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This is a question Tragic Attempts at Being Cool

You say 'I'm cool, I'm no fool' but then you wind up dropping out of high school'. It was Melle Mel who said that, I swear down. THE Melle Mel, that's right.

This week's question is all about your tragic attempts to be cool (pictures welcome), or perhaps times when you've witnessed another's misguided attempt to be a hep-cat daddio. Share the shame, it might make you feel better.

(, Fri 6 Nov 2015, 10:50)
Pages: Popular, 2, 1

This question is now closed.

As an adolescent i always wanted a long leather duster coat. For me they were the epitome of cool but being skint they were always well out of my price range. I would have even gone for a cheaper canvas one but never found one to my liking. As i got older this vague yearning for the coat never actually went away but i didnt do anything about it either.
Then one fateful day i spotted a bloke selling them on a market stall for quite reasonable prices. I hurried over with my credit card clutched in my hot sticky little hands. Yes they had one that would fit so i quickly tried it on..
I looked in the mirror and realised with a sinking heart that it made me look an absolute tit. Dusters look great if you are tall and skinny with razor sharp cheek bones and piercing eyes. Not if you are an overweight pudgy bloke in his 30's.

I did wear a leather cowboy hat for a while though...
(, Sun 8 Nov 2015, 10:35, 10 replies)
Started... Failed. New Question Please, this one's broken Dave.

(, Sun 8 Nov 2015, 10:02, 3 replies)
The Beauty of Thumb Wrestling is the sheer simplicity of the sport. The World Thumb Wrestling Championships do not wish to restrict any purity of the sport, however as this is a prestigious international event, it is clear that rules need to be understood and adhered to by all competitors in order to have a fair and fun championships. When competing in a Thumb Wrestling contest players hook the four fingers of their right (or left) hands together such that both hands are clasped tightly. Then a short pre-contest starting chant is repeated, the variant as used for UK Events follows: One, two, three, four, I declare a thumb-a-war! Then the 60 second contest begins. Please remember we are playing “World rules” so no over hyped southern European or US style pre-contest chants will be acceptable and using such may result in a disqualification from the contest. To win a contest 1 player must pin their opponents thumb down for as long as it takes to say: one, two, three, four, I win thumb-o-war! If the referee agrees that this has been achieved then that player is the winner, and when competing in the World championship you would then progress to the next round of the tournament. If this cannot be achieved within 2 separate 60 second rounds then the tie will be settled with a game of sudden death “scissors, paper, stone”.
(, Sun 8 Nov 2015, 5:33, Reply)

Players flip up the "reveal shield" to hide their choice. Now turn the wheel to pick; rock, paper or scissors. When all players are ready, together they say, "Rock Paper Scissors" and on the word "Scissors" they all flip their shields down to show their choice.
(, Sat 7 Nov 2015, 23:21, Reply)

Musical chairs
Nothing beats playing an exciting game of musical chairs. Play as a family, a kids birthday party game or rainy weather kids activity. Whatever the reason musical chairs will prove a crowd pleaser as kids compete for a seat!

What you need
The chairs are set up in two rows back to back (one chair less than the number of players).

The music is turned on, and the players walk around the chairs.

When the music stops the players race to sit in the available chairs.

The player left standing is taken out of the game.

The players all stand again and a chair is removed.

The music is started and the walk around the chairs begins again.

This procedure is continued until only one person remains.

This person is the winner.
(, Sat 7 Nov 2015, 22:33, Reply)
I once threw a snowball at a parliament building when it was -20C.
That was well cool.
(, Sat 7 Nov 2015, 20:59, Reply)
Pictures are welcome, is that right?

(, Sat 7 Nov 2015, 15:05, 2 replies)
In my uni days I considered myself a junglist so wore a camo flak jacket and shaved my head.
I looked like I was about to commit a British reenactment of an American high school massacre.

I also once gave myself a hi-top ala Kid 'an Play. That was legitimately cool though.
(, Sat 7 Nov 2015, 14:29, Reply)
Sorry but doesn't this question kind of eat it self.
Every reply to /qotw ever is a sad attempt at being cool, isn't it? Or have i misunderstood?
(, Fri 6 Nov 2015, 22:59, 9 replies)

First you pick someone to be it (the person to seek) then he/she turns around and counts with their eyes closed at the "base" while the rest of the people hide. Then "It" says "Ready or Not, Here I Come" and rushes to find everyone. Then the people try to get to base without getting tagged or else they are "It". If the person who is "It" doesn't get someone in three tries he gets to pick a man to be it!
(, Fri 6 Nov 2015, 22:57, 2 replies)
Trying to stay down with the kids
I like to think I'm a relatively cool dad. However last week my teenage daughter and I were having a night in alone, in front of the TV. I put a picture of us cuddled up on the sofa onto Facebook.
I captioned it "Netflix and Chill"
Apparently, it means something different!
(, Fri 6 Nov 2015, 22:17, 5 replies)
In the 80s my brother in law idolised Freddie Mercury and dressed like him - looked like his twin brother.
Short haircut, moustache, white teeshirt, fitted leather jacket, studded belt, the works. There may even have been a leather biker cap with a chain. There were certainly cowboy boots.

He looked REALLY cool and everyone was impressed.

Of course, there was no internet back then so it took some years for us all to realise that the look was pure San Francisco gay clone. Heck, we lived in an English backwater, we didn't even know there WERE such people.

I bet he's hunted down all the photos and burned them.
(, Fri 6 Nov 2015, 19:23, 2 replies)

(, Fri 6 Nov 2015, 18:19, 3 replies)
Well well well guess WHO
is currently failing epically and tragically at being cool with his stupid shades and electric guitar?


[Edit to add: And hoodie. WHAT A CUNT!]
(, Fri 6 Nov 2015, 18:05, 11 replies)

(, Fri 6 Nov 2015, 17:58, Reply)
wait a minute!
The topic here is 'tragic attempts at being cool'.

One word: emvee.
(, Fri 6 Nov 2015, 16:47, 13 replies)
i signed up to b3ta.
it didn't work.
(, Fri 6 Nov 2015, 16:13, Reply)
Bathroom inspector
One day at (my former) work at an office block, I ventured into the cloakroom/changing room/toilet/shower room hybrid towards the front of the building. There was someone in there - no idea who he was, but he did look cool: business suit, neatly trimmed beard. He was obviously someone important, or at least someone who thought he was important.

Me being a friendly chap, I smiled at him. However, the look I got in return was one that (probably quite rightly) said "Don't you smile at me! Look at how cool and important I am! I wipe shit like you off my shoes every day! You disgust me!" - he waltzed importantly past me, then grasped the door handle to make a purposeful and important exit ...

... only, he didn't grasp the door handle to the door to exit, he accidentally grasped the adjacent door which led to the shower, which was about the size of a toilet cubicle. As his important momentum carried him into the tiny room and he realised he'd walked into a dead end, a moment of horror, humility and embarrassment wiped across his face ...

... until he realised how to rescue the situation. He took several important moments to look importantly around the tiny cubicle, nodding wisely throughout as though - of course - he'd deliberately gone into the shower room to see if it was up to his important standards. He then waltzed past me again and exited the cloak/changing rooms by the proper door.

I hope he heard me laughing as he marched importantly away.
(, Fri 6 Nov 2015, 14:59, 3 replies)
I was a cool hard biker
18 years ago a 16 year old me used to do my paper round on my Kawasaki AR50 which in case you don't know anything about motorbikes is the best motorbike ever produced, capable of around 200mph and way better than a fizzie.

Everyday I would whizz around the paper round deliver all my papers, yet on the ride home it would start to struggle and the engine would die. I could just about keep it running in first gear but only if I stepped of it and walked along side it and let it run on tick-over (any throttle and it just died). It never went wrong before or during the round and after I got home and got ready for school it was always fine again to ride to and from school only then break down again on my paper round the very next day.

This went on for so long that I eventually got so used to it that I could ride it home from my paper round standing on the left hand foot-peg, in first gear and still make pretty good time. But it remained a mystery until one day I was reading up on changing the jets on the carb and came across a section in my Haynes manual about the air intake. On the AR50 it was under the seat. Everyday after my paper round I would have to ride past the local secondary school who were bitter rivals to my own. In order to look like a cool biker and not a spotty 16 year old oik I would take my paperbag off and stuff it under my seat and in doing so blocked the air intake. Stepping off relieved the pressure just enough to let enough air in so it could run on tickover.

So instead of looking cool I got to push my bike past groups of jeering school kids, every day, for months.
(, Fri 6 Nov 2015, 14:49, 1 reply)
manolith touched a dog on the bumhole

(, Fri 6 Nov 2015, 14:46, Reply)
Unless you spent at least half of your teenage years hopelessly, tragically uncool
then I don't want to be your friend
(, Fri 6 Nov 2015, 14:32, 2 replies)
There was this kid back at school waiting for a routemaster bus.
He decided not to get on while stationary, but run along and leap on the back while it was in motion. Got both feet on the rear platform, but while his body was angled back at 45 degrees, so he toppled off and cracked his head on the asphalt.

To save face after we took the piss mercilessly the next day, he did exactly the same thing again.
(, Fri 6 Nov 2015, 14:20, Reply)
Hats are cool
I went through a phase of wearing a black fedora hat, I thought it looked cool but was quite often mocked.
Standing at the bus stop, a group of teenagers on the other side of the road starting shouting comments about how silly my hat was.
Trying to appear cool and nonchalant I leaned against the glass pane, only there wasn't one there and I fell through the glassless frame to land in a heap in the gutter.
You can imagine the howls of laughter from the teens.
Luckily the bus arrived so i didn't have to cringe there for long.
(, Fri 6 Nov 2015, 12:59, 11 replies)
Halloween party
When I was a teenager I was extremely shy, which made any dealings with girls extremely difficult. I used to go to a men's hairdressers to get my haircut, where one of the hairdressers was a pretty young girl. On one occasion when I was about 15, in October, I was called to her chair.
I sat in the chair in petrified silence while she cut my hair, her body occasionally brushing against me. At one point she asked "Are you having a party?".

I decided that now was the time for me to get over my embarassment and to be cool. So I replied, "Yes I'm having a Halloween party, you can come if you want." I waited hopefully for her reply, already imagining my mates being impressed when this angel turned up at my party.

"No no, are you having a parting?", she said, more loudly.

"Oh yes, on the left, please," I stuttered before descending into even more petrified silence. I left the hairdressers with a lovely parting on the left, and never went back there again.
(, Fri 6 Nov 2015, 12:34, 1 reply)
Sometime in the early 2000s I was working in an office in Central London
In time-honoured office tradition people would email round pictures and stuff that amused them and at the time, one frequent subject of general derision was the classic "business in the front, party in the back" mullet. Now I thought this was a bit lazy and obvious, so I sent round a new meme reading "Anyone can make fun of a mullet, but it takes a real man to grow one" before showing up to work with my brand-spanking-new hillbilly haircut.

For a few weeks all was great - I had terrible hair, people openly mocked it and the natural order of things was preserved. But then I started to notice more and more people around Soho and Shoreditch sporting similar dos and before long magazines were predicting the return of the mullet as being fashionable. Horrified at the thought that people would think that I might actually be trendy, I went to the barbers ASAP and had it cut off.
(, Fri 6 Nov 2015, 11:56, 2 replies)
I tried quite hard in the 80s
Wore slip on shoes without socks, pushed up the sleeves of my pastel-blue jacket (worn over a t-shirt, obvs - if I ever wore a collar it was with a thin white leather tie). And was an utter failure.

Worse, I recently got back in touch with a woman I was friends with at school, and she said one of the things she'd liked about me was that at school I hadn't looked cool and hadn't looked like I cared. Which would have been nice, if I in fact hadn't cared and hadn't been trying... Even bigger fail.
(, Fri 6 Nov 2015, 11:31, 1 reply)
I had long hair and an undercut in the mid 1990s.
I also rocked a leather jacket.

Christ that's embarrassing.
(, Fri 6 Nov 2015, 11:14, 34 replies)
Which is well cool.
(, Fri 6 Nov 2015, 10:54, Reply)

This question is now closed.

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