The truth is only what we need it to be.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 8 Dec 2011, 11:10, 2 replies)

The Taxpayers Alliance
This isn't from me, but a fellow poster on the NotTheTalk:

TPA fuck the lot of them.

Why not just come out and say it 'we're greedy greedy cunts but we won't lie, we just want to enjoy all the benefits of living in a society where people will kiss your ass for 6.50 an hour or starve, and in my case kiss my ass for 650 an hour or take the 6.50 job. We want all of those benefits such as roads, healthcare, military etc, we just won't be paying for any of it you will be. You lot, the middle class fucking tools who think that we're on your side. Fuck you, you poverty stricken fifty k professional LOSER. You think you're in our team, us against the bludgers and the poor and the sick and the disabled, but you're not. At the end of the day we'll have you kissing arse for 6.50 an hour as well. Watch us. But first, support our fucking movement you fucking morons. It really is a taxpayer's alliance, yeah it is. Send us some of your money! Yeah, that's the way. Keep it coming, we'll cut you in on the carve up. No we fucking wont', you utter utter tools.'

Nail on the head there, I reckon.
(all my scars face forward possesses 2.5% of a hyperalloy combat chassis, Thu 8 Dec 2011, 10:57, 5 replies)

the truth is out there

(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Thu 8 Dec 2011, 10:06, 9 replies)

aliens
Isn't it odd that governments,using all their resources, cover up alien abductions or activities and then the same governments spend millions to design and launch deep-space probes to try and make contact with alien life forms??
(Ymob is a kaburu, Thu 8 Dec 2011, 9:34, 5 replies)

The Da Vinci Code ...
I read the book it was based on 'The Holy Blood and the Holy Grail' about 15 years ago. Great stuff. A wonderfully plausible conspiracy theory.

The authors of THBATHG; Messers Leigh and Baigent promptly sued once they realised someone had made squillions by spinning a decent tale out of their rather dry academic work. That was pretty rich when their book got a cameo in the Da Vinci Code when one of the main characters took it off a shelf and brandished it aloft.

Oh ... and the character's name? Leigh Teabing. What a fucking stupid name! Hang on. Teabing is an anagram of Baigent. One of the bloody main characters was named after the authors of THBATHG. And the daft fuckers sued him for not properly acknowledging their book as source material.
(Que?, Thu 8 Dec 2011, 6:57, 3 replies)

The ten second rule...
... does not exist in professional kitchens.

It does.

It's more than ten seconds aswell.
(Gordon_FUCKING_Ramsey, Thu 8 Dec 2011, 1:42, 3 replies)

The kosher delicatessan industry
is controlled by the Jews.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Wed 7 Dec 2011, 23:38, 6 replies)

In the US, thousands of Democrats have infiltrated the Republican party to vote
for far-right traditionalist-mentalist bastards like Newt Gingrich as the 2012 Presidential candidate to more easily hand Obama a second term.
If It wasn't for them, reasonable, secular, libertarian candidates like Gary Johnson (Google them )and Ron Paul would win the nomination, so walking all over Barrack.
(Glucose-Maximus All over the world., Wed 7 Dec 2011, 21:20, 6 replies)

The body weighs less after death
because the "soul" has left. I also heard that they still fart though.
(miserable_north just eat it, Wed 7 Dec 2011, 20:13, Reply)

'They' are keeping this qotw open for another week
In line with new plans to only do bi-monthy questions from now on, owing to the fact that almost every possible topic has now been exhausted.

From 'a source'.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Wed 7 Dec 2011, 19:58, Reply)

B3ta is a French Secret Service conspiracy
to distract any intelligent, right thinking Anglophiles from doing anything remotely productive during their working lives.
Ultimately this will lead to the downfall of the English speaking world, leaving a power vacuum for the French to fill.
( P-MONKE We're all fucked, Wed 7 Dec 2011, 18:50, 8 replies)

Ted is God.
I love the internet. It gives everyone a chance to say their piece. It doesn't always have to be funny, or clever; it can be something that really makes you think.

www.tedisgod.org/
(w4I4q1O1 was hard at work on, Wed 7 Dec 2011, 17:32, 4 replies)

Ah, this one is good fuel.
Simon Cowell obviously runs a very dirty show.

www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/16064674

He's clearly colluding with HMV.
(username failed moderation, Wed 7 Dec 2011, 16:50, 8 replies)

The truth is whatever is written in capital letters as a headline first.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 7 Dec 2011, 14:44, 2 replies)

You don't hear that much about the ozone layer these days
it's obviously not a problem. *googles* Oops, it's worse than ever. Ozone depletion at 4% a decade.

My conspiracy theory here I wish to highlight is that we basically trust the newspapers to tell us what's important. And actually they are really really shit at that, being an odd mix of government PR, corporate PR, tits and OMG THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD HEADLINE LET'S RUN IT WHO CARES IF IT'S NONSENSE IT MIGHT SELL and the odd bit of really great journalism that makes you not totally give up on it all.

Christ knows what exact conspiracy I'm pointing out here. I think basically that news doesn't work very well but it's not in the interests of the media owners to fix it or something.
( rob, Wed 7 Dec 2011, 14:41, 27 replies)

The Petrodollar: inspired by the money thread below
Reminds me of the novel "The Buck Passes Flynn" by Gregory McDonald in which it is mooted that the shifting of the world economy from the gold standard to the oil standard (payment accepted only in dollars, thanks very much) was as the result of a conspiracy by US bankers and industrialists to cement their position as new world superpower after WW2.

And it apparently all hinged on one key speech given after the war (can't remember when or where right now), specifically one phrase in said speech which was said to have been inserted by a spy.

One of the unintended upshots of this is that it is directly responsible for putting everyone's economy on a shit-chute because what the economy is now based on is being poured into petrol tanks and burned.

As a side-note the book mentions that the US government has a full stock of alternative currency on standby for when (not if) the dollar finally collapses. Of course it's an old book so any new monetary system introduced would likely be entirely credit*

*Which of course links this conspiracy nicely to the 666 number of the beast, cannot buy or sell but you accept his mark, conspiracy.
(Dildo Bugger destroyed a ring on, Wed 7 Dec 2011, 14:03, 19 replies)

A bunch of poor Libyans just decided to
get together and rebel against the despotic tyrant that ruled the country because he was a bad man.


A proper fairytale.
( Larry Death Anger Pain Fear Aggression, Wed 7 Dec 2011, 13:27, 11 replies)

Late entry - Australian rules KO
Mrs Vagabond and I went to Australia so that I could be my good friend's Best Man.

After a 26-hour flight with three stop-offs, we disembarked at Melbourne, feeling more jaded than your mum after a night at the docks.

Our luggage had been delayed at Abu Dhabi, we were both absolutely shattered (neither of us likes flying), it was the middle of the afternoon the next or the previous day, and we really didn't have much of a clue about anything at all, other than that the nice man at the airport had given us $200 as compensation for the delay on our luggage.

We found our hotel, and obviously decided that the best thing to do was get pissed, and hope that we would sleep for a week. However, we were in Australia, it was all very exciting, and we started having a grand old time.

Returning to our room, Mrs V went straight to bed, and I went for a crap - a big job, since I'd held on for the duration of the flight.

On my return from the khazi, I saw that my coat was hanging over the television. Mrs V is generally fastidiously tidy, so this was of note.

"What's up?" I enquired.

"Erm ... " said Mrs V, giggling self-consciously, "I, er ... I thought the telly might be watching us, so I, er ... I hung it over there ... "

"You're drunk, you're tired, and that's ridiculous" I said, taking it off.

I got into bed, where we lay, staring at the blank, emotionless television screen.

"We're drunk, we're tired, and that's ridiculous" I said.

And in one fluid movement was up, grabbed the coat and replaced it, before sleeping for 24 hours straight, and wondering for a significant amount of time on awakening what the hell my coat was doing covering the television.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 7 Dec 2011, 13:24, 3 replies)

B3ta is secretly a load of product placement
Main board - Morrisons
QOTW - Honda Accords
Links - Ronseal

The advertisements have been right there all along, Rob must be raking it in!
( Tedium Alduce me to interlow myself., Wed 7 Dec 2011, 13:16, 5 replies)

Thatcher / David Cameron bought a stolen nuke , that's the reasons Dr David Kelly was killed
eyreinternational.wordpress.com/2011/11/12/usisraeluk-extremely-worried-about-stolen-nukes/

Hmm?
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Wed 7 Dec 2011, 13:00, 4 replies)

Money
its all a lie
( SkUG >_O i got a couple of stitches in my eyeball... ow, Wed 7 Dec 2011, 12:51, 15 replies)

If one of my conspiracies doesn't win
it's a conspiracy!
(Dildo Bugger destroyed a ring on, Wed 7 Dec 2011, 12:33, Reply)

Someone in this room
Is a murderer
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Wed 7 Dec 2011, 12:29, 5 replies)

It's a trap
Can't you see? The whole point of this week's question is to get us all to reveal how much we know.
Rob is clearly working for them.
I don't even believe that Shezam is a real person.
WAKE UP SHEEPLE!
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 7 Dec 2011, 12:28, 5 replies)

We kept it a secret until now but...
We shagged your mum.

Yes, YOURS.
All of us.
Some a few at a time.
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Wed 7 Dec 2011, 11:14, 7 replies)

Alan Turing
This man did a lot to help us in our darkest hour.

When it was found out he was gay the conspiracy to destroy his life started.

Here is a post from Legless regarding Mr Turing. www.b3ta.com/questions/fans/post406882

E petition to pardon him. (Pardon? He should have been knighted.) https://submissions.epetitions.direct.gov.uk/petitions/23526

Article www.leeds.ac.uk/news/article/2720/alan_turing_pardon_petition_launched
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 7 Dec 2011, 11:10, 23 replies)

To people who roll their eyes when they hear a so called 'conspiracy theory'
You do realise that you've been conditioned to think that way, dont you? To immediately disregard anything that doesn't conform with the official story as utter drivel spun by someone who's obviously a tin-foil hat wearing nutcase. Just a thought.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Wed 7 Dec 2011, 10:52, 14 replies)

I heard that your god wants men to pretend to like women while secretly wanting to fuck other men. Thats why he made vaginas look like disasters and programmed blokes like you to get hard watching gangbang pron with lots of willies and not so much of the uglies. Your god is a bummer.

Amen
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Wed 7 Dec 2011, 10:29, 15 replies)

The elctrical black outs a couple of years ago - New York, London, Melbourne.
Very odd. Very odd.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 7 Dec 2011, 10:10, 3 replies)

I saw her face.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 7 Dec 2011, 9:51, 5 replies)