Pure bloodlines
First off, this is a 100% true story. Names have not been changed to protect the guilty.
A few years ago, missus w4 decided to take a live-in job for a rich lady in Oxfordshire. My wife was charged with keeping the house tidy and watering the immense garden on the gardener’s day off. We were given our own two bed flat, furnished, which was located on the property.
Things went downhill very quickly. The Lady of the house was not content with the way missus w4 was placing the throw pillows on the beds – they were to be arranged just so. The Lady was disappointed my wife was unaware of how to make a batter from scratch. The lady wanted all bedding in the eight bedroom mansion to be changed and ironed perfectly every day, the master of the house’s shoes to be polished to a military shine, and the kitchen towels to be arranged by colour and size.
I was curious as to what these uber-rich people did, so I looked them up. They were of the Baring family, one of the richest, most posh families in England. The Lady of the house, Lavinia Gweneth Baring, was an extra lady-in-waiting for HRH Princess Diana.
And, curiously, Miss Baring, not wanting to spoil the bloodline, did something very curious and decidedly common.
She married her cousin, Vivian John Baring.
Honestly, look it up. She’s in that posh name register thingy, www.thepeerage.com.
My wife doesn’t put up with a lot of bullshit, but she did for this Lady. But not for long. After a week, my missus was really angry at the way the Lady behaved, so she left, and went back to Brighton. I went back to the Baring’s flat to get our stuff, and as I was about to drive away, the Lady appeared. She handed my wife’s last pay packet, with a small note detailing the deduction of £20 for electricity consumed at the flat. The cheap bitch.
We had been there a week, so I called her on it. She got very stroppy. All I could say was “whatever, lady, at least I didn’t marry my cousin. Inbred.” And I sped off, never to speak to the most common posh woman I’d even met.
(w4I4q1O1 was hard at work on, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 19:56, Reply)

0207 & 0208
OK, I mentioned this one before in the "Pet peeves" QOTW, but I found myself thinking about it again while reading this one. The reason I include it under the "common" heading is because it fits both descriptions of the word: not only do people commonly make this error, but I consider it common in the sense that it is especially rife among the lower-class, uneducated people. These are people who, it can be clearly seen, simply do not give a damn about getting things right: whether it be pronunciation, spelling, grammar, or even more obscure things like their telephone code. Let me explain.

In ancient times, London had the telephone area code: 01. Every number beginning with "01" would be a London number.
Due to increasing demand, the city was split into two areas with two codes: 071 for inner London and 081 for outer London.
A few years later, a national renumbering plan changed these codes into 0171 and 0181.
In the year 2000, London was reunited under a single code: 020. The local numbers, however, were extended from seven digits to eight - with the old "7"s and "8"s being tacked on to the beginning of the local numbers.

The correct format of London telephone numbers is (020) 1234 5678.

Unfortunately, more than eight years after this numbering format was established, the majority of commoners continue to treat the city as if it were split up into central and outer areas, by writing and speaking the code[s] as "0207" or "0208". Not only is this plainly incorrect, but it broadcasts to everyone else that they are an uneducated numpty who doesn't pay attention to the world around them.

Low and common - in both senses.
(EuroSong I love horse meat: best of all the animals, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 19:54, 35 replies)

common
Manchester utd fans that don't actually live/ know how to get to manchester
(Murran_Butchstansanger Good bye Tony, R.I.P, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 19:43, 3 replies)

When I really have to go wee...

... I'll say "My teeth are floating." If I need a poo "I'm going to shit my pants."

Works wonders at family holiday dinners and the like.

"Pardon me; my teeth are floating." or "Excuse me as I am going to shit my pants."

Goes over rather well at Christmas, Easter, Funerals, Weddings - the lot.
(goorf, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 19:42, 1 reply)

Friends of mine
live in a trailer park. He uses chewing tobacco, and it's fucking disgusting watching him use his spit cup.
Last night at the pub, he actually used a glass as a spit cup.

His wife isn't much better. Whenever we go on fishing vacations up in the Sierra Nevadas, she always brings a bagful of makeup. It's the mountains, we're fishing, why the fuck do you need to layer on makeup every day???

Oh, and if anyone is eating in the pub, they've been known to take leftovers from random punters!
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 19:36, 2 replies)

Friday nights
in Durham, and probably many other towns too. Nothing on earth is more common than drunken chavs fornicating, fighting and vomiting in public. Sometimes all at once.
( killeroo is down to just his socks, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 19:28, 5 replies)

not sure if this is just common or not but
people who when talking about their/a baby say the word "baby" before the kids name.

eg: "but what about baby Jack?"

FUCKING DIE!!! Anyone can see it's a cunting baby you fucking mong! God, this really does make me piss blood.

When does "baby" Jack become just Jack???

It's usually southerners. Probably because us northerners usually communicate with just grunts and squeals.
(Mr.Dog was in love again on, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 19:10, Reply)

White Supremacists
I mean, for the love of heaven, if you really believe your race is superior, why not prove it by curing cancer, developing an engine that runs on seawater, inventing the warp drive, stopping starvation, etc., etc.?

It's not like getting stupid tattoos, dressing like an idiot, or writing marginally literate screeds about racial purity is really going to prove your point.

(Maybe it's for the best though, it would be a little awkward if some inbred bigot opened a "Space Travel for White People Only" agency.)
(not here, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 18:53, 4 replies)

Common?
The length and bredth of the chav-infused town known as Dagenham.

Hell.On.Earth.
(Mogg Questioned her own sanity on, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 18:22, 1 reply)

common is, as common does....
On this very page, there is an advert which reads "Buy Novelty Toilet Seats - A wide range of fun & novelty toilet seats online. Free delivery!" Who's kidding who here?
(Haggisbreeder Was talking when he should have been listening on, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 18:03, 8 replies)

Common/ugly speech
For a long time, I used to think that I despised some accents. I myself speak The Queen's English - and while I could perfectly well accept some different accents, others would grate on me painfully.

Later, however, on further analysis I realised that it was not the accents which were the problem at all: it's simply a matter of whether the speaker is able to enunciate his or her words clearly.

I have heard Scottish people speaking beautifully. A heavily-accented, but well-spoken Glaswegian is music to my ears.

What I do despise with a passion, however - as I consider it the lowest of the low - is where people slur their speech, mumble, strain, screech and generally turn the poetry that could be the English language, into ugly sewage which should not be inflicted upon anyone.

Take American accents, for example. For years I regarded them as nasal and whiny. But I have since heard American spoken properly - and it is actually quite pleasant. An example: listen to Kelsey Grammer, who played Frasier. His speech is crisp and clear - and pleasant - and thoroughly American. There's nothing at all wrong with accents which are not RP: but the indication of the lowest classes is where people do not care enough about their language to speak it properly.
(EuroSong I love horse meat: best of all the animals, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 17:30, 4 replies)

Living among chavs
There are some obvious differences between my household and the rest of the street.

My kids, under the age of 8, aren't running about the street at 11pm on a school night.

The exhaust pipe on our car is as it was the day the vehicle left the factory.

And, if my wife and I do have an argument it doesn't take the form of a slanging match, in the street at 3am.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Sat 18 Oct 2008, 17:25, 2 replies)

French toast
I am rather partial to a slice of eggy bread or two. In fact when I was younger I went through a phase of eating nothing but eggy bread. With lots of ketchup. 6 slices at a time. I couldn't get enough of it.

I had no idea at the time, being a mere nipper, that the correct terminology for such food was French Toast.

Neither did my Mother it seems, as she berated me constantly for calling it eggy bread as it was too common. How did she class it up?? By making me call it "Fried Bread Dipped in Egg".

I mean, it doesn't eggsactly (sorry) roll off the tongue. And it isn't even technically correct for fucks sake, with the bread having been dipped in egg BEFORE being fried.

Bread Dipped in Egg and then Fried is more like it.
(Jboy, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 17:15, 7 replies)

Further to what rattus said (two posts below)...
...really common Australians have the annoying habit of saying "ehh" (pronounced as the letter A) on the end of sentences. Especially in Queensland (the "deep north").
The other 'common' habit here is to add the word 'but' to the end of a sentence: e.g. "It was funny but" or "It was a good weekend but".
But what? You stupid chavs (or as they are known here "bogans").
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 16:19, Reply)

ewww
those madonna/monroe piercing make me sick,

ok dont get me wrong, i like piercings, and I have a few piercings myself but madonna piercings, they look well.... common..not to mention they actually look like a big fat bogey.

its usually fat ugly chav girls who are orange or those annoying black girls that listen to that pathetic excuse of RnB that have them done
(Lord Chode, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 16:08, 3 replies)

Australia nuff said :(
If you want REALLY common you need to visit the suburbs of Australia. Some of the worst examples....

My boss referring to the customers as "fucking shit-heads" well within hearing range.

Groups of "ladies" attending the races, they get wasted, the shoes and hat comes off, and pretty soon there pissing in the gutters.

And the swearing....Australian is the only language that actually uses swear words in the middle of other words eg. fan-fucking-tastick.

I love the Australian landscape, it's just a pity about the inhabitants.

p.s. I'm allowed to say all this cause I'm an Australian.
(rattus, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 15:30, 9 replies)

Failing to dress for dinner
It only takes 15 minutes or so.

Plebs.
( MisterPunch did it that way on, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 14:57, 1 reply)

Actually thinking about it,
Bristol is a stronghold of the downright common.

Whilst in the hairdresser's my housemate heard a fellow patron explain they were naming their sprog 'Corsa' because of the fathers' love for his Vauxhall.

Walking to work last week, seeing a mother lean out of a phone box with Tenant's Super in hand, spit on the ground and call her child, who probably hadn't even seen his 7th birthday, a 'fucking cunt' because he was asking to go to the toilet.

Seeing a family have a fight outside the supermarket is not a rare thing either. Just yesterday I saw a teenager pick up a trolley and attempt to throw it at the person I assumed to be the 'father'. Unfortunately for him, he was weak and dropped the trolley on his face. So y'know. They can be funny sometimes. Just not on purpose.
(Scrumpy does not negotiate with terrorists,, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 14:56, 3 replies)

ugg boots and
shorts.
in july.
just why?

also now lately i've noticed an increase in monroe piercings (a stud in your face just above your lip in that area)
but not just your simple one, oh no...a gold stud the size of a peanut m&m (cause we all know those are bigger)


.
(stumbleina, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 14:34, Reply)

Gordon Brown's house
is the Commons...
(radio_shak has questions, got answers, on, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 14:34, 1 reply)

Fingering people
in nightclubs.
(daveywavey123, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 14:21, 6 replies)

some things i find common
besides the obvious music on mobile phone loudspeakers, tramp stamps, ugg boots and mothers more focused on their phone conversations than their gobby little kids..

The 'Hock Laugh'

You know how when you take a big sniff to clear your nostrils, then when you excise the snot from the back of the throat ready to spit it out it makes the disgusting 'hock noise'?

There's a tendency for urban youngsters, when they laugh on impulse or at something extremely hilarious to laugh using this noise instead of the standard human laugh noise.

The funnier the 'joke' the louder and more extended the Hock Laugh - Filth!


Modern Baby Names

Let's just say it's tough to keep a straight face when your friend and his pregnant girlfriend tell you they're thinking of naming their baby girl (due in a few short months) Mckenzie... whilst both wearing Mckenzie hooded jumpers.


McDonalds

The preserve, staple and life-blood of the common


Eurodance - i.e. Cascada, Basshunter, DJ Sammy et al & 'Jump Up' Drum & Bass & Bassline House

Now i love all varieties of music me. I'm not only into one scene and my iPod attests to that.
Under the dance music umbrella i love dubstep (bypassing the derivative 'wobblers'), dark garage, tech house, Liquid Drum & Bass, a dash of grime (it's not all guns, bitches and ho's - see JME), a bit of funky and glitch/broken beats.

But for the life of me i swear varieties like Eurohouse, most Drum & Bass (On the whole D&B does stand for Dead & Buried) and the godforsaken genre that is Bassline House just cater for the lowest of the low on the social development scale


length is good :)
( applehead herp derp, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 14:19, 3 replies)

1, Holding your knife like a pen.
2. Pronouncing 'H' as haych rather than aitch.

3. The word 'pardon'.

According to Kate Fox the word 'toilet' is ok now.

But let's face it, these preoccupations are for insecure middle and lower-upper class dimwits.

As Simon Fanshawe so nicely describes, as long as when you sit down to dinner you don't eat your host, the only other thing that should matter is that you're a good person and you treat all others with respect in its many forms.

[Edit] But people who can't spell and/or punctuate should be shot at the very next dawn.
( cupboardy, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 14:12, 8 replies)

You want common?
Bristol,

Asda,

Booze aisle,

Giro day.
(Scrumpy does not negotiate with terrorists,, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 13:47, 4 replies)

Part 5
Tan shoes, especially with a cheap black pinstripe suit.
(GrimbleGromble, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 13:45, Reply)

"Common"...
1. Watching any reality TV Show.
2. Having a homepage on a social networking site.
3. Watching any TV Talent Show
4. Watching any soap opera.
5. Buying a BMW or Audi because of the name.
6. Wearing designer labels.
7. Block paving the front garden for parking.
8. Giving your children surnames as christian names (e.g "Riley", "Connor" etc)
9. Attempting in any way to emulate a premiership footballer and his WAG
10. Putting a conservatory on the back of your barratt 4 bedroom 'executive' home.
11. Having the word 'executive' in your job title, when you dont actually sit on the board.
12. Listening to any form of music in your car at top volume so the rest of us can 'enjoy' it.
13. Watching any property makeover show.
14. Watching anything on the ITV1, 2 or +2 channels.
15. Being smothered in chunky gold or silver jewellery.
16. Having tatoos, visible or otherwise.
17. Reading The Sun, Mirror, Daily Mail, Daily Express. Doubly so if you believe what you read in them.
18. Dressing like a twentysomething when you're in your 40's or 50's (or older).
19. Building an extension so you can have an en-suite in your bedroom. (especially when you have a 3 bed semi in a crappy market town).
20. Driving an SUV when you have no intention of using it offroad.

Prejudice... ah where have you been all this time?
(Vic Flange, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 13:35, 9 replies)

attention
Sheffield B3tians...

'Manor'

that is all
(Lord Chode, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 13:07, 14 replies)

my stepmum
berated us for referring to the toilet as the 'bog'.

At the age of 14, the thought of me getting my ear pierced was 'common'

and also went ape-shit if we pronounced baby(bay-be) as BAB-ey, as that was potrayed as very common apparantly, and she would NOT accept that kind of language under her roof..
(Lord Chode, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 13:06, 3 replies)

FLKCFR
.
There used to be a practice in hospitals of putting down various acronyms for common problems. Most of these weren't flattering and, now that people can ask to see their own medical records, this isn't done anymore. Much.

Mrs Legless still refers to people who turn up on a Friday night with various broken bones as PFO - Pissed, Fell Over.

Any one of my favorite ones was FLKCFR

Funny Looking Kid - Common For Redcar,

EDIT: Also FLKFLP

Funny Looking Kid, Funny Looking Parents


Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 13:02, 9 replies)

housing association trash
seeing another post reminded me of this

i've nothing again people who live in council houses or housing association houses, however there is a certain percentage of HA tenants who give the rest a bad name

namely those in HA gaffes because the council have kicked them out of council housing. You have to be a special kind of common to get kicked out of council housing.

round by us there are several absent landlord properties where the landlord turfs the responsability of filling said house to the local HA.

My mum and dad own our house and have worked bloody hard to pay the mortgage off, so imagine my parents annoyance at having the kind of neighbours who

bring chairs out the main road front step and drink rd stripe and carlsberg special brew from the can

have house parties with complete open door policies and have smashed windows on a regular basis... and play shit music until the wee small hours

let their chavvy, asbo holding spawn hang around and be a general fucking pain in the arse

our house was burgled by someone around the corner who lived in a house provided by.... you guessed it , the housing assocition (just lock the fucking druggie up)

i know these people have to live somewhere, but i see how their behaviour upsets the people inour street who work hard to pay thier mortgages

thank god phone calls to the police are free is all i have to say

sorry, rant over
(jenko83, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 12:56, 8 replies)