media exposure in a tangle of exciting exclusive stories such as X Factor person leaves house or wears clothes, shoes and coat or drinks coffee. Then, finally, finally (like the Sunday evening of a teenage boy’s week long wank fest), finally it is realised the song, usually in time for Xmas sentimentalities. (Granny, open your purse) They must shine so bright before they pale in obscurity.

It leaves me with questions – has anyone ever made it as a credible and successful artist as a result of this process? Why after 10 years of this exploitation do we still allow it on our televisions? How much does this cost? – Not just the public in phone votes, music purchases. But, what impression does it give children – its ok, if you don’t win the lottery this week you can always win X Factor or the like. As much as I hated reality television, as it was never set in reality, I dislike this delusional television even more.
(Free pens 100, 101, 102 is still counting on, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 10:00, 2 replies)

OK one I have pondered for a while....
Sex with virgins? What is the seeming obsession with some blokes wanting to shag virgins?
Give me someone who has some level of sexual skill anyday.

I can only assume that anyone who is that desperate to boff a virgin has a micro cock and hopes that as a virgin she will have nothing to compare it to.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 9:19, 12 replies)

Racing Driver
I once knew a boy who was obsessed with cars, he'd spend endless hours tinkering around with Corgi's whilst the other little boys were outside setting fires, terrorising pensioners and playing football. At the age of 8 his dad got him a go-kart and my did he love that thing, he'd race around the estate like OJ down the freeway.

He soon became the fastest young driver on the circuit, go-kart champion, then Formula 3, Le Mans, Formula 1, the British Rally Championship. You name it, this boy won it. We lost contact over the years, his a jet-set lifestyle around the world, parties in Milan, yachts in Monaco and christmas at P-Diddy's, and mine a non-stop orgy of cheap takeaways, 2 bed semi's and 2-4-1 Orange Wednesdays.

He called me last year and informed me he was to the take part in Staffordshire's premier Tractor Grand Prix, he knew I lived in the area and could I recommend a good hotel in exchange for a couple of tickets and an autograph. So I booked him a room in a rather plush 3 star Best Western and waited for the big day to arrive.

The engines roared and a dry rubbery smoke filled the air like a veil of uncertainess, they were off, the race was thrilling, my friend led from the off, as much as they tried the other drivers could not overtake him as he handled the car like a knight of yore would have handled a majestic steed. The race entered its final moments and my friend was still in front, with only an eighth of a mile left he entered the final turn, known as Grasing Corner, his back wheels came away from him and he spun 360 before coming to a stop. He revved the engine and was across the finish line, but it was to late, his late spin had cost him the podium and he had crossed the line in 6th place.

It was the first time in 15 years that he had not won a race, I met him backstage and he was devastated, he had the look of a man with the weight of the world on his shoulders. I placed a hand on his shoulder and he embraced me, through his short breaths and tears of failure he told me that he just couldn't judge the turn at Grasing Corner. I looked him in the eye, he was a great driver but it was clear to me, he didn't understand the Hay-Traction.
(McJuurgensHaircut is authorised and regulated by your mum., Wed 21 Oct 2009, 9:19, Reply)

The Relationship Between "Celebrity", the Media & the General Public
I just can't comprehend the obsession with knowing the ins and outs of a duck's arse, when it comes to "celebrities".
There have been many famous people during my life that I felt a genuine affection for. People I've "idolised" and would like to have lived their life, but this is a fantasy, which only really works in your own head.

I think Amy Winehouse has a good soulful voice, but don't care what she puts up her nose.
George Michael, wonderful singer, but does it really affect my appreciation of it knowing what he likes to put in his body.
Cristiano Ronaldo is a fantastically skilled footballer, but I don't care what car he drives.
I can't think of any positives to write about her, so why do I want to know what Victoria Beckham wears to the shops?
The piles of ex-rain forest that fill our newsagents with names like "OK", "Reveal", "Gossip", etc. are full to the brim of pictures of "celebrities" getting married. I'm hard pushed to turn up to the wedding of anyone further related to me than cousin, so why on earth would I be interested in the wedding of someone who's fortunate enough to not have to work because "daddy" has earned lots of money and is famous for getting "off their tits" on daddy's ill-gotten gains.
I could go on, but the bile is rising now.
(ape_hots, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 9:12, Reply)

Just the one ..
Exceptionally long, ill-thought out and badly composed rants ..
Whats the deal?
(happyFinish, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 7:35, Reply)

eBooks
I like real books dammit.
(ElGranto, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 6:05, 4 replies)

Amy Winehouse
Probably bindun, but what the fuck is it and what is it famous for?
It's clearly not a singer as it can't sing and it's patently not a model as it resembles a badly-dressed horse (though, to be fair, most do.)
In fact, apart from it's rapacious capacity for the old Bolivian marching powder and the fact that it looks like the world's worst drag act, is there really any justification for having it's hideous visage peering at me from my tabloid every morning?
And how the hell did it's new lils cost £35k? What're they made of, uranium?
(Billy The Fish wants to gargle with Lucy Pinder's bath water, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 5:53, 7 replies)

Actually...
I'm quite enjoying this question. It's given me some good chucks. There's some damn funny buggers here.
(Monkee girl not a monkee, not a girl, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 4:20, Reply)

you know...
So many of these answers are not in response to the actual question asked, 'I don't understand the attraction to...'.
Instead of
'I am bemused/confused/amused by pomegrantes/anal fisting/the letter q', they are a list of what one hates ie
'i hate drum solos, anyone who likes them is an idiot/i hate butt plugs, anyone who likes them is a cnut/i hate flip-flops, anyone who likes them should die'.
It's annoying.
(sar "though she be but little she is fierce", Wed 21 Oct 2009, 4:03, Reply)

U2 and craft
I don't get U2. I've tried to enjoy their music, but it's just not me. Others, go for it and enjoy. I've heard they are into 'ethical' investments that aren't and other interesting stuff too. They came out here (Australia) a few years ago, and when you said you were one of the 3 people who weren't going to the 100s of concerts you were looked at like you had four heads and no neck.

Craft - don't get either. A mate and I managed to define it as 'either useful or useless art type stuff'. Still, don't understand some people's attraction to it.
(Snapper-head loves a twinky anytime but especially when it's, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 3:20, 2 replies)